He was ready. He was practically out of space to cut and bite on his arms, it'd been nearly a week, after all, and he could finally show them. He was in total control.

He strode over to where the Levi Squad had assembled outside, nodding to Captain Levi himself.

"Jager. What the hell are you grinning like an idiot for?"

"I- I figured something out. Just don't kill me, alright? I'm in total control." as soon as the words were spoken he lifted his hand to his mouth and bit- there were several alarmed cries from the Levi Squad, hell, even the Captain's hand reached for his blades. But the yellow sparks fizzled and died, and Eren pulled his bleeding hand from his mouth, grinning.

Everyone stared at him with a mixture of shock and horror. Levi was the first to regain his composure and speak. "Not bad. How'd you manage that?"

Eren shrugged. "Practice." he reached up to rub the back of his neck, slightly sheepish, only to realize with a painful tug that the movement had opened some of the cuts in his arm. He bit back a wince, hoping he could play it off- but Levi had already noticed and was staring at him, one eyebrow cocked.

"It's nothing, really..."

Levi said nothing, eyes falling on Eren's sleeve and widening. Eren looked down, alarmed, to see blood staining through his jacket sleeve... His eyes widened. "It's nothing! It's just a scratch, really!" he managed, slapping a hand over the wound.

Levi said nothing, simply stepping forward and rolling up Eren's sleeve- the man recoiled in horror when he saw the wounds wrapping around the boy's arm- bloodied bite marks, cuts too deep to begin closing-

"For the love of God..." someone muttered, and Eren looked up, frantic, when he realized the rest of the Levi Squad could see his arms too.

Levi was still staring, stunned speechless for a moment...

"Medic! I need a medic over here, dammit!" the Corporal's voice took on a tone Eren had never heard before- was he scared?

"No! No, really, I'm fine!" Eren pulled his hand from Levi's grip, staggering backward, turning to run, before Levi had grabbed him by the collar of his shirt...

And then he was on the ground, feeling incredibly cold- he realized how much struggling against Levi hurt and that his arms had opened up as crimson rivers seem to drown him.

"I-I'm f-fine..." was the last thing he choked out, before his entire world went black.


"H-he did this to himself?"

"It doesn't matter- right now we need to stop the bleeding. Hanji! Jager, I swear if you die on me..."

He could only see black. His mouth tasted like rust, everything tasted like rust, he was under water, struggling...

"Fuck..."

He was being pressed against something, something warm, something alive. He felt knotted muscle beneath him, and his eyes fluttered open for a brief second to take in Captain Levi before the lids fell closed of their own accord.


"Anything?"

Levi looked up at Erwin's voice from where he'd been sitting at Jager's bedside, idly shaking his head. Eren hadn't shown any signs of waking up.

"There's no way you could've known, Levi." Erwin started.

"It's my job to know. He's my responsibility- I should've seen it, should've asked him, checked on him… how did he get to this point without my knowing?" Levi's grey eyes seemed haunted as he stared at the teen on the bed.

Jager was shirtless, arms heavily bandaged- his face was pale, and while it wasn't too noticeable, the boy had lost a bit of weight- not enough to be significant, but enough to be worrisome.

Erwin realized there was nothing he could do to alleviate Levi's emotional struggle, and moved on. "Are his wounds showing any signs of healing?"

"No. Hanji says his accelerated healing is influenced by his emotional state- god knows what that is, considering he's been driven to this." Levi looked at his superior officer, looking more like a tired parent than a soldier.

Erwin placed a hand on the man's shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sure he'll come around in a day or so, Levi- just hang in there.". With his words said, Erwin turned and strode out of the room, leaving Levi alone with the unconscious teenager.

Levi winced slightly as he looked over at the boy. He'd been at his bedside all night and well into this morning, and he still wasn't used to seeing the normally hyperactive boy this still.

One of the bandages on the boy's wrist was stained red, and Levi felt a physical pain in his chest at the sight, at the knowledge that the boy had done this to himself….

"Wake up, brat. We have to figure out how to put you back together." his tone was gentle- it was more of a plea than an order, really, but Eren didn't stir. Levi was left alone, sitting in silence.


Dinner that night was dead silent, with the Levi Squad picking at their food morosely. They looked up for a brief moment when Levi entered the room, eyes imploring him.

"He's stable. Resting, but he should be fine."

"Sir- d-did he do that to himself?" Petra asked, golden eyes concerned.

"Probably. He's been sleeping- we haven't been able to ask him any questions yet, but it seems like it's the only option…."

The squad members exchanged nervous glances. Eren had been dangerous to begin with, but now he was clearly unstable. They were sympathetic, of course- but still, their sympathy was overridden by fear.

Before anyone could say anything, the sound of footsteps echoing on the stone, startling everyone, before Eren walked gingerly into the room.

"Eren…." Petra's eyes widened when she saw the boy's bandaged arms.

"You shouldn't be up. Go back upstairs, I'll bring you something…." Levi moved to stand, but Eren ignored the Captain completely, moving to sit on an empty part of the bench, across the table from everyone.

"I'm fine, Captain." Eren said, though he looked pale.

"You've got a lot of fucking nerve, kid." Auruo ground out, glaring at the boy from across the table. "First you come here with absolutely no skills, then you split yourself open for attention and come here begging to be looked at- is this all some sort of game to you!?" Auruo was yelling, now.

"Auruo!" Levi barked a warning, but he was interrupted by laughing.

Eren was laughing- cold, dead laughter. The dark circles under his eyes showed that the laughter didn't reach his eyes, which were ice cold.

"You think I did this for attention, you piece of shit? I didn't- I did it for control- it helped me learn to control myself. You guys think I don't know what you really think of me-" Eren's voice cracked. "That I'm a monster, a weapon- 'We can't have the kid transforming every time he stubs his damn toe!'" Eren spat the words, glaring at Auruo for a split second before looking away.

"I know what I am, but I never asked for this." Eren was bordering on tears, now, shoulders shaking as he held back his sobs. "I… I just wanted… control. T-that way you guys wouldn't be so afraid of me…. It started out like that, anyways. Then I realized how much I liked to bleed…." Eren's eyes wandered to the floor, landing on his boots, hands folded in his lap.

All the soldiers at the table looked alarmed, Petra was looking horrified, Auruo was shocked, and Eld and Gunther were looking over at Levi for guidance.

"Eren- go back upstairs and lay down. I'll bring you something to eat." Levi said, though he wasn't looking at Eren at all. Instead he was staring at his Squad, ordering them to remain quiet.

"Yes Sir." Eren stood, stumbling and nearly falling but catching himself on the wall, rightening himself and struggling back upstairs, disappearing around the stairwell.

"He… he knew." Eld remarked, looking surprised. "All those conversations we had- he heard everything…."

"What have we done to him?" Petra's voice shook, and she stared at where Eren had last been. The teen had looked like a ghost.

"You've broken him, is what you've done." Levi deadpanned, putting together a tray to bring up to the boy. "Now all we can do is pray he can be fixed."


"Eat." Levi spoke up, watching Eren stare at the tray he'd been given without emotion. "Please."

Eren must've heard the note of concern in his Captain's voice, because he brought a spoonful of stew to his lips and ate it. He didn't taste any of it.

Levi gave the boy a small smile, trying to encourage him, but Eren set down his spoon, looking over at him. "What am I, Captain?"

Levi frowned. "You're hungry. Now eat."

"You know what I mean." those green eyes implored him, desperate. "I know what the squad thinks of me, but… what do you think I am?"

Levi could detect something he hadn't heard in Eren's voice for awhile. A small note of hope.

"Human. You're one of the most human people I've ever met."

Eren's eyes widened slightly, and his lips twitched into the ghost of a smile.

"Granted, you're still a fucking dumbass. You make decisions in a moment's notice, you never consult anyone first, and you're dumb as hell. But you're human, and you've been assigned to my squad, so I have to put up with you, somehow."

Eren's smile broadened slightly at the Corporal's insults- he could read between the lines, and he realized that the Corporal was trying to tell him he was human- and judging by the way Levi had insulted him- he was one of his favorite humans.

"Oi. You gonna smile at the wall like a dumbass, or are you gonna eat? It'll get cold, and I'll make you eat it anyways." Levi threatened. The corners of Eren's mouth twitched slightly before he did as he was told, picking up his spoon and continuing to eat. He was full by the time he was halfway finished with the bowl, and though Levi frowned slightly, he didn't say anything.

"What's going to happen to me?" Eren's voice was small, and his eyes looked up at him like a child.

Levi sighed. He honestly wasn't sure, and while he didn't want to lie to Eren, he also knew the kid didn't need any more uncertainty.

"You're going to heal, and we're going to continue with things as planned."

"Yes Sir." Eren nodded, seeming slightly relieved that things would return to normal relatively soon.

"You're excused from training until your stitches are removed, and we'll deal with Hanji's experiments on a case-by-case basis, but otherwise- normal. Now sleep, before I knock you out." despite the threat, there was no resolve behind the corporal's threat, and Eren gave him a tired grin.

"Thank you for talking with me, Sir."

Eren sounded like it was some sort of privilege to have talked to him, and Levi frowned. Was this why Eren had started hurting himself? Because he had no one to talk to?

"It's not a problem, brat. If you ever need to talk- I'm in my office. Understood?"

Eren nodded, though his eyes were widened slightly at receiving the privilege to go see the Corporal whenever he needed to.

"Now shut up and go to sleep." Levi amended quickly. God forbid he stayed too long- while he knew it on some sort of deeper level, Levi would never acknowledge how much he cared for the brat.

MAILBAG

Bronze Leaf, Chapter 3

Hey that works, having two separate endings. I'm perfectly okay with whatever your planning.
So I am assuming that Erens original plan for self harm was to master the pain and blood so he wouldn't go Titan that way but turn into a Titan because of his intent(he will). Like for example, he was reaching for a spoon and couldn't reach so he accidently created a Titan arm to pick up said spoon. That was all intent.

Maybe you did talk about this but I don't remember :p
Another good chap :)

Exactly! you hit the nail on the head with this, though Eren hasn't read that much into the situation yet. He started self-harming with the intent to control being a titan from pain- he's not worried about intent-based transformation yet. Right now, he's just so confused and alone he wants control. Absolutely brilliant analysis, though, and I'm glad you're enjoying the story! :)

Sarah, Chapter 3

Awww. Eren... You are such a masochist...-ish
What will levi be like when he finds out?
What will the others be like?
This is getting more abd more intetesting every time.
Love your story, love you
bye

Aww, well thank you! Eren's not really being a masochist- he's just a confused teenager who feels so alone, you know? Self-harm is a way of escape for him, and it also serves as something he can do to 'control' his titan ability, serving to justify it in his mind.

As we see in your chapter- Levi reacts to Eren's selfharm, as do the others. Levi's taking it into stride pretty well here, while the others aren't certain what to think. Thanks a ton for the thoughtful review, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter, as well! :)

SecretWishX, Chapter 3

This is a very well rounded fanfiction. I see that uou have managed to portray all the characters very well. You also have wonderful descriptions, I love how Eren becomes addicted to hurting himself. I especially love the part where Petra's hand was on the knife; l like how she didn't freak out, but tried to help, then got a bit nervous. I do not believe this should turn out to be an Levi x Eren fanfiction, though Levi wouldn't want Eren to do this, he wouldn't fall in love with the boy. This is developing very well, I look forward to more.

Thanks! You have no idea how reassuring that is- I wanted this to be angsty as hell without straying from the proper characterization, and I'm glad you think I'm doing a good job of it! :)

Sheena, Chapter 3

I would love to end it as ereri. What Eren did to control his shifting abilities needs a lot of effort, pain and self pity. I really feel Eren. For those who didn't know him, they would really take caution around him because of his shifting abilities but deep inside Eren he is just a cinnamon roll. Also I would love to see Levi take good care of him as if he is a delicate baby. Anyway, thank you for this wonderful story and I look forward to the next chapters

Thank you! I'm really glad you can empathize with Eren and that my writing is believable! As for the Ereri- I'm considering two separate endings- one for the Ereri shippers and one with no shipping. Glad you're enjoying the story! :)