Hello everyone! A new chapter is here, possibly a day late but you'll forget all about that once you read it ;) I hope you'll enjoy and please be patient, I know my writing isn't perfect and I make grammar mistakes, but I really am trying my best, hope you can forgive a few of those mistakes. However I can also see that compared to how bad it was, it's great now. Enjoy your little dose of Nair.
I don't own the characters or the songs, just the ideas.
''Oh God, we have to get one of these-'' he said excitedly, his eyes were shimmering and he reminded her so much of his younger self. She turned around to see what occupied him again , and just as she expected
''Nate, really now?'' she said sarcastically and rolled her eyes, she was actually pretty amused but he didn't have to know that.
''Fine-'' he rolled his eyes back ''-but how many girls can say that they own a Halo customized X box console, she'll be the coolest kid ever'' he said excitedly and refused to return the gaming set back.
''We don't even know if it's a girl-'' she pointed out as she went through some pink blankets, she obviously wanted a girl…subconsciously.
''So there's a chance that it's a boy'' he smiled widely
'' Like it matters... I'm more concerned about that dinner tonight'' she said nervously, her great mood immediately dissapeared.
They've kept it a secret for two months now and she was starting to show. They had to tell everyone, they've been putting it off for almost a month. It's not like you can just call your mother and tell her you're having a baby with your friend, who is and will stay only that. A child out of wedlock, even worse, a child that'll be raised out of wedlock. Nate's religious mother will have a lot to say on that matter, that's for sure.
But what were they supposed to do? They decided it was better off to stay friends because of the child and let it have a somewhat normal life, than to force a relationship which would most likely end up in a traumatic divorce. Both of them knew nothing about raising a child or what they were supposed to do, but judging on their own experiences with unfit parents, whose credit cards can only give you that much love, they knew enough not to screw that child up completely.
It was Blair though, Blair was the one who wanted to keep it separated, he was ready to commit only to her, he still is, or so he thinks. He has wronged her one too many times in the past for her to bite in to it once more.
It didn't matter what she felt, she had to ignore the fact that she would want nothing more than to be with him again. It couldn't end well, not in her book.
The only question was, how long could she keep this charade going without falling in love with him again and again.
Nate took a deep breath, she wasn't the only one concerned about that dinner, but she chose to be the one to remind him of it every five minutes. He knew it would be awkward and tough and probably won't end up good but he wanted to stay calm for her sake.
It was bad enough as it was.
He forgot all about their problems when his eyes fell on her again. He watched her from afar and admired her beauty, she was just so delicate while doing anything. She looked effortless, even better in his eyes. Her hair seemed shinier, her smile wider and he couldn't help but wonder why the sudden fascination with her.
Not to get him wrong, he's always been in love with her, she was still the most gorgeous girl he has ever meet, but she seemed even more gorgeous, even more be beautiful lately.
And she was his, well at least a part of her was his, not her really. It was more of a curse than a blessing. And thinking of it now, how stupid do you have to be to let a girl like that go away? Ask Nate, he knows the best.
''hello, Earth calling Nate-'' she waved in front of his face with a soft yellow blanket
''Sorry-'' he grinned and gave her his attention back
''-we have to get going, there's only two more hours till the-'' she stopped and gulped uneasily ''-you know''
''Yeah, I know''
Much unlike the previous hour of agreeing exactly what to say and how to respond to questions, it was a quiet care ride. It wasn't the settling kind of quiet though, he was very much aware of that. She was going out of her mind and he has failed miserably throughout the day in making her feel better.
''Are you okay?'' he asked lamely in a desperate attempt to lighten up the atmosphere
''No-'' she said quietly and continued staring out the window, her eyes getting caught on every road sign there was ''- are you?'' it wasn't really a question
''It's going to be okay'' he said trying to both assure her and himself
''What if it won't? What if everyone loses their mind over it and-''
''-knowing our families they probably will-'' he had to stop her from over thinking. This was happening, there was no point in pretending that everything will be okay when they know it probably won't. At least they can come to peace with it
''- but you know what? Who gives a fuck? Blair if your parents or my parents or Serena or anyone, decide to lash out and say something against it, then screw them. Who needs them anyways? You'll always have me-'' he wasn't sure if that meant anything to her, but it came from his heart, he really meant it ''- and I'll always be here to take care of you and our baby, I-'' he wanted to say that he loved her more than anything, it was a perfect moment to do so, but his brain kept telling him no. It would only piss her off ''-I want you to trust me'' more like – I need you to trust me.
Blair was overwhelmed with emotion while listening to him. She could blame the pregnancy hormones for almost making her cry but she knew it had nothing to do with that, it was just him. He always knew just the right thing to say. And when he almost said what she hoped he finally would, she was on the edge of emotions, a few seconds away from becoming a tearful mess.
He didn't say it. Maybe it was for the best. If he did, she would probably say it back and everything would get complicated. He was there for her, and even though he's already said it a million times before, this time she actually believed him.
''I do trust you Nate-'' She said quietly ''-and I know that it's not easy dealing with me, but you have to know that I appreciate it. Not just because of now or the baby, it's always, you've always been around, even though I was mostly bitter and mad because of the Serena fiasco-''
There she goes again, they could never really move on because she'd never let him forget.
''-nevertheless, you were there to restore me the mess, it's about time I start returning the favor''
He shook his head, but kept his eyes on the road ''No, that's not what I want-''
Her eyes widened, was he shutting her out? Did she say something wrong? Panic swiped all over her, what if he was being nice just so it would be easier to tell her he wanted nothing to do with her anymore. Her blood was boiling, she was ready for a verbal attack-
''don't you understand Blair? I'm not doing this because I want something in return, this is just me being me, doing what I want to do, not what I feel obligated to do. You don't owe me anything, I'm in this just as much as you are''
As her anger slowly faded away, she found herself hating them both for a moment. Hating him because he had to be so fucking perfect and unselfish all the time and show her just how imperfect and horrible she was most of the time.
Of course this wasn't for selfish reasons, it was Nate. Nate didn't know revenge or hatred, Nate was love and understanding. She was the one making the wrong assumptions, always seeing the worst in people. Nate was there to cancel that out, he wasn't aware of it, but being with him made her want to become the person he always saw in her, the loving, caring Blair he was so sure was there. She'd love to meet that Blair one day.
The car stopped suddenly and made her come back to reality where Nate was kind of mad at her and they were about to tell everyone everything.
He was a few steps ahead of her and about to go in. She was struggling to come up with the right words to say, she didn't want them to go in there mad, not because of everyone they had to face, but because she couldn't stand him being mad at her.
''I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking when I said that-''she stated quietly.
He finally turned around with an expression that said -You're still there? I didn't notice- it had a bigger effect on her than she thought it would. He didn't say a word. ''I know that you don't want anything in return and that you're just being nice-''
''-you think that's why I'm mad?'' he asked all of a sudden. She was even more confused than before. Was she really that oblivious, she couldn't understand. ''-I'm mad-'' he shook his head and ran a hand trough his hair –a nervous habit ''-no, I'm frustrated that you still don't trust me-''
Didn't they have the same argument just moments ago?
''-Yes I do-''
''-no you don't. You think you do, but somewhere deep inside you still think I'm the same 17 year old self who wouldn't pass up on an opportunity to hurt you. But I have changed Blair, I really did''
Why did they always have to go back to that dark time of their younger lives. Now she was frustrated too and they were both mad and late.
''Fine, maybe you're right-'' she said admitting defeat, but not just yet ''-you're also wrong.''
He looked over at her with a pained expression, if they thought they'd last long without a dispute, boy they were wrong. They weren't able to function without it; it was the base of their bitter-sweet relationship.
''Tell me one thing Nate, and I want you to really think about it-'' she had to grit her teeth really hard between her sentences to keep her emotions down an try to remain fierce in front of him for once in her life ''- is it me that can't forgive you or is it you that can't forgive yourself?''
That sentence alone dug deeper than all the times he's ever been hurt combined together. Can he forgive himself? Never, not even then. Can he admit it to himself? The very same answer.
''We should really get going, they're waiting for us-'' he said poorly without sparing her a glance and entered.
To be continued
Stay tuned till next week like always and of course review,favorite&follow. Till next update xo L
