Wed. 8/28/2013
Dear Lexi,
Man that looks so much better than just a stupid "Dear Journal".
Today I actually decided to try some advice I got from a shrink. Not Pits, obviously, but the much more sensible seeming Ms. Tiel. She told me to branch out and join clubs so after school today I went to the first book club meeting. I know book club really isn't the coolest of after school activities, but I feel like at this point my reputation can't get much worse so why should I care if people seem me at lame-o book club. Besides, you always liked to read, which is why I picked book club because I felt like it was something we would of done together.
I didn't really know many of the people there. The librarian lady who ran the club had us all introduce ourselves and then asked us what kind of books we would like to read that year. I didn't really say anything, but at the same time, no one else really did either. Like I said, book club doesn't really attract a very lively crowd. I sat next to a junior who said she had just moved to Shermer from some suburb of Akron. She seemed nice. The reason why I mentioned her is because she asked the librarian if we could read some John Green books. This made me think of you since you liked to read that one John Green book, Looking for Alaska.
Anyways, the librarian gave us our first book - The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. I was excited about this since the book was just made into a movie that had that girl from Harry Potter in it. I wish we had gone to see it last year when it first came out in theaters.
Besides book club, nothing really happened at school today. People stared and I ate lunch alone and teachers tried to be funny and students slept even though it was only the second day.
I went home right after book club since the only other place I could really go would be Grooves and I didn't want to see Jay again. I have been reading Perks, ever since I got home and it's really good. So good that it actually worries me. See the book starts with the main character, Charlie, writing letters to a "friend" and in the first letter he talks about his friend from the previous school year killed himself. I feel like I really don't need to further point out the similarities. The thing that worries me is that Charlie is a lot like me, but he is also very strange and obviously unstable and troubled. Maybe my parents were right to send me to therapy after all.
There is this one line at the beginning that really stood out to me. Some guidance councilor is talking to Charlie about his friends death and Charlie says, "As much as I feel sad, I think that not knowing is what really bothers me."
I'm sorry if this feels like I am attacking you, but I cannot stress to you how much this rings true. I am very sad that you are gone, but I think what makes me the most sad is that I didn't know about your demons. I just wish you would of told me.
Love,
Lily
