Annabelle grinned at me. We were in the forest, a rare event for both of us. We had hidden away the night before in the tree house, giggling and reciting poems to each other. She was a romantic at heart, toughened and bruised by the factories and industrial life.
A crisp breeze picked up her black hair and tossed it around her face. A few Mockingjay's chirped a song she had been singing earlier back to us. It was peaceful, quiet.
"Duncan…." She murmured, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. I smiled at her from my spot on the ground; I could never stay sitting or standing for long.
"What? Nobody's going to catch us."
"No, not that." Her pale lips pouted, torn between a grin and a frown. "We've gotten through so much."
"Yeah? Yeah, we have. Come on, cheer up. It's our last year to be in the Reaping. We can get through this."
"But- no, you're right. I should stop being such a downer." Her giggle pierced the clean air. I smiled at her again, hand reaching up to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear.
"You're forgetting something, silly." I chuckled, sitting up. She blinked at me, large eyes wide and curious.
"What's that?"
"Today. It's Valentine's Day." I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small box, tossing it in her lap. Her cheeks painted a bright red, smile flashing at me.
"Thank you. I really did forget." I watched her open it, waiting to see her reaction. It was her cross. I had gotten it for her.
Her arms wrapped around my neck out of delight. I enjoyed the warmth of the hug, pressing her close to me.
"I love it. Thank you, Duncan." I picked up on the tinge of sadness in her voice. "But a dead girl doesn't need jewelry."
Dead weight hit my chest. Darkness crept into the corners of my vision.
"Annabelle? Anna? Come on, don't say that, wake up." I shook her, not wanting to believe it. "Anna, wake up. Come on, you're not dead. Come on, stop it, you're not funny." I watched, completely aghast, as her head flopped back, eyes cold and dead. Her neck was bruised, blood coagulated around her nose and lips, arm hanging at an awkward angle. "Annabelle, Annabelle, come on. Stop it! Stop it! You're not dead! Annabelle!"
I woke in a cold sweat, her name on the tip of my tongue. My clothes were stiff with grime against my body. An Avox stared at me from the doorway, towel gripped tightly in his hands. It took my mind a second to process where I was, that Annabelle really was dead, and that I was being escorted to mine.
"Sorry. Bad dream." The Avox nodded. Of course he wouldn't answer me, he had no tongue. He sat the towel at the end of my bed and pointed to a small door before leaving. It had to be the bathroom.
I couldn't look in the mirror. I covered it with the towel while I ran the shower, struggling to get my clothes off while the steam filled the room. My forehead hit the cool tile of the shower stall, hot water almost stinging as it poured over my back. I stared at the dirty water at my feet, watching the dirt and blood muddy it. And for the first time in forever, I cried.
I cried for Annabelle, for Mom and Adin, for the girls and the rest of the boys that had died too early; I cried for the rest of the Tributes I would be facing soon, for Esper and those that he had seen killed- but mostly, I cried for myself.
I scrubbed my skin raw, like that would do anything to cleanse myself of the killing that I had already done. Like it would help in any way. I knew it wouldn't.
The towel was soft and warm by the time I was done. I padded out of my room with out it, not caring at all. The closet was open by the time I got there, comfortable and expensive looking clothes hanging for me. I didn't care about looks. I picked an outfit at random, pulling it on without thought.
Esper was at my door a few minutes later. He told me it was time for breakfast and that I couldn't miss it, not today.
I collapsed into a chair, ignoring the bowl of porridge in front of me. Grace floated into the car a few moments later, all smiles and cheer. She chirped a good morning to us before sitting down carefully.
"What got into you?" I muttered, glaring at her. "We're going to our deaths and you're chipper and full of manners? Pretty messed up."
"Might as well go out happily." She batted her eyelashes at me. "And you might as well go out a strong man. Wouldn't want to make your brother see that you're just a coward."
My chair clattered to the ground. "What the fuck did you just say?"
"Oh, so what, you're not a coward? Sure seems like it." I lunged across the table at her, tossing bowls and food across the length of it. My hands wrapped around her neck.
"What the fuck did you say? I'm not a fucking coward. I don't weasel around a subject just to irritate someone." My thumbs bit into the hallow of her neck. "I'm not a fucking coward. You are."
Esper's cane hit my back with a loud crack. I was forced to let go, whirling around to face him.
"Duncan. Go clean yourself up. Come back after you're done."
Esper was sitting alone when I came back in clean clothes. He tapped his cane against the floor as I shuffled in.
"Sit. We need to talk." I nodded, taking the offered chair quietly. The table was completely clean save for several leafs of paper. Esper blinked at me, looking older than he really was.
"If you cannot learn to work with Grace, then you are going to have to kill her."
His words shocked me.
"What?"
"You heard me, Duncan. She's ruthless, when it comes to cunning, that is. She won't let you get away alive. I honestly have very little faith in her. She's physically weak and will use the Careers to do the killing for her. It would be a mercy to die at your hands." I stared at him. He was basically giving me the okay to kill her, a girl.
"B-but… Esper. That's not- You're our mentor, you're supposed to give both of us the best chance of survival we can get. I-I don't understand."
"Duncan. That is her only chance of survival." He stood slowly, leaning on his cane. "I know what I'm doing. It's what Annabelle would've wanted."
I sat in a shocked silence as the door hissed shut behind him. Annabelle… It had been a day since her death. The hot sting of tears pierced my eyes, and I quickly shook my head to chase away the thoughts. If I didn't win for my family, I would win for her. Nobody deserved to die, not like this, not like the way she did. Not without choice.
