Two days later, Adam edged the Explorer onto Interstate 90, heading for Indiana. At once, they were caught in a traffic queue. It was a hot, bright Saturday, the sky cloudless, and the Interstate was jammed with family cars: visiting relatives, taking day trips, all that stuff Ben had honestly done once and he supposed Adam had also. Exhaust fumes and horns persuaded them to keep the windows shut and crank up the AC.
Ben's knife was in a leather holder under his jacket, and the trunk fully stocked with their weapons. Bobby had supervised their inventory the previous night. Then he had quizzed them on the general and esoteric exorcisms before taking Ben aside.
"Now you listen to me boy. I understand you gotta do what you gotta do – believe me, I understand. Just don't – get reckless, is all I'm sayin'. You go into this like you go into any other hunt. Use your brain. Don't let your emotions cloud your judgement. When it's done – then you can think about it." Then he sent Ben to bed and summoned Adam. Ben never learned what passed between them.
They drove in silence. Not that they usually held heart-to-hearts on the road, but they talked about something – the case, where to stop for gas, what music to listen to. If this was a movie, the journey would be like a mirror to the one eighteen months ago – Ben would recognize every landmark, and everything would hold theme-music significance. In truth he didn't remember a lot of their first trip together. If asked to give directions, he couldn't do it.
"So you had any more...episodes?" Adam asked at last, sliding a glance sideways at Ben, who was looking out of the window. Ben snorted at his choice of term.
"I'm not schizophrenic."
"Messages then. Whatever." Adam's mouth was set in a grim line.
"No I haven't. I guess it knows I'm on my way like it wants me to be. And if you didn't want to come, you didn't have to."
"Oh, you think?"
"What is your problem?"
They had never really had a fight before. Hadn't been anything to fight about. Their relationship had been calm and quiet. Comforting. Ordinary.
"Oh I don't know," said Adam sarcastically, taking his eyes from the traffic queue to gesture expansively. "Maybe my
boyfriend is about to risk his life on a revenge mission at the say-so of some girl we hardly know-"
"Are you jealous of Jane?" Ben exclaimed.
"I'm – scared," Adam admitted haltingly. "Of – this whole situation. And - yes, I'm a little jealous," he looked rueful. "Sorry."
"There's no need to be jealous," Ben was mystified. "I'm not – I like you. Only you."
"Yeah. Sorry." Adam's eyes were back on the road. "It's not you. It's my problem. I told you hunting isn't conductive to long-term relationships." A bitter laugh. "Must be the number one profession for making people paranoid."
"It'll be okay," Ben said without absolutely no justification.
"Yeah."
They both looked out the windscreen.
"You know, I don't want you to die either."
"Well, thanks for that!" Adam laughed more genuinely this time.
"You know what I mean," Ben looked down at his hands. "I worry about you."
"Yeah. I do." Adam squeezed his thigh.
Ben should probably have left it there. But he found himself continuing: "Hey – you know...that guy you dated?"
"David."
"David. Did you, um, did he die?"
"Oh, no. Last I heard he was hunting a werewolf in Pennsylvannia."
"So...why did...you guys break up?"
"Because we didn't care enough about each other to make it worth it."
They stayed the night in a cheap motel – the clerk gave them a snide look at the double-bed request, but refrained from comment. Ben had realized at some point that plenty of people did have a problem with the fact two guys were together, and probably the correct response would've been a sense of injustice. Perhaps that would come in time, when his normal life felt more normal to him, but the past eighteen months had so transformed his world, taken him so far beyond the bounds of what most people thought about, that right now it barely registered. He couldn't have cared less if he'd wanted to. They found their room, and as Ben started to get undressed, Adam reached out and forcefully pulled him down on top of him. Surprised, Ben responded a little late to his open-mouthed kiss.
"Um, hi!" he said breathlessly when their faces were close together.
"I want you," Adam said seriously. His eyes were hot and his muscles hard and tense against Ben's skin.
"Okay!" This was unusual – they'd never had sex anywhere but their own bed. But long hours in the car with too much space between them left Ben quick to respond. Neither lasted long. Adam was – determined – and it wasn't bad, quite the opposite, but it was – different, and unsettling.
They lay quietly afterwards, bodies still touching.
"Ben?" Adam said. "What are we going to do when we get to Indiana?"
"You're asking me?"
"This is your baby."
"I guess find the warehouse for C.A.P. If it isn't there before us, cover the place in devils traps, wait till it shows up and then I'll stab it. If it is there before us we'll...improvise."
"It just seems too..."
"...much like walking into a trap?"
Adam shrugged, shoulder shifting into Ben's arm. "Yeah. It does."
"I suppose we could check the local news first. But if there's nothing we'll just – I'll just have to." Ben felt suddenly cold. "Listen, Adam. I meant what I said. I know you and me aren't – I mean...if this feels like a death trap – if you think there's no chance of you coming out of this alive – you don't have to-..."
Adam pushed himself up on his elbow, took Ben's face in both hands and kissed him before he could finish.
"Whatever you and me are or aren't," he said when he pulled away, "We are in this together. Don't say that again, Ben. I do love you."
"And I do. Love you, too."
"Good."
All the meanings of 'too' remained unspoken.
In the morning they got up at six and took quick, separate showers. The water was lukewarm and the pressure too low to make it anything other than cleanliness. There was nothing more to be said, and Ben felt a sense of surprisingly calm readiness. He offered to take first drive, the roads were clearer, and they made it to the Indiana border by lunch time.
TBC.
