Gai sighed as he stared at his drink, trying to figure out what to do about his situation with Kakashi. Despite the former ANBU's promise that they would deal with the situation when they came back from their mission, the silver-haired man had been avoiding him. It had been nearly two weeks, and while he wasn't altogether surprised that the jonin was refusing to face the situation they found themselves in, he was hurt. He had always thought that Kakashi's promises to him meant something, no matter how insincere or sarcastic the man may be. But he had promised they would talk, and now it seemed he was more interested in just ending their friendship and forgetting anything ever happened between them.
More than anything, Gai missed his best friend. In addition to keeping him mentally stimulated with a variety of diverse challenges, Kakashi was also the person that Gai talked to when he was having a hard time. Admittedly, he may have gotten farther talking to a brick wall, as his 'heartfelt talks' with Kakashi tended to consist of him stalking the jonin down the street babbling at him as the man dodged civilians and ninja alike with his nose buried in his book, occasionally grunting at Gai. But Gai liked to think those grunts were an acknowledgement of what he was saying, of the deep bond the two shared.
Now, he was stuck with the biggest personal dilemma he had ever faced, and he was being forced to face it without Kakashi. He sighed into his drink again, swirling the contents. He didn't really want it, but it gave him something to focus on other than his predicament.
"The hell's wrong with you, Gai? I've never seen you look so… depressed," came a deep voice from behind him.
Gai turned to face the voice, his alcohol-addled brain taking a minute to process the tanned skin, dark stubble and ever-present cigarette dangling from the man's mouth. "Asuma?" Gai slurred.
The man's deep chuckle rang out across the bar as he pulled up a stool next to Gai, waving a hand to call over the bartender. "Had a bit of a rough week, have we?" he teased the taijutsu user. Gai let out an almost maniacal laugh, and Asuma's face went from teasing to concerned. "Gai, seriously. Is everything alright?" he asked.
Gai laughed again, but he felt no amusement in Asuma's question, though he was fairly sure that somewhere, the gods were laughing at him. "Nothing is alright…" he mumbled, but Asuma's sharp shinobi ears caught it, though he wasn't sure he was supposed to.
Asuma and Gai had never exactly been the 'talk-about-your-feelings' type of friends, as Gai's larger-than-life personality and determination in his 'rivalry' with Kakashi caused him to be a difficult man to get to sit still for more than just a few minutes, and chasing him around town was not something Asuma was inclined to do. That was really something that Kakashi was better at, believe it or not. However, the fact that he was drowning his sorrows at the bar instead of searching for 'youthful life advice from his amazing eternal rival' must mean that his problem was with Kakashi. Asuma had seen it a few times before, when Kakashi had gone a little too far in his 'hip and cool' personality and legitimately hurt Gai's feelings, and Asuma had had to be there to pick him up and kick Kakashi into repairing the damage he had caused. He sighed. He hated having to be the emotional pick-up. "So, what did Kakashi do this time?"
Gai laughed again. "I'm not so sure it's what Kakashi did, as much as what I did to Kakashi."
Asuma raised an eyebrow. Gai was never one to intentionally hurt a friend, and though Kakashi certainly had plenty of points that they all knew were taboo, he could never see Gai striking one of those nerves no matter how angry he was. He chose to laugh quietly. "I find that hard to believe. Kakashi doesn't let anything phase him."
Gai snorted. "Yeah, well, I can't say I think he's ever been in this situation before."
Asuma sighed. Normally, when Gai and Kakashi had problems (which was rare, as Kakashi rarely told Gai, and Asuma was pretty sure Gai thought the sun shone out of Kakashi's ass), the bowl-cut-bearing man was more than willing to spill, usually desperate to allow it all to come gushing out. He hadn't expected it to be like pulling teeth. "Dammit, Gai, just tell me what's going on."
Gai shook his head. "I can't do that… it'd be a complete betrayal of Kakashi's trust."
Asuma raised an eyebrow, and decided the most effective course of action here would be to use logic to convince his friend to talk. "Look, I know you have your whole honor thing, but whatever it is has driven you to drink. In the shinobi world, that's not a good habit to get you into. We need you in your right mind so you can be effective on missions, and though Kakashi is good at compartmentalizing, you're shit at it. So tell me what the fuck is going on so I can help you fix it."
Gai laughed again, humorlessly, as he turned bloodshot eyes to his friend. "Can you make me unfuck my best friend?"
Asuma's eyes became wide as saucers as he stared uncomprehendingly at Gai. "You mean, like how he's fucked up in the head? Help him get better? Because the only one who can really do that is a professional, and he'd rather die than see a therapist."
Gai laughed humorlessly once more. "No, Asuma. I wish that was what I meant. I meant exactly what I said. The only way you can help is to go back in time and stop me from fucking Kakashi."
Asuma stared at his friend. It was a humorous sight to see, despite the seriousness of the situation. His eyes were wide, mouth drifting open and shut, stuttering out incomprehensible noises as he tried to understand the situation. He swallowed hard before trying again. "So, wait, you… you two had sex? With each other?" He leaned in and whispered the words closer to Gai's head so no one would hear. People in a shinobi village were so nosy, and these days, Kakashi and Gai gave them so little gossip material.
Gai just nodded as he stared at his drink.
Asuma shot a furtive glance around, hoping no one had heard what Gai had said already. "Why don't we get you somewhere more private? We can talk there…" He helped Gai of his stool, allowing him to throw an arm around his shoulders for support. He guided Gai back to his house, where he dropped him on the couch. He went into the kitchen to grab Gai a glass of water, bringing it back and plopping himself down in a chair in front of Gai. "Alright, now tell me, what the fuck happened that could possibly have led to you fucking Kakashi?!"
Gai stared blankly at the wall. "Fuck, I wish I had the answer to that, too…" he said. Asuma flinched slightly. It wasn't a secret that when drinking, Gai could get pretty volatile, and usually the swearing was a precursor to the beating of anyone in range.
"What do you mean? How would you not know?"
"We were fucking drunk. And I mean really, really drunk. Neither of us really remembers how we got there." Gai put his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees as he sat despairingly on his couch.
"Wait… are you saying…" Asuma lowered his voice, leaning in a little closer. "Gai, you're not saying you… you raped him, are you?" Asuma knew that Gai wasn't that type of person, but when he looked at Gai's guilt, the drinking, and him not remembering that night… Even though he wanted to give his friend the benefit of the doubt, he had to admit that it looked suspicious. And Gai did tend to seem like a completely different, more aggressive person when he was drunk. Add to that the fact that Kakashi had a tendency to like to push his limits… maybe this time, Kakashi had just pushed him too far.
Gai's head shot up, and he gave his friend a horrified look. "Fuck, Asuma, do you really think I could have done that?" Instead of sounding accusatory, or even angry that his friend was suggesting it, his voice was hoarse and panicked. Asuma took a deep breath before answering, realizing that Gai honestly had no idea.
Gai was now sobbing uncontrollably, tears and snot dripping down his face. Asuma scrunched his face in disgust as he slowly pushed himself away, digging in his pockets until he found what he wanted. He popped the bottle open, knocking two small blue pills into his hand. "Here, Gai, take these and get some rest. They're… erm, for your headache… Yeah." Gai looked at him, still hiccupping but took the pills and swallowed them. Asuma sighed with relief. "Ok, now get some sleep."
Gai laid down on the couch, and as soon as his head hit the soft fabric, he was out. Asuma smiled. He was glad he just happened to have been carrying the sleeping pills he had had to start taking after losing one of his teammates a few weeks ago. His relief was short-lived, however, as he realized that now he had to help Gai with this extraordinarily uncomfortable situation, as Kakashi was emotionally constipated and, though he was usually pretty good with Gai, that wouldn't be the best scenario for him right now, for obvious reasons.
When Asuma saw Kakashi walking down the street later that day, he ran to catch up with him. "Hey, Kakashi, hold up a second!" he yelled out. Kakashi looked up from his book and waited for Asuma to reach him.
"Yo. What's up?" Kakashi's face was blank, and he only spared a moment of his attention to greet his friend before returning to his book, his pace picking up again. Asuma easily fell into step beside him, used to talking to the 'distracted' jonin and knowing the man could hear him just fine.
"Look, maybe we can go someplace more… I don't know, private? I need to talk to you about something…"
Kakashi looked up and raised an eyebrow at the man. "What could you possibly need to talk to me about that needs to be done in private?" he asked. Asuma looked at him pleadingly and he sighed, tucking his book into his kunai pouch. Asuma wouldn't ask if it wasn't serious, so he figured reading porn during the conversation would be frowned upon. He grabbed Asuma's arm and teleported them back to his apartment. "So, what's so important that we had to be alone?" he asked, trying to hide his irritation.
Asuma took a deep breath. He hadn't been expecting the sudden teleportation jutsu, and had hoped to collect himself while conducting small talk on the walk to his own nearby apartment. "Look, I met up with Gai last night… at a bar. He was fucking wasted as hell, and he told me… some things."
Kakashi raised an eyebrow and his eye hardened. "I'm not open for business, if that's what you're looking for," he said drily.
Asuma closed his eyes and wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Fuck, man. I know you think you're hot shit and all, but the last thing on my mind is fucking you." He shuddered.
Kakashi still looked pissed, but he let out a breath. "OK. So what the fuck do you want? Look, what happened between me and Gai is really none of your business. Quite frankly, I just want to forget it ever happened and move on, and most importantly, NEVER speak of it again. To ANYONE."
Asuma sighed. "Well, too damn bad for you, I don't think that will be an option this time. Not if you want to keep your friendship to Gai. Look, Kakashi, I know that you're a very private person, and that you don't want me involved in this. Fuck, do you really think I want to be involved? I don't wanna think about you two… doing that… together…" Asuma shook his head slightly, but violently, as though to rid himself of mental images, and to regather his thoughts. "But if what Gai said is true… you should really get help. That can be a huge trauma, and could affect your effectiveness on the field, and it'll sure as hell affect your relationship with Gai…"
Kakashi frowned in confusion. "What the fuck are you talking about, Asuma? I mean, yeah, being fucked by my best friend definitely wasn't something I planned on happening, but I wouldn't exactly say it was traumatic. Sure as hell not in comparison with all the shit that's happened to me in my lifetime. I mean, it's a little awkward to see Gai now, especially when the Sharingan is always happy to remind me of certain mental images that… never mind. But I think we both just need a little time to cool off and forget this ever happened, and things will go back to normal."
Asuma chuckled humorlessly, shaking his head at his friend's attempt at bravery… or stupidity, one of the two. "Look, Kakashi, I know as much as the next person that we're trained to deal with all sorts of torture, but it's one thing when it's an enemy, and another when it's a friend. Don't be stupid and act like it isn't a big deal. Look, I don't want Gai in trouble, but you need to take care of yourself. And I'm going to make sure you at least face this shit, because I'm not letting you go dying on us because you're too damn proud to get help when you need it."
Kakashi glared at the tanned man on his couch. "Again, what the fuck are you talking about, Asuma? Why are we talking about torture?"
"God dammit, Kakashi, Gai told me that he raped you!" Asuma instantly regretted his words as soon as they left his mouth, but it was too late. Kakashi's eyes went wide as saucers, and he was gaping at him. Asuma had never seen the man stunned or speechless before, and he realized that he was very glad about that. He had never seen him look so lost, and while he had always thought before that it would be funny to see Kakashi lose control, he realized now that it was really just… wrong.
"Wait, so you're saying that… that Gai thinks he raped me?" Asuma sighed and nodded. Kakashi groaned and dropped his head back against the wall he was leaning on. "FUCK!"
Asuma's eyes widened hopefully. "What do you mean, 'Gai thinks'?"
Kakashi's face was scrunched with irritation. "Fucking moron. Look, Asuma, Gai didn't rape me. As much as I hate to admit it, I fucking participated. Hell, I was the one that brought it farther than just an intense make-out session. I'm the one that started sucking his…"
"GAHHH! I don't want to know the details!" Asuma yelled. "Bad enough that I'm this involved. So, just to be clear, you're saying that Gai didn't rape you? That you were willing?"
Kakashi laughed a little and nodded. "For some ungodly reason, yeah. Why the fuck did he think he raped me? I thought we cleared all that up the last time we talked about this."
"Well, he didn't really remember what happened that night, and you were pissed and avoiding him. He didn't seem to know what else to think."
Although the situation wasn't really funny, Kakashi couldn't think of any other possible response to the situation but to laugh. "I guess that's Gai for you, isn't it? Always willing to take the blame in any situation…"
Asuma chuckled lightly. "Yeah, that's definitely him." He sighed, hesitating. "Look, Kakashi, I know you just want this to go away, but I don't think it's going to. I mean, for one, this is Gai we're talking about. When was the last time he ever let anything go? And secondly, this is something that you two need to work out. If not for yourselves, for the village. You guys make a great team, but if you let this come between you, how effective can you really be?"
Kakashi didn't respond, sitting chewing on the inside of his lip in his mask. Asuma smiled. It was insane how much being Naruto's sensei had changed him and allowed him to show even that small indication of any sort of real emotion. Asuma rubbed his hands together and stood quickly. "Alright, well, this has been good and awkward, so I'm gonna go. So… good luck, and please never involve me in your sex life again. Especially if it's with Gai." He shuddered.
Kakashi chuckled. "Wasn't really something I wanted to do in the first place…" he muttered, not moving as Asuma let himself out. He leaned back in his chair, folding his hands behind his head as he let out a sigh. He knew Asuma was right, but he didn't know where to begin. After all, this was his best friend. His male best friend. And the way he thought of him now was most definitely NOT the way he had ever thought of a man before. He sighed again. Looks like he had a lot of things to figure out.
Gai let out an exaggerated sigh. He stared at the ground between his feet as his elbows rested on his knees, leaning forward on the bench he had sat down on after his walk through the village (but he most certainly was not sulking, thank you very much! He was just… resting). He was still out-of-sorts about the situation with Kakashi, and didn't know what to do about it. He had been unsuccessful in every attempt to corner the man, and was starting to lose hope. After all, if the Copy Ninja didn't want to be found, he wouldn't be.
Just then, a presence appeared on the bench beside him. He jumped up and into attack mode, ready to assault the intruder, but… "Kakashi?" He blinked a few times before straightening slowly, wondering if he was really seeing his rival or all of the uncertainty had driven him insane and he was imagining the man's presence.
"Yo," was the response that came. Kakashi waved his hand casually, as he usually did, and Gai started crying all over.
"Dearest rival, I…"
Kakashi slapped a hand over Gai's mouth, looking around to see if anyone had heard him. "Let's go somewhere more private if we're going to discuss this, moron…" he hissed in Gai's ear.
Gai looked uncertain, and Kakashi narrowed his eyes at him. "What?" he growled.
Gai bit his lip, staring at the ground between them. "It's just that… I don't want to risk hurting you… again…" He heard a sigh, and then suddenly strong hands were gripping his forearms and the ground he was staring at had become a wooden floor. He looked around him quickly, blinking to dispel the disorientation of Kakashi's teleportation jutsu. He quickly stepped away from his friend, recognizing Kakashi's tiny one-room apartment.
Gai quickly stepped back from Kakashi, hands clasped tightly behind his back and eyes squeezed shut tight. Kakashi shot him an amused look before chuckling and turning to his tiny kitchenette. "Would you like some tea?" he asked, figuring since he had dragged Gai here semi-forcibly, he should at least be a good host, even though that wasn't exactly something he was known for.
Gai didn't respond right away. He took a deep breath, and when he opened his eyes, he stared at the floor. "Look, Kakashi, I don't think this is a good idea… I should go…"
Kakashi sighed. "Gai…"
Gai shook his head, finally looking up, his eyes full of determination. "No, Kakashi. I know that tone. Don't make excuses for my behavior. I am endlessly sorry for what I did to you, and wish that I could take it back, but I can't. So, I'm going to leave you alone so you never have to worry about seeing me again…"
Kakashi growled in frustration as he slammed the kettle down on the stove. "God dammit, Gai, will you just let me talk for one fucking second?!" Gai shot the man a startled look, before shamefully looking down at his feet. "Look, I don't know where the fuck you got the idea that you raped me, but you're an idiot if you believe that you, of all people, could ever do that to me! We both know that you would never do anything to hurt me. Plus, we've already had this conversation. Remember? Last time we talked, we determined that whatever the fuck happened between us was NOT one-sided."
Gai's eyes filled with hope momentarily, before clouding over with doubt. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, Kakashi, but you were too drunk to consent…"
Kakashi dragged a hand through his hair in frustration. "SO? So were you! Does that mean I raped you?! NO! Look, I know myself, and I know that even drunk off my ass, I would never let anyone do to me what you did unless I was okay with it. If you had tried to force yourself on me, you'd still be in the hospital because I would have kicked your ass into next week."
Gai dared to hope, dared to believe that his friendship with the Copy Ninja could continue. The sight of his watery eyes almost broke Kakashi's heart. "So… I didn't… hurt you?"
Kakashi let out an amused breath. "No," he said softly, looking straight into Gai's eyes before taking a deep breath. "If you had, would I do this?" he asked, stepping closer until he was just a hair's breadth away. Gai didn't dare move, his heart now thudding in his chest. He watched in fascination as Kakashi pulled down his mask, a little disappointed that he was too close to see the lower part of Kakashi's face. His disappointment, however, quickly faded when he felt soft lips press against his. His eyes closed and he pressed back, but the lips disappeared much too quickly for his liking.
His eyes remained closed for a minute, hoping that they would come back, but when they didn't, he opened them to see that Kakashi was still as close as he had been previously, but his mask had been tugged back up. The eye he was looking into was soft and warm, and he couldn't help but smile. Kakashi gave him a crinkle-eyed smile. "There, that's better. Now, remember, Gai, we talked about all of this already. I don't know entirely what THIS is, but it is mutual."
Gai's smile quickly became a frown. "Then why have you been avoiding me?"
Kakashi sighed, stepping back and turning away. "Because… Gai, you know I'm not exactly a touchy-feely kind of person. Relationships aren't really my thing. I'm much better with one night stands. And I needed to wrap my head around it, because this thing, with you? If this is anything, it's not a one night stand, and I don't think you're the type for friends with benefits. With our history, it would have to be a relationship. And to be honest, I'm still not sure I'm ready for that. I stayed away because I knew you would want to talk about it… or do something about it. Because that's how you are. You're a doer. If you want something, you go for it. You jump in headfirst. And I can't be like that. So I needed time to think, because…" He took a deep breath and turned to Gai, a sincere expression on his face. It was obvious that this conversation was not easy for him. He spoke quietly, so Gai almost had to strain to hear him. "You're one of the only people I have left. I need to know that this is the right thing to do before we do it. So, I need time…"
Gai swallowed, and nodded. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't disappointed, but he understood. After all, how long had he known his best friend? And he had always known about Kakashi's emotional scars. That was why he had always been so forceful with him, challenging him and forcing his company on the reclusive jonin: it was the only way to break down those walls. "How… how much time, do you think?" He cursed how hoarse his voice sounded, how it gave away his disappointment and fear that Kakashi would decide he just couldn't do this. That kiss, short as it had been, had only confirmed to Gai that he wanted to be more than just Kakashi's friend, but he would leave it if Kakashi wanted to.
Kakashi thought. "I don't know, but when I do, you'll be the first to know. I can't promise how this is going to go, but I can promise to be honest with you, no matter how hard it is."
