Chapter Four

Suicide Bird

(I remember it as the Day we lost to Fate.)

It's raining,

It's pouring,

The man Bumped his head

On the bed

And didn't get up

Until...

.

.

.

Eventually, the rain has to stop.

Namimori is greyish.

Not like real grey greyish, but the grey that comes when people you love go away.

The soft touch of cherry blossoms brush against the windows, and the sweet fragrance tries to register itself into his senses.

He is cold.

It is spring, and the sun is bright but he is cold.

The wind is warm, but he is cold.

It occurs to him, as he walks into Namimori, that Tsuna seemed to be cold all the time. He was always wearing sweaters or jackets.

Perhaps this was how he had felt. This was the cold that came from a loss too great for the body to bear, even with jackets and sweaters and heaters. But Tsuna was always warm, and bright, and smiling. So why in the hell would someone leave Tsuna?

Why Tsuna?

Why Tsuna?

Why Tsuna?
Why did the world have to take Tsuna?

Takeshi never wanted for much.

He wanted friends, and he had them. He wanted his mom, but he couldn't have her. He wanted his dad, but he was on a vacation somewhere so he couldn't have him. And he wanted Tsuna but Tsuna is rotting away in a bed of lilies.

...Tsuna was good.

He was, there was no other word for it.

Tsuna was the embodiment of good.

So then...why do good people get bad things?


Hair, wind wild.

Eyes, childish and wise.

Skin, too pale but so soft and warm-

Tsuna.

Just Tsuna.

"Takeshi! Good Morning!"

Yes, now that Tsuna was here, this morning was indeed good.

He says so, and Tsuna flushes and Gokudera snarls at him-

"You damn bastard! Stop being so informal with the Tenth!"
"Maa~maa~ Gokudera. Tsuna likes it, see!"

Tsuna has a soft expression on his face, all vunerable and smiling.

They are happy until that weird baby pops up to demand they get to class.

Takeshi goes with a smile, but...

Tsuna looks sad again.


Takeshi is walking through the halls of Namimori Middle, his dak hair looking a little lack luster, his eyes still bright and now stark against the shadows beneath them.

Takeshi is Rain.

He smooths the pain away, leaving it ready for something else.

He is the go to guy for hardship, the cheerful and ever constant presence of soft strength.

They all came to him eventually. Hayato, Lambo, Ryohei, Mukuro, Chrome, even Hibari.

They look at him like 'you're the Rain right? Can you take this pain back? Put Tsuna back? Please?'

And he just has to smile and lock himself down and try to help because once upon a time, there was a boy who held all his emotions in until the bitter end. And at the end, He asked for them all to be happy. Because that boy was stupid and didn't know that if he left, no one could ever be happy again.

Ever.

But Takeshi tries so hard to make Tsuna's wish come true, he tries so damn hard...

But he is human.

So human.

So weak, pathetic, and human.

His steps sound out sharp against the hard floors and too perfect halls. Walls pristine and doors clean wood, he looks so out of place in his tee shirt and sneakers. The katana on his back bumps his hip each time he takes a step.

One.

Two.

Three.

i miss him so damn much i wish i could have counted all those blessings when i had 'em and stored them away so that now it wouldn't hurt so damn much i just-

...I just want Tsuna...

Classroom 2-B stands out sharply against grey as he passes by it.


"Ah!" Beautiful eyes, beautiful smile, beautiful Tsuna.

(Goodness he missed him so much...)

"Good Morning, Takeshi-san!" And there it was. That guard, that shadow behind Tsuna's clear brown gaze. He knew that look.

It was a look he wore so often after his mom died.

And as he reaches fowards and slings his left arm around Tsuna too thin shoulders and Gokudera yells at him and Tsuna gives a nervous laugh, he gives Tsuna a bright broad smile.

"Good Morning, Tsuna!"

And Gokudera shouts at him for being so informal but Takeshi watches Tsuna's eyes flickers over. A flaw in the shadow behind them.

And Tsuna's eyes, for the briefest of fragmented moments, tear up.

He's about to panic because he didn't want to make Tsuna cry heavens no-

"Thank-Thank you...Takeshi..."

Oh.

That look in Tsuna's eyes wasn't a guard.

It was hurt.

But,

Who in the hell would want to hurt Tsuna?


People die right when they are meant to.

There is no such thing as it's too soon.

There is no such thing as too early.

Death does not rush.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

Let that make it better.

'i'm fine' right?
Dumbass.


The rooftop is where they all go to think or to laugh or to cry or to see the world from the eyes of the sky. And by no will of hs own, Takeshi walks to the rooftop. Back to memory. Back to the place where they all sat together and ate lunch and play fought and watched sunsets and were just-

Just perfect.

And at the very center, Tsuna.

Tsuna, Tsuna, Tsuna, Tsuna.

Sweet, color bringing Tsuna.

Tsuna always sat just next to the fence and Takeshi didn't know why.

Did Tsuna want to jump?
Did Tsuna want to fly?


"Tsuna! Have some of my sushi!" And before Tsuna can protest, he shoves a big piece of fatty tuna in Tsuna's mouth.

"Hmfph..." Tsuna pouts as he he starts to chew then- "Hmmm~" His eyes close and his hands come up to ball up by his cheeks in enjoyment.

Gokudera blanches as he stares at Takeshi who smiles at him.

Beat that, he says with his eyes.

Watch me, Gokudera says back.

"Jyuudiame! Tsuna turns, eyes still bright and happy. "Have this!" Gokudera gets up rumages in his book bag. He brightens when he finds the item he was looking for.

"Here! Please accept this serveants humble offering!"

Flowers and flowers of rainbow colors, wild and probably picked from the park or sidewalk with as much love and care that one could have.

Tsuna, cheeks still puffy, lets his eyes widen.

Gokudera beams.

Tsuna gives one the the prettiest heart breaking slighty tearful smiles that he has to offer and Takeshi's breath is swept away.

Color. Color. Color. Color.

Bright beautiful color brought into his world by Tsuna's smiles.

Tsuna takes the flowers, and the delicate happiness on his face has them all smiling.

'Make Tsuna Happy' is a game they all enjoy.


Tsuna took too much with him.

Their hearts.

Their souls.

Their happiness.

And the color.

Takeshi tries to breathe normally as he lets his body open the door to the rooftop and steps outside with a hazy dullness.

Idly, he notes that if Reborn were here, he would slap him upside the head for being so off guard. But he just didn't care...

His jaw clenches tight, and he turns his head to the side. He didn't want to think about him.

That man.

That guy who got Tsuna's love even as his friend lay prone and pathetic on the ground. dying to save the idiots.

But...

Tsuna was very, very, very kind.

And Tsuna would keep forgiving.

So that meant that the other Guardians had tried to be his anger.

His rage.

His happiness.

Because Tsuna was already sad, and hurting, and mourning and they all just wanted to help him in the end.

But in the end, even their best wasn't enough.

It was never enough...


The rooftop is the same as usual.

Same concrete.

Same fence.

Same everything except now there was no Tsuna to fill this place up in soft colors and smiles and warmth and all good things. Sluggishly, Takeshi allows himself to drift into the center of the roof, the same spot that Tsuna had stood some long, long, long, lifetime ago.

When his arm had been broken and he had thought freedom lay on the other side of the fence.

Takeshi feels tears touch their burning wet fingers to his eyelids.

Oh Tsuna.

Oh Tsuna.

His saviour and his happiness and his friend and his Sky-

Takeshi lets a few tears tumble down his cheeks as he stares up at the sky.

The sun is setting, casting everything into relief as blood red and soft orange and deep yellow overtake the blue of the sky.

Despite all of this though, it feels grey.

Grey, grey, grey, grey, grey...

Then-

Black.

Black against white grey and yellow grey and green tree grey and sakura pink grey and beautiful sunset grey.

Black suit.

Black fedora.

Closed eyes that behind lids were dark and endless.

Curly sideburns and handsome features.

Pristine dress shoes that were clad on feet that resided on the ledge between the fence and what Takeshi once thought to be freedom.

Long and callused fingers that clung onto the fence.

.

.

.

It could only be one man.

What in the hell is Reborn doing on the rooftop?


Back in a simpler time, at the end of school, they would all go and watch the sunset from the rooftop.

Hibari would be leaning on the wall in the corner, eyes on the herbivore, just in case.

Gokudera would be sitting on Tsuna's right, shoulders just barely brushing his beloved Jyudiame's.

Mukuro would be sitting with his head in Chrome's lap, holding hands with Tsuna. Occasionally, he would brush his lips against the warm-alive,strong, good-pulse in Tsuna's wrist.

Ryohei threw punches at the sky, energetic as usual and yelling about the extremely beautiful sky, occasionally glancing back at Tsuna to gie him a broad grin.

Lambo sat in Tsuna's lap, eager to tell Tsuna about his day or some other childish nonsense that had his attention.

He sat on Tsuna's left, arm wrapped around his shoulders and pulling Tsuna in close,

smiling. The sun was so bright and warm as it fell into into the horizon and Takeshi just wanted this moment to last forever.

Just them, just them and no one else.

They were the greatest family that Takeshi would ever have, ever.

This sunset...

Color was a beautiful thing.

These were the good days.

The wonderful days.

The infinite day that seemed to stretch forever, from one end of infinity to the other.

So great...

So terribly transient...


"What in the hell are you doing?" Because there is no way in hell that Takeshi can dreg up some genuine kindness or pity from his heart right now.

Not for him.

Not for Reborn.

No.

"...Watching the sky, what does it look like?"

He can't see Reborn's face, but part of him doesn't care if Reborn is laughing or smiling or crying or anything because Tsuna-

Tsuna would have cared.

Yeah? Well, Tsuna may have been a little too good, okay?

A little too good.

A little too kind.

A little too light.

And it was the de-

STOP

Takeshi doesn't bother to wipe his face, he sees no reason to try to look presentable in front of this man.

The wind, bitter with the sad it's been carrying since the start of spring, sweeps though and whistles a sad sound of strained sobbing through Takeshi's ears.

Was Reborn?

Then-

they loved him too, you know...

we all did...

really, they did...

But he didn't want to think of these people as redeemable.

He didn't.

But no matter what he wanted, it didn't change the fact that if anything, Tsuna had loved these people with as much care that his heart could give. Really...

Back then, when he had been on that fence thinking of just jumping, he had made Tsuna mad.

At first he didn't know why, after all, it wasn't Tsuna's life, and why should he care?

But...


"You have no right to compare grief! And you have no right to be so selfish!" The last line comes out as a angry dark hiss.

Selfish?

"Yes you moron, selfish."

Had he said that aloud?

"You stand up there as if you have you are some sort of god. Like you can dictate who lives and who dies from some high perch... and you know-" Tsuna cuts off and starts to shake his head. "You know that people would cry if you died!"

Angry, angry, angry.

Why is Tsuna so angry?

"Because I just...you have so much left! Your mother died for you! Your have people who love you! You have a dad who needs you! And look at where you are!"

It's like someone peeled away the fine, glossy, blurry film from his vision and then it registers that he's on the rooftop and he might die oh my gosh he might die-

Tsuna sees he face and he relaxes a little bit, rage fading slightly.

"Don't you think living after loss is the best way to remember those who go?"

And Tsuna's voice takes on a pained tone as he says this.

He didn't know why until what seemed like a forever later.

Too late, then.


Because once upon a time, Tsuna was standing here, and Reborn was where Takeshi was.

That's why he says it.

Not because he has pity for Reborn.

Not because he wants to save him, in fact deep inside the part of him that's a natural hitman and scares him a bit is whispering to just let this man fall but-

"Get back here Reborn."

He wasn't going to get angry, and he wasn't going to get passionate.

That wasn't the way.

Reborn turns.

"...Why."

And now it's time to lay down the truth for this idiot because before he was an Arcobaleno, and before he was in the mafia, and before the Death-

He was just a man.

Just a man.

And so-

"He's dead. Stop running."

Because he hadn't seen Reborn at the grave, or at the house, or anywhere since that day.

Reborn glares but like hell if Takeshi cares because he came here just to grieve and Reborn has probably forgotten how. He has spent so much time not caring to remember.

"I don't run, Yamamoto."

And Takeshi implodes.

"Oh? Well then, have you been to his grave? Have you spoken with the others? Have you even tried to-"

"Shut up, boy!"

"You shut up!"

Tears and tears and tears.

"You...you're trying to hide from the pain because you don't want to remember it. You rrunning away because your blaming yourself, and you should."
Was he right about that?

He thought so.

"If you had just stayed, Tsuna would be okay, and he would be happy, and he would be alive!" He stops and starts to shake his head.

"But you didn't."

And now Reborn looks more lost and broken than Takeshi ever seen him but fuck it he doesn't care because Tsuna-

"You are my sunshine...my only sunshine...you make me happy...when my skies are...grey"

Tsuna always sounded sad when he sang that.


Reborn lets his lost and broken expression turn into a harder one.

runnning.

running.

running.

His eyes get thrown into a shadow by the rim of his fedora.

Takeshi presses on, sadness fuelling the words that he doesn't know if they are true or not because this was just all hurt for Tsuna, all for Tsuna.

Always all for Tsuna.

"You...you selfish idiot."

He swung his right hand over to the vast expanse of sky before them and growls-

"Do you think this is the easy way out? That you can just die? Well, no, you can't."

His mother pushed him.

Out of traffic.

Out of harm.

Out of his perfect world.

His fault.

"Yeah, you fucked up."

A dissolving to the hard defence of Reborn's walls.

"But dying isn't going to fix that! After you left Tsuna-" And Reborn flinches here, good. "He never thought about dying! Not once, not after you left, not after you showed up again, never once! All he thought about was living long enough to try and repent you egotistical bastard! Trying to repent fo something he didn't do!"

Takeshi let's tears trace his face again as he glares hard at Reborn. And if Reborn's trembling then fine, if he's sad then fine because dammit they were sad too and the Arcobaleno get no special treatment because they were the special snowflakes of he mafia. Tsuna was theirs too, and they loved him even more.

"Tsuna died right when he was meant to," Raw and bitter true words. Reborn looks pale-"But you have no right. You're alive because Tsuna died. You..."

This selfish, selfish, selfish BASTARD.

"You have no right to escape in death!"

Silence.

.

.

.

And Reborn doesn't say a word.

Not a single word.

Takeshi opens his mouth one more time to try and save this man just becasue Tsuna would have but-

"Enough!"

A deep and honeyed Italian baritone runs over the roof.

Then it goes from strong to weak.

"Enough..."

Face hidden and eyes in shadow.

"Enough..."

Fingers slacken on the fence and Takeshi feels his heart drop into his stomach.

Oh No.

"I've had enough..."

And the fingers let go.


"You are my sunshine...my only precious sunshine...you make me so happy...

When my skies are grey..."

Tsuna sings in his garden as tears hit the floor.

As he stands up, a bright yellow vase is jostled and shatters on the ground.

"Ah!"

And as he bends down to clean up the mess, he doesn't notice the clouds that cover the sun.

Sunshine indeed...


A/N: :D Hmmm, will Rebron die...hmmm...

I feel no shame in this one.

The dialoge sucks and the characters are ooc, but me like.

Anyways, this is part one, so part two will be next time, in Reborn POV. Because Reborn is so hard to write, he needs his tory told from someone els first, which is why this is from Takeshi's POV.

Next chapter will have a note on the story itself as well as a few key points that I will be writing.

What do you think?

See you next time I hope,

Goodnight (It's 12:00 a.m. where I am...)

Ciao~

Pink.