UNDERCOVER
A Kim Possible fan fiction
By Michael Howard
(Author Note: This story takes place during the Memorial Day weekend of Kim and Ron's Junior Year in High School and is rated T for adult themes, language, and violence.)
4. The Diner
Saturday Evening:
"Hey, Ron. Hold it a minute."
The request was just a formality. Kim Possible was walking hand in hand with her best friend through a residential section of Stars Hollow and when she came to a stop, he would have no choice but to do the same.
"What's up, KP?"
Kim held up her right hand and crooked a finger at him. Ron Stoppable immediately stepped forward until their bodies were almost touching.
I can't fault the boy for his ability to follow directions. It's in initiating one of these husband/wife interactions that he falls short.
She placed her forearms on his shoulders and maneuvered them in a quarter turn to his right. She brought her face close to his, close enough for her lips to brush the false beard he wore, then shifted her attention to the side of his head. With her mouth barely an inch from his ear, Kim whispered, "The house directly in front of you is where Sookie St. James and her family live. Rory pointed it out to me earlier."
His body gave a slight twitch as he said, "Okay."
"I'd like to take a closer look at the house."
He shivered again.
"Maybe even go inside but-"
More twitching.
"What is wrong with you?"
"Nothing," he said even as his body went through a new set of tremors.
"Is this some kind of Bueno Nacho withdrawal symptom?"
"No. It's... it's just a little ticklish when you whisper like that."
Kim pulled her head back so she could give him a cool look. "Are you about done?"
He breathed in and out. "All right, yes."
She brought her mouth back to his ear, counted to three, and then repeated, "Wisp, wisp, wisp," until he was jerking frantically in her arms.
Between high pitched giggles he managed to say, "Kim... stop... nooo... "
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that ear was so sensitive. Maybe I should try... this one instead!"
Ron put his hands on her waist and tried to push her backwards but couldn't break the grip of her arms around his neck. "No... Kim... you... better quit... Kim!"
A sudden note of urgency in his voice caused her to step back and show him her palms.
He panted, "Something almost happened here for the first time since-"
"Tuesday?"
"Wednesday. Remember I got the king-size Slurpster."
"Yeah. Think we'll still be doing incontinence jokes when we're seniors, Ron?"
"A thing to be fervently hoped for, KP. Although in another fifty, sixty years that topic might hit a little too close to home."
"I meant seniors in high school. But... there's something to be said for your time-line, too."
They exchanged shy smiles, then he asked, "Anyway, you sure you want to start a tickle war with me?"
"And why not with you?"
"Because, KP, I'm the only one who... uh... oh, never mind."
"The only one who... " she prompted.
"Forget I said it, Kim. It was stupid."
"Yeah, you don't want to explain, then you don't have to. Too bad you're so hungry though, because I'm taking nothing but baby steps until you do."
Some mental debate occupied him for several seconds before he told her, "I was going to say that I'm the only one who knew about your secret tickle spot, but that's probably not true anymore."
"Yes it is. You think I'd ever tell anyone else about that?" She pointed a finger at him. "And you are not to spill that to anybody. Ever. Guard that knowledge with your life."
"I do. I will," he said, his features brightening noticeably.
Yes, Ron, you are still the only boy I ever let tickle me. Is that what he really thinks goes on during a date? Actually, he just might since to my knowledge he has never been on one himself.
Wait a minute! What was Florida if not the mother of all dates?
"Ron, Rory and I did a lot of talking while we were waiting for you and Lorelai to get back."
"That's cool. What about?"
"Things."
"Such as?" When she didn't answer right away he asked, "Was it about Yale?"
"'Wha-"
"Kim, tell me she's not trying to get you to go to Yale! Yale, KP? You might as well just go to an all-girls school! No, actually I'd have more of a chance if you did because I could fake that better than-"
Kim put her fingers up to his mouth and gently pressed until he fell silent. In her most soothing voice she said, "Glaciate, Ron. She didn't try to get me to go to Yale or any other university. All that we talked about was... girl stuff. And right now it's not that big a deal. So let's get a move on and hit the diner before it closes."
He nodded and smiled. She saw his hand twitch at his side but he didn't lift it up until she started to extend her own toward him.
Although darkness was descending rapidly, Kim managed to navigate their way to the town square without any missteps.
"Hey, this is nice," said Ron, eyeing the decorative lights gleaming from storefronts and trees.
"Yeah." Kim looked left and right. "There. That's Luke's."
The diner was less than half full now so the proprietor immediately noticed when Kim and Ron entered. Luke Danes set a plate down in front of a customer and then walked over to the door. "You made it."
"I said I would. And I brought my husband Ron along." Wow. For the first time in the nearly twenty-four hours of our 'marriage' I was able to say that without stumbling.
"Luke Danes."
Kim's best friend shook the hand offered to him. "Ron Pendarvis. How are you?"
"Good. You know this is quite a lady you have here."
"Hey, I've known that since before she was a lady." Ron turned to Kim and missed the puzzled frown Luke gave him. "Have you already been here?"
"No, but I met Mr. Danes in town earlier."
"Yeah, it's just Luke."
She gave him a smile. "Right. I'm Kim."
"So, dude, they tell us you are like the primo burgermeister in these parts."
"Yes," added Kim. "And then we ask for an English translation."
Luke glanced from one teen to the other. "I'll get a couple of burgers going on the grill and you decide for yourselves."
"Sounds great," said Kim. "Okay if we just sit at the counter?"
His hand made a gesture of approval and once they were seated he leaned closed to say, "Whatever you two want today, it's on the house."
Kim gave him a smile of thanks to which her best friend added, "Gracias, moan amy."
When Luke had disappeared into the back, Ron asked in a low voice, "Okay, Kim, what'd you do? Save him from having a piano drop on his head?"
"Something like that."
"Man, are you a cheap date." No sooner were the words out of his mouth then a look of alarm came over his features. "No, not a date, I mean, uh-"
"Just chill, Ron. It's no big."
Well, I can't chalk that one up totally to the infamous Stoppable Overreaction Syndrome. It was just like a month ago that we went together to his cousin Reuben's wedding and when he slipped and referred to that as a date, I was pretty harsh in the way I set him straight. And then there was the time back when we were sophomores and he said it was possible that someday we could date. I basically told him that was crazy.
Of course before either of those things happened, Ron had used a bullhorn - a bullhorn! - to announce to the whole freakin' school that we were not dating. Out of all the things Ron has done over the years that ticked me off, why does that moment stand out so prominently?
Before Kim could answer the question, Luke returned to ask how they wanted their burgers.
"Medium for me," answered Ron. "Triple cheese. Lots of onions, half sautéed, half rare."
"Yeah, medium is good. Lettuce and tomato, too, please."
"Right. Coffees?"
"No. Just whatever kind of sodas you have."
Kim watched Luke return to the kitchen, then looked over at Ron and saw he was staring straight ahead, lips compressed, hands idly playing with the condiment bottles near him.
Great, now there's a thing between us. I so do not want that now. Not on an important mission like this. Not when I am dealing with post Moodulator issues. And especially not when things are going so well between me and him. I mean, even if you forget thirteen amazing years of friendship, the things he has said to me and done for me this weekend alone make him somebody I want in my life for a long time.
A very long time.
Always.
I don't know why, but I never associated the 'A' word with Ron before. I didn't think there was a specific expiration date for our friendship, but I didn't give much consideration to the post school sitch either.
"I have the burgers going," Luke told them as he set their drinks down on the countertop. "Anything with them?"
"No," said Ron.
"Yes," said Kim. She gave her best friend an appraising look, then faced Luke. "Do you have chili fries? Okay, please bring him a double order. Extra cheese on top."
Kim held her glass out in her right hand and Ron clinked it with a weak smile.
Well, that's a little better. But the dating issue never seems to go away completely. It remains the only real speed bump on the Kim Ron friendship trail.
Man, did Ron totally flake out when things kicked off with Josh Mankey. Sabotaging my run at class president. Trying to hook me up with Brick. Very uncharacteristic behavior for him. I don't believe either was a conscious reaction to me dating, but they certainly show his inner turmoil at the thought of losing what we had. Over time, he realized that Josh would never replace him as my best friend and things settled down somewhat. Still, the nastiest fight ever between us was because of a date with Josh. Maybe I was giving out a few too many of the gooey details, or maybe, no definitely, I had literally risked my life in leaving the house that night, but he said things to me the next morning that I'd never heard from him before or since.
"Kim," Ron whispered. "Why aren't you eating?"
She looked down and saw her burger was there before her. How long it had been there she didn't know, but at least it was still hot. And really, really good. She gave Ron an appreciative nod, and did the same for Luke when she noticed he was looking in her direction. He gave back a barely perceptible incline of his own head and returned to the kitchen.
I don't know a whole lot about that man but get the impression he doesn't smile very much. I wonder if that's just the way he has always been or it's his sadness over the breakup with Lorelai Gilmore. Rory called them "soul mates" and I'm betting she didn't get that phrase out of an animology book. I don't know exactly how she means it but it sure has a nice sound to it.
Kim looked over to Ron who was busy attacking the small mountain of chili fries before him.
Some people would say we are 'soul mates'. My parents claim there was a special connection between Ron and me from the very first day we met. Yeah, but even a super friendship is not the same as romantic love. Jack London's soul mate was his wife and Luke and Lorelai apparently came pretty near to getting hitched before it went south. For me and Ron, our 'marriage' ends in an amicable annulment two days from now and we go back to Middleton as 'just friends'.
Unless of course we chose to consummate the relationship before then...
Kim was taking a drink from her soda when this last thought emerged into her consciousness and this caused her to gasp and swallow at the same time. A coughing attack followed which prompted Ron to begin striking her on the back. Six blows came, each more forceful than the one before, until she had regained the power of speech.
"Stop, stop, I'm okay," she told him in a strained voice. She glanced over her shoulder and saw, as feared, that every customer in the diner was staring at her. Looking up at Ron, she whispered, "Sit, sit."
Kim faced forward and took a tentative sip of her drink. "Better."
"Honey, are you sure you're all right?"
To her left Kim saw she was getting a concerned look from a heavyset woman of about sixty who was wearing a leopard fur print wrap.
Kim forced a smile. "Something just went down the wrong way. But I'm fine now."
"I'm glad to hear that because you didn't look so good there for a minute. Excuse me. Luke!"
"Just a minute, Patty," came the distant reply.
Kim took a few deep breaths to calm herself.
"You have the body of a dancer," the woman told her.
"Oh, okay." Is that the polite way of saying too skinny?
"Have you ever done any professional dancing?"
"No."
"You might want to give it some thought, honey."
"S-sure," replied Kim.
Ron must have picked up on his best friend's uneasy body language and decided a distraction was called for. "Are you a professional?"
"I was. Three hundred and seventeen Broadway appearances."
"Badical," he replied. "Would I have seen you in anything famous?"
"It's possible. How old are you?"
"Uhh... "
Okay, who is rescuing who here? Aloud Kim said, "He just had a birthday and is also kind of forgetful. Ron's twenty-three."
"And what was the last show you saw?"
"Uhh... "
Kim patted his arm. "We are going to have to do something about that memory of yours, sweetheart. I've seen a few Broadway shows myself. My mother is a huge theatre fan."
"And how long have you two been married?"
Okay, that's a rather abrupt transition. "Not that long." Her dark, insightful eyes prompted Kim to reluctantly add, "Since yesterday."
"I thought so." The woman waved bejeweled hands in the air. "There's this intensity you two are giving off." She paused, and added with a frown, "But it's being restrained somehow."
"Really," said Kim in an almost inaudible voice while making a point of avoiding eye contact with Patty or Ron.
Fortunately the older woman was distracted by the reappearance of the owner. "Luke, where have you been?"
"In the back, doing inventory. You want your usual?"
"Yes, please."
Luke set a coffee cup in front of the older woman and turned to the two teens. "What else can I get you?"
"Maybe another soda," said Kim.
"Yeah, I'll take one of those," agreed Ron. "And the name of the place where you get your coriander. It's Turkish, isn't it? Puts your burgers right over the top."
"I can fill all those orders," said Luke, stepping out from behind the counter to tend to the customers at tables.
Kim wanted to tell Ron that once again she was impressed by his cooking knowledge but words like that didn't come easily for her and she felt even more inhibited by the knowledge that Patty was sitting about two feet away. So she settled for a poke to his side and a whispered, "Way to go, Ron."
He smiled back his thanks but said nothing, apparently feeling the same way she did about the older woman's proximity.
Well, if we can't ignore her presence, maybe we can take advantage of it. "Umm, excuse me, ma'am. Is it right that you live here in town?"
"Yes, I do."
"So you would know a man named Taylor Doose?"
"Oh, yes."
"He is a friend of a friend of mine and I'm supposed to pass along a message to him before I leave town. But I haven't been able to catch him at his house, the market, or the ice cream store."
"I haven't seen Taylor at all today, honey. But if he's away from his usual haunts, he might be off somewhere with Kirk."
"Kirk?"
"The town's odd job man."
"Emphasis on odd," muttered Luke as he walked past them.
Patty said, "I didn't realize Taylor was missing but I know Kirk is."
Kim said, "That sounds kind of ominous."
"Stars Hollow missing is not like big city missing," Patty assured them. "They'll both turn up."
"Well, how do you know this Kirk is missing?" asked Ron.
"His girlfriend has been asking about him around town." She raised her voice to ask, "Luke, has Lulu been in here asking about Kirk?"
"Twice," came the out-of-sight reply. "I told her just to count her blessings and move on."
Patty smiled at the two teens. "So says the town curmudgeon. And speaking of blessings... " She got up from her stool and moved next to Ron. "You have my second husband's hands."
"Okay, that sounds like the title for a horror movie," remarked Kim.
"Nothing horrible about it," Patty assured her, taking Ron's left hand in both of hers. "So big and powerful and yet so gentle."
Kim wasn't sure if the words referred to Ron or the husband, but it was definitely her best friend whose hand was being stroked and caressed. From the alarmed look on his face, Ron was not enjoying the woman's attentions, but no realistic rescue plan presented itself to Kim's mind.
"Uh, Patty?" Luke held up a large Styrofoam container. "You do realize this is the only thing you're leaving with tonight?"
The woman sighed dramatically. "Yes, I had my day." She took Kim's hand and placed it in Ron's. "And now it's your turn. Enjoy."
As the woman paid for her food, the two friends considered their clasped hands and shrugged mutual confusion.
After Patty had left the diner, Luke told them, "I'd apologize for her, but she's actually one of the more sane people in this town."
Kim gave Ron's hand a quick squeeze and they let go at the same time. "Hey, you visit a small town, you expect small town eccentrics."
"That's a charitable way to put it." Luke ran a thumb along the underside of his whiskered chin and turned to Ron. "I'm wondering if that coriander business was just a fluke."
A big grin came over the teen's face. "Try me."
"I'll do that," said Luke. "But it'll take a few minutes. Anything I can bring you now?"
"Well, since you asked, that apple pie over there has been calling out to me ever since I got here."
"Ron! You're gonna put the man out of business."
Luke lifted up the glass cover and set a tin holding two thirds of a pie down on the counter between the friends. "It's an inventory night and this is on the list of things that have to be tossed if they're not eaten." He must have read hesitation on her features because he added, "I can't send anything home with employees because I gave everyone the night off. And the food bank in Hartford doesn't accept out-of-town donations on a holiday weekend because they don't have enough storage capacity."
"Okay," said Kim reluctantly.
"Okay," said Ron enthusiastically.
The pie tasted great, but Kim stopped herself after eating the equivalent of a medium-sized piece. In part this was because she didn't want to get overly full when she was technically at least on a mission. But more than that, she wanted to see Ron happy. And clearly from the sounds coming from him, this pie was making him very happy.
Luke returned just as the last of the pie was disappearing. "Does he always eat like this?"
"Only when he's awake," Kim assured him.
A plate holding a hot dog was set before each of them.
"Nothing on it," said Ron. "You taking pity on me? My burger was loaded up and I still managed to tell you about the spices inside it."
"You want something on this, just say so."
Ron smiled, not just with his lips but his eyes as well. "If it isn't too much trouble I'd like chili, onions, half raw and half sautéed like before, and, of course-"
"Cheese?"
"I think he's starting to see a pattern here, Ron."
Luke turned to Kim.
"Better leave mine as is. I'm not sure I have even an extra centimeter of room."
After Luke had returned to the kitchen, Kim picked up her hot dog and brought it close to Ron's face. "You sure you don't want even a nibble before yours gets all jacked up?"
He made a slashing gesture in the air. "No need, KP."
Oh man, do I love it when he is confident and self-assured like this!
Ron gave his hot dog a careful appraisal when Luke brought it back. "I prefer a few more onions, my man. But I'll make do." He picked it up, sniffed it, eyed Luke dispassionately, gave Kim a quick grin, and then took a huge bite. They watched him chew and swallow as if this was the stuff of high drama. He rubbed a paper napkin against his mouth and took a big drink of his soda. Setting the cup down again, he let out a satisfied sigh. "It's good."
"All right," said Luke.
"But what's in it, Ron?"
"It's kosher meat. And of course I'm getting the chili powder from the toppings."
"Even I could have come up with that," said Kim.
"Well, there are the usual spices you find in hot dog meat, salt, garlic, paprika, and powdered onion. But the surprise ingredient here is a touch of... "
"You're not gonna get a drum roll, Ron. Just say it."
The teen held out an upturned palm. "Tarragon."
Luke gave him the faintest of smiles and nodded at Kim.
She threw an arm around Ron and squeezed. "Ultra-badical!"
He gave her right hand a pat in acknowledgement.
A kiss would probably have been the more expected response between a wife and husband for a moment of triumph like this, but it's too late now. If I stop to think about what I'm going to do, then I get too self-conscious and can't follow through. Maybe acting isn't my calling. Oh well, it's not like Ron was looking forward to more kissing anyway. To him, the pretend affection is just another mission related obligation, like a parachute jump or a sewer crawl.
Okay, hopefully he would enjoy it a little more than the latter, at least.
Luke cashed out the last group of table customers and then it was just the three of them in the diner. "Anything else I can get for either of you?"
Ron swallowed another big bite of his hot dog. "Kim will tell you I don't say this very often, but I think I may be approaching the full mark." He reached out and started to pull her plate toward him. "In fact, this will probably do it."
"Hold it, mister! I'll let you know when you get to touch something of mine. Er, food wise, I mean. And I'm going to have at least one more bite before the rest gets sent to that black hole you call a stomach."
Kim resumed eating so Luke turned to Ron to ask, "Where are you two staying?"
"The Dragonfly."
Don't mention Lorelai, Kim mentally commanded him. Do not refer to her in any way.
A look of sadness might have passed over Luke's face, but if it did, it was very brief. "Do they still have the mini fridges in each room?"
"Ours does," Ron told him.
"Okay, I'll be back in a minute."
Kim wiped her mouth and slid her plate along the counter. "I have hit it."
"You sure?"
"Painfully sure."
Ron scooped up her hot dog and devoured what was left of it in two bites.
Seeing that somehow made Kim think back a decade or more to when they would happily share whatever treats they possessed, whether they be ice cream, candy bars, suckers, even on one notable occasion, a single stick of chewing gum.
"Hey, Ron? Do you remember in Third Grade when we went on a field trip to the Middleton Pickle Works?"
"Well, kinda."
"For some reason we were trying to gross out Bonnie so we, uh, kept passing a piece of gum back and forth between us. The same chewed piece."
"Don't recall the gum sharing part of it too well. But that must have been the trip where you flicked a wad of gum into her hair."
"I wouldn't do something like that."
"You mean you wouldn't get caught doing something like that. You were twenty feet away or more at the time and the teacher refused to believe Bonnie when she accused you of doing it." He glanced around to make sure Luke wasn't nearby and concluded in a lower voice, "I guess we could say that was the first time you used your special powers for good."
"And what's good about gum in the hair? Man, am I the one who started the whole rivalry thing between us?"
"That was Third Grade, KP. Rewind a little further to kindergarten. What would happen every time you'd wear a new dress to school?"
"Bonnie would 'accidentally' spill paint on me. That little witch!"
"She was just jealous of you, Kim. Always has been. Still is today."
Oh, right. Quite possibly the most beautiful girl in school. Certainly the best wardrobe. The one who always had a top of the food chain date for every dance and social activity since the earliest days of Middle School. Yeah, I can see why she'd be totally envious of my life.
"Not sure I'm gonna completely buy into that one, Ron."
"Yeah, KP, I'm right about this. I'll grant you that Bon Bon is popular. Always has an entourage around her. But do you notice that the faces change every year? Almost every semester?"
"Well... I guess it's not easy to toe the Rockwaller line indefinitely."
"Wouldn't know. Never tried it."
Is that a dig? At me?
"Bonnie has spent most of her life searching for something," continued Ron.
"A rich husband?"
"A best friend."
"I... Wow." Guess that Captain Oblivious crown actually belongs on my head since in the dozen years I've known Bonnie that thought never crossed my mind.
Luke returned from the kitchen with a large cardboard tray holding several paper bags.
Kim gave him a smile. "If you're going off on a delivery, I hope you'll be careful."
He set the tray down on the counter before them. "These are for you two. Mostly pastries, a few rolls, and about a dozen of the hot dogs. They're packed in ice and will make it back to the Inn okay."
"Luke, this is incredibly generous."
"Yeah, thanks, dude. You're awesome."
"It's nothing. Whatever you don't have a use for, just throw away."
Kim eyed the empty tables behind them. "I suppose you'll be closing up soon."
"Not that soon. I still have some more work to do in the back."
"Before you go, can I ask one more time about Taylor? Do you agree with Patty that nothing is really wrong and he'll turn up soon. This Kirk person, too?"
"Why wouldn't they be?" Kim didn't have an immediate response to that so Luke asked, "So you've heard about the Whateley House?"
Kim knew a split second decision was called for here and the wrong answer might jeopardize the entire mission. "As Ron can tell you, eavesdropping is a really bad habit of mine."
"Well, it's a dangerous thing to do when you're in a town full of idiots."
"Luke, I didn't say I believed all the wild talk I heard. But the house itself is real, right?"
"Yes."
"Have you been there?"
"Never inside it. But I've been fairly close. During the day and at night. I guess the ghosts or whatever the hell is supposed to haunt the place were on vacation. Both times."
"Well, sure," said Kim. "But still... "
"But still?"
Kim's mind raced to come up with a plausible explanation for why she would be interested in the local mystery house but Ron was quicker.
"Lucas, Lucas, Lucas. I know Kim comes across like a squishy soft... uh, cheerleader type sometimes but believe me, she's got some bulldog in her. I can tell she already has her mind set on seeing this house. So do her a favor, do me a favor, and tell us where we can find the place."
The diner owner eyed each of them in turn for a long moment before stating, "It won't be easy. The house is pretty isolated."
Kim poked Ron's leg and then pointed to the spot on the floor where he had set down her backpack. "There are some hiking trail guides in there."
Ron retrieved the maps and handed them to Luke who flipped through them quickly before choosing one. "This road comes the closest but it'll still be a mile or more from the house at the nearest point."
Ron loved hiking about as much as he did homework. "You're saying there's no way to just drive right there?"
"No."
"How old is this house anyway?" Kim asked.
"Probably a hundred years or more."
"Well, when did the... strangeness start?"
"As soon as Old Man Whateley moved in. Back in the Forties I think."
"Cool," said Kim. No, uncool. Totally uncool. Amy isn't exactly young but she sure wasn't doing genetic experiments there or anywhere else sixty plus years ago. So we're back to square one.
Luke said, "I thought the house had finally been forgotten but with those college kids spreading their damn stories... "
Okay, this sounds more promising. "Did they come here?"
"No, it was Tilly Erlanger. She works as a nurse at the County Hospital and was on duty when they brought in the kid who broke his leg."
"He was at the Whateley House?"
"Along with enough friends to haul the kegs in."
"Okay now, you are guessing about the alcohol, right?"
"Yes," admitted Luke.
"But a likely enough possibility," remarked Ron. "You know what teenagers are like, Kim." He shook his head disdainfully.
She paused momentarily to give him a quick frown. "Okay, Luke. I promise, just two more questions about the Whateley House and I will let the subject drop. First, are all the students who went to the house accounted for?"
"As far as I know."
"And do you think that Taylor or Kirk could have heard the story of these kids going to the house and somebody getting hurt?"
"I haven't seen either of them since yesterday. Taylor only comes around if he wants to bitch about something. But Kirk is usually a regular at breakfast."
"And his girlfriend doesn't know where he is," remarked Ron.
Luke did not respond and Kim decided it was time for a new topic. "So, how long have you been running your own diner?"
"Going on eleven years now."
"Long hours and hard work?"
"At times," was the laconic reply.
"Yeah, Ron is a chef back home. Maybe someday he'll have a restaurant of his own."
"As long as it's at least a hundred miles from here, I'm all for it."
The friends exchanged smiles, knowing he meant it as a compliment of Ron's culinary talents.
"What do you do, Kim?"
I don't know. We never got around to making up a cover story for me. "I guess you could say I'm between jobs right now."
"You two have any kids?"
"I, uh, no. We just got married yesterday."
"I heard that. Congratulations. To you I mean," he said to Ron. "I know the bride isn't supposed to be congratulated."
"Yeah, especially in this case," added Kim, giving Ron a pretend glower. Hey, you started the whole teasing thing, buddy. Besides, whatever gets us off the subject of the two of us having children together, then I'm going for it.
Ron gave her a mischievous smile. "But y'know, Luke, the funny thing about our marriage is-"
At that moment a cell phone in Kim's pants pocket began to ring. Out of habit she reached in for her personal phone but remembered she had shut it off. Thrusting it back, she tugged out the Global Justice device from her other front pocket and flipped it open. The display screen said the call was from 'Aunt Betty'.
"Umm, excuse me, please."
Kim stepped outside the diner, glanced around to ensure there was no one was nearby, and hit the accept button. "Hello?"
"Ms. Possible?"
"Speaking."
"This is Agent Tagore at Global Justice."
"Nice to speak to you, Agent."
"And an honor to speak to you, Miss."
"Ah, thank you. Is everything okay?"
"Yes. But I thought you'd like to know the local contact just checked in."
Kim pitched her voice still lower. "Taylor Doose?"
"That's the man."
"Is he home now?"
"No. Looks like he is still several miles from your location. But I can connect you by phone."
"That will work. Do I hang up?"
"No, just keep the line open."
"Right. And I'd like to speak with you again after I'm done with him."
"Understood. Connection coming through... now."
There were two soft clicks and then a man's voice said, "Hello?"
"Hello, Mr. Doose. This is... " Kim took another look around her. "The GJ Team Leader in town. I've been trying to reach you for several hours now."
"Yes, well, I've been on the road since before dawn."
"That sounds like a long day. Uncover anything related to this case?"
"No, not exactly."
"Is there something else going on I should know about?"
The man hesitated. "Kirk didn't check in with me last night."
"Is that right?"
"Yes. Kirk Gleason. On Thursday I asked him to make a survey of the areas outside of Stars Hollow. Just to look for unusual activity."
"Does he know about… "
"No. Not about this Amy Hall person. Not about my connection to Global Justice."
"And now he's missing. Maybe he should have been given more of a warning about the potential dangers out there these days."
"It's easy to make a comment like that in retrospect, Agent, ah... "
"Pendarvis."
"Agent Pendarvis. But it didn't seem like such a dangerous activity back on Thursday."
"You mean before the news about the Whateley House came out?"
"Exactly."
"Did you go there today?"
"As close as the roads would allow."
"And found nothing?"
"That's right."
So far the conversation had been rather unenlightening. Kim wondered if there were other important questions she should be asking but nothing occurred to her at the moment.
She peered through the front window of the diner and saw Ron and Luke were discussing something. It must be food, she decided, because that appears to be the only thing they have in common. Luke is such a man's man. Even without the baseball cap he seems to always wear, she would have guessed he loved sports, and hunting and fishing seem like safe bets as well.
As for Ron, well, boy's boy is probably not too far off the mark. Even by the low standards set by the typical high school male, Ron comes up lacking on the maturity scale in so many areas.
Okay Kim, if all that is true why have you having all these thoughts about him that are so... adult?
No, no, no. One mystery at a time here.
"So Mr. Doose, will you be available tomorrow if we need you?"
"By phone, yes."
"I was thinking more as a guide and to provide transportation."
"I'm not a field operative. I wouldn't have any ties to Global Justice at all if it wasn't for my nephew."
"Your nephew?"
"The one who married Elizabeth."
"Elizabeth?"
"The woman you work for."
"Right. Of course." Okay, so at least one piece of information was disclosed in this conversation. This is the first I've heard of Dr. Director being married. I hope for both their sakes she made it safely through the attack earlier today.
"All right, Mr. Doose. We'll be in touch again." If there's no way to avoid it.
Kim hit the end call button. The phone was silent for a moment, then emitted a series of clicks.
"Ms. Possible?"
"Yes, but please just call me Kim."
"Right. How can we assist you this evening?"
"To start, I'd be interested in any information you could dig up on the Whateley House, maybe ten miles outside of Stars Hollow. I'm not sure of the spelling but it was built about a century ago."
"I'll get right on it. Anything else?"
"Well, would it be possible to get a car loaned to us?"
"Certainly. Any particular requirements?"
"What kind of options are we talking about?"
"GJ currently employs three different armored transportation vehicles."
"You mean like a tank?"
"If tanks could fly and travel underwater, yes."
Kim was surprised at the temptation she felt to give Ron a chance at the controls of such a vehicle. She knew it was totally wrong for their current sitch but it would be a real thrill for him. The decision became easier for her when she started to think about the potential damage he could cause.
Yeah, I give in on this and the Welcome To Stars Hollow sign will have to include the founding and the flattening dates for the town.
"I think we will just go with low key and inconspicuous here."
"Right. Be aware the car will have to be brought up from the GJ garage in New York and that could take a few hours."
"I understand. Let us know when it gets here."
"Affirmative. Agent Tagore out."
Kim stepped back into the diner in time to see Ron finishing off a cheese danish. "Luke, you might want to come stand over here. I'm thinking the explosion is just seconds away."
"Ha ha, KP. Now c'mon over here and look at something cool."
"Hey, pictures." Kim considered each of the four photographs placed on the counter top before their seats. "She's cute. And... yes, she has your nose," Kim told Luke.
"Fortunately, the resemblance ends there."
"So you could tell right away that this was Luke's daughter?" asked Ron.
"Yes. What did you think?"
"There are other possible explanations for why he would have these pictures," he said defensively.
"Such as?"
"Uhhh... "
When Ron fell silent, Luke said, "He guessed she was the one millionth customer at the diner."
The sentence "It's a good thing you're cute, too." almost escaped from Kim. Instead she smiled warmly at her best friend and rubbed the backs of two fingers against his cheek for a moment.
"Ah, what's her name, Luke?"
"April."
"Nice. She's what, thirteen?"
"Just turned."
"Tough age for a girl."
"She seems to be managing."
"I'm glad to hear it." She gave him an earnest look. "Hey, Luke, thanks for showing us her pictures. Thanks for everything. This has been a lot of fun, but now I think we should get out of here and stop distracting you from your work. We'll be back, though, if that's all right."
Luke nodded.
Ron put his hand on Kim's shoulder. "Then you'll be seeing us again, dude."
Kim patted his hand but kept her grin directed at Luke. With a bit of Motor Ed in her voice, she said, "Yeah, dude, but next time we like pay our own way. Totally."
The night air was cool, but not unpleasantly so since Kim and Ron were walking at a brisk pace.
"What's the plan now, KP?"
"Back to the inn."
"Yeah, something tells me we're not going back to catch up on our TV watching."
"You might be right, Ron."
"Who called?"
"GJ."
"Anything new?"
"Not really. Finally made contact with the informant but nothing came of it."
"So we're going to check out that house?"
"Unless you have a better idea."
"I think even the lobster at Al's Pancake World would be a 'better' idea. And we're not gonna wait for sunup, are we?"
"No." Not liking the silence that came over him, Kim asked, "So what did you and Luke talk about when I was outside?"
"Stuff."
"Secret stuff?"
"No, he just... The idea was... "
"Hey, Ron, if it was the sort of thing that shouldn't be discussed in mixed company... "
"The conversation would have been a lot shorter if that's what we were talking about!"
Oh? Did you promise Madeline and Louise not to kiss and tell?
In a lower, calmer voice Ron said, "Basically what Luke was trying to tell me was that even though most men prefer sons, I shouldn't automatically assume that having a daughter would be any less rewarding."
"Okay. Were you assuming that?"
"No."
"So, you already knew you wanted girls?"
"Kim! Why are you asking me stuff like this? Is this your way of getting back at me for the cheerleader comment?"
"I didn't know that taking an interest in my best friend's future would be interpreted as an act of hostility. Pardon me, Ron."
He waited several seconds before asking, "But on the other hand, you're okay with squishy and soft?"
Kim gave him a sharp look but after a few seconds she found herself returning his smile.
"You really are a-"
He held up an admonishing finger. "Ah-ah-ah, KP. You never know when one of your young impressionable fans might be within earshot."
"Kim Pendarvis doesn't have to worry about things like that."
"I guess that's true."
She gave their surroundings a quick survey. "This whole undercover sitch is kind of a trip. I mean if we wanted to, right now, you and I could walk into a bar and order a drink. Lots of drinks."
"Theoretically, yes."
"But?"
"But we both know that's not going to happen."
"Why not?"
"Man, KP, how many reasons do you need? I bet I could list a dozen without any strain at all."
"No, not that many."
"One, your parents might find out and say no more missions. Two, GJ hears about it, same consequence. Three, the media picks up on the story and there go all your commercial endorsement deals."
"I don't do commercial endorsements. Never have, never will."
"Let's not revisit that bitter, unswallowable pill, KP. The deepest wounds take the longest to heal."
"Mangle your metaphors, much?"
"Four-"
"Three."
"Four."
"Oh, all right, four."
"Five, the afore mentioned young people who eagerly devour any available information on you and your life because they view you as a worthy role model."
"Arrgh."
"Although I believe you'll find that middle aged males are even more devoted in their interest of Kim Possible."
"Ron! Don't go there. Ever."
"Right. Was that twelve?"
"Twelve new gray hairs for me since we started this conversation. But not twelve reasons why I wouldn't do what I talked about. The count stands at five."
"Six is we are headed for a blood donation at a house filled with vampires and you wouldn't want to be late."
"Vampires, huh?"
"Are you saying there are no such things as vampires?"
"No. Not after the... fun we had in Rio de Janeiro."
"Okay then. Seven. You could be allergic to alcohol."
"I've had alcohol, Ron."
"Yeah, KP, I don't think your mom letting you have a sip of her Long Island Iced Tea really counts."
"Ron?"
"Yeah?"
"Is this like the stupidest thing we have ever argued about?"
"Probably."
"Let's let it go then."
"Right. I won. End of story."
"I, uh, fine. You won."
"Okay, that was totally OOC."
"Monique isn't here to translate. What does that mean?"
"Out of character."
"Oh. Well, that's been me this entire weekend."
To her surprise, he put his arm around her shoulders. "You're dealing with a few issues. It'll all get sorted out. And just remember, Kim, having the courage to tell me what's going on up here," he tapped a fingertip against the side of her head, "is a sign of strength not weakness."
Kim was using both hands to carry the cardboard box so she could only emulate his gesture by tilting her head until it rested against his. "You don't tell me what's going on in there very often."
"Which completely proves my point about the importance of strength and courage."
Kim drew in a breath to reply, but before that could happen she became aware of his fingers oh so gently moving through the tresses of the wig she wore. Words were forgotten then and she let the air out of her lungs in a slow, shuddery exhalation. Their heads stayed in contact but he pivoted slightly and she heard him make a sniffing noise.
The words that followed were low but audible. "This wig doesn't have a smell to it. It's not like your hair at all."
Ron knows my hair has a particular scent? How could that be unless he...
He jerked his arm away as if fearing she was about to burst into flame. "I-I'm sorry."
Kim forced her mouth to start working again. "Right, comforting a friend. Very bad."
A quick sideways glance told her Ron was walking with his head directed forward but apparently his eyes weren't focusing very well because he tripped over an uneven piece of sidewalk and barely managed to keep himself from falling.
"Careful, Ron," she murmured.
"Yeah. So, do you happen to know where the... "
"Danish?"
"No, the hot dogs."
"I think they're in this one."
He pulled a plastic bag from the paper sack she indicated, opened it, and plucked a hot dog from the icy slush within.
"I guess you like those things."
"Oh, yeah," he replied, his mouth obviously full.
"I mean you said like fifteen minutes ago you were stuffed."
"Y'know, KP, I find the whole concept of only eating when you're hungry to be regimented and confining. We are more than mere animals, our lives devoted solely to satisfying the biological imperatives of survival."
"Is that right, professor?"
"Yes, mankind also needs artistic expression. Human beings have an inner compulsion to create and admire beauty."
"Like the hot dog."
"Like these hot dogs," he said, pulling another from the plastic bag.
"Gotta be the coriander."
"Tarragon, KP. Bold move that. I mean yes, tarragon with chicken or shellfish, but beef? It works though."
"Yeah, for sure. Hey, Ron, I was thinking about something earlier. It's true that Sookie is a good cook, and so is Luke. But they're both decades older than you."
"So what?"
"So you were like fifteen when you invented the naco, and millions of them have been sold. More people have paid to eat your food creation in the last two years than will go to Luke's Diner or to the Dragonfly in fifty years."
"I guess."
"I know."
He turned to look at her. "What, are you gonna start a fan club or something?"
"Too late for that."
"What do you mean?"
"I, uh, already started one. Fourteen years ago this September."
Ron made the "Heh heh" sound that showed he was embarrassed but didn't otherwise respond.
"That's Third Street up there. The Inn is only a couple of blocks away now."
As soon as the two friends rounded the corner Kim indicated, they saw a car parked along the side of the road with its hazard lights blinking.
"Here you go, KP. One more favor today and you've got a lock on the next mayor election."
"Let's go see what's wrong."
As they moved closer to the car, Kim saw its sole occupant was a thirtyish female with long blonde hair. All the windows in her vehicle were up and she was watching their approach with barely concealed apprehension.
Well, this isn't the most inviting section of Stars Hollow. The Dragonfly Inn is actually pretty close but it's set back from the road and isn't visible from here. None of the commercial establishments in the area are open now and at places along this block, the trees grow right up to the sidewalk.
"Ron, maybe you better stay back here for now."
She handed him the cardboard box and walked slowly around to the driver's side window. Placing a hopefully reassuring smile on her lips Kim said, "Hello. Are you having trouble?"
The woman said nothing as she looked rapidly from Kim to Ron and back again.
Kim raised her voice a little higher. "Is everything all right?"
This time the woman answered, or at least her lips moved, but nothing intelligible made it to Kim's ears.
In something close to a shout Kim asked, "Do you need any help?"
The woman spoke again and Kim thought she heard 'tow truck'.
"Have you called for one or would you like me to do that?"
The woman pointed over at Ron and said something in a questioning tone.
He's really not that dangerous, lady. Stay away from him on Spring Break and you'll be fine.
"Ah, starting to get a complex over here, KP."
Sounds like he's eating. Again. "Don't take it personally, Ron. I think maybe she's foreign. I'm going to try something here."
With another smile, Kim reached into her pants pocket and pulled out the Global Justice cell phone. She opened the cover and set it down on the hood of the car.
"I hope she understands this is a temporary loan and not a gift," said Kim as she moved back several feet.
A soft thumping noise indicated the woman had unlocked the car door. Hesitantly, the woman opened it and stepped out. She eyed Kim anxiously as she walked to the phone.
"I'm not sure you can understand me but the phone is there if you need to make a call."
Apparently she did. Her left hand reached toward the phone with an exaggerated slowness that made Kim wonder if she was ill or under the influence of some sort of drug. It wasn't until the gun in the woman's right hand was pointed directly at Kim's heart that the teen realized she had been duped.
"KP!"
In a soothing tone, Kim said, "Ron, stay there."
The gun barrel made a jerking motion and Kim raised her hands over her head.
"Don't come any closer, Ron. Just lie down on the pavement."
"But, Kim!"
"Please and thank you."
The woman moved the gun in a circular motion.
She wants me to turn around so I can't look into her eyes. The whole misdirection thing with her hands shows that she understands the advantage that eye contact with an opponent gives you. Somehow she knows who I am and she's worried about the two of us being face to face like this. Maybe there's some Bobby Johnson in you, lady. His eyes telegraphed every punch and kick he tried against me and nothing got through. Of course Bobby wasn't armed with a Glock 36 9mm automatic...
Kim lowered her arms and took a step forward, her eyes locked with those of the gunwoman.
This is stupid, Possible. You're only doing this to prove to yourself that your combat skills haven't deserted you. And if they have, if you are anything less than 100 percent right now, you're dead and Ron soon will be.
No, this is the only way to save him. Ron's a lot more likely to get hurt if he tries the distraction game when there's a gun in play. And he's probably planning to make some kind of move right now.
Kim took another forward step.
Watch the eyes. They'll tell you what you need to know. It doesn't matter how far away the streetlight is. You can see well enough.
Please, Ron. Stay put just another few seconds.
Kim made a third step toward the woman. The distance between them was now close enough for the shimmer of sweat to be visible on the blonde's forehead.
I can do this. I can feel her nerve slipping away.
But what are you doing, Ron? I can't hear you and I don't dare look away for even a microsecond.
Keep watching her eyes. Everything will be revealed right there. The moment she decides to fire, whether the shot will be straight on or veer to the left or right...
With the uncomfortable sensation of walking off of a cliff, Kim stepped forward yet again.
No weapons, no gadgets, no distractions. The only thing you have over her at this moment is nerve. Make that work for you.
Kim smiled as she lifted her arms up parallel to the street. She flexed them at the elbows and fluttered her fingers.
All right. It's going to happen... now!
Kim launched herself forward and slightly to the left of the woman so that the first bullet did nothing more than tug at Kim's sweater as it passed. The second shot wasn't as close but she still felt the stinging bits of concrete it dislodged from the street as she hurtled across the pavement. Since the gun was silenced, it would not draw attention to the trouble the two teens now faced.
Anyway, does Stars Hollow even have a police department?
Kicking off with her legs increased her speed, and when the third shot was fired, it traveled straight up because Kim had forced the woman's arm in that direction. Kim butted her head against her opponent's nose, which stunned her, and then the teen's right elbow struck the woman's cheek hard enough to render her unconscious.
Kim let her crumple on to the street. She paused just long enough to kick the fallen weapon several yards away and then started off for the place she had last seen Ron.
He was still there but now so were two men she didn't know. One of them was behind Ron and had an arm pulled tightly around her best friend's throat. Even as he struggled to break that hold, Ron was kicking out at the other man standing in front of him.
Okay, now I see why you didn't try something stupid earlier. I should have known it had nothing to do with following orders.
She raced across the pavement, but before even half the distance could be covered, the man in front of Ron had produced a gun of his own.
Kim froze in place. "No! Stop! We give up."
The gunman eyed her coldly. "Lay down on the ground and put your hands behind your back."
The idea of surrender seemed to make Ron resist even more frantically. "Don't do it, Kim!"
"Be quiet, Ron! And stop fighting them." She turned back to the gunman. "I'm doing what you say. There's no reason for anyone to get hurt."
Kim lowered herself onto the pavement and was instantly aware of a damp chill that went right through her clothes.
"Lift up your legs."
As soon as she complied with his latest order, the man turned rapidly and slammed the butt of his gun down onto the top of Ron's head. The teen went rag doll limp and dropped to the sidewalk.
Kim let out a low but anguished cry and suddenly the effort of keeping her head lifted off the ground was more than she could bear. Her cheek sank on to the gritty surface of the street as she watched the two men move toward her.
(More Author Notes: Luke Danes and Patty LaCosta appeared in the Gilmore girls TV show created by Amy Sherman-Palladino.
The Whateley Family comes from the writings of H P Lovecraft.
Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable were created by Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley for the Disney Channel.
The above characters are all used without permission of the respective copyright holders but admiration rather than financial gain is the motivation.)
