This is essentially filler, just so you know...
Castiel woke up to Dean's gentle touch and words. His cracked open his eyes, groaning at the pain in his head, and in his neck from how he was sleeping. Dean laughed quietly. "Wake up, baby."
"I am awake," he muttered back, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands.
Dean laughed again. "Then let's get you into the hotel."
"You gonna come with me?" he asked as he sat up, still rubbing his eyes.
"'Course baby." Dean stepped out of the car, holding his hand out for Castiel, who slid out after a while, grabbing Dean's hand, his eyes nearly closed to block out the afternoon sun.
He groaned. "It's really bright."
"No it's not."
"Shut up and get me into the room."
"Snippy, baby. Are you really hungover?" Dean asked as they walked into the hotel. Chester handed Dean his room key before walking back out to the car to park it, and Dean went straight to the elevator. "Ohhh, I get another big room."
"Don't you always?"
"No, I mean a top floor room. A suite."
"So, a sizable space in which to have a stupendous, sexually stimulating, steamy scrap?"
Dean looked at him. "Did you just make an alliteration while… hungover?"
"I'm not hungover, I'm still drunk."
Dean laughed. "Drunk?"
"I tried, Dean," he muttered, turning to lay on Dean as the elevator shot upwards.
"It's impressive, Cas. Really."
"I essentially said we'd have a sexually charged fight in this room."
"I wouldn't doubt it."
The elevator opened and Dean stepped in. There were two rooms on the top floor, separated by a narrow hall, and Dean's was on the right. It was easy to find the room once he was in, it was straight through the back and to the left. The bed was as big as the one the night before, and Castiel pushed out of Dean's arms and straight to it the second his eyes fell on the cushy mattress. He face-planted on to it, and Dean followed suit. He kneeled on the bed beside him, and slipped an arm low around his hips, hoisting them up, reaching up with his other hand to unzip his jacket, exposing his chest.
Dean had hoped Castiel would roll over to make it easier when he dropped his hips back down, but the drunk man just grumbled, nuzzling his face into the cushion below him. Dean rolled his eyes and put his hands on Castiel's shoulders, sliding the leather jacket down and off of his body. Castiel whined.
"Dean, I'm cold now."
"Let me get your shoes off, then you can nap some more."
"Only if you say in bed with me."
"I can't baby," Dean said, pulling of Castiel's shoes. He sat down at the head of the bed, and Castiel wormed his way up to him.
"Why not?"
"I've got to get ready for the concert."
Castiel rolled on to his back. "I want to go."
"It starts at 7:30. Chester'll pick you up when you're ready."
Castiel smiled sleepily and raised his arms. Dean rolled down to lay beside him, and Castiel rolled into him immediately, snuggling up to him. "I'm gonna go to your connncertt."
"You sure are. I've got a song I wanna sing you."
"Right now?"
"No. At the show."
Castiel grinned. "I can't wait. Also you said you were going to your concert."
"I am."
"You're obviously just sitting here."
"It's hard to want to leave. You're cute." Dean leaned in, kissing Castiel's nose. "But also drunk. Here-" He rolled off of the bed and over to his suitcase, which had been brought up minutes before they had arrived. He opened the front zipper, pulling out some aspirin. He shook a few out and gave them to Castiel, who swallowed them dry. "Those'll help with your head. Sleep off the alcohol, then come see me."
"Okay, but you can't leave 'till you kiss me."
Dean grinned and leaned down, pressing his lips to Castiel's softly. "I'll see you in a few hours, baby."
"M'kay. See you soon."
"See ya, Cas."
Castiel waved weakly and smacked his head back down on his pillow, closing his eyes as Dean walked out of the bedroom and through the suite, downstairs to the car. Chester looked back at him.
"No Castiel?"
Dean shook his head. "You'll have to come back for him. He's sleeping off his alcohol."
"You mean hangover?"
"No. He's still drunk."
"But he just slept for three hours."
"And he'll sleep for three more."
Chester just laughed as he pulled out in to traffic, heading to Dean's venue a short drive away. Dean honestly didn't expect the outside of his arena to be so packed. Hundreds of fans lined the walkway when he opened his door, proving it impossible for him to get in simply. A few reporters from TMZ and other shows alike stood along the lines put up to allow Dean through, and he stopped to talk to them.
"Dean Winchester," a reporter from Extra called. "Dean, do you have a moment?"
"Sure thing."
"Great!" The blonde reporter smiled and gestured to the cameraman beside her. "So, Dean," she started. "We've got just a few questions for you."
"Shoot away," Dean grinned, relaxing in front of the camera.
She smiled again. "So, you're just now on the last leg of your year-long tour, how does that feel?"
"Great, really. It's been so much fun doing this. I've met a lot of great people, had a lot of great experiences, but I'm ready for a break. I was back in my hometown just a few months ago, but it'll be great to be actually home, even if it's just for a week."
"That's right! You start your American-based benefit tour just eight days after you finish this!" Dean nodded. "You excited for that?"
Dean shrugged. "It'll definitely be easier with this one. It's a little under three months long, so not nearly as stressful, which will be nice. It's also a lot simpler to meet new people when back in the home country, which is great. I love meeting new people."
She smiled once again. "That brings me right to my next question. That's for the great lead-up!" Dean nodded and she continued. "So, Castiel." Dean couldn't help but to smile at his name. "It's officially out from you that you two are together. This is true, right?"
"One-hundred percent. We've been together for a few months now, and it's been just great."
"And he came on tour with you?"
"He had to finish his classes, first, but he came right on out the day he was done. It was a surprise to me, which is why, I assume, there are videos of me pulling him to the ground floating around the internet."
"He surprised you?"
Dean rolled his eyes with a grin. "Yep. Collaborated with my manager and flew out here without me knowing. I'm more than happy to have him here, though. Probably the best surprise I could have gotten."
"Well, you two certainly are cute together. That being, is this you officially coming out? There've been rumors of you being… gay, for quite a while now…."
"Well, they aren't rumors. I've been with a number of guys before, not near as many women I've been with, but a decent number nonetheless. And, you know, call me what you will; gay, bi, questioning- I don't care. I'm with Cas right now, and that's who I want to be with. If we break up, and I end up with a woman again, then so be it. If it's another man…" Dean shrugged. "I'm not too concerned with labeling myself as anything. I'll be with who I want to be with."
She nodded. "Well said. I also think we can say that we're looking forward to you and Castiel being together for a long time, and that we've really enjoyed talking to you."
Dean nodded. "It's been a pleasure."
"It certainly has. Thank you, Dean."
"Nah, thank you," Dean finished with a grin. The camera stopped rolling, and Dean sauntered off with a nod. Another few camera crews got his attention, though they asked nearly the same questions. All were asking about his relationship with Castiel, and where it was headed, leaving Dean thankful when one of the stagehands came out to pull him in, telling him he needed to start his soundcheck. He waved to the few groups of fans outside, then left to go warm up.
Castiel woke up about five minutes before Chester showed up to drive him to the concert, and he couldn't have been more pleased with his timing. He popped a few aspirin again, then pulled on Dean's jacket, too lazy to go find an actual shirt to wear. It was awkward for him to be around Chester, well aware of what he had said earlier, but the driver clearly hadn't heard, and the self-made tension straining Castiel had faded within minutes.
When they got to the venue, Chester led him in through the back. "You can stay backstage, or you can go down to the crowd."
Dean had already begun playing, a few songs in to the setlist, so there was no time for Castiel to go see him. Chester had disappeared, but Castiel didn't care. He was sitting on one of the drum-set cases, legs crossed as he watched Dean play. He was so gorgeous lit up by the stage lights. What made others look so unflattering under them only made Dean shine brighter, and Castiel couldn't help but to lose himself in how lucky he felt to have someone who looked that way all to himself. Castiel sat back and watched Dean play once the warm feeling in his chest from his previous thought wore off, and lost himself again, this time in the music and how sweetly Dean's voice flowed through the speakers and out over the crowd.
Before he knew it the concert had ended, and Castiel had arms wrapped around him, and an all-too familiar smell surrounded him. "Dean," he huffed out the singer nearly knocking him off his perch atop the case.
"Hey Cas," he muttered near his ear, trying to be heard over the chants from the crowd.
Castiel looked up at him. "You were amazing. Really."
"Thank you, baby. You ready for me to go back out?"
"No," Castiel said, finally wrapping his arms around Dean, who hadn't loosened his own hold since he came off stage.
"Well, I'm gonna." He pulled back and Castiel whined. Just when he had gotten comfy. "Listen carefully."
He leaned in to kiss Castiel before walking back out on stage, the roar of the crowd near doubling as he did. He grinned when he stepped up to the microphone. "This last song is gonna be a bit more calm. I wrote it, like, a week ago, and I feel it's about time I played it." He pulled forward his guitar, one which Castiel helped him pick out, which was resting on a stool a few feet away. He played on it for a moment before situating himself in front of the microphone. "This song is for someone super special, and sexy. But mostly special." He and the crowd laughed, and he began to play.
When you're ready for love
And you've conquered your fear
And you wanna fall baby
Fall here
When you've had enough hurt
And you're tired of the tears
If you wanna fall baby
Fall here
The crowd began cheering, and Dean smiled as he continued.
You're broken and jaded
Say love's overrated
But I say boy ain't that a shame?
With all that he put you through
I can't really blame you
But don't let some fool give us all a bad name
When you're ready for love
And you've conquered your fear
If you wanna fall baby
Fall here
When you've had enough hurt
And you're tired of the tears
If you wanna fall baby
Fall here
Fall here
Right into my world
Let me catch you, boy
Let me be the one
Let me be the one
When you're ready for love
When you're ready for love
If you wanna fall I won't let you down boy
Oh baby let go
He peered over at Castiel as he sang the last bit of the song.
When you're ready for love
And you've conquered your fear
And you're tired of the tears
Baby fall, baby fall here
Yeah, baby fall here
He peered over at Castiel as he sang the last bit of the song. The moment the final note was played, everyone began cheering, and Dean smiled, thanking them all for coming out. He went backstage once more, dragging his guitar with him, and once it was down Castiel had a hold on his shirt, pulling him in to a hard and deep kiss, one hand twisted in the thin fabric covering Dean, the other fisting in his hair. Dean had his hands on Castiel's hips moments later, kissing him back just as hard.
Castiel's breathing was ragged when he pulled away. "When the fuck did you write that?"
"About two days before you showed up? I was gonna play it for you over skype…"
Castiel kissed him again. "You wrote a song for me?"
"And about you." Another kiss. "I have more than that one, too."
With another kiss, it became apparent Dean needed to get Castiel back to the hotel, as he was trying to jump up on to him, there was simply too much around him to do so at the moment. Dean pulled back from the kiss and looked at him, trying to calm him down as they waited for Chester to pull the car around. Dean didn't have a signing this time, and he was grateful for that.
Both Dean and Castiel were out the door the moment Chester opened it, running through the cool night air to the car, their hands linked all the way out to it. Dean pulled Castiel in to through the door and on top of him as he fell back, kissing him. "If I knew you'd be like this if I wrote you a song, I'd have done it earlier."
"Shut up, Winchester," Castiel muttered, leaning down to attach his lips to Dean's neck.
"What's so great about a song?"
"It's hot."
"I sang about falling in love."
Castiel looked up. "Exactly."
Dean smiled and hooked his finger under Castiel's chin, pulling him up to kiss him, but Chester lurched in to traffic, sending Castiel flying against the car seat. Dean laughed, and Castiel glared at him, but started laughing shortly after. Dean was still flat on his back, so Castiel opted to lay on him until they got to the hotel.
Chester opened the door for them as soon as they arrived, and Castiel crawled out, holding his hand out for Dean, who grabbed it and slid out. They booked it in to the hotel, both calling "Thanks Chester!" over their shoulders as they ran. They almost knocked over a middle aged woman on their way in, but neither could care, because as soon as they were in the elevator, Dean had Castiel pinned to the wall, hands on his hips, sliding them and the jacket up, exposing a sliver of his skin as he worked marks into his neck.
Castiel was pressing as hard into Dean as he could, but his strong hands were holding him back. He growled a few times, and each time Dean nipped his neck. He was grateful for the release when the elevator doors slid open, and he was pulling Dean to the room, stepping back to allow him to step forward and unlock the door. He stepped behind Dean as he fiddled with the lock, pressing his body flat against Dean's, kissing the back of his neck and behind his ear
"Cas, that's a little distracting."
"Let me help you," he muttered, sliding his hands forward to cover Dean's, helping him slip they key into the lock, opening the door. He walked forward, kicking the door shut as as he turned Dean around in his arms kissing him hard as he grabbed his biceps and pinned him to the wall. Dean dropped the key to the ground, grabbing Castiel's hips.
Castiel laughed, breaking the kiss as he slipped his hands to the wall beside Dean's arms. "We always end the night like this?"
"What do you mean?"
"We make out like crazy, get each other really horny, sometimes talk a little to calm down, then fall asleep."
"Anything wrong with that?"
"No," Castiel resigned. "But why? Why do we do it like that?"
"I don't know," Dean shrugged, hands still holding Castiel's hips. "Maybe it's because we both want each other so fucking much that we can't help but to start leading up to sex, but we always stop because we know we're not ready to go all the way yet."
"Well maybe it's about time we're ready," Castiel muttered, kissing Dean. "Hmm?"
"Really?" Dean kissed Castiel in return. "Are you being serious, Cas?"
"Mhmm."
"Are you sure?" Castiel nodded, and Dean kissed him softly. "Let's wait a week, then. If you still want to go all the way, then we will."
Castiel blinked. "Why wait?"
"I want you to be sure you want this."
"Dean, I've wanted this for quite a while." He dropped an arm to grab one of Dean's hands, sliding it down the front of his pants. "Quite. A. While."
Dean gulped. "Then you can wait another week," he said, pulling his hand back out of Castiel's pants, simply hooking his fingers around his waistband instead.
"But I want you now." Castiel fell quiet. "Do you not want me?"
"Cas, you know that I do. So bad. I want you more than anybody I've even been with, or even fucking seen, for that matter."
"Then why should we wait?" Castiel asked, straightening himself up, stepping slightly back from Dean, the hand hooked around his waistband falling, though the one on his hip remained in place.
"Because, Cas. We've been over this. You deserve a perfect- at least as close to perfect as possible- first time with somebody, and I want that perfect first time to be with me."
"You make it seem like we're losing our virginities."
"We kind of are."
"How so?"
Dean shrugged. "This is the first time you'll have sex that isn't… practically forced, or so kinky it's violent, right?" Castiel nodded. "Don't you think it should be… special?"
"As long as it's with you, it will be."
Dean nudged himself away from the wall, stepping away from Castiel as well. He kicked off his shoes and slid off his pants, leaving himself in a t-shirt and boxers as he crawled on to the bed, resting against the headboard and holding an arm out to the side, gesturing for Castiel to join him, which he did. Dean rested the hand wrapped around him on his hip, letting Castiel lean his head on his shoulder.
"Are you totally sure about this, Cas?"
"Yeah, Dean. I am."
"Alright. Then let's talk about it."
"Okay. Let's talk."
Dean cleared his throat before speaking, rubbing his thumb in small circles on Castiel's hip, hoping to keep the conversation light. "You're okay with doing this before we're in love?"
Castiel nodded. "Yeah. This is new for me-truly feeling something for the person I'm with- and I'm not entirely sure what it is I'm feeling, but it's strong, and I know that I care about you a lot, and I know you care about me too… So, yeah. I'm okay with us not being in love, because Dean, honestly, what I'm feeling may very well be love."
"Really?"
Castiel shrugged. "Maybe. The only other time I was ever in love was with my first boyfriend, if you could call him that."
"The one you had a lot of sex with?"
"Yeah," Castiel clarified. "And even then, it wasn't even close to what I'm feeling for you right now. Truthfully, Dean, I don't even really know what love feels scares me."
"Don't be scared, baby."
"But what if I never fall in love? What if I do and don't know it?"
Castiel was tensing up, so Dean shifted on to his side, wrapping his arms around Castiel, holding him close. "Baby, calm down."
"Dean, what if I don't ever fall in love? What if I don't fall in love with you? I want to fall in love with you! What if I don't? What if I'm not capable of it?"
It was clearly a bad idea to start the conversation this way. "Cas, you're completely capable of loving."
"How do you know?"
"Because you have a heart, Cas. And though I haven't been with you long, I've seen how caring and loving you can be."
"But what if you're wrong!?"
"About you?" Castiel nodded, anxiety apparent on his face, and Dean couldn't help but to wonder where this conversation went bad. The topic of sex had long beed dropped, but Castiel's breathing was still growing harder, his eyes growing frantic. Dean rolled over more, nearly on top of him as he slid a hand up to cup his face. "Cas, baby, I know I'm right. Now breathe. Please calm down."
Castiel took a few shaky breaths. He reached up to curl his fingers in Dean's shirt. "I need you, Dean," he muttered after a while. "Hold me, please. I need you. Please… Please…"
Dean rolled himself practically on top of Castiel, and he pulled Dean flat down on top of himself much to his surprise. He brought his legs up to hook around Dean's, pulling him down even farther. He was breathing hard, body shaking, and all Dean could do was let him hold on as tight as he needed, a whisper soothing things into his ear.
"Baby, shhh. I've got you. I'm not going anywhere. Shhh. Just breathe, baby. Just breathe."
Castiel slowly calmed down after a few minutes, and Dean was able to roll off of him, resting beside him on the bed, hand pressed over his belly. "Do you feel better, Cas?"
Castiel nodded. "Yeah. Thank you, Dean."
"Baby, you gotta talk to me about this. I mean, what was that about?"
Castiel rolled his eyes over to look at Dean, then rolled them back to look at the ceiling. "What was what about?"
"Cas, you're not about to pretend that didn't just happen!"
"It's nothing."
"You just had, like, an anxiety attack over us potentially being in love. That's not nothing."
"Can you just drop it?"
"No," Dean said, kissing Castiel's cheek. Castiel continued to stare at the ceiling. "I want to be with you, and if this is something that could happen often, then I want t-"
"-to break up so you don't have to deal with it?"
"-To know what to do and how to help you when it happens." Castiel still stared hard at the ceiling, though the rest of his body seemed to relax. "Can we talk about it?"
"It's kind of embarrassing, Dean."
"Why?"
"I just broke down over the possibility of being in love. Are you kidding me? It's fucking ridiculous."
"But it seemed rational at the time, right?" Castiel nodded. "Then it's okay."
"Doesn't stop it from being embarrassing."
"It shouldn't be. Not around me."
Castiel finally looked over at him. "So, what? Nothing is supposed to be embarrassing around you?"
"Right. Because I won't care, and I won't judge you for it, regardless of what it is?"
"So my embarrassment is unjust? At least around you?" Dean nodded, and Castiel tilted his head, kissing his softly. "You're a perfect boyfriend."
"I try to be. And to do so, you need to tell me what happened."
Castiel shrugged. "Like you said, just an anxiety attack."
"What sparked it?"
"You?"
Dean pulled a face. "You don't sound so sure about that."
"Dean, I wasn't lying earlier today. I'm scared of falling, because it's a risk."
"I know, baby. Love always is. It was a risk I wanted to take, and I'm glad I did."
"That doesn't stop me from being scared."
"I know, baby," Dean muttered, the hand over Castiel's belly pressing in harder as he leaned in to kiss him, Castiel still laying flat on his back. "I know it scares you, and I know it's a risk, but you have to decide if it's one you're willing to take." Castiel was silent, and Dean nodded after a minute. "Let's go to bed."
"We are in bed." Dean rolled his eyes and smiled lightly, working himself into the mattress. He lifted his arm to allow Castiel to roll against him, but Castiel shook his head, worming his arm around Dean, who immediately rolled in to him instead. "I wanted to hold you tonight," Castiel explained, kissing Dean's temple as the other snuggled in to him.
"I like being held."
They both fell silent as they started to drift off to sleep, but Castiel interjected, his voice soft, before either of them could actually do so. "Thank you, Dean."
"For what?"
"For putting up with me."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, thank you for not leaving me when things get… weird. I mean, we went from making out passionately, to me freaking out about love. Just… thank you for not leaving me."
"Of course, Cas," Dean whispered, kissing Castiel's chest where his head rested. "I'd never leave you. I heart you."
They fell silent again, and it was another few minutes before Castiel spoke up, saying just a few more things before falling asleep, feeling more safe and at home then he ever had before in his life. "Dean?"
"Yeah?"
"The risk? You're worth it."
Okay, so I've hit a bit of a block with this. I said it was going to be short, and already it's looking like it's going to be a lot longer than I initially intended it to be... I have a plan for this, I'm just not sure how to get where I want to go with it...
That said, I'll definitely be continuing with it, don't worry, but due to the sort of... block I'm in right now, it may take me a while to get the next chapter(s) out. I know I say that a lot, but forreals this time. I feel like if I try to get them out in a timely manner, I won't be happy with it, and then I'll hit an even bigger block... So...
Anyway, do remember that I have a plan for this, and that I'm not abandoning it.
So, thanks for reading! And let me know what you think! It really does help to have feedback, be it good or bad.
:)
