WHO WOULD HAVE BELIVED ME?
"How do I cope with what..? My brother being a psychopath? My best friends being devastated, then shutting me out? My father abandoning me? Then my mother abandoning life?" She was falling apart, just like I had fallen apart, her happy façade melting away "I just think about how much worse it must have been for you. My life slowly crumbled away. Yours was just ripped out from under your feet. You blame me. So I blame me. I just act like I cope for Esme and Alice."
Before I knew what I was doing I'd pulled us both too our feet, I just had to get her away from here, wrapped up in my own pain I'd selfishly ignored hers, I had her back for an hour and I'd broken her over and over again, I made her remember things she shouldn't have to ever remember.
"We should head back" was all I could manage; Esme will be so disappointed of me for what I've done. Getting us out of there as quick as possible I had to physically restrain myself from throwing her over my shoulder and running back to the car. I couldn't resist one more question.
"If emotions are all in our heads... why does my heart hurt so much right now?" The look on her face said that she understood. But should she have to understand? Why was I here? Why did I feel the need to cause her pain? What sort of friend does that?
The worst kind.
I put my foot to the floor and wait for the small town to disappear behind us, pulling off the highway and onto the long twisting driveway. I slowed the car to a halt not wanting her to go back to living a lie. I wouldn't be able to deal with the pain without her. But I also can't force her to deal with it, I resolved to go back to how it had been, her pretending to be happy and me pretending that I don't care.
Pretending you do care more like.
No. My days of giving into that part of my brain are gone.
And I salute you for that choice; just let me know when you want to sleep without nightmares again.
I pulled up at the house and let Bella out, I couldn't deal with the looks I'd receive if I walked in with her, no doubt that by now Alice has informed every one of what happened and where we went. I'll put off the disappointment for a little longer; being able to hear them thinking it over from out here is bad enough.
The Volvo crawled into the garage, only to find Rose sitting on the hood of Bella's fuck ugly truck. My eyes pleaded with her.
"Put the puppy dog eyes out brother. Your impression of stone cold bastard is better than the innocent act."
"Don't you remember that I'm fragile and you're supposed to be nice to me?"
"Well father dearest isn't here to protect you right now is he?"
"Rose. I've never needed Carlisle's protection from you, my dear. I could tear you to shreds if I so desired. Just feel glad that I don't abuse my 'gift'"
"I remember when you where pleasant to be around. We've all been threw shit Masen. What makes you so special? Least you know who killed your parents. Mine and jaspers were just gone."
"Are you trying to compare horrific stories, 'cause honestly I think we should get Bella in here. Neither of us can compare to walking in on your mother bled out in the bath tub."
"And which one of us can say that they had no way of knowing that was going to happen"
"Not even Alice saw that coming!"
"But you heard her. Throughout the trial, and after when you used to sit in Bella's tree holding yourself back from her"
"WHO WOULD HAVE BELIVED ME? I was a 14 year old boy!"
"You could have done something. Anything!"
"You promised you'd never mention this." And with that I stormed out of the garage, past everyone anxiously waiting for me and up the 3 flights of stairs to my bedroom.
I can never really block out peoples thoughts but over the years I've found that loud music helps. I just concentrate on spiralling melodies and heavy base lines and try not to listen to the disappointment radiating from below.
"I really thought they were going to have a break through" – Carlisle
"PRICK" – Rose, still angry then.
"That's not what was supposed to happen, Edward." – Alice.
"I was a fool for believing one afternoon would have fixed anything" – Esme, almost in tears.
That was the last straw, I'd made one stupid mistake I'd let weakness make my decisions, I'd let her back in for a moment, and just made everything worse. It might not be the best for me or her, but putting our family through all this just isn't fair.
Mr and Mrs Cullen had always wanted lots of kids, but unfortunately after complications giving birth to Alice, Esme was left unable to have any more kids. They made up for it thou, always having the house full of Alice and Emmett's friends. But when the unforeseeable happened and Mr and Mrs Hale went missing leaving two distraught seven year olds behind with no family to take care of them, what more was there to do than have the house extended and adopt the twins. The Cullen's had been fostering kids for years and this seemed like the right thing to do. And when my parents were brutally killed they took me in. And last but not least when the final tragedy struck, Bella joined us.
They've never tried to replace our parents, or forced their family upon us, still Esme spends most of her time worry if she's doing a good job. I think this is a crazy, as if she wouldn't be, she loves us as if we were her own, and doesn't show the pain she feels over the loss of her 2 best friends. Carlisle makes sure we want for nothing, not material possessions, attention, or words of wisdom and help with our homework.
If it weren't for the circumstances for which we became a family, I could probably spend a life time learning from Carlisle, listening to Esme tell stories of growing up with my mother and another lifetime watching my siblings interacting with each other.
I wanted to do a little bit on Rose's opinion, cause i love her. :) she's my favorite bitch.. :P
