Author: Woah. Ten reviews already. I'm glad this is going over well. Sorry if it isn't as awesome as some of my other stories, but I'm just winging it chapter by chapter, so forgive me if the plot is lacking. But this is a comedy story. And since when did those have plots? I hope you guys enjoy my twisted sense of humor. And have a good day/night. :)
Somehow, I ended up consulting a fluffy pink robot for advice. Masha sat on my desk, and I sat in my chair, and both of us stared at one another.
"So Masha, do you think that I should tell someone that I'm a Mew Mew?" I was asking Masha because (1) Ryou was in Brazil, (2) Keiichiro was apparently a fictional character, (3) There were not - and according to Ryou, there never would be - any Mew teammates to consult on the issue, and (4) No one else knew - unless you counted Kisshu. And it's not like I was about to go to my enemy for advice.
But Masha was not a very helpful partner. "Mew. Mew," he repeated. I merely raised an eyebrow at his response.
I found myself walking across the street and knocking on the door or my best friend, Ginger. I could tell by the open and empty garage that she was the only one home. When she opened the door, her blue eyes met my brown ones and she just knew that something had happened. We're on the same wavelength like that. TMM was Ginger's only anime obsession. She spent more time coming up with independent science projects. Ginger was more of a nerd than an otaku, but since TMM was the only anime I loved too, it worked. I had watched other animes, but never really liked them quite as much. Our inside jokes were often related to TMM, like the one she was bringing up now. "Gee whiz, Kaylee. You look like you just got turned into a Mew Mew or something."
The correct response was, "After what happened today, I wish - more than usual." But what I said was, "Well, actually…"
Her eyes widened. "Kaylee, you had better not be trying to make a baka of me."
"I'm serious, Ginge. I'm a Mew Mew. The anime apparently only exists because it was based off of something real and-"
She interrupted. "Kisshu's behind you."
"Ah! Where? It hasn't been three days yet!" I screamed, feeling the cat ears burst from my head.
"What the spaz!" Ginger shouted. It was even louder because of the extra ears that I had. "Get inside! No one can see you like this."
After telling Ginger everything that had happened, I sat on her bed and looked up at her. She ran a hand through her long, blonde hair and said, "Well, you've had a busy day, huh?"
"No duh," I replied. "So now I have to decide. I feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility to protect everyone. But what if I could protect them better by surrendering? I mean, slavery is better than death, even if it is just barely. But if I could win, I don't want to be the one that causes Americans to lose their freedom. It's kind of what they're famous for."
Ginger frowned a bit. "You're an American too."
"Yeah, I know. But I can't look at this in a personal way. If I do, then all I end up with is that Kisshu is really hot." I stared up at Ginger's ceiling as she seated herself on the purple comforter next to me.
She chuckled. "His species is infinitely cooler than ours too. I mean, humans can't fly like that. We have planes, but you can't exactly feel the wind in your hair with those."
I nodded in agreement before murmuring, "Well, this is a nation for the people and by the people. Should we take a vote?"
Ginger shook her head. "No way. If the government finds out about this whole thing, you and Kisshu will both be turned into lab rats. It won't be pretty."
"Well then Ginger, it's up to you. Do you want to be a slave to aliens?" I asked tiredly.
She wrinkled her nose. "Considering what that might entail, not particularly."
I nodded slowly. "Then I guess I fight. It's not about me. I'm a Mew Mew. It's what I was born for, I guess."
Or at least, that's what I told myself. But then a certain someone began appearing at random (literally) and my resolve started to crumble. Don't ask me how Kisshu found out where I live. But as soon as I returned home from Ginger's house, there he was, hovering close to my ceiling and staring at the lighting fixture. When he saw me, he winked. "Yo, cutie."
I just stared at him. Why was he in my bedroom? Why wasn't I enjoying this? Was the Irimote Cat DNA dissolving all of my attractions because he was a threat to Earth?
"No," I decided as he teleported behind me and wrapped his arms around me. I practically collapsed against his chest.
But then I felt it. Or more accurately, didn't feel it. The vibe that washed out from him didn't speak of love or kindness or anything gentle and caring. There was plenty of lust and greed and selfishness, but the tone that thrummed through it all was a smug sense of victory.
And it was then that my theory seemed proven true. He wasn't doing this because he had any particular affections - or even attractions - for me. He was doing this because he thought I would surrender if he did. This was not the Kisshu with which I was familiar, just as I was not Ichigo Momomiya. The Kisshu I knew was made up by Ryou or some screenplay writer. The Kisshu that was with me now seemed much too cold and calculating in comparison, and I found myself wondering if he was even capable of love.
To make matters worse, Kisshu refused to leave that night. I lay in my bed with his arms wrapped around me and prayed that tonight wouldn't be the night one of my parents decided to come into my room. I didn't want to fall asleep on the shoulder of the guy that had threatened to kill me only nine hours earlier, but I ended up doing it anyway.
One thing Kisshu didn't know about me was that I have a really small bladder. I awoke to the sensation of having to pee. I opened my eyes upon remembering his presence and pretended to be asleep for a little while longer. He was talking to someone. I heard his voice but the words were muffled in my sleep haze. I forced myself to focus on the sound, closing my eyes and ignoring the nerves that sent the message of my bladder's fullness to my brain. Finally, I was able to decipher his words.
"Yes, Pai, I know… I'm sure it will work, but why can't I just kill her now? ... Alright, alright! You need a specimen to study. I get it. … Trust and the like is important. I know that. But she only has to trust me until we have her, right? … I still can't believe that I have to flirt with a human. … Shut up, Pai! I know my own reputation. Of course I don't mind messing around with females of our kind. But this is a human, Pai. It's… disgusting."
I knew it. I moaned and began to move in my sleep. Kisshu murmured, "She's waking up. I've got to go."
Rolling over, I asked, "Kisshu, can you move, please? I have to pee." I was trapped between him and the wall. Kaylee, you are an idiot, allowing yourself to be cornered like that. But Kisshu nodded and moved out of the way. After using the restroom, I reentered the bedroom and groped around on my desk. "Where's my hand sanitizer?" I mumbled. But I wasn't looking for my hand sanitizer. When I found what I was looking for, I brought it to my lips before chanting, "Mew Mew Strawberry, Metamorphosis!" I said it quietly to avoid waking my parents.
I turned around and glared at the alien. "Deal's off, Kisshu! I overheard your little chat with Pai. For being a total jerk, I'll make you pay!"
He raised an eyebrow. "Oh dear. What are you talking about, kitten? You must have had a nightmare."
"Don't pull that crap with me! Now get out!" I suddenly wasn't very worried about waking my parents. I had fallen into the closet door and made a really loud noise once, late at night. Neither of them had woken up. Why should they now?
Kisshu narrowed his eyes at me. "Whether I like you or not isn't the question, kitten." His voice was so cold that I shivered. "Whether or not you want to save your people is. I'm merely trying to help you."
"Like heck you are! If you really wanted to help me, you'd go back to wherever it is you came from."
"According to human psychologists, your species only raises their voice like that when they have no logical way to argue their point of view," he smirked.
"According to the girls' rulebook of actions, raising my voice indicates that I'm having PMS. And that stands for P*ssed Majorly, Sister. So don't mess with me right now or you're likely to get dead."
He chuckled. "You humans are certainly amusing." The way he said it sounded like he was looking down on me.
"Yeah. Our reactions would be amusing to a species as emotionless as yours," I retorted.
He frowned, his eyes glinting dangerously. "You think we're emotionless? You humans are to ones who lack any basic compassion."
He had finally reached the topic I had been debating with Ginger for two years: Why don't the Mews react more compassionately to the aliens' dying-planet circumstance? But standing here, I finally knew the answer. "You're forcing us to choose!" I spat. "You think we're about to just let our species go extinct in order to preserve yours? Never. If you were open to some sort of negotiation and integration, then we would probably help you. But since you've already made it so clear that your kind finds ours so 'disgusting'; then I guess this means war."
"Fair enough, kitten. But I don't like mixing business and pleasure. I'll see you tomorrow." And just like that, he was gone.
