A/N: So so so, time for the fourth one ^^ I could've published these in a bit more clever way but well, that's me XD and again, thanks BieberHendersongrl for your nice review ^^ also others can leave a few words, you know ;D ah well. I want to say that I love diaries. I'd kind of want to write a fic only with excerpts from either Kurt's or Blaine's diary (or maybe from both) but well, haven't done it at least yet XD it would be slightly challenging, too. Maybe I'll try at some point! ^_^

"Hi diary!

Honestly, I can't believe that I've had a diary ever since I learned how to write and still I don't know how I should start. And I complain about it at least once in a week. But it kind of feels weird, write to a book as if talking to an actual person. But at least it helps with everything, thinking and so on.

Today it's all about Blaine. Once again. I believe that my writing today'll mostly be an ode to Blaine. I miss him, I miss him an awful lot. He has been away for six days now, on a family holiday. They're coming back tomorrow morning, at least that's the last piece of information I've heard. They're on their way back but well, with the caravan it's easy to stop and sleep a bit. The caravan must have a pretty good heating, otherwise it'd be terrible.

I can't believe that it's already December. Time has really flown by, it's amazing. It's so strange that when ever I'm with Blaine, the clock seems to be running faster than Usain Bolt, but when ever I'm alone, it's slower than the slowest snail. It kind of kills me that I can't spend every single moment of my days with Blaine but then again, we spend most of our time together. We sleep in different houses most of the time, we don't share too many lessons but all the other time is basically for us.

In a way I know I shouldn't be complaining, we are in a good situation. Some couples face incredible difficulties if the other half is forced to move, for instance. I, for example, wouldn't know what to do if dad, Carole and Finn chose to move away. Should I go with them or stay here? I bet I could live with Blaine in his room, if it would be okay with his parents. Maybe I could get a job and pay something for them. I probably wouldn't be able to afford an apartment of my own anyway.

In that case I'd have Blaine but not my family. Not the other three persons that are closer to me than anything else. I'd miss them too, a lot. I do know that at some point our ways are going to part, but I do wish it'll take a while more. Now dad's in a good shape but you never know. He's started taking care of himself in a totally different way, he wants to be around.

But I know that I couldn't leave Blaine. I could never leave him behind, not even if it meant that I had to let my family go. Maybe I'd convince him to move with us! He'd sure miss his family, they are close too. It would be a hard decision, no matter what. Luckily it all is just painting devils to the walls, everything is good now and will be for a good while more.

I simply can't get enough of Blaine. Last week, the night before they left, I was staying at his place for night. Our parents still hesitate with letting us share the bed, no matter in which house we'd sleep. But this time we were allowed to sleep together. I stayed up most of the night, just listened to Blaine's breathing. It was one of the most beautiful symphonies ever composed, made me relax and feel good about everything. Laying in the darkness with that being the only sound around us, nothing could be more calming.

The nights have been empty, terrifying and attacking ever since that night. Knowing that he's now several hundred miles away makes me feel lonely, even though I know I could call him when ever I feel like it. I've never had this kind of feelings before; when we're both sleeping in our own beds, I miss Blaine but it's different. I know that he's only a few miles away and if needed, we can reach each other pretty fast. I'm alone but not lonely.

I do wish that he's allowed to sleep at our place the first night they're again here. It feels like I'm starting to forget how Blaine's heart sounds like! I know it's terribly silly, but I love to lay my head on his chest and listen to his body, his heart. It's one of the most calming things I've ever known! And I already talked about listening to Blaine's breathing, it's the thing that keeps me going. Really knowing that he's alive. And in a way, knowing that his heart beats for me.

I know that I'm a romantic person but I believe that I'll never get bored of hearing how much Blaine loves me. No matter if it's a simple 'I love you' or a full song of love, it all means a lot. Even though I've grown a lot, in both physical and mental ways, I'm still a bit insecure inside. I'm afraid that someone will steal Blaine from me. It's not that I wouldn't trust Blaine and all, but I doubt myself.

Sometimes I still feel that Blaine deserves something better than me. I haven't said it to him and I probably never will, it could be taken only the wrong way. It sounds too much like a break up-line and that's definitely NOT what I mean. I just feel that I'm not enough, that I should be better and more. And yet I know that Blaine loves me for who I am, he wouldn't want me to change even though he knows my flaws. He wants me to trust in myself, because he has faith in me. He knows I'd never hurt him.

I have hard time believing that Blaine actually is human. It sounds extremely stupid but he sure could be an angel. Fallen from heaven, sent to save my life. How could any human being be like him? We all have our flaws, also Blaine, but they seem so small and meaningless, like the fact that he's unable to draw a perfect circle. Who cares? There aren't too many that can. He is witty and friendly and pretty much everything you could ask for. All of that and lots more.

I love the way he touches me, it's merely a touch and yet it's so sensible that it makes me want to scream. I love the way he walks close to me, the way he slowly closes his eyes when he's about to kiss me. I love every inch of his body, his pretty little earlobes, his knees, his everything! As you can see, dear diary, I'm no more afraid to admit that I love him.

I LOVE BLAINE!

I LOVE BLAINE!

I LOVE BLAINE!

See, I could literally run out and shout my love to the whole world! There would sure be lots of people who would hate me and the fact that I happen to love someone but there would be also people who would allow me to love someone. I'm pretty sure about that. There are many bastards on this planet and there will always be. I can just hope that they won't beat the shit out of me but well, they could decide to hate my neighbor because his car is the wrong color or something as ridiculous.

But what's more important in me being able to say that I love Blaine, is the fact that I dare to say it to him. I can whisper it, I can say it in words, I can kiss him or use my body in other ways to let him know. Not everything can be expressed with words, love is one of those. Words can be a part of it, of course, but alone they are a bit shallow. It's an easy thing to say but really to mean it, boy, that's hard!

Love isn't easy in any ways. It's a huge, huge thing that continues to grow every single day. For a long time, I was about to say it out loud, I was afraid that my feelings weren't deep or strong enough so that they could be considered as real love. Now I know more about love and myself, I know that I have loved Blaine for a long time. To be honest, and this is going to sound really stupid, but I'm going to say it; I believe that he's the love of my life.

Writing that last sentence took ages. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, but still. I'm young and it sounds and feels like a naive thing to say, but I really want no one else than Blaine. I'm extremely happy that I was lucky enough to meet him in my quite early years, it saved me from a lot of searching. Some people search for their other half for several decades, some maybe even never find their real partner. I know this is going to last.

It still sounds a bit silly. But I don't mean that I'd believe that we won't face any problems. Sometimes we disagree about things, some day we'll have our first real fight. I don't think that an argument about which shirt I should wear can be considered as a fight. But problems belong in every single relationship, it's natural, normal and okay. They are born to be solved, and I actually believe that they strengthen the relationship.

Besides, people say that fierce make up-sex is pretty awesome.

Thinking about having sex with Blaine makes me shiver. We definitely haven't been doing it, as you probably remember, I sure would've wrote about that. Touching at least is more than awesome, the feeling that we are really close to each other. I feel that I'm blushing even now, I still feel a bit uneasy when talking about this matter, but it's getting easier. I'm just so happy that Blaine is Blaine, he isn't trying to push me into anything. To be honest, I believe that he's a bit excited/afraid/something like that too. I know it's going to be awesome once we do it.

Maybe I should try to think of something else than Blaine. The fact that I'm going to see him only tomorrow is breaking me inside. Then again, I've lasted six days already, maybe I can deal with this last one too. I know that dad too is waiting for Blaine to get home. It was only yesterday when he complained me being all sulky and distant and full of distant sighs and what else? Getting Blaine back will do the trick for that.

Finn has also been great, he knows that I don't want to be alone. Without Blaine, that is. He has been spending a lot of time with me, we've been to the movies, we've talked, we've walked and so on. For once, it feels like I understand who he's dating at the moment and who he's in love with. All in for Rachel now. To be real honest, we shall see how long that lasts. I don't say that it's anyone's fault, but Finn seems to be unable to decide. Maybe there's something more in it, maybe I could never understand why he has problems with Quinn and Rachel.

I, on the other hand, haven't had that kind of problems ever since I saw Blaine. Well, I've never had that kind of problems, to be accurate. Finn is quite different from me, probably this is one of our differences. I'm simply so in love with Blaine that I don't get how I could be romantically interested in someone else! Blaine is everything I want in a man, I could never find anyone better!"

I had to stop writing, because hands blocked my sight.

"Come on Finn, I know you caught me, I didn't even notice you get in," I started but then realized, that it wasn't Finn. This odor was different, something even more familiar. "Blaine?"

For a while I felt how the hands shook a bit, then I heard Blaine laugh. I quickly turned over, almost hit him with the chair and got on my feet. I stared at him for a few seconds and then attacked him with my lips. He still tasted the same, he still responded to my kiss the same way. His hands knew their routes around my body, he pulled me close.

"Hey pookie," I said quietly and smiled really wide.

"Hi babe," Blaine answered with his lips so close to my ears that it tickled a bit.

"How come you're here already?"

"Dad wanted to drive home now, we were approaching home faster than we thought. Probably it means that they got tired of my sighing and decided to bring me home a bit earlier. Mum even gave me a lift when I said that I want to come right away. They need both cars tomorrow morning."

"So that means you're staying for tonight?" I got excited, that was good news!

"Yes, it does. I even asked Burt and Carole about it, they were in the living room so I stopped there for a while on my way to you. By the way, they apparently believe in God, taken how graciously they were thanking Him," Blaine laughed.

"I believe it. I may have been missing you quite a bit," I confessed. Blaine caressed my cheek with his finger, kissed my forehead quickly.

"I've missed you a lot. But now I'm here and you're here, everything's all nice again! So, what were you doing when I interrupted you? You seemed to be pretty concentrated in what ever you were doing," Blaine asked.

"Well, I was... writing," I said, shrug my shoulders. What else could be said?

"I kind of noticed that. What were you writing?" he continued, sat on my bed and pulled me next to him.

"My diary. Kind of. In a way it's just and ode to you, to be honest," I joked.

Blaine looked deep into my eyes, I believe that he actually saw how I, deep inside, wasn't joking at all. His face seemed to lighten up even more, he brought his lips to mine for a tender kiss.

"That is so sweet of you. How can you even be so cute?" he asked and kissed my nose.

"Want to read it?" I asked abruptly, I wanted Blaine to know but I knew that I couldn't say all those words out loud.

"Read? But it's your diary!" Blaine stated.

"Only those pages, I wouldn't wish you to read all of it, just those pages. Because... uhm... I'd kind of want to say all those things to you but I don't know why," I said, I could feel how blood rushed to my cheeks, making them bright red.

"If you are sure of it. Hand me the book with right pages open and I'll go for it," Blaine smiled, reached his hands to me and looked absolutely alluring.

I quickly checked that there was nothing in between of pages, I didn't want any embarrassing secrets to fall on Blaine's lap. Then I gave him the diary and looked at him while he read it. In a way I could've let him read every single page, but it was a slightly scary idea. Those were all my thoughts, said in my way, I didn't even think the same way about all things anymore. Certain things were now really embarrassing. No, it was good just to let him read these few pages.

Blaine looked so clever with his glasses, he had them on today. Most of the time he wore contacts but I actually almost preferred those glasses. I followed how Blaine's cheeks and lips moved, he smiled all the time. It made me relax, he obviously was liking what he saw. Who wouldn't have liked to hear that someone loved them?

Blaine didn't look at me even once while he was reading, his eyes kept on following new lines. After finally getting to the end of what I had written, he turned his eyes to me. I could almost see tears in his eyes, even though they weren't completely formed yet. I straightened my arm just to stroke his cheek, he took a hold of my hand.

"Do you really feel all that? Do you really have so deep feelings? Do you... do you really... like... love me?" Blaine asked hastily, his voice got really fast by the last sentence.

"I do. I love you. A lot," I answered, it wasn't enough to describe everything but well, it had to do now.

"I know I've said this a thousand times but it can't be said as many times as I'd want to! I love Kurt, I love you more than anything. Come here you little, I want to kiss you now!" Blaine demanded, I leaned on and felt his lips on mine. A fresh touch it was, perfect as usual. Yes. This was a great day.