A blue glow was surrounded around three books that were being lifted into the air before spinning in a circle.

"You're doing great for somepony new to magic." Twilight stated.

Epsilon had been in Ponyville for nearly a week now but had hardly talked to anypony but her and Spike... and even only then it was because she was bored, wanted something to eat, or because Twilight was giving her magic lessons! The purple unicorn had been trying to get the alicorn to open up but was always shot down or ignored as the latter was always either testing magic or science experiments usually late into the night. It was ironic really. Epsilon was just like her back when she lived in Canterlot; now she was on the receiving end of it.

"Of course I am. Did you think I was some kind of pleb?" Epsilon asked.

Only Twilight wasn't so... whatever the alicorn could be described as.

"Alright, let's get into the teleportation shit." Church said as he puts the books down.

"I've already told you you're not ready for it. It takes a lot of effort and concentration, and is one of the hardest kinds of magic to master, it took me a long time to get down... and my special talent is magic." Twilight stated.

"Aww, come on! If you don't teach me how to do it then I'll find someone who will; or you know, go blow up a bunch of shit."

"Why do you want to learn it so badly?"

"That's none of your..." Church was cut off from his sentence when his eyes flashed a light red color twice. "Uh oh."

"Are... you okay? You're eyes just..."

"Hey, is it normal for giant black clouds of smoke to pass over?"

"No... Why?"

Twilight's answer came in a letter burped from Spike's gut.

"I still can't believe that you literally have a Goddamn dragon and you only use him as a paper boy." Epsilon said as Twilight levitated the scroll over to herself. "Dragons are supposed to be badass bringers of mayhem!"

The purple unicorn rolled her eyes at the alicorn's statement before she read the letter. After a moment, her eyes had grown wide.

"No way..." she muttered.

"What?" Church asked.

"A cload of smoke is covering all of Equestria!"

"Where's it coming from?"

"... A dragon."

"A what?!" Spike questioned.

"A: That's scarily convenient to our conversation, and B: Dude, calm your tits... YOU are a dragon." Epsilon informed him.

"I'm a baby dragon, Twilight's talking about a fully grown one!"

"Really? Hell yeah! Finally something awesome!"

"I need to go gather the others. Epsilon, you stay here with Spike." Twilight said and before Church could say anything else, the purple unicorn was gone.


Fifteen minutes later...

"What in the name of all things cinnamon swirls is a full grown dragon doin' here in Equestria?" questioned Applejack.

"Sleeping." Twilight responded, making everypony say: "Huh?"

"According to Princess Celestia, he's taking a nap. His snoring is what's causing all the smoke." the purple unicorn continued as she put a book in a saddlebag.

"He should really see a doctor, that doesn't sound healthy at all." Pinkie Pie stated.

"Well, at least he's not snoring FIRE." Rairty told her.

"Speak for yourself. I wanna watch some shit light up!" Eplison yells.

"That would be awful!"

"It would be BADASS!"

"It would be kind of cool." Rainbow Dash says and Rarity throws her an angry look. "I mean, uh... boo."

"Anyways, what are we meant to do about it?" Rarity questioned after she quit glaring at her friend.

"I'll tell you what we're meant to do. Give 'em the boot!" Rainbow Dash then preceded to kick a statue. "Take that!"

Twilight keeps it from falling over and lifts it up when the blue pegasus charges at it, causing her to crash into a bookshelf.

"We need to ENCOURAGE him to take a nap somewhere else." said the purple unicorn.

"Yeah, good luck with that." Church said sarcastically.

"You're helping too."

"Why should I? I'd rather just sit back and watch he show."

"Uh, how about out of the goodness of your heart?" Twilight said as if it were obvious with a tone of annoyance.

"Pfft. In case you haven't noticed, I hate everyo... pony... and that includes you. Besides, it's not my problem."

"Aww, you don't mean that!" Pinkie Pie said as she wrapped a hoof around the alicorn.

"Yeah, I do." Epsilon replied as he shoved her hoof off.

"But we're friends!"

"Shut up."

This is bad. Princess Celestia had requested that Twilight keep an eye on Epsilon, so she can't just leave her in town. An idea then popped in Twilight's head.

"Whatever. Come on girls, Epsilon can just stay here." the purple unicorn said as she started walking out the door before suddenly stopping. "Oh and Spike, please do some cleaning up. After all, we're going to need somewhere to put all the treasure and magical items we bring back."

"Wait... what?" Church questioned.

"Oh you know, when we get the dragon to leave he'll leave all of his stuff behind seeing as how he can't carry it off with him."

Church put a hoof to his chin as Twilight began to slowly started exiting again. 'Being rich doesn't sound so bad, and if there are... magical, items, I might be able to finally get home if I find a useful one!' he thought.

Epsilon then looked up to see Twilight nearly out of the door so he flew as fast as he could to get in front of her and stop her exit.

"Alright I'll go!" Church yelled.

"What happened to 'not your problem?'" Twilight asked smugly but Church was too worked up to notice.

"I changed my mind! This concerns me greatly! So let's go slay the damn thing and take his shit!"

"Ya wanna slay 'em?!" Applejack questioned.

"Of course! You always kill the dragon! Even Dash said to get rid of him!"

"I never said anything about slaying him though." Rainbow states.

"Haven't you guys ever read fairy tails?! A dragon always shows up to kidnap a princess and then a knight tracks it down and cuts the fucker's head off before mounting it on his wall!"

"... What did your parents do to you?" Rarity asked in a scared tone.

"We can talk about Epsilon's disturbing fillyhood later. Rght now we need to get ready. Princess Celestia has given us this mission and we must not fail, if we do, Equestria will be covered in smoke for then next one hundred years." Twilight states, making Fluttershy gasp.

"Talk about getting your beauty sleep." deadpanned Rarity.

"Alight everypony, I need you to gather supplies quickly; we've got a long journey ahead of us. Let's meet back here in less than an hour."

"Okay girls, you heard her! The fate of Equestria is in our hooves! Do we have what it takes?!" Rainbow questions.

"I'll bet ya!" Applejack replied.

"Yeah! We can do it!" Pinkie Pie announced.

"Absolutely!" Rairty exclaimed.

"Fuck yeah!" Epsilon yelled happily.

The first four then left the tree.

"Um... actually..." Fluttershy started.


Twenty minutes later...

Everypony but Church and Twilight were in a line as the latter paced back and forth in front of them.

"Alight girls, listen up. I'm mapping out the fastest route but we've all got to keep a good pace if we expect to make it up the mountain by nightfall." the purple unicorn stated.

"M-Mountain?" Fluttershy stuttered fearfully.

"The dragon is in that cave at the very top." Twilight told them while pointing at said cave.

"That's... oddly specific that you know that." Epsilon stated.

"Looks pretty cold up there." Applejack said.

"You bet it is! The higher you go, the chillier it gets." Rainbow Dash informed her.

"Good thing I brought my scarf." stated Rarity before pulling said object out of her saddlebag and around her neck.

"Ooo, pretty!" Pinkie Pie said.

*snicker* "Yeah, that'll keep you nice and cozy." Rainbow said sarcastically.

Twilight then read a map and pretty much ignored Fluttershy as the pony tried to speak while Church ran a scan of the mountain.

'Okay, the dragon really is there. The hell did the sunass princess know that? Okay, got a clear path.' Church thought to himself. "Hey, Bookhorse, I know the best w...!"

"Wait! You have to come! Your way with wild animals will surely come in handy!" Twilight interrupted, not hearing him.

"I don't think I..." Fluttershy started but was also cut off.

"Oh, and don't worry about your little friends in the meadow. Spike's got it covered while you're gone."

"You can count on me!" the baby dragon said before Fluttershy's pet named Angle Bunny thumped his foot on the former's head, making him flinch and letting all the animals run off.

"Hey! Hey! Wait!" he yelled as he chased after them.

"I don't think he's up to the task. Maybe..." Fluttershy started again but was once again ignored as Twilight folded the map and begun to walk off. "But... But... Eep!"

"Mah, just let her stay. She wouldn't be able to do shit anyways." Epsilon told the purple unicorn as he walked up beside her.

"On the contrary, Fluttershy's special talent is dealing with animals; so she will be more than helpful to convince the dragon to leave." Twilight said.

"You... want her to just talk to it?"

"That's the plan."

"And you think it's just gonna leave?"

"I hope so."

Church facehoofed. "A: You're stupid, and B: You're going to kill her. I hope you know that."

"I will not!"

"Okay then, when she gets eaten alive... don't come crying to me."

"She'll be fine."

The two then heard a shriek and looked over to she the subject of their conversation trying to get away from her own shadow before jumping into a bush.

"She's fucking dead." Epsilon stated.


HHHHRROOOOOONK!

The noise stopped all the ponies in their tracks and Fluttershy let out a gasp before running to hide behind Applejack.

"Woah. What was that?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"That, is what it sounds like when a dragon snores." Twilight explained.

"Man, and I thought Tucker was loud." Epsilon said.

"It-It's so... high." Fluttershy stated as her eyes just barely peered over Applejack's shoulder.

"Well it is a mountain." Rainbow told her. "I'm going to fly up there and check it out!"

The blue pegasus only made it a few inches before Applejack grabbed her tail and pulled her back down.

"Hold on now. I think we should all go up together, safety in numbers 'n all." the cowpony said.

"Oh all right." Rainbow said in an annoyed fashion as she crossed her forelegs.

She and Epsilon then slowly flew above the wingless members of their party as they walked up the rocks.

"I hear the only thing that sparkles more than a dragon's scales, are the jewels they use to build their nests." Rarity announced.

"Dibs." Church said.

"Come again?" asked Applejack.

"Dibs. Once we slay the thing, I get all it's bling."

"We're not...! And that's hardly fair!" exclaimed Rarity.

"Sucks to be you. DIBS."

Rarity opened her mouth to argue back when Twilight shouted: "Girls!" to get them to stop.

Rarity looked back at Epsilon to see the alicorn raising a hoof at her, making her confused as to the meaning... Church only put it down as he remembered that he doesn't have fingers anymore.

"Fluttershy, you're the expert on wild creatures; what do you think the dragon will be like?" the purple unicorn continued.

No response.

"Fluttershy?"

All the ponies then turned around to see that said pegasus was still on the ground, hiding behind a bush.

"Hey! What are you waiting for?! An invitation?!" Rainbow Dash yelled to her.

"Ooh! I think I have one in my bag!" Pinkie Pie stated happily before quickly pulling one out of her saddlebag as streamers and confetti pop out.

"Why am I not surprised?" Church asked sarcastically and in an annoyed fashion.

"I-It's so... so... steep." stated Fluttershy in a scared voice.

"Well it is a cliff. You could just, oh I don't know, FLY up here!" Rainbow told her.

"Come on, Fluttershy! Flap those wings!" Pinkie yelled as she waved her forelegs up and down.

"O-Okay." the yellow pegasus said nervously before slowly opening her wings and flying upwards... then the dragon snored and her wings retracted in fear, causing her to fall out of the air and back into the bush.

Both Church and Rainbow Dash hoofpalmed.

"Uhg. We don't have time for this." Twilight stated as Fluttershy struggled to open her wings back up.

Church then sighed and flew down to the latter before picking her up into a princess carry and she wrapped her forelegs around his neck.

"Let's hurry this up." Epsilon said as he started flying back up.

"T-Thank you." Fluttershy said quietly.

"Whatever."

Then the dragon snored again, making her grip Epsilon's neck tighter in fear.

"Gwuk!" the latter noised as he was being choked.


As soon as they made it onto a flat area, Church pried Fluttershy off of his neck and set her down before he started to gasp for breath. The group let him breathe again before they continued on for a little while longer. They stopped when they reached a point that they had to cross which involved the wingless ponies plus Fluttershy to jump over a gap... everypony but the element of kindness made it over with no problem.

"Your turn, Fluttershy." Twilight said kindly.

"But, it's so... wide." said pegasus stated as she hugged a rock.

"Oh you gotta be fucking kidding me." Church muttered under his breath.

"Come on Flutteryshy, we should be much farther along by now." Twilight told her.

"Ya could just leap on over it." suggested Applejack.

Fluttershy looked down the gap. "I..."

The dragon snored again, forcing her to curl up into a ball.

"I don't know."

Twilight and Rainbow Dash shook their heads while Epsilon pulled the skin down from his eyes as he looked up.

"It's two fucking feet long! Quit being a baby!" he shouted.

"Yer not helpin'." stated Applejack.

"There's nothing to be afraid of! It's just a hop, skip and a jump!" Pinkie Pie announced before jumping over the gap. "See?"

And then the pink pony did something that made Church cringe. She started... singing.

|It's not very far

Just move your little rump

You can make it if you try

With a hop and a Jump!|

Pinkie then kept jumping back and forth over the gap.

"We don't have time for this." stated Twilight.

|A hop and a jump!

Just move your little rump!

A hop and a jump!

A hop and a jump!

A hop and a jump!

A hop and a jump!

A hop and a...!|

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Epsilon screamed.

Pinkie just stared at the alicorn for a moment before finishing her song happily.

|jump!|

"Gaah!" Church yelled in anger before turning around and walking to the "wall" of the mountain.

He closed his eyes and smacked his forehead into it.

'It's almost over. All I need is a magical item to send me home... or erase me from existence. At this point I don't really give a fuck.' he thought.

Church then looked back at the group to see Fluttershy FAIL her pathetic excuse for a jump over the TWO FOOT WIDE GAP!

He smacked his head into the wall again.

'It's almost over... But at this rate, we'll never fucking get there.'

HHHHRROOOOOONK!

Epsilon looked straight up at the top of the mountain from where the dragon was sleeping before looking behind him to the rest of the group, back at the top, the Mane Six, and then finally to his wings; and a determined look grew across his face. He stretched them out and took off, catching the attention of Twilight.

"Epsilon?! Where are you going?!" the purple unicorn questioned, but either went unheard or was just ignored... probably the latter.

Once he reached entrance of the cave, Church landed on the ground and scanned the inside. One big ass dragon? Check. Hoards of treasure? Check. The A.I.'s sanity? Probably not. Meh. He should have lost it long ago anyways.

"Now, how to pull this thing off?" he mumbled to himself.

If only he had his sniper rifle. … Wait. The A.I. of memory turned his head to look at his backside, where a tattoo of his preferred weapon sat. Bingo. Church sat on the ground and squeezed his eyes shut, attempting to use his magic to bring the weapon to life, which finally worked after about four minutes of feeling like his head was going to explode. He opened his eyes to see a System 99 Series 5 Anti-Materiel with the trigger expanded to where he can pull it with a hoof sitting right in front of him. That settles it. He is 100% a god.


Note: Okay, I know this is short, but I haven't completely decided how I want this to confrontation to go. Why not wait to post till it's done? Because I haven't put anything on this site in like 80 years and I'm also trying to get another chapter out for a different story as well. Also, the story will not always go along with episodes, I just thought this would be fun. Anyways, hope y'all enjoyed.