Part 4

"You're wearing that for your date?"

Gilfoyle was judging Dinesh's very plain jeans-and-a-t-shirt outfit through narrowed eyes.

Dinesh looked at himself. "There's nothing wrong with these clothes."

Gilfoyle looked him up and down again. "You're right. It's fine. You look pretty much the same no matter what you wear, anyway."

Dinesh ignored him and looked to Jared. "I look hot, right? Like I'm totally getting lucky tonight, aren't I?"

Jared nervously chewed on his lip. "Well, I think it would be inappropriate for me to answer those questions, but…I will say that you look especially dashing this evening."

Dinesh smiled smugly at Gilfoyle. "See? I look great."

Gilfoyle sniffed. "Who gives a shit what Jared thinks."

Dinesh scoffed. "Were you even paying attention this morning? Jared knows a thing or two about hot guys, okay? He could actually really accurately predict what are chances are of getting laid."

Gilfoyle raised his eyebrows. "Hmm. A fair point. Jared might actually be useful for once." He nodded approvingly. "Congrats, Jared, you're finally useful."

"Good job," Dinesh said.

Jared chuckled. "Oh, you two!"

Dinesh took a deep breath. "Well, I'm off. If I could just…find my keys…" He dug through his pockets then checked his desk, but they were nowhere to be found.

"Looking for these?" Gilfoyle had Dinesh's keys dangling from his pinky finger.

Dinesh sighed. "Give them to me now." He jumped to grab the keys, but Gilfoyle held them just out of reach.

"No. That area of the city is really dangerous at night, especially for people like you. I'm gonna come along and be your bodyguard."

Dinesh glared. "You expect me to believe that a bunch of racists are just creeping around the Starbucks waiting to jump me?"

Gilfoyle frowned. "Of course not. They're gonna jump you 'cause you're weak-looking. You sure have a lot of internalized racism."

Dinesh rubbed his forehead. "This is for the name thing, isn't it?"

"Good job, figuring out all that on your own."

"And you're gonna come with me on this date no matter what I do, aren't you?"

"Right again. Let's get going." Gilfoyle tauntingly swung the keys in front of Dinesh's face. "I'm driving. Hope I don't hit any curbs on the way there."

Dinesh groaned. "Fine. Let's get this over with."

Jared smiled at both of them. "You guys have fun. Dinesh, just remember to relax. Be yourself! And smile, too, that's important. Ask her plenty of questions—"

"Okay, I got it, Mom," Dinesh snapped.

"There he goes with the be yourself shit again," Gilfoyle muttered. "Bad advice."

The two of them crossed the yard to the car, Gilfoyle walking with smug satisfaction and Dinesh trailing behind.

"You better not ruin this date for me," Dinesh hissed.

"I won't," Gilfoyle responded. "Or I will. Guess you'll have to wait and see."

Dinesh shook his head at him and reluctantly got in the car. He had a feeling this would be a long night.


Gilfoyle parked the car in front of the Starbucks. He peered into the dark building, searching for any signs of movement. "I don't see anybody," he muttered. "Maybe this was all an elaborate prank."

Dinesh stared into the Starbucks as well, beginning to feel a bit doubtful. "Sh-she's definitely in there. Gotta be." With a worried sigh, he tugged the door handle.

"Wait a minute."

"What now?" Dinesh groaned.

Gilfoyle scoffed. "I drove you here and I don't even get a thank you?"

Dinesh narrowed his eyes. "No."

Gilfoyle shook his head. "That's no way to treat your boyfriend."

"Wha…?" Dinesh's face burned with embarrassment. "You heard what Sally said, didn't you?"

"Oh, I did," Gilfoyle whispered. "Every word. And I think she's right. There's love here. Don't deny it." He reached across the seat and squeezed Dinesh's knee.

Dinesh pulled away from him. "Oh, fuck off!"

"Come on, Dinesh," Gilfoyle murmured. "I can't fight this feeling anymore, and I know you can't either. Forget the girl. Let's just go for it. We'll get in the back seat, you open your mouth real big, and I'll give it to you how you like it."

"That's disgusting."

"That's homophobic."

"I'm leaving." Dinesh swung the door open then paused. "What? You're not gonna follow me in?"

Gilfoyle glanced between him and the Starbucks. "No, I'm good. I've had my fill of entertainment for tonight."

Dinesh breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God."

Gilfoyle cracked a small smile. "I'll just be here, waiting for some back seat action. Hope you don't mind if I start without you."

Dinesh rolled his eyes and got out of the car, slamming the door hard behind him. He was wary of his surroundings as he crossed the sidewalk. Gilfoyle was very likely lying about the area being dangerous, but Dinesh wasn't taking any chances. He knocked on the door of the coffeehouse, then pressed his face to the glass to get a good look inside. Still dark and empty. He started to think maybe Gilfoyle was right, and she wouldn't be there. He glanced at Gilfoyle, who stared back at him, stoic and still. Just as Dinesh considered leaving, he heard the door creak open behind him. He spun around with a start to see Sally waiting in the doorway, her bright green eyes seeming to glow in the dark.

Sally waved cheerfully. "Hiya, Dinesh! Come on in!"

Dinesh's face lit up as he followed her into the Starbucks. "Thought you weren't gonna be here," he admitted.

Sally dramatically flipped on the lights. She raised an eyebrow at him. "Really? But I told you I'd be here, so of course I'm here." She smiled warmly. "I wouldn't lie!"

Dinesh smiled back. "Of course."

Sally plopped down in the window seat and gestured to the empty chair across from her. "Let's start doing date-y stuff!"

Dinesh nodded enthusiastically and sat down. As he searched his mind for something to talk about, he realized with a rush of anxiety that he couldn't think of anything. They'd been texting each other all day, and had exhausted a great many topics. They'd talked about Silicon Valley: what they liked and didn't like about it, and how long they'd been there. They'd discussed all the places they'd lived before. Dinesh had described his job in detail, and Sally had told him that she wanted to be a linguist. Dinesh realized then that he had monopolized the job conversation, so thankfully there was still something to talk about.

"Tell me about that linguist stuff," Dinesh said.

Sally relaxed, obviously relieved that the awkward silence was over. "I just love anything to do with languages! It's totally the most super interesting thing ever! I was thinking maybe I'll be a translator, ya know? I already speak fluent Spanish, French, and Japanese! Oh, and English!"

Dinesh snorted. "Yeah, I know."

Sally smiled shyly down at the table. "Right, yeah. Also, umm, I also would like to be a technical writer. What about that company you work for? Does Pied Piper need a technical writer?"

"Uhh, not really," Dinesh told her.

"Oh no!" Sally slapped her hands over her mouth. "I'm not trying to beg for a job, I swear!" she shouted through her fingers. "I-I was just curious!"

Dinesh chuckled. "Don't worry about it."

Sally brightened. "Okie dokie, then!" Suddenly, her expression grew tight and serious, and she leaned slowly across the table. "I think this date's going well so far," she whispered, like she was telling a secret. "What do you think?"

Dinesh leaned closer to her, close enough that he could smell her lavender shampoo. "Yeah, it's going well," he whispered back.

"Yay!" Sally cheered. "I thought so!"

Dinesh smiled and leaned just a little bit closer to her. But as he did, Sally straightened up and peered out the window. He sighed. She was that easily distracted?

"Is that your friend Bertram out there?" Sally asked.

Dinesh looked out the window. Gilfoyle sat in the car, drumming his fingers on the wheel and staring down the dark road. "Yeah, he drove me here," he explained hurriedly.

Sally frowned. "He sure looks bored out there…"

"He's fine," Dinesh assured her. "Seriously, he likes sitting in cars alone. Don't worry about him."

Sally turned back to him with a bright smile. "Okay, I won't worry. This is our night, after all!"

Dinesh smiled smugly. "Yes, it is." He was happy, and Gilfoyle was bored and miserable. Everything was as it should be.