Chapter 4- The Birth
There is no sweeter innocence
than our gentle sin
"Ellie, I had no idea your mom wasn't thrilled about having you," Hunter apologizes. He thinks about all the things he's assumed over the years, and now, he feels so insensitive. "She doesn't seem like that now."
"She's not like that now," Ellie explains. "I know she loves me, and we've talked a lot, and I've forgiven her for her choices in my childhood, but it's taken her a long time and a lot of therapy to get there."
"I had no idea she traveled the world like that."
"She did," she smiles proudly.
"That's actually pretty cool," he contemplates. "Well, not for you, but cool."
"Nah, it's really cool," she agrees. "And I knew her when she was still traveling."
"You did?" he questions in shock. "I thought… you just said you didn't know who she was."
"No, I knew her. I just didn't know she was my mother."
"So she saw you after you were born?"
"Yes. I wish I could say my birth was the turning point of the story, but it was only the spark of the fire."
She may have traveled all over the world, but this flight may be the most uncomfortable she's ever been on a flight. She was lucky enough to be able to find an airline that would allow her to fly at 38 weeks, and Barney had upgraded her to first class, but she still is in terrible pain: her feet and ankles swollen, her back aching, something pushing on her bladder. The pain just makes her uncomfortable.
At least she can stretch herself out in the seat turned into bed.
Yet, she's more uncomfortable for other reasons than physical. Time is running out until she has to push Barney's baby out of her. In two weeks or less, she is going to be in the hospital, doing exactly what she never wanted to. The thought scares the hell out of her. She almost wishes that she could just get a c-section and get it over with. But, with Lydia's guidance, she realized that a Caesarian is a major surgery, and decided her goal is getting back to work. She would have a much shorter recovery time with a natural birth. Not only does she want to go back, but the less time that she is absent from news broadcasts, the better chance Barney has of keeping the secret. She's already worried about being gone now. Would anyone notice her month long absence?
Still, in two hours, she is going to be back in New York, on her way to her apartment that she had not visited in months. And she will be stuck there, alone, for most of her time there. She wouldn't dare go out in public and risk running into someone she knows, not this pregnant. Barney will visit all too frequently, to check up on her, but she doesn't want him to. She'd rather be alone than have to face him all the time. She wants to get this over with and move on.
Today is the day, the day that Robin comes back home. She was explicitly clear with her instructions. No picking her up at the airport, no arrangements for her to get home, no meeting her at her apartment. He had considered defying her, but he knew it was best not to mess with her, especially a very pregnant, and presumably cranky her.
It made it all very real. Not that he hadn't been looking forward to this time at all. Soon, Robin will change his life for the better. He will be a part of his group of friends again. He will have someone to focus his energy on. Someone to make life legendary again, at least in the long run.
Contrary to what the rest of his friends might believe, he is ready. The nursery is set up, stocked with everything he knows he is going to need, based on his experience with his nieces and nephews. A few pieces of gender neutral clothing fill the small closet that was added to the room, because Robin refused to find out the sex. Yet, he would be fine. As soon as the girls found out the baby was really staying, they would be showering him or her with plenty of gifts and some of their old clothing.
Yes, his life would change. Yes, he wouldn't be able to go to the bar anymore, but he gave that world up years ago. He gave up that world with Robin. Going back to that world to keep himself sane was the worst thing he had ever done. So at this point, this was the best he could ask for. If he couldn't have Robin, or any semblance of the normal life he got a taste of, he would take this. And maybe, just maybe, his luck would turn, and one look at the beautiful baby of theirs would change her mind.
He can only hope.
She barely gets the apartment door unlocked when the crippling back pain sets in. Any energy she had left after flying is gone, letting her stumble to the couch. She blames it all on the plane ride, after all, eight hours on a plane is fun on no one.
She tries her best to fall asleep, hoping that the pain will go away naturally.
It doesn't.
In minutes, she's in some of the most excruciating pain of her life. She debates what to do. She tries to stand up, but her feet refuse to hold her. At this point, her options are to call an ambulance, or call Barney. Her choice would be neither, but something is wrong. So she's left with the debate of which would be less embarrassing. For a few seconds, it's the ambulance. At least they wouldn't know her. She would be just a normal person to them. It doesn't take her long to realize that's not the case. She's a household name now. Everyone knows her.
She grabs at the coffee table for her phone, and that's when it happens. She's having her first contraction.
He's pacing, light from the TV almost blinding him. He has it on mute, playing a newscast of Robin's from last week. Looking at her, looking at the shot, you'd never know she is pregnant, let alone only a few weeks from her due date. The sight of her keeps him calm, keeps him from panicking about her being back in the city, and wanting nothing to do with him, until it's time to hand over the baby that is.
He's hoping she'll call, praying even. All he wants to know is that she landed safely, and made it back to her apartment. He should at least get to know that. She may not love him anymore, but he still loves her. He's always going to love her.
The sound of sandcastles in the sand breaks him out of his revelry. He'd never changed her ringtone. He couldn't bear to. He breathes a sigh of relief as he hits the answer button. Little does she know, she answered his prayers.
"Go for Barney," he answers, because he assumes it's what she wants.
A grunt of pain travels through the receiver, followed by a weak moan.
"I think I'm in labor."
"I'll be right there."
He bolts out the door, not a second thought given to anything, including Robin on loop on the TV.
When he finally sits down in the hospital waiting room, he lets out a huge breath he didn't know he was holding. Robin was in so much pain that he almost had to carry her out of her apartment. All he had been worried about was getting her there safely. He didn't even have time to register that the baby was coming, and fast. Robin insisted that he take a few minutes to himself and call the gang, and now that he thinks about it, probably to get his nerves out of her hair for a while. He was being quite overprotective, something that never flew with Robin, even when they had been married.
Surprisingly, she had been right. He needed the break. He needed a few minutes for it to sink in, and to call the gang, because, well, he knows that they need to be there.
It was in the last month or so that Lily and Tracy started getting involved, started trying to convince him to be a dad. He argued, of course, to keep up the act, so they insisted on being around for the birth. He thought it was a bit risky, but they didn't really give him a choice. He could just not call them, but then he would have to face them later. So he might as well just get it over with.
He doesn't know how long he's been gone, but a nurse comes running to get him.
"Mr. Scherbatsky?"
"It's Stinson," he growls under his breath, regretting the memory that comes flooding forward at the name.
"Sorry. Mr. Stinson. Her labor is progressing at a faster rate than we anticipated."
"And?" he questions.
"She is requesting you, and if you don't make it back soon, you may miss it."
He hurries behind her, not even thinking about his friends arriving. He wants to see his child being born. Boy or girl, healthy or not, he wants to see it all.
She quickly hands him the scrubs, and insists on him covering himself, and quickly shows him into the room where Robin is screaming in agony.
She sees him, and instantly has something to say.
"Why did I let you talk me into this?! This I why I never wanted to do this," she screams.
"You can do it," he encourages, grabbing her hand. "You are strong."
"No, I'm not," she argues, quickly pulling her hand away. "Stop patronizing me."
"You want me to leave?"
"No."
"Alright Robin, I need one more big push and you'll be done," the doctor tells her.
She strains her body, tensing her muscles hard than she ever has before. The pain, the same pain she never wanted to experience, rips through her. Then she's just throbbing, and she's hearing 'you're done'. She doesn't feel any different, other than still in a bit of pain.
"Congratulations," the doctor announces. "It's a girl. Dad, would you like to cut the cord?"
He does as asked, doing nothing but staring at the beautiful baby in the nurse's arms. He can't help but think if maybe, maybe she would have been born three years ago, she could have saved them.
"She's beautiful, Robin."
"I'm sure she is," Robin mutters, looking away from the scene at her lower half.
"Are you sure you don't want to hold her?" The nurse asks. Apparently, he had missed that conversation.
"Yes. I'm sure."
"We're going to get her cleaned up then."
"I'm going to go tell the gang then. I'll be right back, okay?"
She nods, looking exhausted as hell.
He returns, after quickly chatting to the gang, leading them on that he still wasn't in to this. The nurse fetches him quickly, remembering his name this time, thank goodness. He wouldn't want to have to explain that. Yet it isn't long until he's back in the room, and the nurse is putting the baby in Barney's arms.
He holds her skin to skin for a bit, just staring into her eyes, while Robin watches. She's unsure of what to think. She wants to love the scene in front of her, but it's not hers to love. Barney isn't here anymore. She gave that up, just like she's giving up the baby. It's the right thing for her to do for so many reasons.
"Robin. I know you don't do newborns-"
"I'm not changing my mind, Barney," she retorts, cutting him off almost immediately.
"I'm not asking you to. Just say hi. As her aunt."
"As her aunt?" she questions, eyebrows raised.
"Yes. As her favorite aunt," he insists. He wants so desperately for them to bond. He wants them to have a relationship, even if she's determined not to be mom. That's the outcome he's wishing for, but Robin Scherbatsky is one stubborn woman, so he's not counting on it.
"Okay," she agrees. "I can do that."
She nervously folds her arms, and Barney gently places her in Robin's arms.
"She is cute," she says, smiling at her. "She almost makes me want to stay."
"So do," he pleads, his eyes wide with hope.
"I can't do that Barney," she insists. "That was never a part of the plan.
"I know," he says, dejectedly. He pauses for a moment, staring at the two of them together. It's a scene he once secretly wished for, but this was never how he thought it would play out. "Can you promise me something, though?"
"What's that?" she asks, turning her attention to him.
"If you ever change your mind about the marriage and family thing, will you come back to us?" She gulps at the thought. She never considered the possibility of coming back. But it's not something she'd do. She loves her job. And Barney, well Barney was fine without her. It takes her a moment to think about how she is going to answer.
"Under one condition..." She pauses, waiting for him to acknowledge. "Her name is Ellie."
"Of course," he quickly agrees. He hadn't even thought about a name yet. Maybe because he spent so much time hoping that Robin would be with them and want to decide. "Her name will be Ellie."
"Okay," she sighs. "If I change my mind, you're the only ones I'll come back to."
"Thank you, Robin."
"You're welcome."
"Hey, Barney. Are you better?" Lily asks, rushing up to him.
"I'm a dad," he sighs, a small, yet proud smile giving him away.
"I knew you'd come through," Tracy says happily, while in the background, a begrudging Lily hands Marshall a twenty.
"Were you betting on me again?" he asks, pissed off at the thought. Oh, how little they really knew him.
"No..."
"It's fine guys. Cut the crap."
"You seem a bit on edge," Ted comments.
"Yeah, well, things didn't go quite the way I wanted them to in there," he moans, as he plops down on one of the uncomfortable waiting room chairs. The truth is, they didn't. He didn't convince Robin of anything. But that's not what he can tell them. Now he needs to tell them he's officially a single father. Officially.
"What happened?" Lily asks, now worried.
"Thirty-one. She looked at her, and well, decided that being a mom wasn't her thing."
"I'm so sorry Barney," Lily comforts him.
"So what happens next?" Marshall asks.
"She signed the birth certificate, and had a termination of parental rights signed and waiting for me to agree to."
"Do you want me to look them over?"
"No. I signed them already. I'm already in love with Ellie. There's no way I'm going to risk them taking her."
"Are you sure about this?" Tracy asks.
"As sure as I've ever been about anything. She's my daughter. I love her." A wave of sadness washes over him. If only she felt the same way.
Eventually, the gang leaves. They have their own kids to get back to after all.
He stares at the birth certificate paperwork. Ellie Alouette Stinson. October 25, 2019. Barney Stinson. Robin Scherbatsky. St. Mark's Hospital. Tomorrow he'd find a good lawyer, one that isn't Marshall, and make it all official, make sure her true birth certificate is sealed before anyone can find out otherwise.
But tomorrow is another day. Very much another day. His first day of being a dad.
The nurses were kind enough to make him up a bed in a spare room in the maternity ward. It gives him a start to wake up there, since the last time he had slept in a hospital, he had been in traction. But then he remembers why he's there. Ellie. His beautiful baby girl. She's all his now, all his to love and cherish. He wastes no time in jumping out of bed to go to the nursery. He wants to see her. He wants to see her beautiful face and eyes and fingers and toes.
There is so much to do, but the first and most important is taking her home.
One car seat and five infant care lessons later, he is handed the paperwork, and is free to go. It's a chilling feeling, and for a second, as he wonders if he made a mistake. Once he leaves, he will be alone, with her, forever. One glances downward, however, and the small face, gives him renewed confidence. One step, and he's out the door, and Ellie, she's officially going home.
It's a new day. Very new. She's alone again, and really, she's fine with that. No regrets.
In just a few short hours, she would be discharged, and the whole ordeal would be behind her. No more pregnancy. No more baby. Just her and the world again. And scotch. And cigars. She could certainly handle that.
She had been very, very lucky. She had an extremely short labor. Ellie was small, so she didn't need stitches. The doctor who delivered even thought about releasing her for work very soon. And, on top of all that, she went into labor as soon as she got off the plane. She couldn't have had better luck, besides maybe not getting pregnant in the first place.
She can't help but wonder though. How is Barney doing? Is he handling it all okay? Will they be okay together? She knew they would be. They would make it.
She climbs out of bed, finally finding her phone. If anything, she needs a distraction.
Except the one she finds. Five missed calls from Lily, two from Tracy and Marshall, and one from Ted. They wanted her to come. She's not sure why. To them, Ellie's mother is a random skank. Did they really think that she would want to witness that? She didn't want to witness what she already did.
It was time for her to create her alibi. Where would she be in the world? Preferably somewhere where she wouldn't have answered last night, and wouldn't have been able to return their call in the morning. It didn't leave her with many choices. But ironically, her last post, Moscow, would do the trick. It was like it was meant to be.
A quick press of the button, and Lily will be on the other end of the phone. She's ready.
"Robin! I'm so glad you finally called me back!"
"Yeah, what was the emergency?"
"Where are you?" Lily asks.
"Russia. I just got off of work. Why?"
"Oh," Lily sighs. "Never mind then. I was really hoping you could make it to the hospital with us."
"Lily-" Robin begins to argue. She had talked about this to Lily. She wasn't going to be there, not to them.
"It's fine. We were hoping that maybe you could convince him to keep her, but, he did it all on his own."
"He's a dad?" Robin asks, hoping she's playing along well enough. She also hopes that a nurse doesn't come trotting in. That would be unfortunate.
"Yeah. The bitch up and took off," Lily growls. The harshness in Lily's words makes her stomach turn. "I wanted to strangle her, make her realize what she was missing, but Barney wouldn't let me."
"That's probably for the best. I'm sure she made the decision that was best for her," Robin tries to explain, not sure who she's trying to convince.
"I don't know. I just don't know how she could have left that beautiful baby."
"Lily-" she stops her, because she can't hear any more of it. Lily's words have never hurt her quite so much before.
"I'm sorry," Lily catches herself. It makes sense that Robin wouldn't want to think of Barney's love child as beautiful. "She's hideous-"
"It's fine," Robin brushes off. "I'm fine. I chose work, he chose baby. Nothing's going to change that." She wonders what Lily would think to know just how much truth there was in that statement.
"You sure?"
"Yes." She hoped the answer didn't sound as unsure as it did in her head. "Look, Lil, I've got to go. I have a train to catch. Thanks for the news."
"Um, okay," she answers. Somehow, something's up. She can smell the poop, but she's not at all sure what it is, or even if she will ever get Robin to admit it. "I miss you Robin. If you ever decide to- I don't know- not be okay with any of this, I'm here."
"Gotcha. Thanks Lil."
"Bye."
"Bye." Robin sighs as she presses the end button. "Glad that's over."
From the cab ride, to the elevator, he had been on cloud nine. He couldn't have been happier. The happiness abruptly stops the minute he unlocks the door. There, on his wall, is Robin, talking about some foreign diplomats in Russia. His anger boils to the surface, wanting nothing more than to throw something, anything at his screen. Then Ellie starts fussing, which within seconds turns into a full on wail. She can hear her mother, and wants her, he surmises. He picks up the remote, clicks off the TV, and launches it at the fridge.
It makes a smaller, less noticeable dent, yet he can't help but be astonished. She had a way of causing dents without even being in the apartment.
He picks up the tiny, tiny Ellie, and cradles her as best he can. The tears start to fall from his eyes. He tries to stop them, but it's no use. They should be doing this together. They should be here with Ellie together, the way he used to imagine long before they even got divorced.
But life's not fair. It never had been to him. He had to get it together though. For Ellie.
For Ellie, he could do anything.
