I will continue. Nothing will stop me. Not even the Mary Sues with torches and pitch forks outside my house. Just kidding folks. I 'm just having so much fun with that I can't stop. I am completely obsessed with this rubbish. It has consumed most of my waking hours and some sleeping ones too. I had a dream that Tara was trying to suck my blood, but since she doesn't have fangs I was able to flip her anemic ass over and pin her down like they do on Smack Down.

Chapter 6.

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! (Is that like an unbreakable vow?)

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. (blah, blah, blah) I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses (crosses, on a vampire - FUCKING POSER PREP) in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. (Why? Spray paint? Really? Besides, I thought your hair already had purple streaks in it.)

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula (Wheaties is the breakfast of champions, and this sugary shit is the breakfast of real hardcore Goths.) cereal with blood instead of milk, (yummy, not) and a glass of red blood (as opposed to green blood – geddit cuz she's in Slytherin). Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face (couldn't find his you know what) and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. (Really, an English accent? …in a British school? No way! If you're going to mention his accent you should be a bit more specific about it. There is more than one kind, dumbass.) He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.(You're the fucking sicko, either that or your just so fucking stupid that you can't find the right words to describe arousal. Yeah, I'm going with that.) (FYI: the clitoris can become erect, but this chick probably wouldn't even know where to find hers with a map. I'm not trying to be mean... well actually I am, and saying anything to the contrary would make me both a liar and a hypocrite - but really, just judging by the descriptions of human anatomy here do honestly believe she can.)

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice. (someone in character, Harry is shy around girls - it won't last)

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned. (You mean to tell me that this is your seventh year and you don't who Harry Potter is. Do you live under a fucking rock?)

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed. (I'd like to know why too.)

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. (Giggled, like a bitch? Oh no, she turned him into Dragula.)

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered. (wimp)

"Yeah." I roared. *growl* I feel the sudden urge to sing I am woman hear me roar.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. (It's poison. Please tell me it's poison. No? Oh, fuck.)

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life (or Killing me Softly with This Crap)

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. (I don't believe you, but if anyone gave a positive review to this story it was only in the interest of keeping the shit going.) n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue (Ah, I see the problem now. She's French.) ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! (She has demonic lice eggs?) n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

(how'd that z sneak in there?) XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. (why do we need to know this) I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (I thought it was black) (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?)(um, yes). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. (How could he possibly be jealous of you and Draco. He just met you. You fucking delusional whore.) Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

We started frenching passively (honestly, do people even call it that anymore. another thing that leaves me disturbed is how anyone can you manage to do it passively.) and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. (you french passively but you disrobe enthusiastically WHORE... no scratch that whores enjoy kissing... COMMON STREET CORNER PROSTITUTE.) He felt me up before I took of my top. (What a gentleman) Then I took off my black leather bra (sounds very uncomfortable) and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine (wait… you have a boy's thingie? Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Hermaphrodite Raven Way 'geddit cuz she gut a boiz thingie 2') and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) (extremely)

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo (must have been fake because I can't focus enough to see anything when I'm having one) I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! (Vampire is one word.)

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" (I'm almost certain that Draco's parents are married.) I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. (Did you Ebony, did you.)

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" (Guess what slut? If he has it so do you. I've yet to see the use of a condom in this fic.)

I put on my clothes all huffily (like the petulant little child you are) and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. (To mad to care, but not too mad to notice. Giggity. ) I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom (that's a long way to stomp your feet must hurt like hell) where he was having a lesson (How did you know he was there? Oh, probably because you should have been there too. SLUT.) with Professor Snape and some other people. (Probably preps since you didn't bother to describe the slutty outfits they were wearing.)

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.

(Another cliffie ending in mother fucker. How does she do it? It was probably frustration after she faked the big O.)

Will Professor Snape throw a wobbly? Will Vampire suck all of Ebony's AIDs contaminated blood just to shut the bitch up? Get the answers to these intriguing questions and more on the next instalment of... My Immortal.