Rumors and Reputations

The two sat on the couch, just as they had been for majority of the afternoon and now well into the evening. Brittany moved her fork around her bowl of chicken and broccoli but she was actually watching as Quinn stared into her Chinese food containers. Moving from one to the next but never actually eating anything.

Brittany expected this much. She remembered when she had been in Quinn's shoes, hearing all of this the first time, she couldn't stomach anything. It had actually gotten so bad that while at Glee practice she had passed out and had to go to the hospital for dehydration and malnutrition. That was a tough one to explain to her parents and even tougher to explain to Santana, who had immediately felt at fault for the blonde's ailments.

She lets out a small sigh and puts her bowl of food down and reaches for the soup that they had ordered. She opens it up, letting the steamy smell of goodness travel to her senses and she smiles softly while grabbing the plastic spoon.

"Here," Brittany breaks the silence. "Try some soup." She offers it to Quinn along with a half smile and the other blonde accepts both trying her best to bring the broth to her lips.

Brittany watches as Quinn takes little slurps of the soup and though it's not nearly enough for the blonde it's better than nothing. She grabs her bowl again and starts playing around with her food as before. Her mouth opens to speak but she isn't sure where to pick up. This wasn't some gossip she had stumbled upon and this wasn't something she heard through the grapevine. This was serious and painful and sad and everything else that could hurt a heart.

There was no way to just pick up from where she left off because it was heartbreaking. She racked her brain about how Santana's story was told to her but that memory only left her shivering and she closes her eyes trying to will it away. As though trying to believe it had all been a bad dream and she never knew any of this and it never ever happened.

But that wasn't reality.

"I'm sorry I can't." Quinn mumbles leaning over to put the soup back on to the coffee table and then wrapping the blanket from Santana and Brittany's bed around her tighter. Brittany nods, she understands and doesn't push, for the moment anyway.

"It seemed like after that, she felt like she was branded, or like made to fit into this mold of the used and discarded." Brittany finally dives back in to the topic at hand. Quinn nuzzles her face into the blanket, only letting her eyes show and she takes in a deep breath, feeling slightly comforted by the scent of Santana on the fabric. "That's when she started 'dating' boys." Brittany tells her, using finger quotes when saying the word 'dating' because when you're thirteen you don't really date. You don't even go on dates, people on see each other at school and kiss in the hallway and maybe once in a while meet up for a movie or a trip to the mall. But it's far from dating. "She made out with Jim McConin, Richie Z., Mike Reeves and Johnny all in the same week." Quinn nods as her friend recites Santana's lip locking trysts of second semester of the eighth grade. Everyone knew about everyone's business, especially if it was sexual because they were thirteen and going through puberty and a lot of the kids lived vicariously through the stories of their peers.

"At Sammy Dolan's party, she let Ciprian Vegas feel her up in the closet during 7 minutes in heaven and I remember that Monday in school afterwards there were those rumors going around about how they had gone further than that." Brittany hangs her head, letting the bowl in her hands fall to her lap. "Remember we asked her if it was true and she said no, but it didn't matter because people are going to believe what they wanted anyway." She looks to Quinn who doesn't meet her gaze but nods none the less. "I remember thinking that she was so cool because she had all of these guys falling all over her and asking her out left and right and she would go from guy to guy." She shakes her head and her voice trails off at the end.

"Well, it was the eighth grade relationships lasted as long as a relationship does on a television series." Quinn chuckles out but the humor in her words only lasts so long. Brittany smirks and nods.

"Then Johnny asked her out." Brittany sighs, leaning over her crossed legs to put her bowl next to Quinn's untouched food. "Me and him were in art class together and I had over heard him telling one of the guys that he was going to get with her." She rolls her eyes at the thirteen year old boy lingo from their middle school days. "I obviously started to eaves drop because they were talking about Santana. At first I was so excited for her because I mean, hello it was Johnny, the hottest kid in the eighth grade." Her eyes widen to emphasize her point and Quinn nods. "But then I had heard him and the other kid talking about how he was going to get a blow job from her and I remember feeling dirty, just hearing him talk about her like that." She covers her face with her hands and leans her elbows on her knees shaking her head slightly from side to side. "He said that Ciprian had told him that Santana gave him one behind the bleachers at the high school and that she was a sure thing." Quinn clenches her jaw and tightly shuts her eyes. She knew guys talked like this but it was crazy for her to think that barley pubescent boys would be talking about this.

"I confronted her about it and she got mad at me and told me it was none of my business if she did do those things. And then asked me why it mattered anyway." Brittany's voice was barely a whisper as she recounted her confrontation with thirteen year old Santana about her sexual activities. "She told me it was nice to be wanted by the boys and sometimes you had to give a little to get a little." Her shoulders shrug and she leans her head against the couch turning to face her friend who was in the same position as her on the other side of the couch.


Brittany was on her bed watching a movie when her best friend came into her room. The smile on her face from the unannounced visit faded as she saw the look her friend wore that was plagued with sadness and unshed tears. She muted the television and rolled off of the bed reaching out to her.

Santana grabbed the offered hand and let it tug her towards the bed and the two sat. She leaned her head on Brittany's shoulder willing her to let her body to relax even though everywhere else inside of her was screaming.

"Are you upset Johnny's moving?" Brittany asked, breaking their unconscious silence. She assumed that Santana's boyfriend's sudden news of his family leaving Lima had a lot to do with her current mood. Santana didn't respond, she was still trying hard to keep her emotions and tears in check. "It's okay to be sad about it San." Brittany tried to assure her, letting her hand rub small circles on her best friends back.

She knew asking questions and prodding was no way to get answers from the smaller girl. It was always best to wait it out and let her calm down and when she was ready then Santana would tell her everything. Brittany was sure of that. So they sat there just like that for a little while longer, Brittany rubbing her back to try and coax relaxation and perhaps for the girl to open up to her while the television screen lit up random parts of the dimly lit room. Meanwhile, Santana sat there with her head resting on her best friend's shoulder trying to erase the images playing in her mind.

"I went to Johnny's earlier." Santana muttered into the still air after an hour or so of just sitting there. Brittany nodded and took in a small breath letting it come out slow. "His parents were out." She spoke lower and her hands fidgeted on her thigh. "He said he'd miss me and that he wasn't going to forget me." Her voice gave in and gave out, yet another thing she was unable to control.

"Duh, how could anyone forget you?" Brittany cooed, brushing away some of her friend's hair from her face trying to tuck it behind her ear. Santana tried to smile but she couldn't, instead, she settled for a deep breath and rubbed her sweaty palms on her jeans.

"We were in his room and we were kissing." She said so lightly and low that it was like a whisper and then she felt Brittany's hand pause. It was brief, barely noticeable but she caught it. Santana let out a shaky breath, rubbing her hands together. "One thing led to another and we were in his bed and…" She gulped because she couldn't say the words, she didn't want to, those words tasted gross in her mouth. Everything she thought of saying made her throat dry up, her tongue swell, her teeth clatter together because, mostly everything she thought of saying were half lies.

"Santana, did you… did you have…" Brittany dared to ask without actually asking.

The words were there but they couldn't find their way out. She didn't want to ask really, she didn't want to imagine Santana and some boy together. They were still so young and it sounded so adult and felt so adult to be involved in the conversation. She couldn't help the shiver that ran through her body when Santana nodded. Brittany couldn't tell if it was the fact that her best friend confirmed her half asked question or if it was because she wouldn't look her in the eye when she answered.

"He said he loved me." Santana forced out trying to make it sound like it meant something to her or at least that it was reason enough for Brittany to understand. At the time she thought it had meant something or maybe she just wanted it to. "I told him I wanted to… that it was okay." She continued in a choked out sob that never followed through with tears. Brittany shifted closer to her friend resting her head on top of Santana's and she started to rub those small circles again.

"Was it?" Brittany tentatively asked she wasn't sure what she was supposed to say to any of this. Regardless of the fact that she was inexperienced personally but she was just as equally ill prepared to deal with it in a conversational context. But for Santana, she'd try her best to understand or at least just listen. "Was it okay?"

Santana didn't know. She didn't know now or even when it had happened. She knew that Brittany thought that this meant Santana was no longer a virgin but her virginity was long gone even before Johnny entered the picture.

She hated the fact that she had to keep up the charade and let her best friend in the whole wide world go on thinking that she had been pure up until a few hours ago. It made her sick to her stomach that she was using those five minutes it took Johnny to finish as her first time story. When she had said it was okay she thought she had meant it, but as things progressed her mind backtracked but Johnny hadn't even second guessed her.

He didn't make sure, he didn't ask her if she was okay for real, he didn't even make sure her head didn't hit the head board during the whole thing. He didn't even stop when Santana had asked if that noise down the stairs were an indication of his parents returning home. He didn't even stop when she whispered, 'stop'.

"No." Santana finally answered and she watched Brittany's hand reach across her own lap to grab at her hand.

Her jaw clenched and she shut her eyes thinking about how she loved Brittany's hand on her back and in her own. The blonde's skin on her skin or arm around her waist or shoulder's always made her feel that tiny bit of safety and security that she had been stripped of that summer when she was 12-years-old or that night in her own home.

"I wish I didn't do it." She admitted pushing her face deeper into the crook of Brittany's neck. This part was true, she wished she hadn't done it. "I wish I could take it back. I wish I could take my virginity back." She confessed and though that was true it had nothing to do with Johnny or the brief time they had spent together in his bedroom earlier that day.

Her other hand reached across both of their bodies and she gripped some of Brittany's blonde hair that was hanging from her shoulder. Her face became lost within the blonde locks as she desperately craved those tears that teased her to come spilling out and drown her. But such was wishful thinking and she could not squeeze one tiny tear from her eyes even though inside her heart was dripping.

"Well," Brittany spoke up. "Maybe you can just pretend you still have it." She suggested casually and calmly in hopes that maybe her disposition would ease her friend's mind. "And this way you won't be so sad the next time you do it. I mean maybe you can pretend that you don't lose it until you have sex with someone you love back." Her voice was so delicate that Santana wanted desperately to believe the words she spoke.

"That's not how it works." Santana told her, sounding disappointed, and lifted her head looking at her friend. Brittany blinked trying to replay what she had just said to find the flaw that Santana had found in her plan.

"Oh." The blonde girl let out nodding once. "Do you love him? Is that why you can't take it back?" Brittany asked her tilting her head to the side, Santana couldn't help but notice how sad her friend sounded at the prospect of Santana loving him back.

"No." Santana answered quickly and she wanted to add that gut feeling she had that Johnny had been completely false in his own declaration of love. She knew that as soon as it had come out if his mouth it was a lie. But she wanted to believe it, she wanted to be that girl that guys fell in love with so desperately and hopelessly.

"So… then I say he doesn't count." Brittany tried with her plan again sounding confident as she spoke. Santana's brow furrowed and she analyzed her friend carefully. "I mean if you didn't like it and you don't love him then how can it?" She shrugged her shoulders straightening her head. Santana let a meek smile play on her lips and she nodded. Her eyes looked deeply into Brittany's blue eyes and she saw the blonde doing the same to her.

"You're a great friend B." Santana told her, Brittany grinned and leaned in placing a kiss on her cheek. The Latina couldn't help the smile that spread from ear to ear and on reaction she leaned in kissing Brittany's cheek in return.

Two weeks later Johnny and his family moved to Seattle.

After that sweaty day in his bedroom he barely paid attention to his girlfriend. He ignored her, avoided her and even went so far as to break up with her through his friend who told Santana during Spanish class. She wanted to not care, he was leaving anyway so it shouldn't have mattered. But it did.

She knew people knew. She knew that Johnny told his friends that she and him had done it. She also knew that he had told them how much Santana's liked it, even though he had never asked her. Actually, the only thing he had said after the event was 'thanks' and then he didn't even walk her to the door.

Some of the eighth graders knew some ninth graders from McKinley and one weekend the two grades through a bash at some kid's house. His parents were gone for the weekend and for some reason they had trusted him to be home alone. So, Santana, Brittany and Quinn had all decided to go. It would be a great way to prepare themselves for high school parties the following year.

They weren't surprised when they were handed mixed drinks that were more alcohol than mixer, but they sipped them and mingled. As the night went on the party had moved down to the basement where a lot of the older couples were sitting on couches making out, among other things. Being a party of barely teenagers it was no surprise that things got out of control.

Santana remembered her, Brittany and Quinn sitting under a table with a bottle of champagne, which does not go well with mixed drinks but at the time the idea seemed flawless. She wasn't at all surprised when Bryan, a freshman at McKinley came over and asked her to sit with him. He was charming and she immediately took the hand he offered her telling her friends she'd be back shortly They were too far gone to even realize Santana was leaving them. He led them to the laundry room that was pretty quiet except for the sound of the dryer going off and the distant noise of the party.

The only thing that separated the room they were in and the room everyone else was in was a cheap looking flimsy wood panel door that opened and closed like an accordion. He told her she looked pretty and asked her if she was in high school. Her cheeks felt hot and she couldn't tell if it was the compliment of looking older and pretty or the alcohol coursing through her system.

It didn't matter what her answer was because his lips were on hers within seconds. He was not that bad of a kisser, considering her state of inebriation anyway, so she allowed the kissing as she pressed her back against the dryer. His hands were softer so she didn't really mind them on her arms or around her waist.

Soon enough she was lifted on to the dryer, it moved shakily beneath her as she felt his hands wandering lower. On her thighs, up her thighs until he was trying to spread her legs moving his hands between her thighs and she shook her head pulling back.

"It's okay, no one's going to walk in." He tells her and she nervously bites her lip glancing to the door. She wasn't so sure about this, there was a whole huge group of people just on the other side of that paper thin excuse for a door.

He didn't wait for a nod of agreement or a 'yes' and he pressed his lips back to hers. He slid his hand up between her thighs and pushed his fingers against the fabric of her panties to her center. She jumped a little at the contact because it wasn't expected. She tried to relax, let the alcohol give her that calmness and she fought against her legs that wanted to slam shut and catch his hand from going any further.

His fingers had pushed her panties to the side and he was thrusting two in and out of Santana. She swallowed and watched him watch his motions, furrowing his brow in concentration. Santana tried to enjoy it, she tried to let her body feel the feelings. A sound from the side caught her attention, the boy still focused on his disappearing and reappearing fingers inside the small girl.

It was a drunk ninth grader who walked in. Her eyes widened and she tapped the boy between her legs and pointed to the kid who had joined them. He grinned and nodded to his friend but went back to the task at hand. Santana, embarrassed and cheeks flushed from this intimate moment being intruded on tried to pull on his wrist. But he wasn't having any of it and whacked her hand from his with the other.

"I don't want him watching." Santana panted out, she wasn't sure what her body wanted but she knew what her mind wanted.

He said 'shh' and crashed his lips on to hers, her eyes bulged out as he didn't stop his movements. She tried to turn her body to hide her intimate spots of her body but it was of no use as the other boy in the room walked around behind the boy she was with. Her legs flicked out as she tried to maneuver herself off of the dryer in hopes of getting out of here.

It wasn't until she saw boy number two unzip his fly and start jerking off at the sight of Santana getting fingered by his buddy. She shouted get off of me and pushed her palms to his chest trying to get him away from her.

"Get the fuck…" She struggled and finally was able to kick him in the thigh close enough to his junk for him to jump away. Santana hopped off the dryer and slapped the boy across the face before fixing herself quickly and storm out of the laundry room.

She felt some eyes on her as she struggled to find her friends, they needed to get out of here. When she spotted her two blonde's she raced up to them demanding they left citing several reasons for them to go. While the blonde's gathered their things Santana impatiently waited and looked over her shoulder towards the place she had just come from.

The two boys were grinning smugly as another two came over and gave the one boy a high five. He was clearly being asked a question, seeing as he nodded. She watched him lift his two fingers to his friend's nose and nod some more with a stupid smirk on. He motioned his head towards Santana's direction causing the other three to look over at her as well. All four boys were staring at her and smiling.

The walk home was uneventful and the two blonde's didn't really question Santana why she had wanted to leave so bad. Actually it kind of worked out that the three had left when they did, because the whole walk home to Brittany's each girl took turns puking in the middle of the street. Santana was the first to lose her dinner and the whole bottle of champagne she had chugged. Brittany held her hair back and rubbed her back as her friend just let it go. Quinn was next in the upchuck line, which only made Brittany start throwing up as well.

By the time they had gotten to Brittany's it felt as though the after effects of drinking way too much and mixing things that should never be mixed had finally stopped making second appearances. While Quinn was in the bathroom brushing the vomit taste out of her mouth Santana and Brittany lay in the blonde's bed.

"You looked really upset before we left San." Brittany said quietly running her fingers through Santana's dark hair.

"Mmm." Santana hummed out, it was an affirmative response, but she had no energy to really get in to it.

"I know you've been upset since the Johnny thing… and… well even before then." Brittany turned more on her side to face her best friend whose eyes were closed. Santana wasn't sleeping, she was listening. "I know you're sad, I just want you to know that I'm here for you." She said leaning a little closer. "I'll always be here for you Santana." She pressed her lips to her friends forehead and turned onto her back once again.

When Santana was certain her friend's eyes were closed she opened her own and stared at the girl before her. It was the first time in a long time, probably months to be truthful. But as she stared at Brittany and she let the words she had just said to her play on repeat she felt something tickle the corner of her eye and travel down to the pillow. She brought her hand up to wipe the tickle away only to be surprised by the wetness that met her finger.