Disclaimer: I own Melde, Raina, Lalaith, THEM, and anything else you don't recognize. I'm busy enough without owning Tolkien as well.

A/N: Sorry this took a bit, I'm on a FIRST robotics team and it's crunch time.

I got your suggestions to continue, so I'm going on with the Sues. I have to be careful not to drive Melde TOO insane…

Sue #1498: Day 1

Stupid ulgundi. Stupid, stupid, HORMONAL ulgundi.

There's ANOTHER one.

AGAIN.

I deserve at least a COUPLE re off.

GRRRRR…..

This one is half horse.

Or something.

Seriously. Half white horse, half elf, in this skimpy little top made out of shells. (1) There's a big horn thing coming out of her forehead. Creepy purple eyes too. Red hair, and pointed ears.

Does she think she's an Eldarie as well as being attractive? Because if she does, she's the most delusional person in Ëa since Fëanor.

And that's saying something.

Didn't even bother with her name this time. Showed her too her room as quickly as I could.

Those hooves scratched up the floor. The Twins aren't going to be happy. This is their favorite We-are-roaring-drunk-and-so-will-be-extra-annoying-and-slide-down-this-passageway-with-our-hose-pulled-down-over-our-feet-and-yelling-extra-loudly-to-annoy-THEM passageway.

"NEEIGH! I require hay to eat before the feast."

Oh, Valar. Apparently she needs both horse food and ordinary food.

Who ever invented this one should be delivered to Gorthaur with a sign around her neck saying 'I am extra annoying, please torture me'.

I'm sure he would be delighted to oblige.

Later:

SHE asked for something extra-special to wear to dinner tonight. Somehow they are unable to eat dinner in their rooms. At least this one didn't specify. I think I will borrow Elladan's saddle blanket from the last time he and Elrohir went racing in the mud. SHE is half horse after all.

Or something.

Even later:

Have decided that I am going to leave Imladris. Raina is going to deal with HER while I am gone.

She is rather calmer than I am though, so no trouble. Hír Elrond doesn't mind as long as he doesn't have to deal with THEM.

Have decided to visit Adar's family in the Havens. Maybe I'll get sea-longing and be forced to leave for Aman.

Eru, I hope THEY aren't there too.

16 days later:

Have made it to Bree.

It is made of smelly cheese.

Am going back. They need my help.

14 days after that:

I think the fumes from that cheese made me a masochist. SHE has decided to repaint Imladris with hot pink hearts everywhere.

The Twins painted one on her hindquarters.

And sawed off her horn thingy while she slept

And sewed poison ivy on the inside of all of her gown/saddle blanket things.

And got her very drunk and told her that Prince Legolas's room was on the lower north side.

Where the dwarf emissaries are staying.

The result wasn't pretty.

Then they ran her a bath and had Glorfindel stand next to it without a tunic. She ran in before realizing that there was a funny smell in the room…. the bath was filled with horse manure. And the floor was very slippery.

My main question is how they managed to get Glorfindel to act as bait. He killed a balrog, but even the Lord of the House of the Golden Flower of Gondolin is scared of THEM.

And in general not willing to stand next to tubs of horse manure without a tunic.

I think they've been spending too much time with Lalaith…

(1) Imagine a bikini top, except shells.