2/2/14


"You better not make a mess out there, Old Man!" Barnaby reprimanded over his shoulder as he walked back into the kitchen. His eyes trailed to the business card stuck onto the fridge. "Better do it now before Kotetsu eats me out of this place or just eat me," Barnaby murmured as he picked up the phone. He just hoped that the chicken was enough to keep him alive for the next couple hours.

.~.~.~.

The contact picked up on the third ring, the voice hushed with a layer of suspicion. "Yes?"

Barnaby frowned slightly, feeling rather dirty by just calling this person; he didn't even know how to respond to the caller let alone strike up a deal with him. He took a deep breath and read the name. "Hello, Barry."

The other line went silent for a moment and after a couple seconds of some shuffling and a couple clicks the person answered back. "Yes, who is this?" The voice was now cautious, carefully placing out every word in front of him, as if its owner was now standing on a tightrope.

Barnaby mentally steeled himself, reminding himself that if he didn't finish dealing with this, he might end up getting himself fed to Kotetsu, who sounded like he finished his little snack and was hungry for more. "I'm calling on the behalf of the Orbis Vitae Company," Barnaby said carefully, remembering that when he had drawn up the conclusion that the smuggling group was actually from a famous syndicate that used the cover of the famous technology company, Orbis Vitae. He had spent a great deal of time looking into the group and found that they had no connect to Ouroborus at all, making them not even close to useful.

At the mentioning of the company, the person on the other line seemed to straighten up. "W-what do you need?" The voice asked. A slight quiver was detected, the sound of shuffling papers heard in the background.

"I'd like to place an order of raw beef bulked by the crate for a tiger that's been recently aquired in our… collection," Barnaby spoke, his voice steeled with confidence while his mind reeled with hesitancy. "Enough to last me until the end of this month." Barnaby had no idea how long Kotetsu would be a tiger, so it's best to be prepared. If nothing else, he could always ship back any unused extra meat he has left over...hopefully.

"Ah, yes," the man, Barry, hummed. "Perhaps I could interest you in raw venison? As dealers, we carry the finest quality of this delicacy available, one your new beauty is sure to enjoy." Gone was the layer of suspicion from his voice, now replaced with an enthusiast salesman-like voice.

Barnaby scowled, beef was among one of the meats he'd be able to afford with his salary. Venison however was a little different and he doubted Kotetsu would like eating beef every single day. He let out a soft huff. "How much?" He asked as he picked up his pen to calculate.

"It is twenty-five a pound." The voice chirped.

Barnby's side of the line became dead silent. Twenty-five a pound? What is this? The damn meat was far more expensive than beef! Even Barnaby didn't eat that well; no way in hell would Kotetsu just because he's in tiger form.

"You are offering me twenty-five for deer." Barnaby commented his voice cold and angry. Kotetsu already threatened to eat him out of his home: he wasn't going to risk letting this man buy him out as well. "That price is not acceptable. Who do you think I am?" Disgust crept into his voice. "I'll take beef. Pray that I don't come there myself."

Barry screwed up and he knew it. His voice sound panicked and squeaky and it sounded like he was hyperventilating. "Oh my god! No! Please, we are very, very, very, loyal to Orbis Vitae. You are a valued patron, sir. We'll offer a discount! Fifty percent off! No, wait how about seventy? It is a very great deal, sir. Just please, I really didn't mean any offence. Orbis Vitae is our greatest business partner, we'll do everything in our power to help them rise further to the top."

Barnaby blinked at the sudden change of tone. The man was suddenly deeply afraid and was handing out a sudden heavy price cut just for him. He took a moment to contemplate his options. That kind of discount would surely ease the pressure on his soon-to-be-crying wallet. It'd give him new food to experiment with as well, such as kicking back with some venison stroganoff rather than beef, paired with his favorite rose wine. "In that case… I suppose I can settle with that. An order of venison on the side along with the beef. And that'll be all."

"G-great, thankyousomuchsir. Thank you, so much." Barry gushed, the sound of a pen scribbling furiously echoing in the background. "Y-you want them delivered to the same place as always, y-yes? The warehouse on-"

"No," Barnaby cut him off. He glanced back out the kitchen door to see that Kotetsu was now hungerly pacing; He needed the meat now. "I'd like it delivered to an apartment complex. Immediately."

"An...apartment complex?" Barry repeated incredulously.

"Yes. Just for my specific orders. The rest of the company's orders will be sent to the usual," Barnaby improved quickly.

Barry made a noise of approval. "I can do that. I'll n-need the address so the order can be delivered to you shortly," he started with a nervous laugh.

Barnaby gave him his address.

The line went silent for a moment. "E-excuse me?"

Barnaby felt his face heat up. "Do I need to repeat myself?" He questioned lightly.

"N-no," Barry said hesitantly. "Payment options?"

"Collect on delivery please; cash," Barnaby stated. "Barry, let's keep this between us. It wouldn't do well to expose this confidentiality." He turned to hang up on the man. But if he decided to keep listening, he would have heard the man stammer the next sentence:

"A-anything for you, Boss."

.~.~.~.

Barnaby lounged around on his chair, scribbling away on paperwork that he had brought home with him. Kotetsu on the other hand was pacing grumpily around the bare living room, grumbling that he had no other food to eat. Getting tired of pacing, he flopped onto the ground and huffed at Barnaby. Barnaby glanced up from his work and emerald eyes locked onto amber, the animalistic look of complete hunger on his face, greatly unnerving the Hero. "Be a little patient, Old Man. the delivery will arrive shortly."

As if on cue, a rapping was heard at the wooden door, the sound echoing in the apartment. Barnaby carefully set his work down on the little table and stood up to approach the door. He unlatched the door and swung it open, coming face to face with a man who could only be Barry.

"Barry" on the other hand was the epitome of surprised. After all, it was Barnaby Brooks Jr., the one and only Hero everyone's raving about, who answered the door. Quickly he glanced down at his clipboard to check with the number plate on the wall. Perplexion crossing his face as he reassured himself that yes, the numbers were one and the same. "Oh, um, h-hello sir. I believe I have the wrong address so… well… if you'll excuse me…"

Barnaby's body obstructed the view inside the apartment as he leaned against the doorframe. Green eyes traveled to the crate that was resting behind the man. "That's my delivery, yes, Barry?" He asked casually.

Barry halted from whatever words he was trying to form at that moment. "I- erm- yes?"

Barnaby paid no attention to what Barry was saying as he fished out his wallet out of his back pocket, flipping it open and counting the bills out for the man. Once finished, he placed them into Barry's hand, who was still gaping. "I trust this will remain between the two of us? I'd hate for it to be leaked."

"Y-yes sir!" Barry nearly squeaked. Realizing how he was just foolishly standing there, he placed his clipboard on the ground and scrambled to the other side of the crate. "If I may…?"

Barnaby's eyes narrowed, a scowl crossing his face. "No." He opened the door a little more and dragged the crate inside. "Have a good day." He said politely as he slammed the door in poor Barry's face. Then he opened the door again. "Did I need to sign anything?"

Barry stared at him, startled. "Um, no. You didn't."

"Good, right. Sorry." The door slammed again.

Barry gaped at the door; his eyes fell back onto the address plate and back down to his clipboard that was lying innocently on the ground. He looked up again. The gears finally started turning as he fumbled to pick up his clipboard. Holy good God! Barnaby Brooks Jr., THE Barnaby! Nobody ever would have expected that! He walked down the hallway, feeling hollow and numbed with shock. How was he going to explain this? No, right, he can't explain this. This secret was something he was going to take to his grave. He sighed, rubbing at his temples as he trekked back to his van. "I need some whiskey."

.~.~.~.

"Er, well- uh, hey there. This is Barry, at your service. Or, rather, at my Boss's service. Who knew Barnaby Brooks Jr. had connections to Orbis Vitae? I can't even… *takes a swig from bottle* See you next time Boss on Rub a Dub Dub - Tiger in the Tub! Goodbye."


AA: Phew, finally, we're done.

WF: Derp, derp, derp, derp. 8I

AA: For those of you unaware, "Orbis Vitae" means "Circle of Life." Isn't that great; an animal smuggling group has their own theme 8D /slapped Please excuse me while I run off to watch Lion King.

WF: *plays Circle of Life on loop* I'm sorry, wut?

AA: *attempts to sing with my sick voice* IT'S THE CIRCLE OF LIIIIIIIFE, AND IT MOVE- *hacks up a lung*

WF: AND IT MOOOOOOVES US AAALLLLLLL~

*And they were both dead after that day.*