FD: Hello, my honies, hello my babies, hello my ragtime gals!

Shimo: (sigh) What am I gonna do with you?

Jack: I suggest a straightjacket.

Kurt: Mein GOTT, Jack! Could you be any more of a Negative Nancy?

Jack: I am NOT a Negative Nancy!


With A Little Help From My Friends

Chapter 4

By: Fenrir's Daughter and Shimoariku

The fuzzy blue elf took Shimo up in his arms, staring at her face with a look of utmost concern. "Shimo?! Shimo, mein liebchen?" He shook her gently, trying to wake the unconscious kyuuketsuki.

Suddenly, her eyes shot open, burning that same brilliant green as she leapt through the air to where the box had fallen. Her black and purple aura returned, and Kurt and Jack knew someone was in trouble.

"Yeah, I'm totally gonna stay on her good side now," Jack said.

"Good choice, mein friend."

Jack nodded, looking around, until the offending box caught his eye. As he picked it up, several screams sounded in the distance. To be more specific, directly above them.

He held it up to his ear and shook it, then looked the box over. There was a note on it, addressed to him, signed by those stupid monks. Great; just what he needed. So, accustomed to being alone, he read it out loud.

"Dear Jack; you forgot this at our last battle. Thought you might miss it. XOXO, the monks."

Jack opened the box, ignoring the stifled giggles from Kurt, and let out a horrified scream. It was his favorite robot, or at least pieces of it.

"Robo-Jack! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He sobbed uncontrollably.

Hearing this, FD rushed outside, fully clothed this time, to console him. She put her arms around his shoulders, making a shushing noise. "Baby, what's wrong?" She yelped slightly and shivered at the sight of the broken robot; it really looked just like him…

Jack was so upset he actually leaned into her embrace. "He never even got to see the world," he said before breaking into a fresh burst of sobs.

This tender moment was utterly destroyed by a great whistling and enduring screams as four monks and an unconscious dragon plummeted towards the Earth. Shimo floated down beside them, gracefully.

Eyes still glowing and aura still around her, she advanced on the group of teenagers and the little green dragon. The regular troupe stepped back, almost knowing what to expect.

"WHO THREW THAT FUCKING BOX!?" Shimo screamed, red faced and steam coming from her ears. Kurt didn't even attempt to calm her. He didn't want to die yet. But Jack was a happy little panda; he was going to see his enemies get their asses kicked by a kyuuketsuki. This day was turning out better than he had hoped.

The yellow-skinned bald boy was the first to recover. It took him a few moments to get his head together, but soon directed his attention to the rest of his fallen comrades. Being such a devoted friend, he made sure the rest of his group was up on their feet before turning to the extremely pissed off vampire.

"That was most rude!" the small boy stated. "Why did you attack us?"

Shimo bared her fangs. "Maybe you didn't hear me the first time, shrimp; WHO THREW THAT FUCKING BOX?!?!?"

In spite of themselves, the girl, the cowboy and the cheeseball hid behind Raimundo. Kimiko pushed him forward.

"Sorry, Rai," she whispered. "It's for our own safety."

The Xiaolin dragon of the wind could only whimper as his eyes bugged out of his head. Shimo advanced on him, baring her fangs and hissing. Suddenly, he cried out and fell to his knees.

"It was an accident! I was aiming for Spicer!"

The kyuuketsuki stopped to consider this, then nodded knowingly. "That I can forgive; he would totally deserve it." Her dark aura dissipated and she backed off.

Jack stared incredulously, his mouth hanging open. "You have GOT to be KIDDING ME!"

FD sighed. "That's Shimo for ya! Never a dull moment, I swear!" The ookami laughed. "Come on; let's get back on the road."

Jack protested as FD grabbed him by the collar and dragged him to the rickshaw. He desperately tried to pry himself from her vice-like grip when he remembered something important.

"But what about Tsume and Sasuke? We can't leave without them!"

FD slapped her forehead. "Oh my Elvis, you're right! Stay here; I'll be right back."

He wiped his brow in relief at the temporary reprieve. This was his chance; Kurt and Shimo were preoccupied with each other. Jack ran up to the monks with pleading eyes. They were his enemies but they had hearts!

"You've gotta help me!" he urgently whispered. "They're INSANE! That chick is a vampire, her boyfriend's a circus freak and the one with the braids is a werewolf! I don't wanna be eaten alive!"

Kimiko grew pale as she fixed her gaze behind the redhead, and Jack went a little rigid when he saw the shadow billow over him. He gulped and turned slowly around to face the inevitable.

"Hi Shimo," he said nervously while waving. "Nice weather we're having, isn't it?"

He turned to try and make a run for it when Rai tripped him. He looked up into the Brazilian's face. More smug than ever. Jack glared daggers at him as he was pulled away towards the rickshaw by his feet. He dug his fingers into the dirt to slow his fate, but it wasn't working, and he was getting his nails dirty too.

Once at the rickshaw, Shimo pulled him up and pinned him to the side of the cart.

"Let's review, shall we?"

"…gulp…"

"Now then, I'm sure you remember the little conversation we had about two chapters ago, am I right?"

"Which was that?" he asked nervously.

"You remember, 'Shimo plus Jack equals snack'? Didn't I make myself clear that I didn't like you dissing my friends and minions? Sure, we may be insane, but I am the only one who gets to say that."

"Who died and made you the boss?" Jack asked, going out on a very thin limb.

"You haven't seen me on a killing spree yet," Shimo assured him. "You'll see plenty of that when we get to Lake Baikal."

Just as she was about to toss the goth into the rickshaw, the little dragon traveling with the monks regained consciousness. He flailed around wildly, attempting to reach his back. "Oh, these shen gong wu rashes drive me crazy!" he exclaimed, scratching like mad. "Another one's revealed itself, and it's a doozie!"

Kimiko pulled the ancient scroll from her backpack and the monks gazed at it for wisdom. Clay read the name of the latest Wu aloud.

"The Onyx Crow; dang, that sounds like a right spooky varmint."

"It is! The Onyx Crow allows you to travel through people's dreams, causing all manner of mischief. And any harm that comes to a dreaming person from the crow is maintained in the real world, too. I know it sounds evil, but that's cuz it is. They're one of the ones Wuya created before she switched sides."

Shimo's ears pricked up; these things sounded powerful. This could be a great opportunity for her. She lifted Jack to his feet again.

"What are shen gong wu?" she said with a sly smile, digging her nails into his shoulders.

"They're magical objects we've been fighting over for some time!" Jack replied quickly, not wanting to further incur her wrath.

The kyuuketsuki turned her attention to the young monks. "You'll be giving us a ride, I trust?" It was more of a statement than a question.

Omi answered her bluntly, as was his way. "But you are evil! It would be most unwise for us to help you."

"True," she said casually, "but you guys still owe me, Omi. It's the ride or Brazil Boy's neck."

Quicker than a lightning flash she was behind Rai, her fingers lightly stroking his throat. He gulped and Kurt glared at him jealously. Dojo took his larger form.

"Hurry up and decide! Time's a wasting and we gotta head north NOW!"

The monks looked at each other and groaned. "You may come with us," Omi sighed with bowed head. She grinned in response, letting out a whistle, long and high. Before her appeared the tailed girl from before, clutching two boys by their necks. She spoke.

"They were naked," she whispered with a giggle, "and they didn't follow your decree of one to a bed, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more!"

Shimo let out a hearty laugh. "Change of plans, FD. We're going with them."

Sasuke cheered, Tsume shrugged, and FD dropped them on their asses. "Cool," she said simply, latching onto Jack once more.

Shimo, FD, Kurt, Jack, Tsume and Sasuke all hopped onto the dragon along with the rest of the Xiaolin monks. Dojo, on the other hand, couldn't breathe.

"Need… air…" he said. "Feel… like… Giles… Corey!"

Getting impatient, Shimo kicked his side quite roughly and that was enough to jump-start the dragon. Now, they were off on the search for the next shen gong wu.


FD: Happy to be of service! This chapter's Mega FD Points are as follows: 20 points for who can guess what play Shimo's "Giles Corey" line was from.

Shimo: Now then, if you would excuse us, we have our playthings to get to.

Jack: …gulp…

Kurt: Hooray!