GAIGE: Uh, hey, subscribers. Gaige here, checking in after the mission at the Dahl dam. And I've just gotta say, Bloodshots are freaking weird, man.

GAIGE: We found a bunch of ECHO logs scattered around the fortress. Turns out they've been worshiping Marcus—of Marcus Munitions—as the "Gunbringer," they built a giant statue and everything. I actually met Marcus, and I've gotta say, not really the kind of guy who is gonna give out free stuff, whether you're worshiping him or not.

GAIGE: But that's not the worst part, not by a long shot. Besides that, um, well, see...

GAIGE: Okay, I died. There was this jackoff named Mad Mike with a rocket launcher, and I was, you know, trying to dodge him because he had a freaking rocket launcher, and I accidentally jumped off the bridge above this whirlpool called the Devil's Gullet, and...died. Yeah. That's also when I found out I was in the New-U system, which is weird, I was never even in Eden-5's system—because Eden-5 doesn't have one—I can't understand why I'd be in Pandora's—

ANGEL: That was me. Sorry, I meant to explain it earlier. The old Vault Hunters are locked out now, but I took preemptive measures with you. No matter what happens, Jack will not be able to remove you from the system.

GAIGE: Oh. Well. Um. That explains that...thank you Angel?

ANGEL: You're welcome.

GAIGE: But that wasn't the point. The point is, even though I know how the system works—digistructs a clone body and pastes your neural patterns in using quantum encryption technology, ensuring that there's only one copy running around at a time—I know that. And I know that, you know, technically as a woman of science, I'm not supposed to believe in the soul. Or at least accept that quantum encryption is close enough. But, I mean, I died! And now I feel all...weird, and I'm not sure if I'm the same person or—

MAYA: Gaige, you should know that as a Siren, I can see things. Everyone has a...an energy field. And yours is the same as it was before, I promise.

GAIGE: ...oh. Thank you, Maya. Honestly, that does help—

SALVADOR: She made that up.

MAYA: [sighs]

GAIGE: ...ah.

MAYA: Gaige, listen, I—

GAIGE: Just...just leave me alone for a little while, okay? Please?

MAYA: ...okay. We'll be downstairs if you need us.

ZERO: "We?" I like listening.

MAYA: Yes, we. Come on, boys. [sound of footsteps leaving]

GAIGE: [sniffling] I know Maya meant well and everything, but I really...I mean...I think I felt better when all I had was a few stupid theories about why quantum encryption works.

GAIGE: Okay, but...okay. Right. So, a lot of stuff happened before that. That was, like, the very end of the day. I really need to get better at organizing my thoughts.

GAIGE: When we first tried to get into the Bloodshot Dam, they had a sudden attack of intelligence, and realized we weren't friends. So Scooter suggested we head off to the Dust to meet his sister, who might be able to help soup up our ride to be all bandity. He kinda threatened to kill us if we made fun of her. You know, he's getting creepier every day.

GAIGE: Anyway, it was a bit of a long drive, but we got there eventually, and found Ellie's scrapyard. She kinda, uh, squished a bandit and his truck in her car crusher. Well, uh, I'm sure she had a good reason. Probably.

GAIGE: Well, turns out that truck was exactly the one we needed, so. Yeah. Thankfully, she had another one in her garage, but it wasn't all bandity yet. She sent us out to blow up a bunch of bandit cars to get the pieces we needed—spikes, skulls, that kind of thing.

GAIGE: Some stupid ex-Vulture pilot—Vultures are these bandit fliers, very annoying—also wanted us to go to the Vulture training camp and get revenge for him, burn down their volleyball net, stuff like that. I wanted to go along with it, but Maya didn't think it was a good idea. But Axton and Salvador insisted on helping—Axton thought it sounded cool, and Salvador doesn't seem to be able to say no to anyone.

GAIGE: Again, I really don't care about Scooter's stupid cars—uh, don't tell him I said that—but, still, boosting off a giant rock formation and landing in the middle of a bandit camp is kinda the definition of awesome. Those guys never saw us coming! We just ground through the camp, shooting everything in sight, lit a few things on fire, Deathtrap shot a few of those stupid Vultures out of the sky...awesome.

GAIGE: [coughs] Anyway, once we were done with all that, we got back to Ellie, and she fixed up the truck for us and scanned it into her brother's system. And she hit on Axton a bunch too, which was actually pretty annoying. Not that I'm jealous, or anything. I mean, even if I had a chance in the first place, if anything had happened, she probably would have ended up squishing me to death...

GAIGE: Er, uh, right, so, Bloodshots! Yes, let's focus on the Bloodshots. Where was I...

GAIGE: Well, we went back to the Dahl Dam in our shiny new spiky deathtraps—oh, heh, Deathtrap, I didn't even mean to do that [snorting laugh]—and the bandits lowered the gate for us. They figured out we weren't theirs pretty quick, but by then we were already inside.

GAIGE: Flanksteak—that's the Bloodshot leader with the overly graphic threats—set this big guy named "Bad Maw" at us. He had this giant shield...with a bunch of midgets chained to it. Live midgets. What the hell is up with these freaking bandits? What do they have against midgets? And why are there so many midgets on Pandora? Questions for the ages, loyal subscribers. I suppose we'll never know.

GAIGE: Right so, kinda soon after that, I...died, and after that, Salvador managed to distract Mad Mike long enough for me to shoot him in the face. That made me feel a lot better. Oh, also, on a related note, the Anarchy tech is working great.

GAIGE: But other than the whole thing with...with that, moving through the dam wasn't too hard. The enclosed spaces worked well with Deathtrap and Anarchy, Axton covered me with his turret, all that. Maya's learned a few cool healing tricks, though I really wish she had mentioned her Restoration tech—that's like an Atlas Soldier's Cauterize tech, if anyone is wondering—was working again. You know, before she started shooting us.

GAIGE: Anyway, we got to the top of the dam, with all the holding cells and everything, and finally found Roland. Which, uh, is also when we realized that maybe we should have hurried a little bit more. At the very least, we should have skipped the third course of the breakfast Zero prepared. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was a really good breakfast, with pancakes, and bacon—or something that tasted like bacon anyway, and I didn't ask too many questions if you know what I mean—but, yeah. We should have hurried.

GAIGE: Because right when we found Roland, so did Hyperion.

GAIGE: They landed a bunch of repurposed loader bots on top of the dam—well, when I say "landed," I mean they shot them from the moon base, which was actually pretty cool—and kidnapped Roland right out of his cell.

GAIGE: So then we had to follow this specially modified constructor bot that had him held hostage. We fought all the way over the ramparts of the dam—that's where that statue of Marcus was—fighting loaders the whole way. On the plus side, we didn't really have to deal with the bandits at the same time, since they were busy fighting the loaders. We mostly just hung back and mopped up the bots after. On the not so plus side, the loaders' armor acts as a basic Faraday cage, meaning all my shock weapons were basically useless! Salvador was the only one with any corrosive weapons, so we kinda just hid behind him the entire time.

GAIGE: And, uh, well, I guess we shouldn't have done that. I mean, we should have hurried a bit more. Because before we could destroy the constructor, it managed to escape with Roland, to some place called the Friendship Gulag.

GAIGE: The prison was in the Dust—thank God for the Fast Travel network—so we ran into Ellie again. She actually noticed me this time, uh, where'd I put that recording...[click]

ELLIE: Don't get many visitors around here! Especially not ones so cute.

GAIGE: [click] So that was a little bit of an ego boost. You know, every bit helps right now.

GAIGE: Anyway, after she almost hugged me to death, she pointed us in the direction of the Friendship Gulag, and we were off.

GAIGE: Hyperion being, you know, Hyperion, the Gulag was all shiny and pretty with lots of re-purposed loader bots trying to kill us. And some human engineers, too, who were actually more annoying than the loaders. C'mon guys, are you really buying what Jack is selling?

GAIGE: Anyway, the Gulag was actually harder than the Ramparts. It was more open, which meant Axton and Salvador were a little more useful, but also meant loaders were coming at us from every direction. Oh, and of course, there were digistruct stations set up to spawn more loaders, so that was fun too.

GAIGE: And, as if you even needed to ask, the constructor that took Roland also spawned more loaders. That's why they're called constructors, they...construct things. Anyway, the point is, we managed to kill the thing, thanks in no small part to me, Anarchy, and my shock-tech shotgun. Oh yeah. Who's awesome? I'm awesome.

GAIGE: The Guardian Angel called to congratulate us on rescuing Roland, and she mentioned someone named Wilhelm. She's talked about him before, I think, I'm not sure. Roland said he's some sort of super-cyborg loader. I don't know, he didn't seem to want to talk about it.

GAIGE: And...that was about it. Roland mentioned he had another job for us, but it's been a loong day, so he said we could just rest first. Oh, before I forget, listening to him and, uh, the Firehawk talk was pretty funny. You know how he got captured? The bandits grabbed him when he went to the bathroom. [snorting laugh]

GAIGE: ...wait. He was on the ECHO with us when he got grabbed... [knocking sound]

MAYA: Gaige? You still in here?

GAIGE: Uh, yeah, I'm just finishing my log. What's up?

MAYA: Zero just finished dinner. I thought you might want something to eat.

GAIGE: Oh, sure, thanks. I'll be right down.

MAYA: I'll save a seat for you. [sound of footsteps leaving]

GAIGE: Well, I have to go. For someone who doesn't seem to eat, Zero makes some really good food. Anyway, this is Gaige, Mechromancer of the Vault Hunters, signing off.