A.N.: I suppose this is a warning for sexual themes...? No, not really, but Anko is already a little crazy in the original, so...
"I think she might be trying to start a cult for the revival of the Uchiha," comments Anko, eyeing the notebook appreciatively. Kakashi tries not to shudder. Some of Orochimaru's… habits rubbed off on Mitarashi. "Why the fuck are you showing this to me, again?"
Kakashi Hatake does not fiddle in shame. He does not want to admit that he, once again, overlooked Sakura. Naruto and Sasuke are a handful, yes; the latter does need a lot of help, yes, he was right about that.
But maybe, just maybe, he has something even worse to deal with now.
"That's the problem, Anko. I haven't seen something this… this messed up since your porn collection ended up in my room. True mystery, that." His face hurts, but he manages to say it without implying sarcasm.
Anko's idea of wooing a man is scary, almost as much as the horrors that he found plastered all over his room. Sometimes he still finds pictures, in places like the underside of a drawer.
He didn't know snake-bondage could be a fetish. Truly terrifying.
"You're a pansy, Hatake." Please don't eat me, he prays. Her smirk is predatory. "Let me guess, you want me to take care of your pink little problem for you."
Kakashi refuses to believe that this an innuendo, as much as Anko seems to be expecting a reaction from him. He will not yield. He is better than this.
"You're the one who knows best," he mutters, sounding defeated. "Orochimaru was your sensei, you're the only one who can understand why…"
He positively splutters, his hands gesturing in the direction of the notebook. He doesn't want to say it. Just because he reads porn, it doesn't mean that he is any less of a prude, just like any good Konoha shinobi.
Except Anko.
Said woman is smirking at him like a hungry cat about to pounce. He knows too well what is coming for him, and he steels himself. This is for Sakura. His comrade, his student. He doesn't want her to become as bad as Sasuke.
"Fine, I can do the psychology analysis and tricks on her. Maybe I'll teach her some genjutsu funnies, both to satisfy her needs, present her with reality and build up her resistance and autocontrol."
Basically, make sure that Sakura doesn't go crazy and pounces Sasuke while he's in the shower. But there is a catch, he knows it too well.
Kakashi readies himself, as if expecting a physical blow, because Anko's grin speaks of doom and pain and possibly a little bit of murder. Lovingly, of course. Kami have mercy on him, what did he do in his past life to deserve this?
"It won't be assault if you agree to it." Anko lifts a contract and a pen out of nowhere, and Kakashi blanches.
