The Seer's Diary
Chapter Four: The Truce

Notes: I'm sorry this has taken so long. I was having some personal issues for a while, but things have finally slowed down enough that I can post. I'm going to try to be more timely, I promise..


The next few weeks were, to Lily, a living hell. Sure enough her father had convinced Petunia to reconsider her refusal of Lily's involvement in the wedding; she almost wished she hadn't. Lily was constantly forced to help with the planning (though she found that her opinions never really mattered) and was dragged to several different shops, from the bakery making the cake to the bridal store with the dresses Petunia was so fond of. Lily thought it would have been easier, really, if Petunia had just gone on hating her.

To her delight, however, her letters with James continued on a somewhat regular basis. Certainly they were not daily, though she occasionally wished they were, but they were not so distant as a week between each contact. The letters kept her moving through each dreadful day as she was dragged along to bridal shops for dress fittings and the florist for the arrangements in the yard and the bouquet Petunia would be carrying. She'd even been drafted into addressing and filling out the invitations with her mother.

It was then that Lily was relieved to find out that Dorcas would in fact be allowed to come to the wedding. Lily had the first half of the the list alphabetically (so naturally she was forced to address dozens to the Dursely family, all with what she thought were horrible names and she couldn't help but feel a small stab of pity for them), and second to last on the list was Meadowes, Dorcas, written in her sister's careful print.

"Dorcas can really come?" she asked her mother excitedly.

Her mother nodded weakly, crossing out another name on her own second half of the list. "I asked Tuney last week, and she said that it didn't matter to her," she responded. "I know that you said you wanted her to come, so she added her to the list."

Lily smiled, writing the final name on her last invitation, which was to be sent to Petunia's good friend, Yvonne. Lily was contemplating the necessity of that invitation, considering she would be one of Petunia's bridesmaids, so she must know about the wedding, but she finished writing her address on the envelope, putting it in the finished pile.

"That was quick," her mother commented, looking up from her own unfinished stack of invites.

"Want any help with yours?" Lily asked.

Her mother shook her head. "It's all right."

Lily pushed her chair back, the legs scraping noisily against the floor. She stood up, placing her thumbs carefully through the belt loops of her shorts. "I'm going to take a walk," she told her mother, leaning over and giving her a peck on the cheek.

"Dinner's at seven," she said off-handedly, copying a name carefully from the list, making sure that the ink didn't smear as she did so.

Lily nodded, heading towards the front door, grabbing her trainers when she got there. She carefully descended the porch steps in her socks, sitting on the bottom step to tie her laces. She stood back up, ready to go.

She didn't think much about where she was going exactly, her feet instinctively carrying her through her neighbourhood. She'd contemplated walking to town to buy a new album or see a film, but the air felt so hot and she wasn't sure how far she could walk. It was probably best not to press her luck so she simply wandered down the street without any real intent.

Suddenly, her feet seemed to come to a stop and she looked around her thoughtfully. She'd arrived at the old playground, though, she now realised, it hardly looked old. She strayed from the pavement, walking down the dirt path between the trees until her feet were on mulch. Carefully she took a seat on one of the swings.

It was strange. It wasn't her playground any more, it wasn't the park she'd grown up in, where she'd first met Severus so many years ago. No, the wood and rusting metal had been replaced by brightly coloured plastics and painted steel. There was an entirely new jungle gym, far beyond the simple monkey bars and rings that had been there before. Instead there was a system of tunnels and places to climb and Lily thought that it would have been fun, had it not replaced her sanctuary.

Even the rubber of the swing she was occupying was new, feeling stiff instead of the worn one she used to love so dearly. They were no longer held by squeaking metal chains that sounded as though they would break when she got too high. They'd changed the entire park, and she didn't like it.

She pushed off from the ground, pumping her legs to gain height. She still could imagine the day she'd met Severus vividly—she was going so high and then she jumped. Petunia was furious. It was all before she'd found out about Magic, before she understood. Then, Sev had come and he told her everything...

Lily wondered if she jumped now, if she could still perform the same trick, and Magic would once again come to her aid and prevent her from hurting herself. She closed her eyes, her heart pounding as she swung. She took a deep breath and felt the chains leave her hands as she flew through the air. It was a thrill, feeling the wind around her as she plummeted to the ground, her eyes popping open. Surely she was going to break her ankles; that would be something to explain to her mother, a great idea with the wedding so rapidly approaching—

Suddenly, it was as though she'd pulled the ripcord for an invisible parachute and the air around her seemed to stop, then start again at a much slower pace. She floated the rest of the way down, her feet gracefully touching the ground as though someone was placing her there carefully.

She smiled, closing her eyes. She swore that if she concentrated hard enough she could hear Sev's reaction if he'd seen her. "You haven't changed a bit since we met," he'd smile silkily. "You never cared for such trivial things as gravity..." Then she would make a witty comment back about there being no need to worry about the laws of nature...

"You're going to break your neck," came a different voice and Lily jumped slightly, jerking her head up to see her own sister standing somewhat disapprovingly at the edge of the playground. She blinked, unsure what to say.

"Actually," she replied seriously, "I reckon I'd only break my ankles. I'd have to jump at a really off angle to break my neck."

Petunia didn't smile. She simply walked past Lily to one of the swings. Lily took a seat next to her sister.

"When'd they change everything?" she asked.

Petunia pursed her lips characteristically, as she usually did when Lily asked a question. She hated any question at all, as though the asker was being stupid for questioning something so obvious. Lily hated this about her sister; she was certain that if she did in fact know the answers to the questions she asked, she wouldn't ask them in the first place. "This spring," she told her.

Lily nodded, feeling defeated by her unsuccessful attempt at small talk. She was never good at that sort of thing, trying to strike up a conversation. It was much easier to insert her sarcastic comments. Slughorn had picked up on that toward the middle of her first year, when she finally got the courage to speak. He'd laugh heartily and Lily would be reminded of a beardless Santa Claus in wizard robes. His amusement was what led her to open up completely by Second Year, even if he was the only one to whom she would exhibit her sharp tongue in classes; she thought her other professors might be a little too strict for that sort of thing, especially McGonagall. It was wiser, she decided, to win them over in other ways.

"Mum said you'd probably be here," Petunia suddenly said.

Lily'd almost forgotten about her sister's presence. She nodded, smiling; her mother knew her so incredibly well. "So, er.. Why were you looking for me, exactly?"

Petunia wrinkled her nose again.

"I wanted to talk to you," she said impatiently.

Lily simply blinked at her sister, completely nonplussed as to the cause of the events unravelling before her. Maybe something went wrong and she hadn't floated so effortlessly to the ground, just moments before. Maybe she was really lying on the mulch, out cold, dreaming of this peculiar encounter with her sister. It seemed just as, if not more likely than the possibility of it actually happening.

Assuming, of course, that it was the real Petunia, Lily fought the temptation and did not ask her what it was that she wanted to talk her about. She just continued to stare at her sister, waiting for her to continue.

"I want to try," Petunia said softly. "I know we both love mum and there's no reason why we should upset her when... when there's so little time left."

Lily nodded at her, trying her best not to smile. She was getting her sister back, after all. And though this was a mere truce, no perfect friendship or sisterhood, it was still something. It was far more than they had at the moment.

"Yeah," Lily said. "I agree."

Petunia nodded. "Then I suppose we have an agreement?" she asked.

Lily nodded this time. "Yeah," she responded quickly. "Of course."

"Well then." Petunia slid back off her swing, flashing a stiff smile at Lily. "I suppose I should go back and help mother with dinner. I'll see you at home." She turned, walking back up the tiny path, turning left as she reached the pavement.

Lily's heart was pounding in her stomach. It seemed so completely impossible that, at last, things were returning to a fraction of the way they once were.

"What a touching scene."

The voice almost made Lily fall off of her swing, staring sourly at the figure emerging from the surrounding flora.

"I honestly think that I might cry," he said sarcastically, and Lily stood up, folding her arms across her chest.

"I see that you still have a fondness for hiding in shrubbery, Snape," she spat.

"And you're still just as naïve as ever if you actually think she means it," he said in return, smiling coldly.

She frowned at him, feeling something strange in her chest before remembering that it was Snape, a no-good jerk and she ought not listen to his words. "And what justifies the fact that you're spying on me? Working on some plot with all your little Death Eater friends to do me in?"

His body stiffened, frowning at her in return. "I would never—"

"You said you'd never do a lot of things, Sev, and calling me Mudblood was one of them," she hissed, walking up the path, to the pavement.

He caught up with her quickly, as they got closer to her house. "Look, Lily—"

She stopped walking, glaring at him. "D'you honestly think that using my first name will make me want to be your friend?" she asked.

He folded his arms, mirroring her. "It worked for that git, Potter—"

"Potter hasn't used my first name more than twice in the past year," Lily told him, beginning to walk again.

"Then what is it?" Severus asked coolly. "Are you under the Imperius Curse or has he been slipping you love potion in your butterbeer?"

"As if he'd ever stoop to something on your level," Lily laughed. "You know nothing about Potter and me."

"I know that you used to hate him," he said.

"Yeah, well, something changed," she replied.

"Yeah?" he asked. "And what was that?"

"If you must know," she told him smoothly, stopping again as they reached the front step of her house, "it was you."

"Me?" he asked softly, in a tone far from the frigid one he'd been using before.

"Yeah," she nodded. "We realised we had something in common after all, and that was the dislike we felt for you."

He stared at her, stunned, lips slightly parted. Afraid that she would suddenly lose her nerve in this battle against him, she turned on her heel, walking up the steps to her house, quickly closing and locking the door behind her.

"Lily?" came her mother's voice from the kitchen.

"Yeah, mum?" she asked breathlessly, walking to the archway.

"I thought I heard voices," she said, over the sink, rinsing some dishes and silverware, clearly for dinner.

"Oh," Lily said lamely. "Er, yeah. I ran into Sev at the park."

"That must have been nice," her mother smiled. "Did you two have a nice chat?"

Lily blinked at her mother for a moment before remembering that, of course, she'd never told her family about the falling out the two of them had had. It seemed completely unnecessary and irrelevant at the time (and, of course, she'd been too hurt for words), and now she was sure it would only upset her mother even more. There was no need to bring it up.

"Er, yeah," she replied awkwardly.

"Dinner will be ready soon—"

"Actually, mum," she cut across her, "I'm really not hungry. I have no appetite."

Her mother's head snapped up, looking worriedly at Lily. She quickly turned off the tap, wiping her hands on her apron and taking a few steps to put the back of her hand to her forehead. "You feel a bit warm," she said. "Are you ill?"

Lily swallowed. "Yeah, I feel a bit sick."

Her mother frowned. "Maybe Tuney and I have been overworking you. Why don't you go up to bed?"

"Can I call Dorcas?" she asked.

"Of course," she said. "Get some rest, though, all right?"

Lily nodded, hugging her mother and flashing her a weak smile before running up to her bedroom. She quickly picked up the phone on her desk, dialling Dorcas's number.

She listened to the hypnotic rings, counting them breathlessly. One, two, three... Maybe nobody would pick up and she'd have to leave a message, or call her back... four, five, six...

"Meadowes' residence," came a familiar young girl's voice.

"Dorcas!" Lily said quickly.

"Hey Lily," she responded, laughing. "I've been waiting for you to call me this summer."

"Yeah, well, I didn't have a real need until now," Lily responded, absently coiling the phone cord around her fingers. She needed to tell someone who understood about Snape, and she didn't think that she needed Potter to do anything if she told him.

"Why?" Dorcas asked, suddenly concerned. "What's up?"

Lily bit her lip, walking across the bedroom, staring out the window. "I ran into Snape."

She could imagine Dorcas perfectly on the other end of the line, probably sitting down with her hand on her forehead, brow furrowed and frowning slightly.

"What did he want now?" she sighed, so characteristically like her.

Lily inhaled deeply, readying herself for the story that would follow. "Well, I was talking to Petunia—"

"Wait, you were talking to your sister?"

"Yeah, she wanted to call a truce—"

"Your sister—?"

"Yeah," Lily said impatiently, wishing she could get on with telling her what happened already. "And Snape, being the typical git he is came out of the bushes and—"

"He was hiding in the bushes?" Dorcas asked, half-laughing.

Lily frowned, sighing angrily into the receiver. "Yes, that's the same way I met him, and you know, you're very bad at listening to my stories."

"I'm sorry," Dorcas said quickly, and Lily could still hear her smiling on the other end. "It all just sounds rather odd, even for you. But go on."

"Okay, well Snape said that Petunia didn't mean it, and so I asked him why the hell he was spying on me anyway. He started having a go at Potter, then—accused Potter of tricking me into being his friend." Lily let out an angry sound of frustration. "The stupid prat."

"And when you lost your temper," Dorcas pressed on carefully, "as I'm sure you did after that, what did you say?"

Lily swallowed. "I told him that Potter and I became friends over our mutual hatred for him."

"Lily..."

"He upset me!" Lily said defensively, feeling guilt rise sickeningly in her chest as she took a seat on her bed, feeling the springs sink beneath her as Puck was awoken from his nap. "He had the nerve to say something about how Potter had either given me love potion or put me under the Imperius. That's something only Snape himself would do."

Dorcas sighed. "I'll never understand you, Lily."

Lily smiled weakly, Puck crawling onto her stomach and curling into a ball and purring loudly. "I lost my temper..."

"And how's that going to fix anything?" Dorcas asked her softly. "You always say how you want to be his friend again, how you want things to go back to normal... How is this going to help?"

"It's not," Lily said in a tiny voice, closing her eyes shut tight. "Damn it, Dorcas, it's not. Why do I keep doing this?"

"It's not just you," Dorcas replied gently. "He's doing it, too."

"And I should be the one to stop it," Lily said. "I should be the bigger person in all this."

"Why do you have to be?"

"You know," Lily sighed into the receiver, "I'm really not sure what side you're taking right now, Dorcas."

"I'm not taking any side," she replied. "I just don't understand. You want to be his friend, but then you fight with him. You think that you have to be the bigger person, but relationships are a two-way street. You have to make up your mind about it all. What is it that you want to do?"

Lily rolled onto her side, bringing her knees up to her chin and hugging her legs tightly. She didn't want to decide, to make a conscious effort to either leave Sev or try to keep him. Leaving him meant leaving one of the best friends she ever had, and trying to keep him..? It was obvious he didn't want her, anyway. For an entire year she'd been refusing to finalise anything on her end, about her feelings, and now Dorcas was urging her to choose. But she couldn't... How could Dorcas expect her to?

"I..." Lily muttered, throat tight, "I don't know..."