It was a moment when the world stopped for us; when nothing else matters; when everything else can wait; when, aside from this, everything else is a peculiarity; when all that is important right now is us, or love
Gone away are the golden days
Just a page in my diary
So here I am, a utopian citizen
Still convinced there's no such thing as idealism
It was a moment when the world stopped for us; when nothing else matters; when everything else can wait; when, aside from this, everything else is a peculiarity; when all that is important right now is us, or love.
Time literally stood still. We were just staring at each other, trying to see what's going on in each other's heads. Not only did time stand still, but it also take us back to a lot of memories, they happy and the bittersweet. Memories came flooding like crazy, and, for a moment, I thought I was going to explode, and go nuts. But I have done that already- my head has already exploded when Brooke Davis left me heartbroken; I have gone nuts and crazy when I met Brooke Davis and fell in love with her. Only Brooke Davis can make that happen to me.
"Tell me that was a goodbye kiss."
"I wanna be with you, Brooke."
"What?"
"I'm sorry. I know we're friends…it's just how I feel."
"What about Peyton's stuff?"
"I keep that stuff as a reminder of how badly I screwed up things. With you. To remind myself, if I ever get a second chance, I'd never let you go again."
"I'm the guy for you. I know we're just part time and that's cool, do whatever, have your fun. But one of these nights you're going to realize it...I'm the guy for you Brooke Davis. You'll see."
"What I wanted? I wanted you to fight for me. I want you to say that there's no one else that you could ever be with, that you'd rather be alone than without me. I wanted the Lucas Scott from the beach that night telling the whole world that he's the one for me."
"There are 82 letters in here, and they're all addressed to you. I wrote them all this summer. One a day, but I never sent them 'cause I was afraid."
"Brooke..."
"I was afraid of getting my heart broken again, like before.' Cause you hurt me so bad, and I was afraid to be vulnerable. And I was afraid of you and the way that you make me feel. And I know that doesn't matter now after what I did, but I just thought that you should know. This was how I spent my summer, Luke, wanting you... I'm just too scared to admit it."
"Brooke! I'm sorry! What you did with Chris... it's okay."
"It's not. It can't be. It's too much to forgive!"
"Well, that's too bad because I forgive you."
"You can't!"
"I just did. So you're gonna just have to deal with it. I'm the guy for you Brooke Davis, and I know I hurt you last time we're together, but..."
"I love you."
"I love you, too, Pretty Girl."
"This is my world Brooke. Or at least it used to be."
"I have been here before, you know."
"I know but I just never told you what this place is to me. It's not just a court, it's where I came from it's where I belong. It's my world."
"So do I get to be part of this world?"
"The biggest part."
"We just have to trust each other this time."
"Know what I think? I think you're trying to sabotage us. Find any reason you can end it. So that you don't have to worry about getting hurt again."
"But the same words, Lucas? The exact same words?!"
"I never sent that letter to Peyton"
"And I never sent my letters to you either but they still meant something! Just tell me, why me this time. Why not Peyton?"
"I can't say anything bad about Peyton. She's my friend, and she's your best friend!"
"That's OK; you can say bad things about her."
"Oh, Brooke. The truth is, I care about Peyton."
"Then what is the difference?"
"The difference... The difference is I love you, Brooke. I wanna be with you, not Peyton."
"But why? I need to know why."
"Because you kink your eyebrow when your trying to be cute. And you quote Keimoo, even though I've never actually seen you read. And because, you miss your parents, but you'll never ever admit that. And because I've given exactly two of these embarrassing speeches in my entire life, and they've both been with you. I mean, that's gotta mean something right? And because we're both gonna get pneumonia, but if you need to hear why I love you, I can go on all night.
"You did pretty good. "
"I wish that it was me. I know that's horrible and I know that's selfish but I watched you rescue Peyton and you told me you rescued Dan and sometimes I just wish you could rescue me."
"From what?"
"From all of it."
"Okay then. I will. If you promise to rescue me back."
"I promise."
"Look Brooke, I need you to listen to me, ok, I understand that you didn't know about the kiss, and I'm sorry for springing it on you, but I meant what I said. It didn't mean anything."
"A kiss always means something."
"Ok, well, maybe you're right. But it wasn't a romantic moment. And you would know that if.."
"If what I was there?! As you so sweetly pointed out, at the party, the party that I threw for you, I wasn't there, was I??"
"Is it impossible, for you to forgive me?? I forgave you."
"For what?"
"For sleeping with Chris Keller."
"And you know what Lucas, I loved you for that. You had such grace in that moment that I fell in love with you all over again. I can't believe that you would use it now as a bargaining chip."
"No, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I just..I need you to trust me, and believe me when I tell you that my heart is with you. A part of me feels like ever since we got back together, you've just been waiting, waiting to push me away."
"Oh..great, you kiss Peyton, again, and I'm pushing you away! God! Why did I make everybody identical purses as wedding gifts!"
"I love you Brooke, I don't know how else to say it."
"How about how you show it?? I am not pushing you away Lucas, I am holding on for dear life! But I need you to need me back! Why wouldn't you tell me about the kiss and why wouldn't you call me while you were away and why won't you ever just let me all the way in?"
"Listen, I know it's been difficult for you lately, losing Keith and your heart condition and giving up basketball. I feel like I've been keeping you close to me to try to protect you from those things. Like I'm hanging onto the two of us for you, but not for me."
"I'm sorry I kissed Peyton. I should have told you."
"It's not about that Luke. It's not, I mean I thought that it was, but this is not about her. This is about me. I love you Lucas, and I probably always will, but we go days without having a meaningful conversation. And I used to miss you so much when that happened but it never seemed like you missed me. And I guess because of it I stopped missing you. I mean look at today, there was a horrible accident and you haven't even called me...it shouldn't be like this, Luke. I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore."
"Brooke, I'm sorry."
"Yeah, me too."
Memories they're following me like a shadow now
And I'm dreaming
And I've already suffered the fever of disbelief
"Excuse me, Mister." But I really need to use the bathroom. You're blocking the door," a tiny voice of a boy broke my train of thoughts and snapped me back to reality. I looked down and saw a face of pleading.
"Oh. Sorry, buddy," I said as I moved out.
I looked up and saw that she's gone. Again. Damn! That girl could move fast! I sighed. Things are never going to be the same, are they?
I slowly walked back to the table, wondering how this night would turn out.
"I'm sorry, Luke. Someone called from the gallery. Apparently, they need me for some emergency. I'm really sorry for this. I did want to have dinner with you, guys."
"It's ok, Peyt."
"I'm really sorry. I promise we'll reschedule, ok? I'll call you two later. Bye."
Ok, this is uncomfortable. Brooke was drumming her fingernails on the table, looking around the restaurant. I let out a breath I was unconsciously holding. Now, this is way too uncomfortable. Almost unbearable.
"You wanna get out?"I nervously asked. Brooke looked at me as if I was crazy.
"You're kidding, right?"
"Oh, no! I don't mean it 'that' way. What I mean was, do you want to get out of this place? As in, like, leave?"
She didn't say anything. Instead, she grabbed her things. She agrees?
"Is that a yes?" I asked with all confusion.
She just kept on walking. Oh, she's going to leave me here! But she immediately halted.
"Shoot!" she cursed out loud.
"What is it?"
"I forgot to ask my driver to pick me up."
"It's good I brought my car with me, then. Shall we?" I asked coyly, walking past her.
"As if I have a choice." She muttered.
We're in for a long night.
"Well? Where's your car?" she demanded.
"I lied. I don't have one with me right now. I left it by the office. I just said that so that you will come with me."
"You haven't changed, Lucas Scott! Still the lying scumbag that I know!" she said as she began to walk again. Her heels were click- clacking opposite of my direction.
"I just want to talk."
"Please," I said, pleading to her.
"What for, Lucas?! Huh?! What the hell for?!"
"I don't get why you're angry at me when all I want to do these freakin' years is to talk and get things straight. Please, let's just talk."
"Ok," she said raspily.
I jogged up to her and we started walking together.
"So how are you, Brooke Davis?"
"I'm good, really good. The clothing line is doing well, actually. We're expanding, and it's everything how I imagined it to be."
"I can't believe someone at the age of 23 have already gotten what she dreamed of and wanted."
"That's what you think, Luke. It's not everything."
"What do you mean?"
"Never mind. How about you? How's the writing going?"
"The two books are still on the market, thank God! But this next one, I'm not so sure that it will get published soon."
"Why? What's the problem?"
"Well, I just don't feel it, you know? The inspiration, it's not there anymore. I don't mean to brag, but I usually do not run out of words and images in my head whenever I write. Truth be told, I'm not sure if I'm still that passionate when it comes to writing."
"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll find your passion back."
"The same way you'll find what you're looking for, right?"
"I guess."
Once again, silence and awkwardness filled the air.
I've seen your act
And I know all the facts
I'm still in love with who I wish you were
It ain't hard to see
Who you are underneath
I'm still in love with who I wish you were
And I wish you were here
"Brooke--"
"Lucas, don't even go there!"
"What do you expect me to do, Brooke? Forget all about, pretend it didn't happen, and just move on?!"
"Yes, that is what I want you to do exactly."
"Well, I'm not gonna do that."
"Lucas, what are these things you're talking about, anyway? We were way done even before you met Lindsey. You made that perfectly clear."
"How about that night at the beach? Don't even tell me it didn't mean anything to you."
"It didn't. That night was a mistake. All of it was a mistake."
"It's not, ok?! It was actually the night my hope was restored- for us
"What 'us' are you talking about? There is no 'us!' there wasn't and there will never be! Everything we did and happened was just a mistake and was a product of our childish thinking."
"I have made too much mistakes in my life to learn from them and believe that everything that happened between us is not a mistake. Too much mistakes had happened when we were together, but the whole of it is not."
"It is! You made it like that!"
"But you said a mistake is something you regret doing. And I most certainly do NOT regret loving you. If anything, that is the most fulfilling thing that has happened to me."
"But I do regret it, all of it."
"You do not mean that."
"You made me mean it. You made me regret it because all you gave was heartbreak and pain."
I was true as the sky is blue
I couldn't soon say the same for you
So now I find denial in my eyes
I'm mesmerized by the picture that's in my mind
"Brooke, don't throw that back at me again. I told you I'm sorry. Don't you know how much that picture of you so broken- hearted haunts me every time? But you told me that you got over it."
"And you actually believed it?! Don't you know it broke my heart to make a wedding gown for the future Mrs. Lucas Scott and knowing that it's not me? Do you know how it feels when the person you love didn't fight for you like he said he would?"
"I thought you were ok with it."
"That's the problem! You 'thought!' You just 'thought!' but you never really found out. The Lucas Scott I know would've done just that!"
"I tried talking to you. But you never said anything."
"I thought you knew me. You used to know when I have a problem or when I'm not saying things to you. You used to do everything you can just to get those bothering thoughts out of my heads. But you didn't- at least during that time."
"You hid inside your walls, Brooke. How am I supposed to let myself in when you won't open your heart to me?"
"I did let you in! Don't you dare say I didn't! you're the one who didn't let me in! I gave my promise to let you all the way in and I kept it! It was you who didn't."
"I was afraid, ok?!"
"I was freakin' afraid! Hell, I was terrified! But I went for it, didn't I? You promised you won't break my heart, and yet you did! You just can't stop breaking promises, can you? What the hell happened to the Lucas Scott I know?!"
"Nothing. I'm still that Lucas Scott."
Tell me when I'll finally see your shallow heart
For what it is
Cause I don't want to keep on believing in illusions
"Right; the Lucas Scott who promised me that he'd save me from all of it but didn't. You're damn right that you are still that Lucas Scott!"
"Brooke, why are you telling me this now? I thought we were ok when we talked at the beach. Why did you become distant all of a sudden? What did I do wrong? We've barely seen each other in a year but you make it seem I made it hell for you. You know what, I came here hoping to find answers. Don't you think I deserve it?"
"You deserve it, you're just not worth it."
"And why not? You owe it to me."
"The nerve! You even have the nerve to tell me I owe you that?! Oh, no, no, no, no, no! You definitely have changed!"
"Why won't you just answer all my questions so we can get it over and done with?"
Sometimes I can't explain
And I'm so sorry that I can't
I'll try to concentrate
On your true identity
"You want answers? Huh?! Fine, I'll give them! So where do you want to start? Hmmm…let's see. How about when I broke up with you in Senior Year? You wanna know why I did that? Because you were not worthy of my love! I gave you everything I could but you took those for granted. It seemed like you never were happy with me. You didn't even open up to me! Peyton said she loves you right before Haley's wedding. And I gave you to her, hoping that it will make you happy. I was right, it did make you happy! But why did I even have second thoughts on whether I should give you up to her or not?! That's Peyton! Your Peyton! Do you know how much that hurt? I felt so alone and vulnerable. I've been with guys in hopes of forgetting you! But I can't! for some unknown reason, your face just sticks to my head every damn time! I worked my ass off just to get my heart out of the gutter. But that carriage ride in New York just gave me a vision of what kind of life I want to have- with you. But then you chose Lindsey. Jumping on your bed and seeing her on it instead of you made me wish that I was her. I wished I was everything of her and Peyton. You seemed to love them to death and I feel like I wasn't. And now you're asking why I'm being distant? To be honest, I am afraid of getting close to you, falling in love with you, and ending up heartbroken. There are your answers, Lucas. I'm done!"
"I--"
"Save it. I'm done with your apologies. I gave you what you want. But, in every human way possible, you are not worth it, at all! The Lucas Scott I love is not who's in front of me right now. The Lucas Scott I love promised to fight for me and save me from all of it. What are you doing now?"
I stood there gobsmacked and speechless. For a writer like me, speechless should never be in our vocabulary, but it is. I was too stunned to process everything that's been happening.
Yes, only Brooke Davis can make me nuts, crazy, and speechless all at the same time.
I've seen your act
And I know all the facts
I'm still in love with who I wish you were
It ain't hard to see
Who you are underneath
I'm still in love with who I wish you were
And I wish you were here
AN: HI! I haven't updated in, like, forever! LOL! Thanks for those who reviewed:
onetreefan- Thank you for constantly reading! I love your reviews!
bella- Brucas is truly funny! Here's a different side of Brucas!
brookenlucas4eva03- Thank you for the review!
And to the many others, thanks a lot! And those who put me and my story on their alerts, thanks to all of you too!
Hope you enjoy this one!
--cheery
