A/N A couple of things. One, I'm still rather new at this so any and all reviews are appreciated. Second, I want to say thanks to 5Mississippis for reading through this and for the comments. I will probably not update until Monday, although if things go right, Sunday is a possibility. Life is going on I'm going to be busy and won't be able to write. Also, see the A/N at the end of the chapter.

Chapter 4 Mistakes and Solution

Penny stopped and hung her head. She got up, from the couch and walked over to the fridge and got a water. She looked at Leonard and he nodded, so she grabbed another bottle. Returning to the couch, she sat down and handed Leonard his bottle. She opened the bottle took a drink and set the bottle down on the coffee table.

She looked at Leonard, staring into his eyes as she said, "When you answered the door, I was mad and blamed you for the problem with Zack and for my leaving the party. Then you laughed about Zack and my anger disappeared. Looking at you all I wanted to do was take you to bed. So, I grabbed you and took you to your room."

"But, I was a coward the next morning. I was so hungover, I felt nauseous, had a throbbing headache. On top of that, I had to get a shower so I could get to work. Between being sick, having the headache, and trying to get ready for work, I simply couldn't remember about getting back together. I couldn't face you and tried to get out before you woke up."

"I could have forgiven myself for going to you that night. I could even have forgiven myself for running out, if I had really talked to you later. But, when I opened the door and saw you there, I panicked. Being so hungover I couldn't even think about what was going on. You kept bugging me about going out and all I wanted to do was to get to work. What came out was the comment about it being a mistake."

Penny saw the hurt and anger in Leonard's eyes as he remembered that morning and it hurt her to be the cause of the pain. As her eyes started to tear, she hurriedly got up, ran to her bedroom to get her box of tissues. She came back out, set them on the coffee table and took one out to dab her eyes. Leonard had just taken a drink and was putting the bottle of water back on the table.

She looked at Leonard and sat down closer to him. "Going to see you that night wasn't the mistake," said Penny. "Although I was being selfish, and I used you to make me feel better. I could have fixed that, but then I did the worst thing I could ever have done. I simply blew you off that morning. That was the mistake, and it was on my part."

"It really wasn't until that night, when my head finally cleared, that I realized what I had done to you, remembering the look on your face. Then, I remembered what I had wanted to talk to you about, and, of course, after that morning, I couldn't bring myself to talk to you."

"I knew I had hurt you, and didn't know how to fix it. Later, when you came to my door, drunk and wanting sex I was still ashamed and embarrassed over what I did, and I threw you out because of it. I was mad at myself, but I took it out on you."

Leonard's face broke into a rueful grin, "You weren't the only one I went to that night."

Penny looked at him questionably. He continued, "I went to Leslie's before getting drunk and coming to your place."

"Leslie Winkle? You did?" said Penny with a shocked voice.

"Yep, I figured if you didn't want me, she would." Leonard shook his head. "Turns out, she didn't want me either, so I got drunk to forget and still ended up knocking on your door."

Penny reached up with her hand and touched Leonard's face. "My poor Leonard, no one wanted him. But, we should have." Penny looked down, "Being drunk, it just didn't register to me that the guy would care if I wanted sex for only a night." Penny's hand left his face and she rested it on his leg, "Or even for a weekend. It was just something I had never experienced, and being drunk, it wasn't something I was going to be able to figure out. They were all more than happy to be part of it. Since you seemed to have moved on, I though we could have some fun."

"The problem was, you hadn't moved on. You actually cared for me, and wanted to restart the relationship. I didn't know that. Someone caring had never happened to me before with what I thought was a one nighter. Since the guys never cared, we simply lied to each other, or told each other it was a mistake, and went on our way"

She looked down, avoiding Leonard's eyes. "The look in your eyes, when I said it was a mistake, was the first time I've seen hurt and confusion over what was, for me, a way to leave after a one nighter." Penny said sadly. "And it was in the face of someone I cared about. I realized I had messed up so badly but didn't know what to say. I want you to know that it's my fault. I'm the one that messed it all up. I'm so sorry Leonard."

"Well, it's not like I refused you that night," Leonard said. "I was a willing participant. I got pushy about getting back together. I should have let you go and talked to you when you got home."

"No, Leonard," Penny said firmly. "I used you, and then I hurt you with my cowardice. You did nothing wrong."

Penny stopped, chewing her bottom lip. "Afterward, I swore I wasn't going to hurt you again, so I came up with an idea to make sure I would never go to you to use you for sex again."

Leonard look at her quizzically. "Well, whatever it was, it worked, except for maybe that time at the conference."

Penny smiled at him. "Oh, yeah, it worked quite well. I simply went out and bought my own Leonard." She lifted the bag that had sat on the floor by the couch. "For almost two years, whenever I was tempted to go to you for sex, I reached for "Leonard," as I called it. I didn't use it at any other time."

Leonard chuckled. "You named it?"

Penny nodded, "Yep, I got that from Amy."

Leonard gave a little laugh, "Amy? You mean Amy named her...um... toothbrush?"

Penny smiled at Leonard, "Yep, wanna know it's name?"

"Noooooooo," Leonard said quickly, as he shook his head. He thought on what Penny had just explained to him, "No wonder I never saw you again for sex. If you didn't have another guy, and you wanted me, you had something to take care of it."

Penny's face became very serious, her eyes steadily looking at him. She reached out and put her hands on his, rubbing them slightly. Her voice, because very serious. "Leonard, I need to have you know. Between our first time after you got back from the North Pole and last spring when you proposed, there was only Zack, and only for that one time.

Leonard's mouth dropped open, "What?" The shock and confusion was very evident in his voice.

"In a way it's funny," she said sadly. "Since I left you in the bowling alley, You've actually been with more women than I've been with men."

A/N for those who think there is an obvious missing person(at least from Leonard's point of view) from Penny's claim, patience, it will be explained in a future chapter.