A.N.: Thank you to all the wonderful people who reviewed (I'm going to answer in a sec). This chapter, as always, is dedicated to Jen, who is wonderful and leaves me the best comments ever! If any of you want to talk to me about my Narnia fics or anything else really, come find me on tumblr (thispagealone). Enjoy the chapter, there's only two after it :D
IOIOIOIOIO
On Coriakin's Island.
"Will she ever not be the one who ends up in trouble?"
Caspian tried to hold in his laughter – it wasn't proper to be amused in the face of Edmund's worry. His friend kept muttering under his breath, while he donned his light armour and walked as fast as he could, all at the same time.
"Does she do this often? End up in some kind of danger, I mean."
"Constantly!" He lamented. "She's going to give me grey hair… I'm too young to have grey hair, Caspian!"
Just behind them, Drinian faked coughing to hide a chuckle. Gael didn't bother – she giggled out loud. Edmund sent a wink her way, his eyes sparkling despite the concern for his sister's wellbeing.
IOIOIOIOIO
When Lucy was finally in front of them, safe and sound, Caspian expected Edmund and Lucy to behave like they did on Felimath, flinging themselves at each other quite frantically. But Edmund only said "Lucy!", quite exasperatedly (he'd noticed they tended to do that often, call each other's name with various degrees of emotion) and gave her a stern look. Lucy, for her part, looked sheepish. While they walked through the Magician's mansion, he could hear their whispered conversation.
"What happened this time?"
"The Dufflepuds kidnapped me."
"They kidnapped you." Edmund deadpanned. "And you couldn't have possibly escaped such fearsome creatures, could you?"
"Yes, well, they needed my help. They can't read."
"You could have found a way to let me know you were ok. When I found your dagger I feared the worst."
"I'm really sorry, Brother…"
"One day, you will be the death of me. You'll see!" He hissed. Lucy grabbed his arm to make him stop walking, then used her hand on the back of his neck to lower his head. She kissed his cheek, brushing his hair away from his forehead.
"Possibly." She smirked. "But only if I'm coming with you."
"Don't joke about things like that." He mouthed against her temple.
"I'm not. I don't want to be in a world where you aren't alive."
He stood there, stunned, while Lucy hastened to rejoin Coriakin. Caspian looked back and nodded for Edmund to hurry, too.
IOIOIOIOIO
Later that night, during the storm, she woke up abruptly from her dream that wasn't a dream and went to the one person who could assuage her guilt. The only one who wouldn't make light of her insecurities. She found him already awake, sitting up in his hammock, with a sword pointed at nothing.
"Edmund." She whispered urgently. Her brother turned to face her, startled.
"Oh, Lucy." He sighed, looking at her shrewdly. Caspian came awake abruptly, a broken sound on his lips.
"I can't sleep." She confessed, somewhat truthfully.
"Let me guess. Bad dreams." Lucy and Caspian nodded slowly. "So either we're all going mad… Or something is playing with our minds."
He lied back against his pillow, his hand still tense around the hilt of his sword. Lucy grabbed the sheath first, then she pried his fingers from the weapon, one by one, whilst Edmund watched her wordlessly. She sheathed the sword and put it on the floor under the hammock, then stood there hesitantly.
"Come on, then." He said, raising his quilt and making room for her to lie next to him. Lucy looked at him, unconvinced.
"I don't think we'll fit."
"I think I'm going to have to scrape you from the floorboards." Muttered Caspian.
"Of course you will. Peter and I did this all the time, during our campaigns. And we were bigger than you are now."
"Your illogical aging gives me a headache." Mumbled Caspian.
"Go to sleep, Caspian." Said Lucy gently.
"Alright. I'm going. Don't tell Trumpkin I was up late, or he'll beat me up with my own arms." He grumbled, incoherently. Edmund and Lucy looked at each other with wide eyes, then muffled their incredulous laughter in their sleeves.
IOIOIOIOIO
Eventually, Lucy found her way on the hammock, nestled in the circle of her brother's arms, her head tucked snugly under his chin.
"Would you look at that – we actually fit in this minuscule thing!" Edmund snorted at her surprised tone. "We really are smaller than I thought."
"Oh yes, veritable pipsqueaks. Will you tell me, now? What's troubling you so?"
"I think I almost erased myself from existence." She confessed.
"What?" Edmund hissed.
"I just wanted to be as beautiful as Susan." She clamped her hand on Edmund's mouth, when he opened it to interrupt. "So I stole a spell from the Magician's book. But it didn't make me as pretty as Susan, it made me Susan. I saw you and Peter, we were at a party and you didn't have a younger sister whose name was Lucy. You didn't know me and you didn't know Narnia. I panicked and, next thing I know, I'm back in Caspian's cabin and Aslan is in the mirror. He was so very disappointed… Then I woke up and I needed to see you."
"Why?" He whispered after a long pause. "You've never given much weight to such frivolous matters. You've always known you're so much more than a pretty face. So is Su, even if she sometimes forgets it."
"I don't know… Some days it's too hard being a little girl again. Especially here. And hearing Caspian talking about Su as if she were the most beautiful woman in the whole world- but it's not just him! Everyone, since I can remember, has always sung the praises of her beauty in front of me. As if the fact that I'm not interested in such silly affairs means I'm not a woman, too. With feelings and a vanity of my own. I know I'm not as pretty as she is, but it hurts just the same."
"First of all," Edmund touched the tips of his fingers under her chin, to bring her gaze up to meet his. "You are every bit as beautiful as our sister. I swear it to you. You know I don't lie to you. Not about the things that matter. Lucy, you were tempted. You could have said yes and erased not only yourself, but Susan, too. Because you had her body and her name, but the mind inside was still yours." Lucy gasped, realising the implications of what had almost happened.
"Oh, Edmund…"
"But you didn't!" He insisted. "You raised above your weakness, as you always have, and you didn't succumb to temptation. You passed your test. And now you have to promise me something."
"Anything." She choked, trying to prevent her tears from falling.
"When the time comes, and it's my turn to be tested… Lucy, I'm afraid of what's in my heart right now. I can almost taste the darkness in the back of my mouth… Lulu, you were always the stronger. Don't let me do something I'll regret for the rest of my life."
"Ed…"
"Promise me, Lu!"
She wound her arms around his waist, hiding her tear streaked face in his chest.
"I promise." She said softly. He used one hand to stroke down her back, waiting for her breathing to deepen and for her to fall asleep. Then Edmund sank his nose in her hair and finally fell asleep himself, soothed by the familiar scent of family and safety.
IOIOIOIOIO
On Dragon Island.
Climbing out of the Gold Cave was not as easy as lowering herself into it, for Lucy. It had to be torture on Edmund and Caspian, still half in the thrall of their temptations. She could hear them breathing heavily behind her, more exhausted than they should have been. She sighed, relieved, when her feet touched solid ground and she heard her two companions do the same. Then Edmund whispered a strangled "Lucy…" and promptly collapsed on a boulder, his head in his hands and harsh gasps making his chest heave.
"Damn it!" Said Lucy, with feeling, making Caspian's jaw drop at the profanity coming out of the usually sweet girl. She made her way to her brother's side, prying his hands from in front of his eyes. He didn't seem to be at all inclined to look at her, though, because he took her gesture as an excuse to hide his face in the fabric at her hip. He barely averted smashing his nose into her diamond bottle. That would have hurt…
"Come now, Ed." She soothed, sinking her fingers in his hair. "None of that. It's over. You both made it to the other side." She looked up to see Caspian's stricken expression. "I know what you were thinking about, that you only want us to be free and in charge of our own lives. It's not how it works, though, I'm afraid. You know nothing material can make the journey back, or we'd still have our crowns at home, wouldn't we?"
"I know…"
"And Edmund Pevensie!" Both boys straightened at her tone of voice. "You've never had a greedy bone in your body-"
"It's not greed, Lucy. My darkest weakness has always been power." He interrupted gravely. "You know, since the Witch…"
"Would you really buy us a kingdom, though?" She asked softly. "Would you ever want to be king over some place that isn't Narnia?"
"No… Of course not."
"And you!" She whirled on Caspian. The boys winced. "You will never call my Royal Brother a child, ever again! Are we clear?"
"Yes, Milady." Caspian lowered his eyes, quite ashamed.
"Don't forget who we are. We may look like children to you, but in this bodies we're also 25 and 23, and thus older than you. If not in appearance, certainly in experiences. We commanded armies and fleets to battle and victory before you were even born, you'd better try and remember it."
"I'm truly sorry… I really didn't mean it."
"I know you didn't. Like Edmund didn't really mean to call you a 'spineless sap'." She said with a smirk, making them snort. She grabbed Edmund's arm, making him stand up and in front of Caspian. "Look at each other!" They did, albeit hesitantly. "No. Look at each other's eyes. You look so much alike… Caspian, he looks more your brother than he does mine, at times. Definitely more than Peter's. And I would trust you with his life, like he would trust you to protect mine. Do you understand what that means?"
The young King just nodded, unable to speak.
"Very well, let's go back to the beach. I bet Reep is already impatient to sail on."
IOIOIOIOIO
They were halfway back, when Lucy gained Caspian's side, leaving Edmund to walk behind them.
"He actually said something true, down there, you know." Caspian frowned at her words. "You are doubting yourself. Maybe you should try to understand why, mh?"
"Does Lucy have these 'bad feelings' often?" Caspian asked Edmund, as they made their way back up the cliff, looking for Eustace.
"Not really, but I've learnt to listen to her when she does."
"Why?"
"Once she told me 'I have a bad feeling about this, Edmund. You should take more guards with you'. I didn't listen to her. I dismissed it as a little sister's worry. I chose to disregard the fact that she's the bravest of us all."
"What happened?"
"My party was ambushed by Fell Beasts and I almost died."
"Hell!"
"Yep. I can assure you that I've never ignored one of Lucy's bad feelings since."
"Nor will I ever!"
"Good man."
IOIOIOIOIO
"TAKE ME BACK TO THAT BEACH!" Lucy ordered climbing down the steps of the castle at prow, her eyes still fixed on the Dragon and her brother in its claws, vanishing behind a cliff.
"Your Majesty, it's not safe!" Tried to protest a flabbergasted Drinian. He couldn't reconcile the roaring lioness in front of him with the sweet girl of before.
"Captain." She hissed, eyes burning. "You will either take me to where my King and your King are on one of the boats, or I will swim there myself – don't think I won't, I learnt to swim from the Mermaids and the Eastern Sea is my rightful domain, given by Aslan Himself. Your choice. Either way, I'm going."
"How old are you, Your Highness?" He asked softly.
"Twenty-three." She answered without a pause, stalking to one of the boats.
IOIOIOIOIO
"I'm sorry, Drinian." She murmured later, while Dragon-Eustace deposited a snickering Edmund on the sand. They smiled as a quite frantic Caspian enveloped the other boy in a relieved hug.
"Don't worry about it, Queen Lucy. No offence was taken."
"Be that as it may, I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. It was poor form on my part."
"I understand better than you think." Lucy turned her puzzled eyes on him. Drinian smiled gently. "I have a brother, too."
"Thank you." She whispered, walking away to take her turn in hugging her brother. The Captain of the Dawn Treader sighed.
Where were they going to find enough space to transport a Dragon?
