Hey guys!
Thanks so much for the lovely reviews - they made my day
I really appreciate the time taken to read this, and especially thanks to my wonderful LJ readers who were the ones to suggest I upload it on here
Thanks again guys!
And Re: the Cam/Chase arc: I tend to like using Chase as a catalyst to bring House and Cameron together. I'm not a Chameron fan in the least but I have a bit of a thing for Jealous!Possessive!House, and what better way than to have Cameron with Chase. Don't worry; Hameron will always prevail.
Peace and Cheers
Amylia
--S-T-O-L-E-N--C-I-N-D-E-R-E-L-L-A--
Chapter Four – Cold
"Stop."
He whispered against her lips, as they broke apart. Her breath hitched at that one word. She couldn't think straight, the magic and electricity of his kiss still sending shockwaves through her whole body, especially to a few certain areas that were now demanding to know why they'd stopped.
"Why?"
She whispered back after a few moments, reluctance in her voice as her warm breath teased his lips. And she wasn't the only one questioning why he was stopping. His own body was doing a very good job of trying to convince him to contradict the thin strand of control he was clutching at as it was. Her eyes were locked onto his and almost challenging him to mention Chase. He broke away, much to both of their disappointments, and shook his head with a sigh.
"You know why, Cameron. If we do this, if I take you home …the fall out from it isn't going to be half as pleasurable as the sex."
He turned to face her. She searched his eyes for some kind of reassurance but he couldn't give it. She didn't want it to be 'just sex' to either of them, and the problem was, they both knew it wouldn't be.
"I can't be what you want me to be, Cameron. I'm not that guy who sweeps you off your feet to whisper sweet nothings. I can't guarantee anything for you. All I can give you right now is that I want you and I know you want me. Chase is your 'fall guy'; he wants the marriage, kids and white picket fences. I've never wanted that and never will. I'm broken, damaged, and so are you. We can have one night, and nothing will be different tomorrow. But you need different. You're having your boyfriend's baby and you need the security. I can't give you that."
The tears in her eyes forced him to break eye contact and shift an uncomfortable gaze to the floor.
"It's not like I don't want to. God, I want nothing more than to have you in my bed tonight, but…this won't work for us. You'll sleep with me, maybe regret it tomorrow and if not, then you'll regret it a few months down the line, and we'll end up alone again. Right now you've got a shot with Chase, but if we sleep together…I doubt he'll stick around. As much as he's all soft and gooey about you, I think even he'd draw a line. And you might think you can raise a kid on your own but you'll realize you need someone there for you. And that won't be me."
A single hot tear fell down her cheek and she didn't bother to wipe it away. Too many different emotions were washing over her right now, but the two prevalent ones showed in her expression. Hurt and anger. She was glaring at him with his own degree of sobriety and he felt like she could see right into him.
"How can you do this to me, House?"
Her voice started off soft, the raw pain evident and as painful for him as it was for her. But the bubbles of anger, fuelled by confusion, erupted and she was clenching her fists, trembling with rage, the pink flush of fury rising to her cheeks. He'd always thought she was sexier when she was angry, but this wasn't so enjoyable to witness, partially because the anger was caused by the pain, which he was source of. As always.
"You were the one that kissed me! Do you enjoy breaking my heart, because right now I can't see any other reason you'd be doing this? I can't believe you're walking away from this now. I can't…I-I just can't stand here and take it whilst you play games with me. I'm sick of it. And I want out. Looks like you've made your choice anyway. And I have too. I quit."
She flew out of his office quicker than she ever had before and he had no chance to call her name or try to stop her. The knot in the pit of his stomach and insistent twinge of pain in his leg were starting to become unbearable. This was her slipping through his fingers. His whole world was unravelling before his eyes and he was powerless to stop it. Popping out two pills, he tossed them back and dry-swallowed them, closing his eyes and for a moment just focusing on the relief they gave him. This had all gone drastically wrong. He'd managed to successfully break her until she was literally shaking with anger as stinging tears burned her cheeks. How could he ever be good for her?
--
Cameron sat in her car in the parking lot, darkness enveloping her and for once making her feel safe. Her whole body shook with sobs as she gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles were white. Only he could do this to her, turn her into a train wreck of a human being, completely destroy her with one kiss. Every time she'd go back to him and every time she'd be the one who ended up in tears. He always pushed the buttons in her heart, and it infuriated her that he knew which ones really got to her. But the walls were down now and she couldn't turn back. They'd been down this road too many times and she'd learned the hard way how this story always ended. Switching on the ignition, she took a deep breath and tried to stop her hands from shaking so badly. The radio blasted to life and almost sent her flying through the roof. Turning it down a little, she listened to the words and felt her stomach churn and her heart ache as the words resounded within her.
You have a way of coming easily to meAnd when you take
You take the very best of me
So I start a fight
'Cause I need to feel something
And you do what you want
'Cause I'm not what you wanted
They fought constantly; everyone knew it. Whether it was about a diagnosis or his complete disregard for anything morally acceptable, they'd almost always end up at odds with each other and shouting, glaring and slicing words would always be traded back and forth. When it came to the personal issues, his shouting and glaring would dispel but the hurtful words, sharpened by sarcasm, never failed to cut straight to her heart. He could hurt her with the sharp edges of what he said and there was no amount of reason that could save her. She always ended up back in the same position she'd been in when she'd last promised herself it would end.
He did take the best of her, every single day, whether he knew it or not. She loved him as passionately as she hated him and that made it all the harder.
She wondered why he had to push her away. As much as everyone knew they fought, it was also clear that there was a sizzling chemistry between them. The fervour with which they fought would no doubt be the fervour with which they could so easily do the opposite. But was she really not what he wanted? He'd said himself he wanted her; up there in his office those exact words had fallen from his lips. Yet here she was, sat in her car whilst the rain battered down, creating a sympathetic lull of mocking tranquillity.
Oh what a shameWhat a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Just walk away
Ain't no use defending words
That you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere as cold as you.
She killed off the engine again but left the radio playing, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the steering wheel. The words were just too real, it struck a note deep in her heart and fresh tears were stinging her eyes.
You put up walls and paint them all a shade of grey
And I stood there loving you
And wished them all away.
And you come away with a great little story
Of a mess of a dreamer
With the nerve to adore you.
A sob mixed with a harsh laugh of irony escaped her lips and she wiped her eyes, staring out of the windscreen as silent drops of rain began to smear across it. A mess of a dreamer. That's certainly what she was right now. She'd known he was damaged, as was she, but she'd always had that naïve kind of hope that he'd perhaps open up just enough to let her in. Well, hadn't that just come back to bite her on the ass. He'd opened up tonight, at least enough for her to see some kind of emotion under his toughened and cynical exterior. But it hadn't exactly ended very well, had it.
You never did give a damn thing honey
But I cried, cried for you
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody
If I died, died for you
Died for you.
She was sure she hadn't even cried as much over her dead husband as she had in the three years she'd worked for House. She couldn't even count the amount of times she'd ended up drowning her sorrows with a glass of wine and a sappy movie at the end of a hard day, blaming it on said movie when her tank top ended up soaked with tears. She'd become slightly more immune to him of late and perhaps that's because she'd ended most of her nights in bed with Chase and didn't have the 'alone time' to reflect on House's treatment of her. But she was back to that first square again and old wounds were now open and painful. Like shadows in the faded light, scars from him that she couldn't even remember acquiring were once again dragged up to haunt her, to add to that pool of pain in her heart.
Oh what a shameWhat a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Every smile you fake is so condescending
Counting all the scars you made
Now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere as cold as you.
The song finished and a crackle of lightning sliced the sky, the radio crackled and turned to nothing but static. Switching it off and sitting in the middle of a dark parking lot, the rain beating down harder, Cameron felt she was hiding from the storm until all the damage was done beating her up. After that confrontation, she felt like her mind was in a thousand different places. She'd resigned and had finally put an end to his hold on her – at least, verbally she had. In reality she only wished it was that simple. But at least he couldn't knock her off her feet again now; she was already on her knees, flat on the floor and caught between hating him enough to wish she'd never met House and just simply wishing she didn't have to feel this way about him.
One thing that swiftly occurred to her was that the mountain she was currently struggling up would end up just being a grain of sand in the scheme of things. She was pregnant. She was having a baby with a man whom she clearly didn't love and she'd just quit her job. And suddenly, the rain outside felt like a torrential wave, washing over her and swallowing her whole. At this point in her life, she'd never felt so alone.
Yet again, she found herself running back to him. Her heart was screaming at her that this wasn't right. She was using him and she hated herself for it. But she needed his embrace; she needed the soothing words telling her it was going to be alright; she needed to feel something.
--
He'd spent all night plagued with the image of the woman his thoughts revolved around, whom he'd come to realize he was in love with, locked in the embrace of the man he knew she was in love with. As much as he tried to take his mind off it, there were little reminders in everything he did. Switching on the TV, yet another soap was playing out a love triangle; pulling out the newspaper, he read of how a man had murdered his wife's lover; switching on the radio, all he could find were songs of a lost love, or a 'right kind of wrong' and he ended up sitting on the sofa, head in his hands just allowing himself to play out the scene in his mind one last time as the radio gave him an ironically pertinent soundtrack.
"Loving you isn't really something I should do I shouldn't wanna spend my time with you I should try to be strongBut baby you're the right kind of wrong"
A weak knock on the door dragged him out of his reverie of torment and he switched off the radio, glaring at it as though his anguish was down to the uncanny song choice. Making his way down the hall and switching on the hallway light, he didn't look through the peephole like he usually would and instead simply pulled the door open. His surprise was palpable when he took in the sight of Cameron on his doorstep, drenched and shivering as she stood in the pouring rain, yet he could tell she'd been crying. Her clothes were wet through, clinging to her as she slowly raised her eyes to meet his startled gaze.
"Cameron…oh God, you'll catch your death, get in out of the rain."
He pulled her into the hallway, shutting the door quickly and turning to fully take in her appearance. She looked like every ounce of fight she had in her had been drained and despite the fact that her hair was plastered to her head, he could tell there were tears mixed in with the rain on her cheeks too.
All his anger toward her for doing what she'd done with House earlier had dissipated and now he was just apprehensive. Had something happened after he'd made his escape, or had House's kiss just had such an effect on her that she'd ended up tearful and drenched on his doorstep? For some reason, he couldn't imagine that the kiss he'd seen would do this to her all on its own. And yet again, Chase felt the rabid need to harm his boss severely for getting Cameron into this kind of state and then letting her drive in this weather. She could have easily ended up killed, and it wasn't just her anymore either. She had a tiny little life growing inside her that was part of him too. He was just thanking God she'd made it to his place safely.
"Ally…what the hell happened? Come on let's get you warm and dry."
He led her into the living room where he set up the fire and sat her down in front of it, grabbing a few towels and wrapping her in them. All the while she never spoke, just stared into the fire like there was some kind of hidden answer she was searching for buried beneath the embers. When she was mostly dry, he went to find some of the clothes she'd left there the week previous. Allowing her some privacy to change into the track pants and strap-sleeved tank top, he went into the kitchen and made her a steaming cup of the Camomile and Spiced Apple she'd purposely left in his cupboard. He'd seen the magic of the little bags of herbal tea when they'd had a particularly heated dispute and she'd calmed down within minutes of the tea passing her lips. He'd been suspicious after that as to whether it simply was just tea.
Joining her on the rug in front of the fire, where she'd returned to sitting cross-legged, a dry towel still draped over her shoulders due to her still-wet hair, he handed her the drink and she smiled weakly in thanks.
"Allison?"
He sat directly in front of her, reaching forward and cupping her cheeks in his hands, forcing her to make eye contact. The glazed look on her face began to slowly dissolve and he breathed an inward sigh of relief that she was coming back to earth.
"What happened?"
He specifically chose not to mention what he'd seen before he left, interested to know whether she would include that in her explanation. If not…well, he wasn't sure if it was in his best interest to mention that right now anyway.
She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. A small sigh of frustration finally left her lips and she took a deep breath.
"I've quit."
He stared at her in shock. She'd quit? What could have happened that was so bad she'd ended up quitting?
"You…quit."
He repeated her words, trying to grasp the gravity of them as they sank in. He couldn't understand how it could have gone so badly from them locked in a heated kiss to her quitting.
"Can I ask…why?"
She broke their eye contact and seemed to be searching for the right words. He had a feeling this was going to all coming flooding out. When the silence wasn't broken by tearful ramblings, he softly spoke.
"It's alright, you can tell me."
Her head shot up. Had he seen? He was remarkably calmer than she'd expected him to be when something had so obviously happened with House.
"I saw you…and House…before I left."
He said as he carefully scrutinized a fleck of fluff on the rug they were sat on, anything to avoid looking back into her eyes and letting her see that this actually did hurt him, a lot.
"Robert…"
Her voice was soft, full of guilt and regret. He shook his head.
"You've made it clear you don't love me and everyone knows you've had feelings for House for years-"
He wasn't angry or accusing, he was trying to comfort her. But his words weren't having that affect right now. Glancing up, he saw fresh tears sliding down her just-dried cheeks and her chin was trembled.
"He was just playing with me, it wasn't real. It never is. That's why I quit. He kissed me. Whether you believe that or not is up to you, but I didn't make the first move for once. Which is why I thought it was different."
She pulled her legs up to her chest in a kind of self-preservative action, her hands still tight around the cup of herbal tea, soaking in its warmth.
"Then he pushed me away and went on about how he couldn't change and he wasn't what I needed. He kissed me like that and then just walked away. Not that I could have really expected anything more from him. I'm sure he enjoys breaking every piece of my heart…"
Her voice faded out and she stared down into the amber liquid in her cup. She could almost feel how hard this was for him to hear. He'd told her before that he was in love with her. She hadn't been able to say it back to him, because that would have proven House's hypothesis that 'everybody lies'. And here she was, sitting in the middle of his living room, talking about another man. The only man she'd be able to say those three words back to and not be lying.
