Chapter 4: The Enlightened Ghost, The Scot, and a Ice Fairy
Meanwhile, elsewhere.
The Red Heavy was making his Sandviches for the next battle, as he loved the things. He heard a boom earlier, but that did not bother him much, as he thought the Engineer blew something up again, and he did not want to deal with the situation.
He made many of the little Sandviches, stuffing them in his little lunchbox which the Medic gave to him on his birthday a few weeks ago. He grabbed his precious Sasha and walked out of the kitchen to find something..off, to say the least.
He was standing on a cloud. A large wooden gate stood before him, towering even above him.
The Heavy was somewhat confused. Was he dead? Had the boom from earlier killed him? Was this..heaven? The Heavy pushed on the doors with all his might, and eventually the door opened. Behind the door was a very long set of steps. The Heavy sighed, then began climbing the steps as the door closed behind him. He climbed and climbed, never faltering as his mind wandered to what could be at the top, if there even was a top in the first place.
But eventually, he reached the top. A large courtyard stood in front of him, with cherry blossoms floating around. Little orbs of light seemed to glance at him for a second, then float away.
A large building stood in front of him.
As he approached the building, a voice shouting "Hey!" came from behind him. He turned around to find a girl in a green dress, with light gray hair with a black bow in it. A small white blob bobbed up and down behind her, looking what could be assumed as afraid.
"Who are you?" asked the girl.
"I am Heavy Weapons Guy." the Heavy replied.
"I meant name, not profession."
"Heavy. Weapons. Guy." Heavy replied in a menacing voice.
"Okay then Heavy Weapons Guy, what are you doing here?"
"I was cooking something, then room ended up at bottom of stairs."
"Room, as in the room you were in?" she asked.
"Da." Heavy simply replied.
"You opened the gate, and climbed up all the stairs as well? I'm impressed. I am Youmu Konpaku, I'm the gardener around here."
"So this is not Heaven?"
"No, this is the Netherworld, run by my mistress, Yuyuko. She may be interested to see you, considering the circumstances."
"Let us go then." The two went up to the building and Youmu slid open the sliding door.
"Mistress, we have a visitor!"
"Give me a moment Youmu, I'll be down in a sec." Yuyuko replied. She then came down a set of small stairs as she munched on a bagel.
"Youmu, these bagels you made are delightfully scruptious! Best bagels i've had in years." Yuyuko delightfully said. "Who's he?" she asked.
"I am Heavy Weapons Guy." Heavy simply replied.
"He apparently got transported here, opened the gate, and cliimbed all the way up here." Youmu explained.
"Well, welcome to my humble abode Mr. Heavy. You must be famished from all that climbing." Yuyuko cheerfully exclaimed.
"Da, I have Sandviches." Heavy responded.
"Don't you mean sandwitch?" Youmu asked.
"Niet, it is Sandvich." The Heavy humbly replied. He opened his lunchbox and pulled out one of the Sandviches, and began to partake in eating it.
" May I have some?" Yuyuko asked, making the cutest face possible.
"Here, little girl can have Sandvich."
"Hey, i'm not.." Yuyuko stopped when she realized how big this man is compared to her. Yuyuko took the Sandvich, and took a large chunk out of it. Yuyuko then just stood still.
"Are you okay mistress?" Youmu asked.
"This is.." Yuyuko started. "This is the best thing i've ever had!" Yuyuko yelled as she hugged the Heavy. "Thank you for this wonderful gift, no words can describe the wonderful taste of it." "I want you to stay, and be my cook, and make me these when i'm not feeling good." Yuyuko continued.
"No." Heavy replied. Yuyuko's face then turned into that of sadness. "I already have job. I crush tiny itty bitty Blu team, and take intelligence. I am not cook." Heavy said with finality. "Do not be sad little girl, I can give you recipe." Heavy continued. He took out a piece of paper, with all the ingredients needed to create a Sandvich, and how to make it.
"Really, I can have the recipe?" Yuyuko asked.
"Da, i've memorized it, I do not need it."
"Do you want to go back to the surface?" Yuyuko asked.
"Yes, I want to go back to crushing tiny Blu team."
"I can do that, but one more thing, take this." Yuyuko then handed the Heavy a small metal sigil. "If you ever need my help, sqeeze this sigil, I will come and assist you. Now, hold my hand." The Heavy held Yuyuko's hand. "Hang on tight, this may hurt a bit." Yuyuko and the Heavy were then consumed by a beam of light, and teleported to the surface. They were in the middle of a forest, in a small clearing. "This is as far as I can take you, good luck Heavy, I hope you can come back sometime." Yuyuko said with a tear dripping down her face.
"Do not cry, I can visit." Heavy replied. "До свидания Yuyuko, I must find team." Heavy finished. Yuyuko then disappeared and Heavy prepared himself for what lied ahead, and went on through the forest as night descended upon him.
Meanwhile, on the path to the Hakurei Shrine
"So, you backstab people for a living?" Reimu asked.
"Yes, it is not a pretty job, but it pays the bills." Spy replied. The duo approached the Shrine, which the door was strangely ajar. Reimu looked inside, and her face turned to that of anger. The inside was trashed, brooms, bottles, and anything you could think of was strewn about the floor.
"SUIKA!" Reimu yelled at the top of her lungs. The drunken oni then stumbled into view.
"Reimu, keep it down please, we..*hic*.. have a visitor."
"A visitor is no excuse for this mess! Who is visiting anyways?" Then the very, very heavily drunken Red Scotsman came in. "Oh, merde." the Spy replied. "SPY!" yelled the Demoman. He charged towards the Spy, bottle in hand. The Spy quickly got behind him and knocked him on the head with the blunt end of his knife, knocking him out.
"What was that for?" Reimu asked.
"Blu team fights Red team usually, he is Red, I am Blu, so it is understandable that he would try and kill me." the Spy explained. "I'm guessing he's the one who came with that disruption your friend mentioned." he continued.
"Yukari isn't my friend." Reimu stated.
"Yes, but she is yours." the Spy replied.
"Eh, whatever, so what do we do with him?" Reimu asked, pointing to the Demo.
"Tie him up, we might want to explain the situation at hand." Suika then got out a huge chain.
"I have tying stuff." Suika blurted. After a few minutes, the Demo was wrapped with chain and hazily woke up.
"Oh, our drunken wretch is finally waking up." blurted the Spy.
"Hey!" yelled Suika, glaring at the Spy.
"Not you." Spy replied.
"Aye, you gonna kill me, ya alley skulking snake?" asked the Demo
"No. If I wanted to, you would have been dead when you charged me." Spy explained. "We have larger matters at hand." The Spy then told the Demo of everything up to the point where they were at. "Aye, we need to get everyone together." said the Demo.
"I'll come with ya this time." Suika cheerfully said. "So me and him can drink more together."
"Aye, sounds good." Suika then grabbed the chains and unwrapped the Demo.
"We should stay here for the night, the Forest is not safe at night." Reimu said, drinking a cup of tea. "Suika, Demo, clean this mess up while you're at it." Suika and the Demo sighed, and started to clean things up. The Spy went outside and sat on the edge of the shrine. Reimu then followed suit. "You look stressed." Reimu pointed out.
"Naturally. I went from being in the middle of the desert, to a place where nothing makes sense. Of course I'm stressed." the Spy rebutled.
"You know, it's not that strange once you get used to it."
"There are things out there which are quite strange as well. Entire factories that produce only hats, two sides fighting for briefcases which are utterly pointless." Spy explained.
"Sounds quite strange indeed. We don't get anything as strange as that around here. Well, at least on a regular day."
"Oh? What happens on a non-normal day?" asked the Spy.
"Usually me and Marisa having to save Gensokyo from some strange incident." Reimu then sighed. "It is quite stressful when you have all of your friend's lives resting on your shoulders."
"I know that feeling." Spy then sighed as well.
"I'm going to bed Spy, i'll see you tomorrow." Reimu said, getting up and going to her room. The Spy looked up at the sky, with the shimmering of the barrier lighting it up, along with the stars. He adjusted his tie, and went back inside.
Meanwhile, at the Lake
The Soldier was practicing in the Fort's shooting range, firing his rockets down the long corridor, hitting the wooden targets and evercerating them into splinters. Of course there was a boom from earlier, but he just thought it was the idiots over at Blu team trying to do something productive.
He thought by now he had done enough for the day, so he packed his weapons up, and headed out of the range. It then slowly dawned on him that he wasn't in Kansas anymore. He was on a large beach, stretching around a large lake with an island in the middle. The water shimmered a deep blue, as fish in it swam happily along. The Soldier then heard a faint laughing in the distance, which he headed towards. He went into a small bush, hoping to not be seen by the enemy ahead. A small little girl, in a blue dress, bow and hair floated out of the forest. Following suit was another girl, also floating with green hair, with wings on her back and also wearing a blue dress.
"Cirno, you shouldn't go toward the boom, you know." said the green haired girl.
"There's nothing to fear Daiyousei, because I'm the strongest!" yelled Cirno. Daiyousei just shook her head in pity.
"Why don't we just pick some cherries from the bushes, they are at their best this time of year. Like that bush right there, that looks like it has some really good tasting cherries." Daiyousei explained. Cirno sighed.
"Fine, we'll pick some cherries." Cirno then floated towards the bush that the Soldier was hiding in.
"Halt right there maggot!" came from the bush.
"Who said that?" Cirno wondered.
"I am.. um, I am the bush god!" said the Soldier in a menacing voice. "B-b-bush god?" Daiyousei stuttered. "Um, yes, you may not pick from me, or I will beat you with your own spines!."
"Then come on you bush, or can you not face the strongest?" Cirno mocked. The Soldier leaped out of the bush, smacking Cirno in the face with a shovel. "Hey, that hurt! yelled Cirno, who threw ice crystals at the Soldier, who rocket-jumped over them, shooting Cirno with a volley of rockets while doing so. Cirno quickly moved out of the way, and charged the Soldier head on. He pulled out his shotgun, throwing it at her, stopping her charge.
"If God thought you were the strongest, he would have not created ME!" yelled the Soldier in victory.
"Who are you!" frantically asked Daiyousei.
"I am the man who about to kick your hippie ass." Soldier said cheerfully. Cirno then got up and fired a string of danmaku at the Soldier, who laughed.
" If you know what is good for you hippie, I would run." taunted the Soldier.
"NO, I AM THE STRONGEST!" Cirno yelled. She formed a huge ball of ice in her hands, and threw it at the Soldier, who blasted it apart with rockets.
"I like you, you have spunk. But you are not the strongest, you insignificant little maggot." blurted the Soldier. He then walked back to the shooting range, which Cirno followed.
"If i'm not the strongest, then I want to be stronger!" Cirno yelled at the Soldier. The Soldier turned to face the fairy and chuckled.
"That's what i'm wanting to hear!" yelled the Soldier, who dragged Cirno into the shooting range. Daiyousei just sighed and floated off.
