Author's Note: Eheheheh...this should have been up a couple days ago, but...my other idea was just way too tempting~ But guys, look, I'm sorry. The next chapter is here now, and I've arranged a multi-chapter torture session of self-loathing and pain for Ronnie, so everything is okay. Please forgive me. But I have a bit of a headache, so sorry if my writing suffers for it. That's what I get for whine-yelling "SENPAI! SENPAI, PLEASE!" to girlfriend's voicemail system for fifteen minutes before realizing that she wasn't even home to hear me.
Oh, and I decided this will start going off in a different direction than the course of neither the manga nor anime would allow, so please deal with it. ****SPOILER: YOU MIGHT HATE ME FOR MY CHOICE****
Also, a huge thank you goes out to everyone who followed, favorited, and reviewed this story since last chapter! *blows kisses to you all* I love each and every one of you.
Emerald eyes were fixed on Ciel as Elizabeth waited for him to spill what she had asked him to.
"It began on the night of my tenth birthday, as I don't doubt you've already guessed," he started, lacing his fingers together as he took a deep breath. "When the original Phantomhive estate burned, my parents burned alive inside the manor, which passed the position of Phantomhive family head onto me. To be more honest with you about this than I can recall being with anyone else, that night was the most horrific scene I could have ever imagined at that point in my life. Still, though, I don't believe that's what scarred me like this. I place all the blame on that month..." His hands tensed up as he drew in another deep breath. It was unlike him to be so willing to comply when it came to showing his scars and what extent of pain he was really in, but the fact that it was for Elizabeth robbed him of his unwillingness to reveal everything. He was, however, unable to tell if he truly minded it as much as he believed he should.
Elizabeth placed her hands gently on Ciel's, hoping it would deal some portion of comfort. It did—her soft, warm touch made the earl feel slightly more at ease. It wasn't too much, but it was still something, and was worth a lot.
"Th-that month?" the young Lady echoed quietly.
Another deep breath, but the exhalation was slightly shaky. "Kidnap and torture. Horrible, awful, unimaginable torture. I don't think I could have ever have suffered worse humiliation than that. I was branded, beaten, bruised, and then was meant to be sacrificed. What a waste of money—purchasing something of good and pure quality, only to break it and attempt to destroy it altogether, but I suppose the satisfaction they'll have for now is to know the chances of their failed sacrifice continuing life properly is incredibly slim."
Somehow, Ciel managed to keep perfectly still. It was a mystery to Elizabeth how he could talk about this without breaking down, as she was trembling and trying—at any rate, though, she was about to fail—to keep from crying just listening to it.
"C-Ciel..." she murmured quietly, her voice hardly anything above a whisper. "I-I'm so selfish..."
"What are you talking about?"
"I didn't want anything more than to see you smile again, and that's almost all I cared about. I didn't have any idea what you've been going through all this time, and I should have stopped caring so much about making you smile and at least asked you why you didn't..." Elizabeth wiped at the tears that were freely rolling down her cheeks, only to have them immediately replaced by more. What kind of fiancee was she being all that time, acting almost as if a normal teenage boy never, ever smiled? She threw her arms around him and sobbed Ciel's chest. "Wh-why would y-you lock something l-like that u-up, anyway?"
"It would be irritating if others bothered with trying to fix something beyond repair, especially if it would inconvenience me." Ciel hesitated for a good minute or two before continuing. "And...if there ran a risk of you discovering my issues, then I'd rather remain suffering silently. I saw it better to keep you from worrying, as you hadn't already been."
Selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish. Elizabeth repeated that word over and over in her head. She was not fit to be the wife of someone so amazing. She was not fit to call herself a family member of his. She was not fit to be so close to him. She was not fit to even know him. All that time, she was being so selfish and so ignorant, and she was sure she wasn't going to ever fully forgive herself for it. She didn't want him to forgive her, either—she felt as if she could never deserve something like that after what she did.
After several minutes,—or perhaps a whole hour; her sense of time was blurring and she could hardly even tell how quick or slow Ciel's heartbeat was—she looked up at Ciel. "Would you...would you mind if I asked one more question...?"
"What would that question be?"
"I want to know what..."—Elizabeth paused for a few moments, trying to find her words and figure out how exactly to say them—"...what you did to cope with everything... How far did those things push you...?"
The earl lifted his gaze to the ceiling, blankly staring upwards, contemplating if he should be fully honest with her or not. "For a time, I resorted to self-harm, but that's something I've given up for the most part. I tend to keep my mind elsewhere, but I suppose that's because I know I'll get my revenge on everyone who wronged me those three years ago."
"How can you be so sure of that...?"
"I've made...a contract." This was it. No more lying to Elizabeth. No more keeping the secret from her. With her full and undying devotion to him since they were young, maybe she deserved to know. He looked back at his fiancee with his right eye closed, tilted his head so his bangs fell completely away from his face, and slowly opened his eye.
Elizabeth's eyes widened and she covered her mouth, both actions done in pure, utter shock and surprise. "C...C-Ciel..."
Author's Note: PLOT TWIST! (And wow this is pathetically short.) How many of you hate me so far?
And I'll edit this later—I just want to get this up ASAP for you lovely readers.
