A/N: Enter Gabriel!

Dean adamantly refused to leave the comfort of the weird honeymoon bed until both Castiel and Sam were out of the room, for reasons neither Sam or Castiel could fathom, although Sam had an inkling of an idea as to why when he gave Dean a parting glance, taking in his flushed face, dilated pupils and the covers held firmly over his waist.

But then again, Sam was probably imagining things. The younger Winchester ushered Castiel into his adjoining room and together they sat awkwardly at the foot of the four poster to wait for Dean.

"So, um. Any ideas?" Sam asked, reasoning that it was probably better to begin trying to tackle the question of what-the-hell-just-happened sooner rather than later.

Castiel sighed in response, running a hand through his bedraggled hair and opening his mouth as if to let out a lengthy hypothesis.

"Hello boys!" A cheery voice chirped from behind them, causing both Sam and Cas to leap up from the bed and turn to face their enemy. Sprawled out on his back in the centre of the suddenly perfectly-made bed was Gabriel, his hands cushioning his head as he leant against the pillows.

"Gabriel." Castiel acknowledged, and it wasn't a greeting, but a cold confirmation that this was the culprit.

"Hey there, bro. Long time no see." Gabriel said, offhandedly, sparing a fleeting glance for the glowering Angel by his left foot.

Sam wasted no time, and dove onto the bed, his right hand pinning Gabriel down by the neck as he leaned over him menacingly. "What do you want, Gabriel? What's with all the weird sending us places? I thought we were through with you!" Sam hissed, images of TV Land running in an ironic loop in his mind.

Gabriel's eyebrows shot up at Sam's sudden action; he seemed genuinely surprised that Sam was daring to threaten him at all. Sam didn't let himself think that it was probably futile to be attempting to choke a goddamn Archangel. Gabriel stared at Sam for a few lingering seconds, regarding the younger Winchester's stern face contemplatively. Sam was suddenly very aware of the absurdity of the situation; he could feel the warmth of Gabriel's vessel humming underneath him, could see the Archangel's mousey hair twitching from where his own angry breaths disturbed it. If it wasn't for Sam's vice-like fingers digging into the flesh of Gabriel's neck, from another viewpoint this could look entirely different.

Dean chose this moment to enter the room, fully dressed at last, jumping back in surprise when he saw Gabriel reclining on the bed, his brother leaned over him. "Sammy!" He cried, out of habit more than anything. "Y-you okay?"

"Er… yeah." Sam said, feeling a little confused by the current situation he was in with Gabriel – who was in control here? Why wasn't Gabriel reacting to Sam's threat?

All three watched, transfixed, as Gabriel raised a slow hand to Sam's left shoulder and pushed lightly, sending him flying immediately backwards across the room to land in a crumpled heap at Castiel's feet. Gabriel smirked as he scrambled up, scowling.

"You sonofabitch, what the hell do you think you're doing-" Dean began, striding forwards and trying to shake Castiel's grip when he immediately stopped him.

"Hey! Chucklebrother number one. Seeing as I could toast all three of you right now, and have every reason to want to since you just decided to have a little Angel holy oil bonfire with me back there, why don't you shut your trap and let me explain?" Gabriel interrupted, a smile on his face as he said the words, but his eyes sparkling with something they'd come to know to fear.

"I won't allow you to hurt them, Gabriel." Castiel said evenly, his voice steady and firm. Dean looked up in surprise at the surety of it.

Gabriel actually laughed at that. "Of course you won't brother dear. And I wouldn't dream of breaking your new favourite toys. Especially not that one, eh?" Gabriel inclined his head towards Dean, and materialised next to Cas to nudge him in the ribs and wink cheekily before returning to sit on the bed. Dean looked confusedly at Cas, who mirrored a similar expression. Gabriel sighed exasperatedly. "Look, here's how it's gonna work. You guys pissed me off. You try and lecture me about my own family, this is what you get. I don't need your sorry-ass advice Winchesters, and this is how I'm gonna make you remember it. Until Cas and Dean sort out their Rom and Jules style tragic love affair, I'm gonna keep these little scenarios coming. And believe me I have a lot of them. You think Purgatory club in Miami and the Honeymoon suite is bad? Boys, they only get worse." Gabriel grinned, delighted with his plan.

Dean spluttered, seemingly unable to form words. Castiel's eyes were as round as saucers and he stared at his brother in horror. Sam looked at all three of them, disgusted. Finally, he settled on Gabriel.

"That's it? That's your plan?" Gabriel's eyes flickered from where he was looking amusedly between Dean and Cas over to the younger Winchester. Sam laughed, his hand going up to cover his eyes as though he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. "Oh my God! Not only is that the worst idea for revenge I've ever heard, it's also ridiculous." Gabriel angled his body towards Sam, intrigued now, a faint smile playing on his lips. "You think… Dean? And- and Cas? Oh God. Aren't you Archangels supposed to be incredibly old and wise? Well, granted I've only met you and Lucifer, but I've gotta say, at the moment I'm feeling like Archangels are egotistical, self-centred, moronic assholes."

"Sam!" Castiel hissed, suddenly clamping a hand down on Sam's shoulder in warning. Sam shrugged him off, laughing again.

"You're completely ridiculous, Gabriel. Can we just… not do this? We have a goddamn apocalypse to stop y'know." Sam ran a hand through his hair, and stared Gabriel straight in the eyes, daring him to deny that the plan was flawed.

There were several long moments of unbroken eye contact, wherein Cas and Dean held their breath and waited for an imminent Archangelic explosion. Then Gabriel's face split into a slow grin, his eyes still fixed on Sam. He started chuckling and nodding at the younger Winchester, and in half a second he was crowding Sam's personal space in the way Angels do best.

"Ah, I knew there was a reason I liked you, Sammy." Gabriel murmured, close enough to Sam now that he didn't need to speak very loudly at all. Sam froze, unsure of what was happening or if he should move away. Gabriel gazed up at him, eyes filled with intent, and he smirked, making Sam gulp audibly. "Maybe my plan does need a little work, you're right." Gabriel mused, eyes raking unashamedly over Sam's body, making him very aware he was still only in his boxers and a t-shirt. Gabriel cast a wry look over his shoulder at Dean and Cas, who looked on with unease. "Hmm, yes. However could we fix it to yours and my specifications, sasquatch?" Gabriel flicked his eyes back to Sam, who was looking extremely uncomfortable now. Gabriel's tongue darted out to run along his lower lip. "I know!" He grinned wider. "We could double."

With a wink, before Sam could process that statement, he disappeared.