A/N

I am SO sorry. I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON. Will this make up for that fact?

Dedicated to Victoria Alexis, Thura Huodae, Delicate Snowflakes and Cami Willow, much apologies to those not mentioned yet, you will all get a go!

Don't own it. Thanks for reading.

Phase Three

I was frightened.

But Yuki was frightened too, if his trembling body was anything to go by. My hands fisted in the sheets either side of his sweat-sodden body, and I rested my forehead on the nape of the neck…

The muscles of my legs clenched…

And I slid inside.


It was all so soon, so unbearably soon… I had to make decisions, and that was one thing that I utterly, totally hated doing. I hated having to choose, to eliminate people, places, opportunities.

With so few opportunities left at my disposal, it seemed criminal to eliminate anything.

Yuki… loved me. Doing this to him was the cruellest, most horrible thing I could ever do, and it was tearing me apart to think that I was going to. But… it was so hard it was breaking something inside of me. I had to choose whether I was going to do something that meant everything to me, or continued to protect the people I…

The people I what? Cared for? No… Yuki's my enemy… you don't care about your enemy. You're not supposed to.

But since when had I ever listened to 'supposed to'?


I stood at the doorway to Shigure's office, my hands balled into fists and hanging limply at my sides. I needed to ask… I needed to tell someone. The 'author' hadn't looked up from his supposed manuscript, and when I opened my mouth to say I was there it felt like there was something furry wedged into my throat.

Like a little rat…

I pressed my fist into my forehead and swore loudly before turning and marching into the kitchen, where I inspected the counter with great detail to prevent myself from screaming. Well, the Dog will have heard that. For once in my life, I didn't care what people thought about me, I just knew that whatever this was with Yuki if something didn't stop me both our hearts would break.

And I still wasn't sure whether mine would break from the strain or the fact I might actually care about that damn rat.


Yuki seemed to be crying so much more often. It sort of saddened me, too, but I didn't know why… the house just felt less, I dunno… cheerful without him. Tohru was certainly feeling it, and this was making me very, very annoyed. She seemed to think that it was somehow her fault, and whenever she tried to apologise for it Yuki would smile his broken smile and her own heart would break again. My heart was breaking too, I think, because whenever he smiled like that my stomach would twist and my head would swim, and it felt like something had snapped inside of me.

So his sobs coming quietly from the living room were nothing new to me as I came down the staircase. I hovered in the doorway, before gloomily walking into the kitchen and I found myself pouring myself a glass of milk. I resisted the urge to lap at it – these little fetishes were really annoying – and trekked back to the living room. I stood at the doorway for a moment, watching Yuki with his head in his hands. There was no noise, but his shoulders were shaking and his head was trembling. I quietly moved across the room, sitting down on the couch beside him. He jumped as the seat moved, and hastily tried to wipe the tears away, but I grabbed onto his wrists and just looked at him. He quickly lowered his eyes away from mine, but I squeezed his wrists until his face snapped towards mine again. "Yuki," I murmured, and he flinched at the sound of his name.

"Please, don't. Just… hold me?" I opened my mouth, before closing it, nodding silently and pulling him into a soft hold. He buried his face into my chest, his shoulders still shaking, and his tears slowly running into the fabric of my – yes, black – T-shirt. It didn't feel… wrong, like before. Before, I couldn't stand his skin being near mine, but now he felt so warm and strong next to me I didn't want to push him away. I kissed the top of his hair softly, and found myself wondering how I'd ever hated this smell.

"Yuki," I murmured, and he shook his head softly.

"Please don't. Please."

"Yuki, I have to ask. Tohru's getting worried." He raised his face to mine, and his eyes widened.

"I didn't want to worry her," he whispered, his voice cracking dangerously. "I didn't want to worry either of you."

I smiled. "Who says I've been worrying about you, cuso nezumi?"

He laughed softly, gathering more handfuls of my shirt to burrow into. "And I thought you were self centred," he chuckled.

"You never did look at yourself, did you?" I joked, and he smiled; I felt his lips quirk against my chest. I sighed. "I'm not going to stop asking, Yuki," I murmured, and I felt him exhale gently against my chest. 'I care about you too much' seemed to present itself to my mind, but…

"I… I know." He sighed softly. "I just… I don't know what's happening anymore." I looked away. Sometimes I knew just what he meant. "Kyo, I…" I have so little time left. I have to take advantage of you… I'm sorry… "Kyo, I love you."

"Me too." It was far too easy to say. Far too easy. He choked, let another tear fall before sobbing once in earnest and pulling me closer and kissing me. This time my head did spin, but it wasn't out of disgust any more… but… he was crying against my chest, and his tears were softly staining my t-shirt. I wanted to apologise to him, hold him, promise him it would be okay…

But if it was, then I would get locked inside forever. I was so goddamn selfish, but I had to be, I just had to be. Oh, god… I was beginning to doubt myself… please… I have to stay strong! "Make love to me, Kyo…" My heart pounded into life. His touch sent spasms of shock throughout my whole body. "Please?"

"Okay."

Phase Three began.


He was asleep still, curled up on his side, his hand clenched tightly on the patch that I had been lying on beside him. I couldn't let my eyes leave him, and my hand was desperate to ghost down his body and hold him again, because I knew that it was all that he ever wanted, and that it would be so damn beautiful to lie there and just be with him –

No… I can't… I just can't… I won't break again. I won't fall in love again.

I couldn't stand it any longer. I can't take this anymore. This was it. This was my decision. I'd done what I had to do; it was what I did next that decided my 'fate'.

I clenched my fists and walked inside, staring intently at the phone. Why was there no one here? Why was there no one to stop me? Why was it so easy to pick up the phone, dial the numbers, say the words?

"I've beaten him."

A/N

Muahahahaha…

I suck at lemons. Nyeh.

I am so sorry! It was a pathetically short update, but I have zero inspiration and wanted to give you lot something to chew on while I work on the next, which is an evil one as I think you can probably see from where this is going.

Much love to all of you that's put up with me – and my final message is that Sparrington is love.