Author's Note: Well hello again! I just want to say...THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH to those who are adding me onto their alerts and other lists. It is really encouraging! I'm sure some of you might be wondering how I'm going to slash-goggle the other Uhura/Spock kiss scene from the movie. Don't worry, I've got something planned out, hahaha. Also, looks like I fail at zipping through these after all. What am I at, averaging a chapter a day? Every two days? (Oh, so sad...)
Before I forget, I guess I should talk on the subject of ages. I've taken the ages from the Memory Alpha website, so for right now, everything is "on schedule," so to speak. Jim is 25, Spock is 28, McCoy is 31, Sulu is 21, and Chekov, of course, is 17. I couldn't find Uhura's age, but I imagine her to be like 27 for some reason. Anyway, these age break-downs will eventually matter later on in this fic, since I will be doing a few time skips down the road; probably not until the middle of the fic though.
Oh, just a heads up, there are some flashback bits here that I've put in italics, and since I cannot italicize the italics to show more emphasis for the words, I will be underlining them instead.
Disclaimer: I'm sure you're sick of seeing these by now, lol. Please refer to the first three chapters!
Warnings: Um...things are going to get a little kooky when Spock Prime mind-melds with Jim. Hopefully readers will enjoy it! If not, then well...you've been warned. At least I remembered to this time! Hahaha.
Shoutouts: THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN Burning Phoenix! I appreciated your long review and it definitely put a huge smile on my face (not to mention it helped push me forward to finishing this chapter today). And to hear you enjoyed it even though it was mostly a reinterpretation was a HUGE RELIEF. You have no idea! Anyway, thanks again, and I also hope to see you next chapter! I actually like Zoe Saldena as an actress, but I also agree I kind of see the Spock/Uhura pairing as a bit of an eyesore. I'm glad my attempts at remedying this problem were effective. Haha.
Thanks SO, SO very much also to Kim! I'm glad you also enjoyed my reinterpretations of the movie, and I hope that you will continue to enjoy this fic, for however long it goes. Your words are encouraging to me as well. Oh, and...thanks for the smilie! Hahahaha.
I also would like to thank RubyHair for her review. I'm so glad you like my OC! YAY! Lol. I always take care when I create an original character because sometimes when I read them in fanfics, a lot of times I get turned off by them, but when you see Spencer (and any other future OCs that may pop up) I hope that they continue to seem likable and that readers enjoy them.
And nowwww, without further ado...I give you all the next chapter!
Chapter III: Delta Vega
"Agh..."
The first thought that crossed Jim's mind as he regained consciousness was how uncomfortable he was. As his vision started to clear, he also realized he was in a very tight space, and that wherever he was, it was starting to get cold. Jim looked to his left and saw a small monitor. He tapped at it.
"Computer," he said. "Where am I?"
"Location: Delta Vega."
Jim unwrapped the bandage around his hand as the computer began saying its automated message. It took him a minute, but then he started to remember what had happened.
####
It had been childish of Spock, really. He knew, but there was no going back on his actions now. Besides, Vulcans weren't really known for saying sorry. Not to mention the fact that Jim's very presence, even when the other man wasn't saying anything, was enough to get under the Vulcan's skin lately.
It didn't help that Jim had been schmoozing in his seat. In fact, that was probably where it all started.
"Out of the chair," Spock said.
Jim rolled his eyes, got up, and walked the opposite direction from Spock.
"Well if the Federation's a target," said Chekov. "Why didn't zey destroy us?"
"Why would they?" said Sulu. "Why waste the weapons? You know...we obviously weren't a threat."
"That is not it," Spock said, continuing the pace around the bridge. "He said he wanted me to see something. The destruction of my home planet."
"How the hell did they do that, by the way?" McCoy asked. "Where did the Romulans get that kind of weaponry?"
It was a question Spock had meditated over while he had been trying to clear his mind after his mother's death. His efforts had been somewhat fruitful. Even if his mind was still in chaos over his loss, Spock had at least been able to draw up a theory in attempts to explain the strange way things were developing this voyage.
"The engineering comprehension necessary to artificially create a black hole may suggest an answer," he said. "Such technology could theoretically be manipulated to create a tunnel through space-time."
Even if the answer didn't make sense to anyone else, to Spock, it was only logical. In the time they lived in, the Romulan's planet still existed; however, this Captain Nero claimed that where he came from, his planet had been destroyed. And not only had he blamed Spock for it, he had also known who Spock was, claiming to know an older version of the Vulcan.
"Dammit man, I'm a doctor, not a physicist," said McCoy. "Are you actually suggesting they're from the future?"
Yes, Spock thought, he was.
"If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth," he said.
"How poetic," said McCoy.
"Then what would an angry, future Romulan want with Captain Pike?" Jim asked.
He looked as if he wasn't buying the explanation. Spock stopped pacing and looked at the blonde.
"As Captain, he does know details of Starfleet's defenses," Sulu offered.
"What we need to do," Jim said, jumping up. "Is catch up to that ship. Disable it, take it over, and get Pike back."
Spock noted drily that so long as Jim didn't understand something—either due to no one being able to explain things to him clearly or because he just couldn't wrap his head around a concept—the man would just brush aside whatever he couldn't understand and seemed to turn to his primal instincts instead. Spock could never understand why Jim never seemed to want to stop and think things through, weighing all possible outcomes and potential consequences, before jumping right into action.
"We are technologically outmatched in every way," Spock said. "A rescue attempt would be illogical."
"Neero's ship would haff to drop out of warp for us to overtake him," said Chekov.
"Then, what about assigning engineering crews to try and boost our warp gear?" Jim suggested.
Spock mentally sighed. Jim was creative, he would give the man that, but the problem Spock had always found with creative minds was that they did not always think logically.
"Remaining power and crew are being used to repair radiation leaks on the lower decks..." he said, having needed to raise his voice somewhat so he could be heard over Jim who was saying something at the same time.
"Ugh," Jim said as the Vulcan started talking.
From his peripheral vision, Spock could see Jim making his way from the other side of the room over to him.
"Okay, all right, all right," Jim said as Spock was finishing his sentence. "There's got to be some way!"
And that was when things had started to get ugly. From McCoy's point of view, he was watching what looked like two little children about to go at it. Uhura, on the other hand, felt like she was watching the beginnings of a lover's spat. Of course, she had been biased in her point of view, as the image that she had seen from when she and Spock had kissed in the turbolift was still fresh in her mind.
"...we must gather with the rest of Starfleet, to balance the terms of the next engagement," Spock snapped at Jim, his hands clasped behind his back.
"There won't be a next engagement," Jim said somewhat sarcastically. "By the time we've gathered, it'll be too late. But, you say he's from the future, knows what's going to happen, then the logical thing is to be unpredictable!"
Spock stepped closer to Jim. "You are assuming that Nero knows how events are predicted to unfold. To the contrary, Nero's very presence has altered the flow of history, beginning with the attack on the USS Kelvin, culminating in the events of today, thereby creating an entire new chain of incidents that cannot be anticipated by either party."
"An alternate reality..." Uhura said suddenly.
It was the point Spock had been trying to make. And given that he was right, then Spock's working theory could even possibly explain why he always seemed to be harboring inconsistent feelings towards Jim Kirk; how any feelings of animosity towards the other man always seemed coupled with a strange sense of wrongness, like they should have been walking in a different direction all this time.
"Precisely," Spock said.
His statement seemed to confuse Jim into silence. Spock walked away from the blonde and took a seat in the captain's chair.
"Whatever our lives might have been, if the time continuum was disrupted, our destinies have changed. Mr. Sulu, plot a course to the Laurentian system warp factor three."
His command seemed to spark Jim back into action.
"Spock, don't do that," Jim said, striding over to the Vulcan. "Running back to the rest of the fleet for a...a, a confab is a massive waste of time...!"
"...orders issued by Captain Pike when he left..." Spock said, speaking against Jim's rising voice.
"He also ordered us to go back and get him," Jim said, cutting him off sharply. "Spock, you are captain now! You have to be—"
"I am aware of my responsibilities, Mister—"
"Every second we waste!" Jim voice was escalating higher. "Nero's getting closer to his next target."
"That is correct and why I am instructing you to accept the fact that I alone am in command—"
"I will not allow us to go backwards," Jim said, full on shouting now. "And run away from the problem..."
"Jim!" McCoy said, trying to calm his friend. "Settle down!"
"I alone—" Spock tried to say again, but was easily drowned out by Jim's powerful voice.
"...instead of hunting Nero down!"
Maybe it was because of those conflicting feelings that caused Spock to lose his patience. Then again, perhaps it was because Spock was already struggling to hide the fact that he had been emotionally compromised from the destruction of his birth planet or by his mother's death. Or it could have even been because Jim was somehow capable of making him lose his Vulcan control and seemed able to bring out the human in him, which left a bitter taste in his mouth. Whatever the actual reason was, Spock found that in the end, he didn't really much care, which is why he had done what he did next.
"Security. Escort him out."
They had locked eyes then, and Spock unexpectedly experienced another connection with Jim Kirk's mind. Through the bridged connection he was able to see that Jim knew that the discussion was over. He was also able to see something else that made Spock feel even more confident that he had just made the right decision.
"You're a fucking coward," Jim's voice seemed to ring clearly in his head. "Quitting and running away. I can't believe you're just going to give up like this."
Spock sat down in his seat as two guards approached to take Jim away. The Vulcan almost thought he could feel the somewhat confused emotions that seemed to be reverberating throughout the room. In particular, McCoy looked on as if he couldn't believe what was happening, and Uhura looked as if she couldn't believe what was going on either.
He should have known Jim wouldn't be going quietly. Completely catching the guards by surprise, Jim began fighting them off with kicks and punches.
"No, Jim!" McCoy called out.
Spock realized he had to take matters in his own hands. He calmly walked up behind Jim and knocked the other man unconscious with a nerve pinch. Jim had collapsed easily.
"Get him off this ship," Spock ordered.
####
Jim relived those memories in a matter of seconds while at the same time vaguely listening to the description of the planet the computer was providing him.
"Class-M planet. Unsafe. There is a Starfleet outpost fourteen kilometers to the northwest. Remain in your pod until—"
"Oh you have got to be kidding me," Jim groaned.
"...summoned authorities."
"That damn pointy-eared bastard," Jim thought. "And the hell I won't be staying in this pod!"
Jim kicked open the hatch with his foot. He climbed out of the crater the pod had created in the ice with the force of its impact. On his back were some provisions that Spock had generously allowed his crew members to provide. Once he made it to the top, he took a second to survey his surroundings. There didn't look to be anything other than snow for miles. After orienting himself, Jim randomly decided on a direction and began walking. He was eventually greeted by a blizzard.
"Stardate. Twenty-two, fifty-eight point four two," he said into a portable communicator he had on him.
Jim shook his head and at the same time tried shielding it with the hood of the jacket he was now wearing against the storm; for some reason the last two numbers he had said didn't sound right to him. He tried again.
"Four uh, four...whatever," Jim said.
He glared at his communicator. Years later, he would share this recording with Spock and laugh while telling his lover how he had imagined the communicator as the Vulcan while he vented.
"Acting Captain Spock has marooned me on Delta Vega, what I believe to be a violation of security protocol forty-nine point oh nine, covering the treatment of prisoners aboard a starship..."
Jim's voice trailed off. He sensed something was wrong, even though he didn't know how he knew that for sure. Later on, Spock would gently interrupt him, as Jim was telling this story, about how he also had several experiences with Jim's somewhat psychic abilities. He would also share with Jim what his elder once told him about other humans like Jim, possessing the same trait.
If Jim had known all that back then though, he would have definitely run for some sort of cover sooner than he had, instead of waiting to get a closer look at whatever was approaching. After all, he had already somehow known from which direction the monster would be approaching him.
Looking back, Jim would think that it was almost comical, the way he must have looked while running from that first creature. He had been a pretty good runner, and he could probably attribute most of that to having had practice with running from many an angry woman after they didn't receive an expected call from him after a one-night stand or post-heartbreak. Spock would later apologize to Jim profusely—though of course only while they were in private—when Jim first tells him this story, when he got to the about the part how after the first creature chasing him had been killed by a larger, much more menacing creature, how the big ugly thing had immediately lost interest in the dead carcass because Jim supposed he must have looked tastier.
However, when he would bring up the part about meeting Spock's future self in a cave, and how the older Spock managed to chase away the vile thing with just a torch, Spock would not hesitate to point out that he had redeemed himself after all. Jim would end up laughing and telling Spock that it didn't count.
"James T. Kirk."
Jim's attention suddenly went from the retreating beast to an elderly looking Vulcan man in front of him. His face immediately contorted in confusion.
"Excuse me?" he asked.
"How did you find me?" the Vulcan asked, looking as confused as he did.
"How do you know my name?" Jim asked quickly, a frown forming on his face.
The Vulcan seemed to realize something and sighed.
"I have been, and always shall be, your friend."
It was a test. Where this Vulcan came from, the two of them had been much more than friends, but he didn't want to alarm the young man, so he just went with a more neutral statement. He wanted to better assess the situation.
"Wha..." Jim started to say, and then he chuckled.
It seemed he had stumbled on the last thing he needed—a crazy Vulcan man that somehow knew his name and claiming to be his longtime friend—a fantastic new development for what was probably one of the worst days of his life.
"Oh...look...uh, I don't know you," Jim said.
Jim's statement only confirmed what the older man had been thinking. In this space and time, because of the mess that the Romulans had created by attempting to rewrite history, he and Jim were never properly acquainted. The old Vulcan then started to notice new memories forming in his mind that had never been there before, well, because they hadn't happened before.
He looked at Jim and said his next words slowly. "I am Spock."
"Say what?" Jim thought.
He briefly broke eye contact with the Vulcan, trying to let this new piece of information sink in, before looking at him again.
"Bullshit," he said.
Jim didn't think he could believe it, but he had to admit there was a strange familiarity to the older man's eyes that was making him start to believe. The both of them soon settled around a campfire that the other man had already made.
"It is remarkably pleasing to see you again, old friend," he said. "Especially after the events of today."
And even more especially because the Jim from his time had already been dead for a little over a century—Vulcans were capable of living roughly a lifetime and a half longer than humans. The Jim Kirk from his time period had at least been able to live to a very ripe age though, managing to completely baffled the Vulcan to the very end with his stubborn refusal to bow down to death with out a fight until his 110th year. The old Vulcan always felt like chuckling to himself whenever he recalled Jim's rather illogical declarations, claiming that he would defy all science and logic and be the first human to live out nearly as long as a Vulcan, if not just as long—and really, he almost had. The man had been the very definition of illogical, something that had once irritated the Vulcan, but only when they had been younger. He had eventually come to appreciate though, getting over it. The Vulcan's heart warmed too, remembering why it was Jim had been trying so hard not to die so early; he had told the Vulcan once that he didn't want to leave him behind with nothing. On the contrary though, the rather stubborn human man had left him with more than enough to tide him over for the latter part of his life, living as only one half to a whole.
It really was so nostalgic to be able to see his beloved Jim again, just as fiery and as passionate as he always remembered him to be.
"Uh, sir," Jim said as he got up. "I appreciate what you did for me today, but, but if you were Spock you would know we're not friends at all."
The old Vulcan looked at him curiously. He knew he was still not entirely up to speed yet, these new memories were still slowly revealing themselves to him while they spoke, but this Jim before him was claiming they weren't even friends in this life. If that were true, then the thought disturbed the Vulcan greatly.
"Has that much of history been changed?" the old man self-queried.
He inwardly cursed the Romulans for messing with the fabrics of time.
"You hate me," Jim continued. "You marooned me here for mutiny!"
"Mutiny?" the old Vulcan asked, eyebrows raised in disbelief.
Jim sighed.
"Yes," he said, nodding his head in confirmation.
"You are not the captain?" Spock asked, appearing genuinely surprised.
Jim thought that if this Vulcan really was who he claimed to be, then he was definitely more expressive than the younger Spock.
"Does that come with age in Vulcans?" Jim couldn't help but wonder for a second. "And what is he talking about? Me? Captain of the Enterprise? Seriously? This guy can't be Spock. He's far too nice, seems pretty confused, and has got to be very, very crazy. Most definitely."
Jim chuckled and shook his head.
"However," Jim thought to himself. "If he is crazy, then it's probably a pretty bad idea to piss this guy off—I mean, he did save me, after all. I should probably go easy on him. I'll let him think he's Spock. Whatever. I don't need two angry Vulcans breathing down my neck; one is more than enough."
"No, no," Jim said a little more quietly, eyes fixed to the ground.
He shuffled his feet a bit.
"Um...you're the captain," Jim said, pointing his finger at the Vulcan.
He started pacing. "Pike was taken hostage."
Jim moved closer to the mouth of the cave and looked outward. As soon as Jim said it, all the memories from the current time period quickly rushed into the Vulcan's mind.
"By Nero..." he said, his face failing to hide his thoughts.
He couldn't believe it—couldn't believe how much that Romulan had changed. His words also seemed to make Jim take him a little more seriously though, judging from the expression on the younger man's face. The Vulcan definitely had his attention now.
Jim didn't say anything right away. He looked as if he were trying to figure out how to ask his question.
"What do you know about him?"
The old Vulcan sighed. "He is a particularly troubled Romulan."
He stood up and began to step towards Jim, his right hand lifted.
"Please," he said. "Allow me."
"Whoa, whoa," Jim said, taking a couple steps back. "What are you doing?"
He had become wary of Vulcan hands. After all, that's how he had gotten knocked out back on the ship.
"Our minds," the Vulcan explained, somewhat vaguely. "One and together."
Jim looked confused, as if he were trying to process the statement. The old man took advantage of his lack of movement and pressed his fingers to the melding points on the younger man's face.
"One hundred and twenty-nine years from now, a star will explode and threaten to destroy the galaxy," he said before completing the meld, allowing Jim just a little more time.
Their eyes connected, and it was the strangest feeling for Jim for two reasons—one, because the sensation was somewhat familiar to him. It reminded him of the few times he had caught Spock's eye back on the ship, like a gap was being filled in order to allow him to cross over. Two, looking into the Vulcan's eyes, he felt as if he were being pulled. He had felt the same tugging sensation before with the Spock he knew, but those seemed more subtle in comparison to what Jim was feeling now.
And then suddenly, the Vulcan initiated the connection and Jim was mentally thrown someplace else. It was very much like the life-like dream he had experienced on the Enterprise. He did not see the old man anymore, but he could still hear his voice.
"That's where I'm from, Jim," he said. "The future."
Immediately things Spock had said back on the ship came rushing back to Jim. The future—Spock had speculated that, and this Vulcan was confirming it. Then perhaps the old man really was Spock, Jim mused. In the next few minutes, Jim saw so many things that only further convinced him of this fact. He listened as the elder version of Spock told him about the explosion of a star, and how it had mercilessly swallowed everything within its grasp. The Vulcan then showed him visions of something he called red matter, coupled with whispered explanations that Jim wasn't even sure the Vulcan was aware he was providing in addition to what he was already narrating, and Jim was able to connect the dots and realize that red matter is what the Romulans had used to obliterate Vulcan. He was shown visions of Spock and Nero's ships being pulled in by the black hole that the Vulcan's red matter had created—and then he saw it.
The USS Kelvin, being greeted by the Romulan vessel. Suddenly, Jim felt himself being pushed through what felt like another mental layer after watching the USS Kelvin explode before him. He could still hear the Vulcan telling his story, but it was almost like Jim's mind was only half-interested. His mind also seemed to take on a personality of its own Jim felt like it was searching for something, something deep within the recesses of the Vulcan's subconscious.
"Nero spent the next twenty-five years awaiting my arrival."
Jim saw the visions that accompanied that statement, he really did, but what he couldn't understand was how he saw something else too. He felt more like he had been split in two though, rather than seeing two things on two different screens at once. He couldn't actually see his other half, but he could feel that his shade was somehow recording what the elder Spock was showing him. As for him, he was suddenly enveloped in a bright white light.
####
Jim opened his eyes to the peaceful sounds of soothing music, which seemed to be coming from above. Jim slowly sat up and looked at the ceiling was able to pinpoint the source of the sound as coming from a baby's mobile, which was hanging overhead.
"A baby's mobile?" Jim thought. "That doesn't make any sense. What's going on?"
He thought to look down at his hands.
"Ahhhh!" he cried out, waving them about—they were the size of an infant's.
Jim looked at himself all over. He was an infant. He wondered what in the world the Vulcan had done to him. He screamed and surprised himself; he even sounded like a baby. Jim then heard the sound of a door slowly creaking open and he immediately stilled.
"Who's there?" Jim thought frantically.
"Oh, Jim...honey!"
Jim blinked. He recognized that voice; he knew who that was.
"Mom?" Jim thought.
He turned around and sure enough, he was greeted by the smiling face of his mother.
"Oh, Jim, sweetie," she said. "Come here...!"
Jim was so confused. Why was he a baby again, and why did his mother look so different? In fact, Jim wondered why his mother was even there at all. Even if he were still in the mind of the Vulcan, and even if this Vulcan were Spock—even if he and Spock had been good friends in another life—it made absolutely no sense why the Vulcan would have these memories. They weren't even memories of a time Jim had lived, and yet, he could not write these visions off as some sort of sick fantasy harbored by the Vulcan, because something about this just felt so real. Even more real than his hallucination of the USS Kelvin's final moments, if that were possible.
"M...mom...?" Jim tried to say.
It came out more like a cry. Jim's mother started laughing at him and lifted him out of his crib.
"Mom! Mom!" Jim tried to say frantically. "What's going on? Tell me! Ma!"
Unfortunately, his words kept coming out sounding like a baby's screaming and hollering; it frustrated Jim to no end.
"Nn...momma...what's going on?"
Jim's eyes flitted toward the doorway and was surprised who he saw there. It was his older brother, George Samuel Kirk, Jr., but Jim had always called him Sam.
"Sam!" he called out to him. "Sam! Sam, help me!"
Now his voice sounded like a stream of wails. His mother brought him closer to her chest and started patting his back, as if that would comfort him. He soon found himself facing the curtains behind his mother, because she had turned to face his brother.
"Sam," Winona Kirk said to her older son. "Could you please run and grab your father? Your brother just won't stop crying."
"Aw man, again?" he heard his brother say. "Gosh, he's so whiny."
"Sam!"
"Oh, all right, fine. Geez, what a spoiled baby," Jim heard his brother mutter before shouting out for their father. "Daaaaad!"
Jim heard Sam Kirk go out into the hall. He squirmed in the arms of his mother, who continued patting him on the back and bouncing him up and down.
"Shhh...hush now, sweetie, it's okay!" his mother cooed at him. "It's okay! Daddy's coming."
"Daddy's coming?" Jim thought. "What is that supposed to mean!"
He could hear Sam rushing back into the room, slightly out of breath, and Jim could hear another heavier set of footsteps accompanying his brother. His mother pulled him from her chest and smiled at him. She dropped her jaw in fake surprise and made a light gasping sound.
"There he is!" she said brightly.
"Who?" Jim thought. "There who is, huh? What—"
"Hey there, tiger," said a very familiar male voice, breaking Jim's train of thought. "You giving your mom trouble, little buddy?"
"Ugh, tell me about it," Sam said, and Jim was sure his brother had been rolling his eyes.
Jim's heart pounded loudly in his ears. He felt strong arms wrap around him, removing him from his mother. Jim almost didn't dare to look, but he did. And he was overwhelmed by what he saw. Staring down at him was the loving face of his father.
"Is this even a real memory?" Jim thought. "And if it is, how come it feels so solid?"
George Kirk Sr. smiled widely at him.
"Hey now, buddy," he said. "I know just what'll cheer you right up."
Before he could wonder what his father would do, he suddenly felt himself getting tossed up in the air. He heard his mother cry out disapprovingly.
"George!"
She shouldn't have worried though; his father caught him quite easily. He kept Jim high up in the air. Jim couldn't help but to start laughing—at least that much translated out properly. His father laughed with him.
"Hey now there, you see?" George said to his wife, but was still looking at Jim. "Now that's how you stop a crying baby!"
"Oh, George..."
"Oh, brother," Jim heard Sam say. "Whatever, dad. C'mon, we all know Jim only behaves when you're around."
If Jim had been physically capable, he might have turned around and flicked his brother off—Sam was just jealous. His father laughed again.
"Well, is that so?" he said, waggling his eyebrows at Jim as if they were sharing a private joke.
"Uh...uh, yeah!" was Jim's only thought as he looked down at his father's smiling face—even if this was just a dream, he never wanted it to stop.
Of course, the minute he thought that, everything did. The scene before him changed, and soon he saw all sorts of other visions, though this time he was watching them all from a third-person perspective. Like the one of him preparing for Starfleet Academy at the age of 16.
"Wait a minute...sixteen?" Jim thought quizzically. "I didn't go and attend Starfleet until I turned twenty-two!"
He saw a somewhat older-looking version of his father clap his hand on the shoulder of his sixteen-year-old self. "Ready to go, son?"
The younger version of himself smiled. "Yeah! You bet!"
"Well, come on, then!"
And then the scenes whizzed by even more rapidly from then on. First, he saw himself attending classes at Starfleet. Next, he was working under Captain Pike on a different ship from the Enterprise, a ship called the USS Cassiopeia. One of the strangest visions Jim saw was the one of him meeting Spock again for the first time, and it was so different, how they reacted to each other here than they actually had in real life. It was actually—cordial. And then all of a sudden, Jim was being celebrated as the captain of the USS Enterprise—brand spanking new and entirely all his. Jim couldn't resist drinking in the pride he saw on his father's face as he was among the throngs of people wishing him luck on leading the Enterprise's maiden voyage.
Jim watched as he saw his dad give the dream-version of him a hug, and Jim couldn't deny that he felt a sharp pang of longing. He wished that it was him, not his apparition, that was standing in front of his father there. And then all of a sudden, Jim was.
Jim felt his eyes well up with tears upon seeing his father's proud face up close. His father smiled at him and held out his hand, which Jim eagerly took, and Jim couldn't believe it—his father's hand had felt solid and warm, just like the real thing. As they shook hands, his father let out a chuckle and used his other hand to pat Jim firmly on the shoulder. George Kirk's eyes were tearing up too.
"You'll do great, son," he said to Jim. "I'm proud of you."
Jim thought that he couldn't have felt happier in his whole life. Then his father pulled him in for a hug, and Jim found himself to be absolutely shameless as he hugged his father back tightly and probably squeezing the daylights out of the older man. Then Jim made the mistake of closing his eyes—or perhaps the vision wouldn't have lasted for much longer anyways, having run its course.
Regardless, shortly after, the tone of the visions seemed to change along with the tempo, which slowed, and now Jim was starting to see even stranger visions. This time, they were of Spock and himself. It was just the two of them working together at first on the Enterprise, every once in a while playing a game of chess—Jim didn't even know if the real Spock he knew even liked chess. And then things started to seem even more convoluted than before. Soon he wasn't just hanging around with Spock, now Jim found himself in Spock's embrace, and then he was waking up next to the Vulcan in bed—which Jim had to admit, that was pretty freaking weird—and then all of a sudden he was kissing Spock, which shocked Jim to the core. And though quite odd, Jim felt an electric tingle course through him as he heard Spock whisper lovingly in his ear, T'hy'la, T'hy'la.
And all Jim could think to himself was, "What the hell is going on," before suddenly feeling like another body was slamming into his own. All these other, more violent visions came rushing in, overwhelming him, and Jim knew immediately that the brunt force he felt must have been his other half joining back together with him.
Then, there was another shock, and Jim was immediately jolted back to the present.
####
Jim gasped for air when the elder Spock let go. Tears were stinging his eyes and Jim found that he was overcome with tremendous emotion. His body heaved as he breathed in and out harshly, trying to regain his bearings.
"Forgive me," said the old Vulcan. "Emotional transferrance is an effect of the mind meld."
Jim continued breathing in and out heavily. He somewhat staggered to the other side of the cave, away from the Vulcan. Yes, he definitely felt emotion, and he had indeed felt some of the older man's feelings of distress upon seeing the loss of his planet.
"So you do feel?" Jim finally managed to say.
"Yes," replied the Vulcan.
However, those feelings weren't what stood out the most. The feelings that Jim had welled up inside of him were coming from a much more sensitive source. They were coming from the things he had seen that were supposedly memories of him and his father. In the midst of his disorienting thoughts, Jim thought back on Spock's theory from back on the Enterprise. Now he thought he could see things from a more believable context. If this Vulcan really was Spock from the future, then Jim supposed that perhaps those visions he had seen of himself and his father were true. And yet, that still didn't explain to him why those visions had felt so real, or how Spock could have had those memories in the first place, since they wouldn't have been his. He made a note to find out about all this later.
All the same though, if it were all true, then Jim couldn't help but feel as if he had been somehow cheated out of something that should have been rightfully his.
"Going back in time, you changed all our lives," he said.
"Jim, we must go," the Vulcan said then, as if he sensed what Jim was trying to get at and was attempting to avoid the subject. "There is a Starfleet outpost not far from here."
Jim frowned. The Vulcan brushed past him.
"Wait," he said, calling out to the Vulcan's retreating backside.
The other man turned somewhat reluctantly.
"Where you came from..." Jim paused for a moment, trying not to get all choked up again. "...did I know my father?"
The older man had an unreadable expression on his face. It was possible he was realizing what else Jim must have seen when their two minds had joined together. The Vulcan nodded his head once, slightly.
"Yes," he said gently. "You often spoke of him as being your inspiration for joining Starfleet."
Jim felt his body go numb and suddenly found himself wanting to do nothing more than cry. He didn't, though.
"He proudly lived to see you become Captain of the Enterprise."
Jim immediately recalled the vision he had seen of his father sending him off just before he would board the USS Enterprise as its first captain.
"Captain?" he said softly; it wasn't really a question.
"A ship we must return you to as soon as possible," Spock said quickly before exiting through a tunnel, leaving Jim behind.
Jim did not follow the Vulcan right away. Instead, he turned his body and stared into the still-flickering flames of the campfire, a little lost in his thoughts.
####
Meanwhile, back on the ship, Spock found himself doing what he had never remembered himself doing before—trying to rationalize his actions. After calming down from his initial rage, Spock began to wonder if perhaps he had acted a bit too hastily before. And yet, Spock still felt that in the end though, he had made the right decision. Still, Spock secretly hoped that perhaps a conversation with Jim's close friend would help in some way, even though according to his calculations, the Vulcan highly doubted it. After all, Spock imagined that this was something his exiled first officer would have done. It was disturbing to think that Spock was even considering the other man's methods, but Spock reasoned that perhaps it was more logical to do so. His first officer was no longer on board and Spock hadn't assigned himself a replacement, so it only seemed natural that Spock would have to assume both roles himself. And while he was at it, he figured he might as well stay somewhat in character.
"You wanted to see me?"
Spock hadn't realized he had drifted off in his thoughts until he heard McCoy's voice coming from beside him.
"Yes, Doctor," Spock said as he got up out of his chair.
They began walking alongside each other around the bridge.
"I am aware that James Kirk is a friend of yours. I recognize that supporting me as you did must have been difficult," Spock said, his hands clasped behind his back.
"Is that a thank you?" McCoy asked, mild sarcasm evident in his tone.
Spock was well aware that McCoy wasn't his biggest fan. If at all possible, he was probably on worse terms with the doctor than he was with Jim Kirk.
"I am simply acknowledging your difficulties," he said.
McCoy sighed.
"Permission to speak freely, sir," He requested gruffly, initially not making eye contact with the Vulcan.
"I welcome it," said Spock.
"Do you?" McCoy said, letting out a light and tense chuckle. "Okay then. Are you out of your Vulcan mind?"
That had caught the Vulcan somewhat by surprise; however, he had given the doctor permission to speak openly. He tilted his head slightly to one side in a somewhat defensive motion.
"Are you making the logical choice, sending Kirk away? Probably, but the right one?" McCoy said all this through clenched teeth. "You know, back home we got a saying, 'If you're gonna ride in the Kentucky Derby, you don't leave your prize stallion in the stable.'"
Spock felt his lips twitch into a tiny smirk upon noticing that the doctor and Jim shared certain similarities, like their hot temper—or their flawed logical reasoning.
"A curious metaphor, Doctor," he quipped back. "As a stallion must first be broken before it can reach its potential."
"My god, man. You could at least act like it was a hard decision."
"I intend to assist in the effort to reestablish communication with Starfleet. However, if crew morale was better served by my roaming the halls weeping, I will gladly defer to your medical expertise," said Spock, who ended the conversation quickly upon his father arriving on the bridge. " Excuse me."
Oddly enough, he walked away feeling a little bit better. Somehow, his conversation with McCoy had helped. It was almost as if Spock had missed being able to quarrel uselessly with someone. He didn't see the somewhat confused look on McCoy's face as Spock walked away from him; the rather human expressiveness he had exhibited while joking in a very human-like manner had not gone unnoticed.
"What was all that about?" McCoy thought to himself. "Did he really just call me up to the bridge just so he could argue with me? If he wants to do something like this whenever the hell he wants, then he should have thought about it before tossing Jim off this ship! Wait a minute...does that mean that maybe in some twisted way, he might actually be missing Jim? Ugh, whatever. Even if he is, I sure as hell don't want any part of it."
McCoy turned around and shook his head slightly in disgust.
"Green-blooded hobgoblin," McCoy muttered as he marched back to the turbolift so he could get back to the medical bay.
Spock had squashed the only silver lining he had seen from Jim having been cast out; he had thought that maybe now there would be time to work without distractions, at least for a little while. Apparently he had assumed incorrectly—the Vulcan seemed to have decided upon taking the unruly first officer's place, adding to the length of McCoy's ever-growing list of personal annoyances. Last the doctor checked, being a personal counselor to either man had not been part of his initial job description.
####
Back on Delta Vega, the elder Spock had just introduced Jim to a man named Scotty. He then proceeded to explain to them both that they were going to beam onto the Enterprise by using a transwarp beaming equation that Scotty technically wouldn't have discovered until much later, under different circumstances.
Jim had turned to the elder Spock, just as they were about to leave. "You're coming with us, right?"
"No Jim," the elder Spock had said while shaking his head. "It is not my destiny."
Jim blinked. "Your dest...haa...!"
The older man mentally chuckled at Jim's suddenly serious expression.
"He... the other Spock is not going to believe me," Jim said, using his hands in attempts to emphasize his point. "Only you can explain what's gonna happen."
"Under no circumstances, can he be aware of my existence. You must promise me this," the elder Spock said.
Jim may not have been able to understand the reasons for his motives at the time, but there was one thing that the Romulans hadn't completely taken from him—taken from them, actually—and it was something Spock wasn't going to give up without a fight. There was still room for error, according to his internal calculations, but then it meant he had all the more reason to try.
"You're telling me I, I can't tell you that I'm following your own orders?" Jim asked, his words accompanied by somewhat frantic hand gestures. "Why not? What happens?"
The Vulcan mentally smiled at how much Jim had looked like such a child when he had asked the last two questions. It took some willpower not to laugh out loud.
"Jim, this is one rule you cannot break," he said as solemnly as he could. "To stop Nero, you alone must take command of your ship."
And while he apparently didn't mind leading the Enterprise himself—or at least, based on his newer memories, anyway—the elder Spock still felt that Jim's rightful place was not as his lackey but as his captain.
"How? Over your dead body?" Jim shot back sarcastically.
"Preferably not," the older man said, allowing himself a slight chuckle. "However, there is Starfleet regulation six-one-nine. Six-one-nine states that any command officer who's emotionally compromised by the mission at hand, must resign said command."
The elder Spock couldn't help but feel warmth as well as a little bit more hope for his plan, as he saw a crestfallen look spread across the young man's face.
"So...so you're saying that I have to emotionally compromise you guys?" Jim asked softly.
"Jim, I just lost my planet. I can tell you, I am emotionally compromised," the elder Spock said to him gently. "What you must do is get me to show it."
He felt further touched when the younger man locked eyes with his, noting that this Jim learned just as quickly as the one he had fallen in love with in his own time. The young man seemed to now know that he could connect with the Vulcan on a somewhat deeper level just by maintaining eye contact. The elder Spock carefully and even a little lovingly channeled feelings of encouragement and reassurance towards Jim, letting him know that he really did have the Vulcan's permission to execute this harsh plan. The older man knew Jim's true heart, even if his self from this reality didn't realize it yet. The elder Spock hoped that his new younger self eventually would.
"Aye then, Laddie," Scotty finally said, sensing the conversation was coming to an end. "Live or die, let's get this over with."
Jim reluctantly took his place in one of the transporters. He looked back at the elder Spock, not paying attention to the farewell conversation Scotty was having with his, well, whatever the green creature was that Scotty called Keenser.
He wasn't sure if it was because he had left a small shred of doubt about whether or not he and the Vulcan would be able to reconcile in this lifetime, but Jim found himself wanting to reach out to the other man. He leaned somewhat forward, resting his arms on the bars of the transporter. The Vulcan turned around when he heard Jim speak.
"Your coming back in time, changing history...?" Jim paused for a second, then gave the elder Spock a small smile. "It's cheating."
The old man knew right away Jim was fishing for something. The elder Spock took a second to sift through new memories that he had recently attained that were coming from his new past life, to see if he could find anything relevant. He let out a soft chuckle when he did.
"A trick I learned from an old friend," he replied fondly.
The somewhat guarded look in Jim's eyes seemed to soften, as if the elder Spock had confirmed for him that everything would return to the way it should have been between them, whatever that really meant. Jim lowered his eyes when the Vulcan turned his back and his joking smile transformed into a much more sentimental one. Had the elder Vulcan turned back around a beat sooner than he did his heart would have probably melted upon seeing just how warmly the young man seemed to glow. When he finally did turn around after starting up the transporting device, there had been a rather faraway look in Jim's eyes.
The elder Spock lifted his hands in a standard Vulcan greeting. "Live long, and prosper."
Jim seemed to come back to his senses and pushed himself up into a standing position as the transporter began to send him and Scotty onto the Enterprise. Scotty was somewhat relieved—he wasn't too sure what he had been witnessing between the two men, but he had felt pretty awkward about it.
After the two young men had gone, the elder Spock couldn't help but chuckle and allowed himself to bask in memories, both knew and old. Somehow, he wasn't too worried about the two of them finding their way back to each other in this lifetime.
####
"...deetecting unautorized akcess to water toorbine control board."
Spock's ears perked up at Chekov's report, and he became distracted from the conversation he had been having with his father. The Vulcan approached the Russian boy's side.
"Bring up the video," he said.
Spock couldn't get a perfectly clear look from the visual, but there was something familiar about the way one of the figures moved about on the screen, though it couldn't be possible. Spock leaned forward and hit a button on the communication dashboard.
"Security, seal the engineering deck," he commanded. "We have intruders in turbine section three."
It was impossible, but then again, in light of certain events, it was altogether just as probable. Therefore, he decided last minute to switch to a slightly safer tactic.
"Set phasers to stun."
Just in case.
####
When Jim had still been on Delta Vega, talking to the elder Spock, he had felt some hesitance regarding the other man's plan. Jim hadn't been sure if he would be capable of manipulating Spock out of his captaincy; however, he had been able to manage it more easily than he had anticipated. It could have been any number of factors, really—Spock's father had been in the room, Jim bringing Scotty on board also seemed to throw the Vulcan for a bit of a loop, and maybe it was even possible that the two of them missed their practically routine heated bantering. However, the real reason why Jim had ended up finding it so easy to take Spock's rank from him could probably be mostly credited to the fact that Jim was finally beginning to make some sense of what he had learned from his meeting with the Vulcan's future self. The man was a sly one, Jim would give him that. He couldn't help but wonder if the one standing before him would also eventually become just as cunning. He supposed that could be considered a rhetorical question.
"We're travelling at warp speed. How did you manage to beam aboard this ship?"
"Hm! You're the genius," Jim said with a mocking gesture. "You figure it out."
Had his father not been present on the bridge, Spock may have reacted differently. Unfortunately, Jim was back to making things as difficult for him as possible.
"As Acting Captain of this vessel, I order you to answer the question."
"Well I'm not telling," Jim said while trying to keep his face as neutral as possible. "Acting Captain."
Jim couldn't deny that he was secretly enjoying this a little too much. Spock involuntarily clenched his jaw. Jim shook his head slightly and used some mocking gestures to go along with his words.
"What di... What, now, that doesn't frustrate you, does it? My lack of cooperation. That, that doesn't make you angry?" Jim said with an almost flirtatious smile.
He was so focused on Spock that he missed Scotty's eyes flitting back and forth between them, the man's eyes slowly widening, as if he were just beginning to connect the dots between what was happening and what the old Vulcan had said to Jim back on Delta Vega. Scotty felt as if his eyebrows had risen halfway past his head by the time Spock addressed him; he felt like he had just been thrust into some kind of comedy show.
"Are you a member of Starfleet?"
"I... um... yes. Can I get a towel, please?"
"Under penalty of court martial, I order you to explain to me how you were able to beam aboard this ship while moving at warp."
"Well..." Scotty had been about to answer, but Jim cut him off.
"Don't answer him."
"You will answer me..." Spock said.
It took him a minute, but then Scotty recalled some important bits from the Delta Vega conversation, and his understanding finally came around full circle. The tension he had felt in that room, it hadn't been a hostile tension, it had been something closer to a romantic tension. Scotty couldn't help smiling, despite himself.
"I'd...rather not take sides," he said, still somewhat grinning.
Jim seemed to bristle with excitement, like he seemed to sense that Scotty had caught on to the plan too, and Jim was suddenly inspired to do something he had been wanting to do for a long time—for better or for worse.
"What is it with you, Spock? Hmm?"
The Vulcan tried to mask the surprise he felt when Jim swooped in close in one fleeting motion, his face hovering dangerously close. Spock almost found himself hopelessly distracted by blue eyes that seemed to be sparkling at him, as if they trying to tempt him, though for what, Spock couldn't be certain.
"Your planet was just destroyed, your mother murdered...and you're not even upset!"
If it weren't for the hurtful words coming out of the other man's mouth, Spock could have almost believed that the blonde was attempting to flirt with him.
"If you're presuming that these experiences in any way impede my ability to command this ship, you are mistaken," Spock said as evenly as he could.
Spock felt the sudden urge to flee the bridge, lock himself in his room, and pull all his hair out—maybe even scream—because of the many conflicting emotions the younger man was causing within him. Each time their eyes met, Spock would see things that he couldn't really understand; it was clouding his judgment even further.
"And yet you were the one who said fear was necessary for command. Did you see his ship? Do you see what he did?"
"Yes, of course I did," Spock said, becoming even more confused by the changes in Jim's expression.
For once, he couldn't wrap his mind around a concept. He couldn't understand how Jim could say such terrible things, have a hardened facial expression, and yet his eyes—they held such a tender expression. Was it sympathy? Compassion? Tenderness? None of it made sense to Spock, and it frustrated him to no end that he couldn't place a proper finger on it.
"I will not allow you to lecture me about the merits of emotion," he said tightly.
"Then why don't you stop me," Jim said, his tone teetering dangerously between mocking and flirtatiousness.
Unfortunately, given the context of what he had already said, it wasn't likely that the Vulcan would have been at all moved, had Jim risked making a pass at him.
"Step away from me, Mister—"
"What is it like not to feel anger or heartbreak or the need to stop at nothing to avenge the death of the woman who gave birth to you?"
Spock's eyes were becoming a pitch black, and the light in Jim's eyes was quickly dimming as well. Despite how it may have looked, it gave Jim no pleasure to return to Spock a taste of his own medicine of words he had said to Jim during the academic council hearing, an incident that suddenly seemed to have happened so long ago now.
"Back away from me..."
"You feel nothing!" Jim shouted, and it took all his willpower not to tear up as he did. "It must not even compute for you!"
Spock's mind reeled as Jim spoke; he just couldn't understand the other man. Here he was, saying the most hurtful things in the world, and yet, when Spock looked into Jim Kirk's eyes, he saw the exact opposite.
"I know, I know, I know... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I don't want to be doing this to you Spock, it's killing me..."
Then, Jim said something he just couldn't forgive.
"You never loved her!"
And then Spock just snapped. He punched at Jim mercilessly, surprising the other man with his overwhelming Vulcan strength. Eventually he had the man in a choke hold. He could have easily crushed the other man's skull, and though he wasn't necessarily leaving any room for comfort, Spock didn't know why he was hesitating from finishing the job. His mind was blank; he just stared at Jim, who was rapidly changing different shades. Spock found himself lost, someplace way back in his memory, somewhat reliving a similarly unsettling moment from his childhood. Only that time, he had been perfectly ready to kill.
Then, he heard his father's voice, which sharply cut through to his mind.
"Spock!"
Very slowly, Spock began to regain control of his senses and came to realize the gravity of what he had almost done. The expression on his face fluctuated between horror and shame. Spock gradually turned and faced his father. They briefly made momentary eye contact before Spock made a move to stagger off the bridge; he felt nauseous. He stopped in front of McCoy, but did not look the man in the eye.
"Doctor, I am no longer fit for duty... I hereby relinquish my command, based on the fact that I have been emotionally compromised." Spock stopped to take a quick breath. "Please note the time and date in the ship's log."
Spock then walked quickly in the direction of the turbolift. Jim watched painfully as Uhura rushed to Spock's side; it only a little little comfort to him that Spock stopped her at the door, not allowing her tag along. He quietly hoped that she wouldn't get another chance to try and comfort the Vulcan again. It then occurred to him that he had broken Spock down right in front of his father, Sarek. He instinctively cowered when the other man's eyes fleetingly met his own. Sarek then lightly scanned the rest of the bridge before leaving to go after his son. There was a deafening silence upon the bridge.
"I like this ship!" Scotty said in his thick accent, which sliced into the silence; people began to stare. "You know, it's exciting."
Jim knew he really deserved it this time—the fact that he had been commanded by and given permission from Spock's future person didn't seem like much of an excuse at all—but the disappointment he saw on McCoy's face really hit him hard. It was very possible that he may have lost the respect of the only person who actually gave a real damn about him.
"Well, congratulations, Jim," said McCoy. "Now we've got no Captain and no goddamn first officer to replace him."
Jim breathed in heavily. He knew it was now or never; the damage had already been done.
"Yeah we do," he said, failing miserably to force out a confident smile.
"What?" asked McCoy.
"Pike made him first officer," Sulu offered up plainly.
"You've got to be kidding me," McCoy said as Jim climbed into the captain's chair.
"Thanks for the support," he said somewhat sarcastically.
His outer attitude did not accurately reflect how he felt inside. Internally, Kirk felt like the worst kind of scumbag, and rightfully so, because in a way, Jim thought that he may as well have been punching the living daylights out of his own heart. He knew firsthand how much it hurt to have lost a parent. If only he could have explained things to the Vulcan. If only he could have explained it to everyone. Then again, who would believe him? Especially now, right after what he had just done.
He couldn't even meet Uhura's eyes, when she walked up beside him.
"I sure hope you know what you're doing...Captain," she said to him coldly.
She had no idea how torn up he was inside; how badly he too was hurting. If only he could explain. Reluctantly, Jim looked at Uhura and tried his best to show her just how sorry he felt. He hoped she could see the sincerity in his remorseful eyes and weak attempts at a reassuring smile.
"...so do I," he said to her rather softly.
And he meant every word.
A/N: I've been putting a ton of effort into writing these chapters. It's actually one of the hugest reasons why these chapters have been taking so long, because I've been re-watching the movie and playing scenes over and over again to catch all the facial expressions and speech tones. Haha, so needless to say, I'm sure the rest of my family at home is looking at our Netflix account and wondering why in the world it's taking me so long to watch a movie they know I've already seen. Lmao.
As always, reviews are loved! I value any feedback you guys might have. Until next chapter!
