Chapter 4: Hollywood Lelouch

Disclaimer: I do not have any known affiliation with Drake Bell or the record company that owns him.

After a long, boring flight filled with peanuts, bad kung fu movies, and sleeping fat guys, Lelouch, Kallen, and Rivalz (?) finally made it to California. Lelouch and Rivalz were waiting for their bags to come up, and Kallen was booking a taxi to Hollywood.

"We've been waiting for hours!" whined Rivalz," I'm hungry and I need to go potty!"

"Rivalz, we just went to McDonald's and it's your fault you spilled your Chicken Nuggets," Lelouch went back to focusing on the bags," We've seen this surfboard pass by 7 times now, where's our stuff!?"

Meanwhile, in Japan…

Ever since Lelouch's house was bombed, CC had been living at a Motel 6. CC had just woken up from her 17 hour nap. The last time she was awake, Lelouch had asked her to pack their bags in the car before they went to Hollywood.

"Well, better go pack them," groaned CC as she got up from her blanket of pizza boxes (Pizza is a lot warmer than a cloth blanket, apparently.).

But when she got to the driveway, the car was gone," Must've left early."

When she got to the living room again, the bags were still there," Whose bags are these?"

After a few moments of pondering, she remembered.

"Oh my god, these're my gifts to the Pizza Hut Foundation Hospital! I better leave quickly!"

As she "remembered", she took a taxi over to the PHFH (Pizza Hut Foundation Hospital for short) to deliver the "Gifts".

Back in California…

Lelouch slammed his head on the conveyor belt," I knew I shouldn't have put my fate in CC's hands!"

"Um, Lelouch?"

"What, Rivalz?" That's when Lelouch noticed: He was being pulled into the machine!

Kallen tried to pull out Lelouch," Lelouch, you idiot!"

"Please, Kallen, I don't wanna die a virgin!"

With a few seconds of pulling, Lelouch was thrust out of the belt and was sent straight to the airport ceiling.

SLAM!

Luckily, he avoided a ceiling fan and crashed back down-

THUD!

-on top of Kallen (?).

"OMG, you're making a move right now!?" cried Rivalz," Nice!"

Lelouch couldn't breathe.

"Um, Lelouch?"

"Y-yeah, Kallen?"

"I-i-"

Just before Kallen could say something, Lelouch was swooped up by-"

"Hi, I'm Drake Bell," Drake extended his hand for Lelouch to shake," You're that Yellow Submarine guy from Youtube, right?"

Lelouch shook his hand," Yeah, listen I have to be somewhere, so-"

Drake led Drake to his car," OK, first, I know you were about to go to second base with your girl, but this is important, too!"

Lelouch was seated in Drake's limo and they drove off.

"Lelouch!" Kallen and Rivalz shouted.

Seeing that he was gone, they went back in the airport.

"What now?" asked Kallen," We're stranded in the USB (United States of Britannia) and Lelouch was whisked away by a rock singer.

"There's only one thing to do in times like these," said Rivalz.

"What?"

5 minutes later…

"THIS is your plan?" asked Kallen, holding an empty pickle jar with a dollar sign drawn on it," Collect the $500 we need to get home by panhandling?"

"Anything's possible in Hollywood!" cried Rivalz," Hey, I got a dime!"

Kallen looked in Rivalz's can," That's a piece of gum with a filling stuck to it."

"More money for me!"

With Lelouch…

The limousine reached to a stop at TRL Studios.

"Why did you bring me here?" asked Lelouch nervously as Drake's bodyguards led him inside.

Drake got his guitar out of the seat next to him," Look, I had my tonsils taken out yesterday, and I promised to be on TRL today. So, you're the singer."

"WHAT!?" cried Lelouch," You don't understand, I have to meet Akon!"

Drake led him backstage," Oh sure, everyone wants to meet Akon, but they don't like Drake, do they!?" A tear rolled down Drakes cheek," It's not fair!"

As anime characters often do Lelouch sweatdropped. Drake slammed the door to his dressing room.

The sound engineer walked over to Lelouch," Oh, this is bad."

"Why?" asked Lelouch," Am I stranded here?"

"No, but that means Drake's not coming out and we don't have anyone else who can play lead guitar!"

The engineer sat down," Wait a minute! What instruments do you play, Lelouch?"

Lelouch took a big gulp, because he knew what was going to happen next…

With Rivalz and Kallen…

Rivalz had just gotten a bloody nose from a beating from a gang banger, and Kallen was lying in the alleyway.

"Face it Rivalz," sighed Kallen," We're going to have to live here forever. You'll move into an apartment filled with Asian gang bangers, and die in weeks from an STD. I'll have to become a hostess on "I Survived a Japanese Game Show" and teach everyone about the challenges. Then-"

"Kallen, look!" Rivalz pointed to the TVs in the local electronics shop," It's Lelouch!"

Kallen ran over to the TV shop," WTF!?"

It was true; Lelouch was performing in place of Drake Bell!

"We've gotta get over there!" said Kallen," Taxi!"

With Lelouch…

The sound engineer went over to Lelouch with a guitar and a lyrics sheet," OK, this is the guitar chords you'll play through the song, these are the lyrics, and you play this thing."

He threw Lelouch the guitar, who almost dropped it until he recovered.

"Careful, that Telecaster cost me $20,000!" He left the stage, and Ryan Seacrest came onstage.

"Ryan Seacrest!?" cried Lelouch," Aren't you on American idol?"

"Well, until Simon kicked me out because he said I had no-"

"GET ON WITH IT!" yelled the engineer.

"Fine then, gosh! Ladies and gentlemen, Drake bell is throwing a tantrum right now, so, in his place, I give you web sensation, Lelouch Lamperouge!"

Lelouch was nervous, "Um, wait a minute, I-"

"Presenting Drake Bell's 'Hollywood Girl'!"

Lelouch learned he had no choice. Fortunately, he had Brittanian guitar lessons when he was about 5 by the reanimated body of John Lennon, so he was going to be fine.

The drummer counted off," 1, 2, 3, 4!"

Lelouch: Hollywood girl
Is lost again
All of her hopes left her stranded
Seasoned dreams
Are just pretend
She can't stand it

Lelouch: Why'd it have to happen to me
Why'd it have to hurt so bad

Cause in this town
Can't find up but I found down
In the city life
Can't turn around
Can't give up I feel too proud
Under the city lights

In the taxi Kallen and Rivalz were in, the Middle Eastern cab driver was listening to TRL. Right now, they were listening to Lelouch playing "Hollywood Girl"!

The cab driver was singing along (very badly)," She doesn't believe in-"

BANG!

The cab skidded into a fire hydrant, because Kallen pistol-whipped the cab driver's head.

"Why the hell did you do that!?" cried Rivalz, exiting the cab," Now how will we get there!?"

"Hmmm…" Kallen looked around.

She saw a giant snail, a rickshaw, and a Knightmare Frame," I've got it!"

Lelouch: She doesn't believe
In believing
Miracles have died in her mind
She knows the world
Is deceiving
Everything is wastin' her time

Why'd it have to happen to me
Why'd it have to hurt so bad

Cause in this town
Can't find up but I found down
In the city life
Can't turn around
Can't give up I feel too proud
Under the city lights

"Kallen, this is the worst idea you've ever had," said Rivalz blatantly.

Kallen's idea was to ride the rickshaw with the snail attached (Not a good ride, isn't it?)

"Come on, there wasn't any gas in the Knightmare, so what do you expect me to do?"

"You could've FILLED IT UP!!"

"Oh, yeah…"

Lelouch: Get in line and hold your head high
Pretty face will help you get by
Step inside I'll make your tears dry
So put on your smile
Ha
Cause in this town
Can't find up but I found down
In the city life
Can't turn around
I can't give up I feel too proud
Under the city lights

The crowd cheered as the song finished. Lelouch was mobbed by a crowd of fans released onstage. Ryan walked to him, a microphone in hand," So, Lelouch, what're you going to do now? Spin City Records is offering you a 5-year contract with them and a free trip to Norway! What do you say? Lelouch?"

Lelouch had slipped away from Ryan and left the building, sprinting towards Hollywood. On the way, he crashed into a giant, slimy snail attached to a rickshaw.

GLOP!

Lelouch removed himself from the snail, covered in slime, "Yuck!"

Kallen and Rivalz stopped because they hit something: A teenage emo boy.

"Lelouch!" Kallen ran over to Lelouch," You're all right!"

"Yeah, more or less," Lelouch flicked off a big pile of goop onto the asphalt," Why're you guys on a snail?"

Rivalz went to Lelouch," Because SOMEBODY gangbanged our cab driver!"

"Excuse me if he's a horrible singer. You're lucky I didn't gangbang you when I had the chance." Kallen raised the gun to Rivalz's face.

Rivalz hid behind Lelouch, cowering," Where'd you get a gun, anyway!?"

"OK, now that we're all together, can we please go to Hollywood now?" Lelouch started walking towards Hollywood, north. Regretfully, Kallen and Rivalz followed Lelouch as they made the long trek to AKON.

Will Lelouch perform again? Where did Kallen get a gun? What IS second base!? Find out next chapter!