Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
A/N: Thank you all for reading. :)
Myka was enjoying a late breakfast when her phone rang. She checked the caller ID, then answered with a brilliant smile. "Good morning, Helena. Still at work?"
"Yeah," Helena mumbled in response. She was feeling nervous and tongue-tied all of a sudden. "How would you like to get married today?" She cringed, knowing this was not the right way to go about getting her girlfriend to agree to help.
"Get married?" Myka laughed. "Helena, you only asked me last night and I don't think we can get the papers this quickly. But if you insist ..."
Helena grimaced at the note of hopeful enthusiasm in Myka's voice. "Myka, darling ... it's not quite what you think," she stared to explain, ignoring Regina who was watching her with a smirk on her face. "Could you just come to the Grand Plaza? I'll explain everything once you're here."
Helena could practically see the worried frown on Myka's face. "Are you in trouble, Helena?" she asked softly. "What's going on?"
"Just the same trouble as last night," Helena replied. "We've come up with a solution but we need your help."
"I'm not sure how us getting married is going to solve your problem," Myka said, her tone holding more than a tinge of doubt, "but if it helps you, I'll at least come up to the Grand Plaza." She paused. "You better have a good explanation though," she said with a sigh. "My patience only goes so far."
"Thank you," Helena said. "See you soon." She ended the call and let out the breath she hadn't known she was holding. "She'll be here in a little while," she told Regina without looking at her, missing the soft, understanding smile on the other woman's face.
"She's your girlfriend?" Regina asked almost gently.
Helena looked up, surprised. "Yeah. She's the only one I can trust in all of this." It was clear that she didn't completely trust the woman sitting across from her, but Regina shrugged it off. She wasn't sure how far she trusted Helena either. It had been a long time since they were friends.
"Do you think that's wise?" she asked instead.
"Why?" Helena was suspicious. "Are you going to steal her?"
"Oh, please," Regina snorted. "But you're asking quite a lot of her, aren't you? You must be very secure in your relationship. Good for you."
"I don't need your approval," Helena said testily, her doubt over what they were planning making her anxious. Regina raised her hands apologetically, and Helena decided to be gracious. "But thank you. We have a good thing going but work-"
"Gets in the way," Regina finished for her. "Given that, do you really think we should use her?" she repeated her earlier concerns.
"Myka will understand." I hope. "Why don't you call your friend, so we can get this show on the road?" And with that the conversation was over.
o o o
"Seriously, H.G.?" Myka asked again, and Helena shrank a little more into herself.
Regina settled back into the armchair in her suite, watching, not sure if she should be exasperated or amused by the couple's interaction. Right now she was tending towards being bored on top of everything else. Myka and Helena had been going at it since Myka had arrived ten minutes earlier. They had met her in the lobby, introductions were made, and as soon as things had become heated and a little too loud, Regina had suggested taking things up to her suite.
"Myka, please-"
But Myka wasn't listening. "I mean, really?" She was rambling now, pacing back and forth. "For two years I've been playing second fiddle to your damn newspaper, but this? This takes the cake." She threw up her hands. "When you asked me to get married, I didn't expect it to be to her." She pointed at Regina, who merely raised an amused eyebrow.
"But, darling," Helena tried again. "It's only for a month or so, maybe even less, and it's only for show." She looked at Regina for help.
"Really, Ms. Bering," Regina confirmed with a smile. "We wouldn't do this if we didn't have to, but I assure you I'm actually quite fun to be around."
Helena glared at her. "The moment the libel suit is gone, we'll get married for real, darling." She took a step closer to Myka.
"Stop," Myka exclaimed. "Don't you dare come any closer, H.G.! Don't you see? I don't want to get pretend-married to some woman I don't even know ... I want to get married and stay married. To you. Like I said last night: if you don't want me, just say so!"
"Of course I want to marry you, Myka," Helena said earnestly. "With all my heart. I didn't buy that ring on a whim, and I didn't ask you just because I had nothing better to do. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but you need to understand. If we don't avert this crisis, my life as I know it is over." She sighed. "This is our only chance. There isn't a newspaper in the world that would hire me as an office girl. Would they, Regina?"
"Not if they know you like I do," Regina replied dryly.
Helena bristled at the comment, but decided to ignore it. "Darling, please," she begged. "Would I ask you to do this for me, if I didn't consider you practically my wife?"
Myka snorted, not exactly flattered. "Would you ask your wife to hook up with that ... that lady over there?" She somehow managed to make it sound like an insult.
"The lady objects," Regina commented mildly.
"Darling," Helena tried again. "This is not a big deal, really. A short ceremony, a few hours in this suite, during which I'll never leave you," she explained, "and then Regina is off to Europe."
Myka had enough. "I'm out of here."
Regina had been watching all of this shrewdly and had come to a decision. "No, wait a minute," she stopped Myka, and stood. "I'm leaving. The deal is off, Helena. Here's your contract back." She turned away from Myka and handed Helena the folded contract. She gave the confused reporter a wink and a grin. "There's not enough money in the world to go through this with her."
Helena caught up quickly. Ladies and gentlemen: Regina Mills, master manipulator. "No, Regina," she pleaded. "You know the trouble I'm in."
"I fail to see how that's my problem," Regina said coldly. "Find somebody else to take care of your mess." She walked to the door, counting in her head, hoping she hadn't miscalculated. Three, two, one ...
"Wait a second," Myka cried, stopping Regina just as her hand touched the doorknob. "You're walking out on her?"
"That's the plan," Regina replied without looking back at Myka.
"You can't just do that," Myka protested, protective instincts rising instantly at this perceived slight. "You know what that paper means to her. You're a reporter, you know this will ruin her career, her life." She growled. "A fine friend you are."
Regina grinned, but pushed it back down before she turned around to face Myka, thoughtful look firmly in place. "Well, if you put it this way," she said hesitantly, as if she was reconsidering.
"I'm putting it that way." Myka snarled. "We need to help Helena."
"Does that mean ...?" Helena asked.
"I swear, the things I do for that damn newspaper," Myka replied with a sigh.
Helena pulled Myka into a tight hug. "I love you, darling," she whispered. "Thank you."
"Oh, shut up," Myka sighed.
Regina deftly plucked the contract from Helena's hand that was resting against Myka's back. "I'll go get my friend and round up a couple of witnesses, okay?"
She left, not expecting a reply. She doubted people could actually talk with their tongues that close anyway.
o o o
"And I pronounce you married."
Regina's dark-haired friend made a grand gesture that went wonderfully with his guyliner and general appearance. Helena stared at him, wondering how he and Regina knew each other. She didn't seem the type to have a flamboyant gay best friend, but the reporter in her felt there was a story there. She shook off the thought, knowing she would probably never find out. For a moment she felt a twinge of regret about the loss of a friendship she had once thrown away and that she might never get back.
Regina and Myka were awkwardly standing next to each other. When nobody said anything for a few moments, Myka shrugged and turned towards Helena.
"Aren't you going to kiss the bride?" Jen, the waitress from that morning, suddenly asked with a huge smile. As promised, Regina had brought two witnesses when she had come back. The second witness, Henry, the paper boy, nodded eagerly at the suggestion of a kiss.
"Sure," Regina said easily and turned Myka back towards her. She made sure that Myka's back was to Jen and Henry, so they couldn't see that the kiss was a harmless peck just to the corner of Myka's mouth.
That was unexpectedly thoughtful , Myka mused. Helena had told her a little about Regina's reputation as a womanizer while the other woman was gone, and from that alone, Myka had expected her to make use of this opportunity. She smiled softly at Regina for the first time and was reassured by small nod she received in return.
"May I?" Suddenly guyliner-guy was in Myka's face, but he looked so utterly harmless and cheeky that she just grinned. "Why not? Everybody else seems to be doing it."
Before he could lean in, Regina muttered a soft "Killian, be nice", and he dutifully only pressed the lightest of kisses to her cheek, then sent Regina a wink and kissed her full on the mouth. Regina just grinned, having expected something like that, and wiped her mouth.
Jen and the paper boy looked on with smiles on their faces. He looked like he wanted to go for a kiss himself, especially one aimed at Regina, but Jen kicked his foot and he stepped back with a grimace.
"Aren't you going to kiss me?" Myka finally turned to Helena.
Helena just nodded, not really feeling up to talking. Seeing the love of her life getting married to another woman had not been an easy sight to bear, no matter how fake the whole thing was. She growled at the way Regina smirked at her, knowing that the other woman enjoyed her discomfort at least to a certain degree.
Myka took Helena in her arms and leaned in for a kiss. Seeing where this was likely going to go, Regina turned to their two witnesses. "Why don't we sign the paperwork?" No need to mention that it wasn't worth the paper it was written on, she thought, and Killian had made a nice effort to make it look kind of official.
Jen nodded but couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from the on-going hug between Myka and Helena. When Helena kissed Myka, her eyes grew wide.
Regina gently pushed the waitress towards the small desk next to the door. "She's an old friend of the family," she said casually.
"I'd say so," Killian said with a small whistle under his breath, drawing attention back to the kiss.
"A very old friend," Regina said, pushing Jen and Henry a little more forcefully towards the paper now.
Finally, the papers were signed and Regina tipped Jen and Henry generously as she let them leave to get back to their duties. She breathed a sigh of relief once they were gone.
A moan from Myka tore Regina's gaze away from the door and back to the couple. She cleared her throat loudly, and that finally seemed to be enough to get them to let go of each other.
"Well, I hope you'll be very happy," Killian remarked dryly to Regina. "And don't forget to invite me to your silver anniversary."
Myka snorted. "It'll have to be within the next month or so."
Killian laughed out loud and shook his head before he pulled Regina into a firm hug. Helena was surprised he didn't lose both his arms. "Goodbye, and good luck," he said to the room in general, a hand still on Regina's arm.
"Thank you, Killian," Regina said warmly. "See you soon."
Once they were alone, Regina turned to Helena and Myka. "Well, phase one is a go."
o o o
Regina poured three glasses from the bottle of champagne she had received as an impromptu wedding gift from the staff at the Grand Plaza. She was just putting the bottle back in the cooler when the phone rang.
"Yes," she answered calmly, having expected the call. Her eyes met Helena's, who raised her eyebrow in question. "Yes ... oh, really? – Could you send it up, please? Oh, and could you please send a waiter, too? – Right away? Thank you."
She hung up and picked up her glass. "That's the fax you had Pete send me," she confirmed Helena's assumption. "There will be a bellboy and a waiter to witness the very tender scene when we learn that I'm called to Europe." She toasted Helena and took a sip from her glass. No need to waste some damn good champagne. Over the rim of her glass she could see Myka taking a huge gulp as well.
Helena snuggled up to Myka on the small sofa. "I know it's a lot to ask, but you're going to have to act all broken up," she said. Pointing at Regina, she continued. "She's torn from your arms, just after an hour of marriage," she added dryly.
"That's already too long for me," Myka growled.
Regina fought back a grin. The more she saw of Myka, the more she liked the feisty woman with the wild curls. She was interesting and had a sharp tongue, and she wondered what a woman like that was doing with a workaholic like Helena. She raised her glass to Myka. "To my lovely bride."
Myka emptied her glass. "I'm not," she replied after swallowing. "I'm her fiancée." She pointed to Helena, who smiled widely.
"Yes, dear."
"Don't call me that," Myka said instantly. "You know my name."
"Of course." Regina nodded. "Mrs. Myka Mills." She barely suppressed another grin at the outraged look on Myka's face. Sometimes it was just too easy.
"I'd rather have a number." And then Myka actually stuck her tongue out at Regina, who simply shrugged and took another sip of champagne.
Helena wasn't quite sure she understood the undercurrents in the room. "Come on, now," she cautioned softly. "No fighting, please."
Regina raised an eyebrow. "Why not? We're married."
"You're supposed to be happily married." Helena threw up her arms. "You're supposed to be madly in love with each other."
"In case you didn't realize, H.G.," Myka said with a completely fake sweet smile. "There's nobody here to see us."
Helena shrugged. "True," she said. "It's just the three of us, but you should get used to being nice to each other."
"Why?" Myka asked. "As soon as Regina is gone, you and I are going to get out of here and you're going to take me to the most romantic dinner you can possibly manage at such short notice."
"But ... Myka," Helena protested. "I can't take you anywhere, you need to stay here or at your apartment when you're not at work."
"You're not going to take me out?"
"Darling, I can't take you out," Helena said gently. "As much as I want to ... and I really do ... but you can't be seen running around with another woman." She pointed to Regina. "You're supposed to be happily married, so you have to look married."
Regina raised an eyebrow. "Maybe we should have rented twins for the occasion," she stated dryly.
Myka looked like she wanted to throw her glass at Regina, but before she could even raise it, there was a knock on the door.
Regina opened it quickly and let the waiter in. Just as he had pushed his cart through the door, the bellboy came up to them as well. "Yes?" Regina asked him as she directed the waiter to the table with her hand.
"Ms. Mills?" the bellboy replied.
Regina gave him a curt nod, stalling him, wanting to keep both of them in the room. "Just wait a moment," she told him, then turned to the waiter. "Could you clear the table, please?"
"Yes, ma'am."
Helena nudged Myka into action. She went to the bellboy and took the envelope from his hand. "Regina, there's a fax for you," she said in an overly sweet voice.
"Thank you, dear," Regina replied with a smile. "Would you open it for me, my love?"
Myka did and as soon as she deemed enough time had passed for her to scan the message, she reacted dramatically. "Oh, Regina," she cried, clutching one hand to her chest. I should have become a freakin' actress instead of going to grad school.
The waiter and the bellboy looked on in fascination, sensing some terrible news had befallen the newlyweds.
Regina took a step towards Myka. "What is it, dearest?" she asked, equally as dramatic, hoping she wouldn't get cavities from all the sweetness she tried to exude.
"It's a fax from your office," Myka explained, her voice appropriately shaky. "They say you need to fly to London today for a meeting tomorrow. It's important." She saw the captivated audience of two and decided to turn her performance up a notch. "You can't leave me," she cried and threw her arms around Regina who took a step backwards in surprise.
"Baby, this is terrible," Regina acted along once she had regained her footing. "Breaking into our honeymoon like this ... But what can I do, honey? I'll have to go."
Helena decided to jump in and move things along. She took the fax from Myka's hand. "It's only for a couple of weeks at the most, Myka," she said soothingly. She looked at their audience and told them, "They just got married."
"But I'll miss you, snookums," Myka said.
Regina couldn't stop the cringe at the pet name. She pulled back to glare at Myka, glad that her back was to the waiter and bellboy. "And I'll miss you," she cooed in a cloyingly sweet voice. "Pookie."
Helena had about all of the scene that she could stomach. She pulled Myka out of Regina's arms, trying hard to make it look gentle. "Regina," she said. "I'm afraid you'll have to hurry if you want to catch that flight."
Regina nodded. "Oh, yes, you're right." Can't wait till this scene is over, she thought. She called over the bellboy. "Could you take my bags down, please? It's the two leather ones," she pointed out her bags. "It's a good thing they were already packed." Not mentioning that it had been a rush action between acquiring a fake wife and setting up this little scene.
Regina turned to the waiter and handed him a very large tip, making sure he wouldn't forget any of this any time soon. "Thank you very much," she said in as friendly a tone as she could muster.
He nodded and let himself be guided out the door, still somewhat spellbound by the heartbreaking scene between these beautiful women. He couldn't wait to tell his wife about all of this.
"I'm going to miss you so much," Myka cooed.
Helena growled. "Can you please stop? They're gone, and I've had just about enough of this."
At once, Myka took a huge step backwards from Regina and glared at Helena. "Good," she snarled. "Now you know how I feel."
Regina wisely refrained from saying anything, despite feeling like she could use a shower to get the sticky sweetness off her skin. She grabbed her phone and her light coat and walked to the door. "One more show in front of the elevator and we're done, Ms. Bering," she said as evenly as she could. "It's been a ... pleasure."
Myka sighed and followed Regina to the elevator, Helena hot on her heels. Almost immediately, the elevator doors opened, revealing a small group of people. Perfect, Helena thought.
Regina was sick of playing nice and decided to let her mischievous side come out to play for a bit. She pulled Myka into a tight hug while Helena held back the elevator doors. "Just got married," Helena explained in the general direction of the people in the car. As expected, everyone's expression softened immediately and went from annoyed at being held up to awwwwing internally.
"I'll miss you every minute, love," Regina said loudly enough for everyone to hear.
"Every second." Myka replied, then almost squeaked in surprise when Regina pulled her into a passionate liplock. Helena's jaw dropped and she let go of the elevator doors. Two men immediately shot their hands out to stop them from impeding their view. I swear I'm going to get you for this, Regina, Helena swore.
All Myka could think was, damn, that woman can kiss.
Then, as suddenly as it started, Regina ended the kiss and got on the elevator before Myka could hurt her, covering a delighted smirk behind her hand and by looking at the ground. She could only hope that her chuckles would somehow be interpreted as heartbroken sobbing. She would cherish the looks on Myka's and Helena's faces – dazed and angry, respectively – for a good long while.
The chambermaid who'd come up to the scene at the tail end of it all took one look at Myka's stunned face and felt compelled to offer comfort to the obviously distressed woman. "She'll be back, Miss," she said and moved on down the hallway.
Which is how she missed Myka's growl, Helena's curses, and the crash as a half-empty bottle of champagne ended up against the wall.
Regina grinned all the way to JFK.
