Authoress' Note: Just a quick filler chapter for everyone. I've got a few chapters ahead of this planned out that should be good, but otherwise, we're sort of just drifting with where ever this thing wants to go. :P Don't forget to review when you're finished reading! I like getting feedback on characterisation of characters like Kirk and Spock. I find them to be the most difficult to portray, especially at this time in their lives.
Anxious Musings
The late shift begins, and as Spock enters his cabin he finds himself resisting the urge to fall straight into bed and sleep for an eternity. Vulcan's do not need sleep after all, and his sudden tiredness, he assures himself, must stem from lack of meditation or the rigors of work. He forces himself to think of anything but succumbing to the human side of himself, because he knows that if he allows himself to dwell on humanity he will be forced to remember his mother. The grief would still be too much for him to bear . . .
Instead, he sits down on his bed and pulls off his boots. Sitting ramrod straight, he stares out the window at the bright stars whizzing by. He can't seem to get enough of watching them and wondering if any could serve for the home of his people as well as Vulcan once did. He trusts that his older counterpart has done a precise job in finding a new planet for their home, but he wonders, at the same time, if it will feel the same.
The notion is a ridiculous one for any Vulcan, but for once, Spock decides to take the Ambassador's advice and let his human side peek through for a few moments. He allows himself to dwell on all of the questions that have been building in his mind for some time since the Enterprise's departure from Earth. Will the planet be just as hot? Will children still take the traditional climb to a mountain summit at seven years of age? Will there even be any mountains?
The feeling of tightening stomach muscles and fluttering nerves falls upon Spock again. He has become increasingly aware of his anxiety over the past few days, but he has not been able to pinpoint exactly how to rid himself of it. Meditation does not seem to work as it usually does. He finally decides after several sleepless nights that the anxiety will only go away once they have reached New Vulcan and all of his questions are answered.
New Vulcan. He wonders again what he will find when they arrive. Will T'Pring be there waiting for him? (Deep down he hopes that she will not.) Will building already have begun? Where will refugees stay? How will they grieve? Or have they already done so?
Vulcans are a stoic people, and never has Spock ever seen any of them, en masse, deal with something as life altering as the past few weeks have been. He is not sure what to expect. He knows there will not be an open outpouring of emotion and grief, but in some way he hopes that there will be physical signs of distress. He wants to see the pain on their faces that he felt as his mother's hands slipped from his grasp forever.
"Kirk to Spock. Are you there?"
The Captain's familiar drawl echoes in his empty cabin. Spock reaches over and presses the button to the comm system on the wall.
"Spock here, Captain."
"I know it's past hours, but could you make your way down to the bridge? We're coming up on New Vulcan."
Spock's stomach tightens of its own accord once again. "Yes, Captain."
"Kirk out."
Spock pulls his boots back on quickly, surprised that they should be arriving at the new planet at this hour. He exits his cabin, walks down the corridor, and suddenly finds himself face-to-face with Uhura. Her face is passive as she stands in front of him. The anxious mass in his stomach twists further.
"I . . . I thought perhaps you wouldn't mind some company on the way to the bridge," she says quietly, not meeting his eyes. "The Captain sent for me, and I knew that you . . . well, I knew he would call you as well."
Spock feels his hand twitch in the urge to lift her chin to meet his eyes, but he stops himself.
"You know that I would not mind your company at any time of the day, Ny- Lieutenant."
She lowers her eyes further and falls in step next to him. Spock watches her out of the corner of his eye and notices her fervent blinking and the haughty look she gets when she is trying not to cry. There are so many things he wishes to say, but he cannot seem to give them voice, so they continue in silence.
Being in the turbolift with her is like reliving a dream and perhaps all of it was, it feels so long ago. She stands apart from him this time, one hand clasping the other arm at the elbow as she stares ahead at the transparent doors. He gazes ahead as well, arms clasped militarily behind his back. The tension tightens the longer they remain in the dead quiet. Just as he is afraid the façade of calm is going to snap the doors open with a whoosh, and he steps out onto the bridge.
Kirk rotates around in his chair as the pair walk in and eyes them beadily. Just as he opens his mouth to say something inappropriate or brash about the two of them exiting the turbolift together Spock speaks quickly.
"Have we come upon New Vulcan, Captain?" He stops behind the Captain's chair, and Kirk swivels around to look at him.
"We should be coming upon it very soon. Isn't that right, Sulu?"
Sulu looks back from his place at the helm, prods at Chekov, who is nodding asleep, and responds, "Aye, Captain."
"Captain, we're being hailed," Uhura calls from her place at the communications station.
"Up on the screen if you will, Nyota," Kirk says, spinning his chair around and giving her an insolent smile. She smiles back tightly and rolls her eyes as the face of a very familiar Vulcan swims into view on the screen.
"Ambassador, I didn't think we'd be seeing you so soon!" Jim Kirk cries, launching himself forward to the edge of his chair with excitement.
The older Vulcan scans the bridge with a content expression, bringing his eyes to rest on his younger self for a moment longer than everyone else.
"Did I not say that I would be overseeing the rebuilding of Vulcan, Jim?" he asks, raising a singular eyebrow pointedly.
Jim Kirk still shivers every time the Ambassador addresses him in such a familiar way. He shakes his head. "I don't remember it."
The younger Spock steps forward then. "I believe you spoke of it to myself only."
The Ambassador's lips turn up slightly. "Yes, forgive me, I believe you are correct. I am here, helping to rebuild Vulcan, so that my younger self may remain with Starfleet for a time. There is much that needs to be done. It will better serve all of us if you beam down at the earliest possible time tomorrow to review our plans for rebuilding and repopulation. There are still many procedures to finalise."
"I'll beam down with an architectural team, Mr. Spock, Uhura, and Dr. McCoy tomorrow then," Kirk says. He has the look of a madman preparing for world domination. In other words, the young Captain is in his element.
Ambassador Spock raises his hand in the Vulcan salute. "Very well. We meet tomorrow."
The younger Spock raises his hand in return before turning to the Captain to request leave for the night. Jim, however, is puzzling over his right hand as he pushes two fingers together attempting to contort his unruly appendage into the salute as well, though the Ambassador is no longer on the viewing screen. He looks up at Spock in frustration.
"How the hell do you do that?"
The young Vulcan's mouth tips up slightly at the corners in what could be called a smile as he turns on his heel, leaving the young Captain to ponder over his current predicament.
Authoress' Note: I'm trying to break the habit of writing these notes after the chapter, but I just couldn't help it this time. I wrote that first note before beginning the chapter, and now that I've finished I feel like I deserve to rant a little. This story is tough. Maybe I'm making it that way for myself, but I just felt stuck with this chapter. Normally when I write I know where my characters are going and what they're going to say next. With this story I don't feel that. Everything feels like guesswork. *shrug* Perhaps with time things will get better.
