A/N: Sorry it's taken so long to post the next chapter! I've been out of town. I will try to make up for lost time by giving you two chapters back to back. But don't hold me to that, as I am an Air Sign and prone to bouts of immobility.
Chapter 4
Final exams for all graduating members of the Starfleet Academy were coming up sooner than most cadets would care to happen upon them. Any area on campus that looked as if it would allow for even the slightest bit of quiet concentration was crammed with senior cadets, their PADDS, stylus pens, notes, books, papers and sometimes, the exam itself.
Jim Kirk had somehow confiscated several finals and was selling them around campus to the graduating members for small fees, which included money, intergalactic knick knacks, and even sex from a few females, so Nyota had heard from Gaila, who'd been furious when she'd found out.
"Uhura, if you spend the night with me, I'll get you any exam you need. You know how hard the Vulcan's final is going to be," Kirk said as he cornered Nyota in the hallway of the Science Building one day. She rolled her eyes and tried to go around him, but he quickly put his arm on the wall to keep her from doing it.
"Do you honestly think I would sleep with you to get an exam? Are you crazy? And what about Gaila? Have you forgotten that she's my roommate? And my best friend? You pig!" Nyota fumed. She ducked under Kirk's arm, but he grabbed her hand.
"Gaila and I aren't serious. She gets around as much as I do."
"Exactly. Let go of me."
"I'll quit all the women in the galaxy for you, just say the word. Hey, what about dinner? I'll get you the Vulcan's exam if you go out to dinner with me."
Nyota sighed impatiently. "Jim, you and I are just friends. We will always be just friends. And I don't need a cheat sheet, that's why I do something called studying. Now excuse me, I have to go to class."
The nerve of that boy. Still, Nyota fought a smile as she hurried towards the "Vulcan's" classroom. Despite her demonstrated annoyance at practically everything he said to her, she couldn't entirely despise him. How could you despise someone who flirted so shamelessly with you?
The thing about Jim was that he didn't give her that feeling. The butterflies.
She had gotten accustomed to the feeling of tiny wings floating around inside her heart. They had been present ever since she'd first walked into the classroom of Professor Spock. They were present now as she pulled the door open and slid into her seat, ten minutes before class was to start.
She glanced in his direction, unable to help herself, but instead of looking around, Spock was busy shuffling and loading things onto the class projector. Disappointed, Nyota busied herself in switching her PADD on so she could take notes.
The PADD, which Spock had returned to her last night.
He'd actually been over.
She'd thought it so, well, adorable how rigid and formal he'd been when she'd pulled him into her room. She'd been a nervous wreck after Gaila had left her by herself, but she'd overcome her condition when she'd answered the door to see him standing there. She had probably violated some major Vulcan protocol by grabbing his hand the way she did, but just the sight of him thrilled her to the point that she lost control of herself.
"We will discuss the aspects of Vulcan theory that will weigh most heavily on your final exam in two weeks," Spock said, and pressed a button near his desk to dim the lights.
Nyota sat up straighter, and pushed the romantic thoughts and feelings out of her mind as she began entering information into her computer.
When she arrived at Spock's office for her assisting duties, Nyota was out of breath and slightly flustered.
"You are late, Nyota," Spock said without looking up from the work on his desk.
She blushed at hearing him say her name. "I'm sorry, Professor. I had to download some exam guides from the library. I'm going to study as soon as I leave here. My first final is Monday and I have no clue what I'm doing in the last two chapters of Molecular Physics."
"As you have given me permission to address you by your first name when we are outside of the classroom, I return the first name consent to you. Please, call me Spock." He paused, and now looked fully at her. "May I inquire the reason for your use of the statement that you have 'no clue' what you are doing in your Physics class?"
Nyota smiled. "Well, I'm a smart enough girl, but Physics is not my favorite subject, not by a long shot. I always put off studying for it until the last minute, but I can't do that this time around. Not with finals in three days."
"What is your current average?"
"Um, 98.4%. I-I'm trying to get as close to 100% as I can," Nyota said softly. She glanced at him, and then looked down at her hands, smoothing them over her uniformed dress.
"Your voice changed when you answered my question. Why?"
Nyota was a little surprised that he was being so open in his interest of what she was feeling. She let down her guard and told him the absolute truth.
"It's funny, Prof–I mean, Spock. Wow, I've got to get used to calling you by your name," she said, shaking her head. "Anyway, what I was going to say was that even though I'm twenty one, I still, um, have emotional scars I guess. From, you know, being teased a lot when I was a child. Other girls used to pick on me and call me names. I always got the top grades, and some of the girls were jealous because…because…hell, I don't know why, really. All I know is that they hated me and they never failed to let me know it. And over the years, I just learned to keep my goals and my aspirations to myself. I didn't want to give anyone a reason to think I was stuck up or anything. I didn't want anyone to think I was bragging. And I still don't. I know I'm smart, and I know that I won't settle for anything beneath my own personal expectations. But I guess because of what I went through when I was younger, I don't let too many people know how important it is to me to always get the best grades. Does that make sense?"
She had leaned in a very casual manner against the desk where she usually worked when she assisted him, and crossed her arms subconsciously against her chest, as if still protecting herself from the ridicule she'd endured against those horrible girls in her early academy days.
Spock had been watching her very intently while she talked. Dammit all to hell, she'd said too much, and had freaked him out. She was just starting to mentally berate herself when he said, "I understand the need to keep private things of a personal nature. It is a very similar approach to the ways of my people. I apologize for the hardships you endured as a young child. The things we experience during childhood can indeed stay with us for many years."
"You sound as if you had a similar experience."
"Vulcans find it illogical to ponder or discuss events that cannot be changed."
"And, as a Vulcan, I guess you've already repressed any painful memory that you might have experienced when you were a child."
"You are correct."
Nyota pulled out her chair, and sat down. She felt saddened at the thought of Spock being ridiculed as a young boy. What about? Had he ever cried about it, as she had done when she was a child? Did he ever feel anger about it? But of course he didn't. He didn't feel shit. He was immune to emotions.
"What's it like, not to feel anything? I think I'd like to learn how to do that," Nyota murmured, half talking to herself.
"Nyota, you are mistaken if you think that, as a Vulcan, I do not feel. I, as well as my race, feel very deeply. Vulcans have many emotions. But for logical purposes, and most often to perform our duties to the best that we are capable, we practice methods to control irrational feelings caused by anger, sadness, jealousy or rage. Reactions based off such feelings have no place in most situations. That is the reason so many other species fail where we, as Vulcans, succeed. We are able to maintain control during trying times and choose the course of actions that would most benefit ourselves and any others involved."
"But how does logic apply to situations that don't revolve around your work on a space ship or in class or in a meeting? What about those situations?"
"To what situations are you referring?"
"Well, like relationships. Love," Nyota said. She was unable to hold his gaze here, and even though she knew she'd blushed furiously, she wanted to know. She had to know where he stood on the subject.
Spock blinked. "I do not understand the emotion, nor do I imagine I would be able to demonstrate it in the same manner as other species."
"Oh," Nyota said, feeling slightly disappointed for reasons she couldn't explain.
She couldn't feel too disappointed, however, seeing as how they had reached a breakthrough. They were on a first name basis, and they'd just spent the past few minutes talking about something other than school or exams or assignments. She'd opened up to him, and he'd encouraged it. He hadn't asked her to leave, or tried to change the subject! That was good enough for her. Even if she would never be able to have him as a boyfriend, she could enjoy this day, these past few moments. She walked over to Spock and held her hand out.
"Are those the translation essays from earlier? I can grade them for you," she said with a smile.
"Would you like to begin studying for your Physics exam? As it is the end of the semester, there are very few assignments that require aid to complete. I find this office to be quite accommodating when I have pressing deadlines. In addition, I can be of assistance should you require any," Spock said.
"Are you letting me off the hook? I'm shocked," Nyota said, smiling.
"Off the hook? I do not understand–"
"It's just a phrase. I'm teasing you, Spock." She returned to her seat, and sat down. "Thank you for giving me some time to study."
She unzipped her bag and pulled out her things. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Certainly. Physics is one of my most enjoyable subjects."
Her heart skipped a beat. "It's not about Physics."
He turned his head slightly to the side, looking neither surprised nor suspicious. "Very well. What is your question?"
"I'm happy that we talked. It seems like we're, um, finally getting to know each other. I was just, um, wondering what made you decide to share your feelings?"
"I would not classify the brief and frank discussion of your personal goals or a similar childhood as 'sharing feelings'."
"But you've never asked about me before. We've never really talked about anything other than school or classes before."
"I do not understand the rationale behind your statements."
"I want to get to know you, Spock. I want to know you all I can," Nyota said in barely above a whisper.
She would have doubted that he'd heard her, for he said nothing in response, just as he'd done when she'd kissed him on the cheek the other night, but there was something in the way he looked at her that told her otherwise. There was something there, something that was trying to reach her. She wanted to take a chance, and try to grasp it.
She swallowed, her hands flat on the table before her. Now or never.
Nyota put her stylus down and slid out of her seat. Their eyes were locked on one another as she walked slowly, deliberately over to him, coming behind his desk and standing before him in the chair where he sat.
"There's something you want to tell me. Say it," she whispered.
He was looking at her so intently that she suddenly felt as helpless as a deer caught in headlights. She trembled, but stood her ground. And then he stood up, towering over her. She melted; all of her walls came crashing down. Anything. She would do anything for him.
"Perhaps," he began quietly, "it would be best if you left my office, Nyota."
"Okay," she breathed, and leaned towards him, pressing her mouth against his.
His arms tightened around her waist and it took her breath away. It was a good thing he pulled her closer to him, because she was moments from going weak in the knees. Her breasts pressed firmly against his broad chest and now, it made sense to Nyota why Gaila did the things she did; she could understand it all if it made her feel the way Nyota felt now. Their arms were around each other now, and they were kissing so furiously that they stumbled back against the bookshelf behind his desk.
Spock was hot as fire against her, and she knew as he held her to him that all she'd ever thought she knew about Vulcans being unfeeling creatures was a lie. Oh, he was feeling a lot right about now. She could very plainly tell, and she didn't care one bit if he ripped her dress off and took her on the floor of his office. She had never wanted a man as badly as she wanted him right now.
Then something happened and he stopped, letting her go as he stepped back, breathing heavily and turning from her.
"What is it? What's wrong?" Nyota asked, breathless herself. She took a step towards him, but he held up his hand, stopping her.
"No. No. This is wrong. I apologize for my loss of control. We are in direct violation of Starfleet Code of Conduct number 12.1, which–"
"Spock, I know what you're saying, but I'm practically a Lieutenant. I only have two more classes with you, and then I'm not your student anymore. I–"
"I cannot allow you to…to put me in emotionally compromising positions. We cannot risk losing all that we have worked so diligently for because we failed to maintain a professional relationship. You are my student."
"Yes, but I won't be after next week! I know, you're probably flustered, and I am too, a little, but I know how I feel about you. I know that–"
"This can never happen again. Ever. I am afraid that I am unable to spend any further time alone with you. I respectfully ask that you do not return to my office unattended, for any reason," Spock said.
"What?!" she squeaked.
He wasn't doing this. He couldn't be ending what hadn't even gotten started. Wasn't that supposed to come after the sex? She was being short changed; it sucked, and not just because she was still a virgin.
"If you want to wait until after I graduate, or…or maybe if we went somewhere we can really be alone–" Nyota said. Her breath was still coming in short gasps. Her mind was spinning like a top. He has just kissed her back, and she wanted more of it, not less. She came closer to him. But now when he looked at her, his eyes were totally unreadable. He'd done something to shut her out, something only Vulcans must be able to do, shut it all off in the blink of an eye.
"Do you understand?" he said almost harshly. "I cannot be with you. I apologize for what just happened, but that cannot happen again. Your services as my personal assistant are no longer required. I will not speak of this to anyone, for your reputation's sake as well as mine."
"But I–"
"I cannot be with you, Nyota."
Nyota pressed her lips together, saying nothing. They stared at each other for several long moments as she tried to pull out of him what she'd seen before, but she failed. Finally, she got her things and left without another word.
She walked back to her room in silence, and was grateful to find her room empty.
She bit her lip, thinking. She certainly hadn't imagined what she'd read in his eyes. So what had happened? What was he afraid of?
How dare Spock get her hot and bothered and then ask her to leave without giving her the grand finale!
It pissed her off. He'd officially pissed her off, worse than Jim Kirk had ever. How dare he!
She tossed off her clothes and got in the shower, fuming the entire time she washed herself as she cursed him aloud. Kissing her like that…grabbing her body the way she'd dreamed he one day would…putting his tongue in her mouth, and then dumping her as an assistant and basically telling her to shove off?
Nyota pulled on her most comfortable robe and made herself some coffee. Damn him. Damn him to all the hells that existed across the galaxy. She had studying to do, so piss on him anyway.
For the next four hours, she tried to trick herself into thinking that she would be able to concentrate on bonding atoms and formulas, but every few minutes, her mind would replay the scene from earlier that afternoon. Spock's kisses. Spock's hands on her. Spock's eyes as she'd approached him. The way her body had exploded the minute their lips had touched.
Finally, Nyota gave up on Molecular Physics. She'd committed absolutely nothing to memory this entire time, except how wonderful it had been to have Spock kissing her.
She was horny. And something had to be done about it.
I've lived with Gaila too damn long she thought as she put on a clean track suit and headed out into the now star lit and perfectly warm night.
