After four days, Janet was sick of the sight of the four walls of her bedroom. Though Sharon had advised her to stay put in her bed for the rest of the day, she decided to defy these instructions, and made her way to the living room. She grabbed a pile of CDs, filled a jug with watered-down orange juice and found a novel to divert her. She wrapped herself in the thick comforter, and settled down on the couch for the afternoon. Just these few exertions exhausted her, however, and she very soon fell off to sleep, the novel slipping from her hand, her glasses perched awkwardly on her nose.

So when Sam let herself into the house (she had long had a key to Janet's house, just as Janet had to hers), she was greeted with the sound of Bach's cello suites, and the sight of her dearest friend curled up on the couch, snoring gently.

Sam realized that the CD playing was the one that she had given Janet for her last birthday. It probably meant nothing, but she chose to believe that it might, possibly, mean that Janet had been thinking of her. She smiled, when she saw Janet's glasses at an angle on her face. Sam was one of the few people who knew Janet needed glasses; at the SGC she wore her contact lenses and was surprisingly vain about not admitting her myopia. She only wore her glasses at home, when she was particularly tired, or her eyes were especially dry.

Sam leaned forward, and very carefully removed Janet's glasses, setting them quietly on the table. Janet mumbled and turned, pressing her face closer into the pillow. It was then that Sam noticed just how grey and sunken her expression was, and gasped at the sharpness of her cheekbones. Janet had lost a lot of weight these past few days, she must have been really sick.

Sam was desperate to talk to Janet, but knew she couldn't wake her. So she picked up the novel from the floor. She smiled again; 'To Kill A Mockingbird' was one of Janet's favorites, she had obviously chosen a comforting old friend to help her relax. Sam sat in a large, over-stuffed armchair facing the couch and waited. She tried to concentrate on the book, but found herself just watching Janet as she shifted in her sleep. At least her sleep was fairly restful, Sam mused, she must be recovering.

Janet awoke over an hour later, confused. She blinked blearily and saw an indistinct figure in the armchair opposite her. Her eyes were full of sleep and, of course, her glasses were still on the table. "Frankie?" she asked, her voice still thick from sleep.

"No, Janet," Sam replied, in a soft voice. "It's not Frankie. It's me. Sam."

Janet struggled to sit up on the couch. "Sam," her voice was tense, "What are you doing here?"

Sam was horrified to realize that Janet's expression was wary, even a little frightened. "Oh Janet, I'm not here to hurt you again. I promise. I know I behaved badly. Really badly. I was an asshole."

Janet's reply was quiet but firm, "yes, you were."

"I know. I know I can't ask you to forgive me," Sam's words were rushed. She had prepared a whole speech on her way over to Janet's house, but all that flew out of the window now, she couldn't remember any of it. "I just want you to know that I realize how badly I behaved, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Jan," Sam's voice cracked.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Sam," Janet reached out for a glass of juice to relieve her parched throat. "That it's okay? 'cos it's not. I made a fool of myself, I thought you could love me. I was wrong. You were disgusted with me. Let's just leave it there, huh? Unless you want to tell me again how wrong it is to be gay. How I've chosen to be some sort of freak." Janet knew her words were cruel, but she was tired, her emotions were threatening to overwhelm her. And the woman she loved more than anything in the world was sitting opposite her, trying to make excuses for shattering her hopes and rejecting her with harsh words.

So it was too late then, Sam thought. Well, it was no more than she deserved. She felt her eyes fill with tears, but she brushed them away angrily. She would not weep in front of Janet, she had already hurt her too much. "I know it's not wrong Janet. And I also know it's not a choice. I tried to make a choice; I tried to choose being straight. But it doesn't work like that, I know that. I've been running for years, trying to pretend I'm 'normal'. And I *am* normal. But I'm also gay. And I've finally decided to live with it. I know it's too late for us, I've hurt you too badly. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry, sorrier than you can imagine that I screwed it up for us. Sorry that I made you feel bad about who you are. You are a wonderful, warm, funny, tender, beautiful, sexy woman. And you deserve to meet somebody special. I pray that one day you will. And I will always regret hurting you. That's all I wanted to say." And she got up and headed for the door.

"Wait," Janet's voice was small and scared. "Don't go."

Sam turned to look at the small doctor, and saw fear and confusion in her eyes. But her heart leapt when she thought she also saw a glimmer of hope in them.

"You can't ever do that to me again, Sam," Janet's gaze was penetrating. "I don't think I can take that again. If we're gonna try this, we've got to do it right. I don't want to lie to anybody about it. And if either of us starts to lie to ourselves, we're dead in the water. This has to be a positive thing in our lives, not something to be hidden, to be ashamed of."

Sam's heart was in her mouth. "Does this mean... oh God," she choked back a sob. "Does this mean you'll give me a second chance? That we can do this?"

"If you still want to," Janet replied, her voice shaking with emotion. "I love you, Sam. I always have."

Sam approached the couch, and reached out gingerly to stroke Janet's cheek, noting again how drawn and tired she looked. "I love you too, Jan," she said softly. "And I'll never let you down again, I promise."

Janet patted the seat next to her on the couch, too emotional to speak. Sam sat down, and drew Janet to her, enveloping her in her strong arms, and held her as she began to cry. "Hold me, Sam," she begged. "Just hold me."

So Sam held her tight, until her sobs lessened, and eventually she stilled. Sam realized that she had fallen to sleep again. Carefully, she pulled her fully on to her lap, and drew the comforter around her.

SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS

When Frankie Michaels let herself into the house two hours later, she was surprised, but delighted, to see the two women on the couch together. She gave Sam a warm smile, and touched her on the arm. "How's she doin'?" she whispered.

Janet stirred. "I'm okay, Frankie. Everything's okay now. We're okay."

Sam smiled. "We sure are."

At that moment, Sam's cellphone trilled. She took it out and looked at the number. "Sorry," she apologized, "it's the mountain. I'd better get this." And she got up carefully from the couch and headed toward the kitchen.

"And I just want to check a few things with Janet," Michaels said, as she moved toward her patient. "You take your time."

SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS

Ten minutes later, Sam returned to the living room. Frankie Michaels was now sitting on the couch, Janet's hand in her own. "So you two worked it out, then?" she asked Sam.

"I think so," Sam was smiling, "Janet's giving me a second shot. And I'm not going to screw it up this time."

"Who was that on the 'phone?" Janet asked.

"Oh that was Daniel," Sam replied. "Apparently they've got a minor problem with the dialling program. Nothin' serious, but he wondered if I was anywhere near the mountain."

"How long will it take you?" Janet asked, wondering if Sam would still have time to make it back that evening.

"No time at all, honey," Sam smiled. "I'm not going in. I told him my girlfriend's sick and I don't want to leave her."

"You said what?" Janet spluttered.

Sam knelt in front of Janet, and took her hand in her own. "I told him. About us. Asked him to tell the colonel I'm taking some of that leave owing to me, and that I won't be back until next week. I'm going to look after you Janet, if you'll let me?"

"What about your career?" Janet wanted to know. "If Daniel tells the colonel, it'll all be out in the open."

"I don't care about that Janet. I nearly lost you; I'm not running that risk again. We can tell SG-1, they won't care. Well, actually, that's not true. They will care. Daniel was like a kid in a candy shop, he's so excited for us. And the colonel and Teal'c will be too, I'm sure. And we all know General Hammond can keep a secret."

At this, she glanced at Frankie, who smiled. "He sure can," she agreed.

"Anyway, if they don't like it, I'll leave. Some things are more important," Sam was resolute. Her cellphone trilled again. "It's the colonel," she told the others. "That was quick! Hey Sir," she spoke into the phone. "Yes, that's right. No, Daniel hasn't got it wrong. Janet and I are together, which is more than I deserve after behaving like an ass. Yes, she sure is Sir. I know I'm a lucky woman, I'm gonna try to make it up to her. Yes, I will Sir thank you. And Sir," a small grin crept over her face, "I think I've located my mojo."

END