Chapter 4 of Awakening
by: Amber Hermione and Casseia
Disclaimer: Gravitation, its characters, setting, etc are not mine or Casseia's. The plot belongs to us equally.
A/N From AH: After receiving some reviews I feel the need to clarify that Tohma was not responsible for, a participant in, or in fact anywhere near the accident. It will be made clear in further chapters where he, and everyone else were at the time of the accident.
(For further author's notes see Casseia's review)
Tohma Seguchi sat in his office at NG, and his forehead rested against his interlaced fingers while his elbows sat upon the polished wood. His phone began to ring, and he ignored it.
After a pause the sound repeated, and he glanced over at the caller I.D. "K-san". With a frown he picked up the receiver.
"Seguchi," after a pause he inhaled sharply, "Which way was Eiri headed?" asked he was immediately alert. "Yes, thank you, I will handle it from here." With that Tohma got to his feet and strode out of his office silhouetted against the orange hues of the sun setting over the Tokyo skyline.
The screech of tires filled Eiri's ears, and as he watched the headlights drawing nearer, he remembered Shuichi. He remembered the day he'd nearly flattened the little idiot the second time they'd crossed paths. He wondered what Shuichi had thought in those moments; 'What if I hadn't stopped then? ' and after a moment other "what ifs" entered his mind 'What if I had done something to avoid the car? What if Shuichi had not died, but was flung free of the vehicle and missed by paramedics? What if—'
A car stopped beside him, "Eiri-san… please, allow me to give you a ride."
Eiri turned quickly unsurprised to see his brother-in-law. 'He may have the answers I need', and that was the only reason Eiri stepped into the car.
"Do you wish to return to your apartment?"
"Yes," but after a moment Eiri changed his mind, "No… I need to see the Mercedes. I need to know what happened."
Tohma frowned for a moment, "I don't know…"
Eiri turned to look at him, "Seguchi… Tohma I need to know why—to know how—I feel like Shuichi should still be alive…" Eiri felt frustration building inside of him, "I tried to protect him" Eiri Yuki's voice dropped to a whisper as he stared off into space.
"I know how you feel. Helplessness is the worst feeling… No, worse is knowing that you did all you could for the one you care for… only to find that it wasn't enough." After a pause Tohma added, "I'll take you to see the car."
For the first time in a while Eiri felt that he could understand what his brother-in-law meant. 'I know exactly how he feels, and I don't know how he keeps that smile on his face'
But at that moment Tohma Seguchi was the closest to tears that he had been in a very long time.
It had taken twenty minutes for the owner to allow them access to Eiri's Mercedes, and Tohma was still filling out paperwork. One of the employees was escorting Eiri to the vehicle in question.
"It got hit pretty hard, man. You think the driver was drunk?" laughed the man who was walking ahead of him.
Eiri did not respond, but the muscle in his jaw tightened; he was becoming increasingly irritated with this young man.
"I mean; come on he must have run a red-light for both sides to be caved in like that."
'Both sides?' Eiri listened intently now.
But they had reached the car, "See you man!" called his escort as he walked away.
"Shuichi…" Eiri whispered as he walked around the car observing the damage; both from the accident and the teams who had extracted him and Shuichi from the wreckage. "I thought I swerved… I tried to protect you from that car."
Eiri's hand ran along the twisted metal. Images of Shuichi passed before his eyes. Shuichi in that rain drenched street…. Shuichi calling his name as the car sped toward them… violet eyes widened in fear…
"Eiri?" asked Tohma gently, "This was recovered from the car." He passed Eiri an envelope, "I do not know what is inside."
Eiri was grateful for the interruption this time. He took the yellow envelope into his hands, and felt the weight of a familiar object. He lifted the tabs securing the top, and reached within.
The cool surface of his lighter met his skin as he withdrew it. Turning it over in his palm he could still make out the picture on it. After the normal wear it went through plus the accident; it was a surprise that it still remained.
"Tohma I turned… he was the first thing I thought of…"
Tohma stepped over to Eiri folding the novelist's fingers around the lighter, "You did Eiri. You just didn't see the other car." Tohma turned taking a few steps away he surveyed the physical damage of the totaled Mercedes knowing that the emotional damage would be harder to repair.
"Tell me again what happened. I'm not sure I fully understand." The sleepy voice issued from the phone.
"They drug me up on stage, and Sakuma-san went over to the karaoke machine. The next thing I knew he began to sing that song—" Eiri lent back on the couch with his phone in hand. It was two o'clock in the morning, but he didn't really care.
"Which song Uesugi-san?" asked Eiri's psychiatrist through the phone.
"The song Shu was writing when we first met." Eiri was staring up at the ceiling of his living room. He closed his eyes and remembered that time. The paper had blown right to his feet. The words return to him again…
Amidst a noisy crowd of people the murmured words melt away illuminate me on the verge of freezing
Time brings dreams from the skies counting my wishes when I wake up you are there in the wavering vision a faint silhouette.
Amidst the noisy crowd the melting whisper I'm freezing and it illuminates me.
Time rains dreams counting my wishes.
"Alright, continue" prompted the psychiatrist with a sigh.
"We sang it, I knew the words; I don't know how many times I've tried to forget them… What I remembered at that moment; I feel that it was stronger than a memory. It was like that dream…"
"The one your brother woke you from?" she had heard all this before…
"Yes, Everything… each memory that unfurled in my mind, each sense that swept over me; it was all so overwhelming."
"What exactly were you feeling Uesugi-san?" she stifled a yawn.
"I could feel his hand in mine… I could smell the scent that is uniquely him; a mix of poky, perspiration, and shampoo… I had felt so alone in that bar, so out of place, and it was as if by standing on that stage—"
"You felt closer to him." He nodded, but remembered she couldn't see him. She continued, "It is perfectly natural to feel such emotions. You are grieving Uesugi-san, and remember that it is a process. Your body may have recovered from that car accident, but your heart and mind have not. You must give yourself time. Remember the past, but don't let it rule your future. Shindou-san was and is an important part of your life, but you must continue to live." She paused for breath.
"Is that it?" a harsh tone had entered his voice; he was not paying her to tell him what he already knew.
"If you wish to discuss this further I am free tomorrow at.—"
"Thanks," Eiri interrupted hanging up the phone. Sitting up Eiri tossed the phone sending it sliding across the hardwood floor. Next he grabbed the remote, an ashtray, and some mange-novel of Shuichi's; each object finding its way to the opposite wall.
Next his hand closed over… Eiri paused lifting the lighter from the coffee-table. He looked at it again, and tightened his grip upon the familiar object.
Suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion Eiri lent back on the couch once more with the lighter still in hand. Tiredly Eiri reached up placing it above his head on the armrest of the couch. With a sigh he turned over allowing sleep to claim him; returning him to the one place where his world was right again—his dreams.
