A/N: A bit of Spamano fluff in here, and a whole lot of Gilicia. If you don't fall in love with them in this chapter, I don't know when you will XD I'm still not promising a happy ending, so you guys… You better ready your tissues after this.
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
~Albert Einstein
Chapter Three
"We have to do something, Toni. What if-"
"No, Lovi. No we don't."
As the two left the hacienda, leaving Alicia with Gilbert once more, Lovino seemed more apprehensive than the Spaniard, "Antonio." He said slowly, "This isn't a joke."
"I'm not kidding, Lovi." And emerald eyes turned to the Italian as they walked towards their car, "Mi hermana knows what she is doing. And I may not act like it a lot, but I actually do trust Gilbert a whole lot more with her than I do Francis. Especially with matters of the heart."
"That doesn't make any sense." The auburn-haired man scowled, "Francis is the Country of Love. Even you know that. Why would you trust a country that has gone from one war to another, a country that has been destructive and gotten into nothing but war, with matters that deal with the heart?"
Antonio drew a deep breath and took the Italian by the hand, "… Remember me?" he asked nervously, "When I was young, and adventurous? Remember how I thought I could own the world, keep it within my fingertips?" Lovino nodded, "Well, Gilbert was pretty much the same. We fought in different ways, but we had the same idea in mind. And after that – after being thrown into wars such as that, and losing so much that we bargained for, I know there is one thing he learned the true meaning of…"
Emerald eyes met amber ones, and Lovino's heart missed a beat, "Love."
But the Italian was unconvinced, "Still." He insisted, "This isn't about you, or us. This is about sorella."
"Si, that is true," the brunet said, "And it is also about Gilbert. Tell me, do you think he can heal himself?"
Lovino scoffed, "Not the way he's treating himself."
"If I'm correct, and I could be wrong," Lovino rolled his eyes here, "Alicia can help heal Gil. She can. And, well… She can also might just heal herself."
"How can you say that so surely?"
Antonio shrugged, then said bluntly, "Because she loves him."
They had resumed their position on the sofa, and Alicia sat comfortably by the Prussian's side. He had, once again, brought up a great king of his, whom he had considered a father-figure. But the day was passing by, and noon had settled in, and she was still so engrossed in their conversation. So was he, "I'll be able to see him soon," he mused, smiling at the thought, "Hm… I'm getting hungry."
"Not too soon, though, por favor?" she pouted a little, "I think I can whip you up something to eat, if you're hungry."
"I'll try but I do look forward to seeing him again." He looked at her. "Nein, I just want a piece of bread or something. Mein stomach is still a bit upset."
She looked down at her hands and nodded. She didn't want him to leave just yet – especially not after they were getting along so well. It pained her to think about it. She attempted a smile and made a motion to stand, "Okay. I'll go get you some Spanish bread. We always have some in the morning." But she only tried to dispel the thoughts that had reeled in her mind. She didn't like the idea of him dying. How could he want to die so badly?
He noticed the sadness in her smile. "Danke. I'll be here." He smiled at her. He knew it hurt her to think of him dying. But he was fully ready to. It was the only way the pain would go away. He wanted the pain to go away desperately. She brought him bread on a small plate and a glass of water. She set it right next to her half-empty coffee cup on the center table before them, before she sat next to the Prussian once more. Sometimes, he really made her forget that he was a dying man. She sighed.
"Is something bothering you?" He asked as he nibbled on some of his bread. She looked upset. Even the way she walked gave it away. Her heart was heavy, and he wanted to ease her burden.
She laughed a little, "Yes, but unless you're not dying, you can't do anything about it," she smiled a little.
"Come on, cheer up." He took her chin and made her look at him. "I'm still here aren't I?"
She chuckled, "Yes. That you are Gil," she whispered softly, "And you being here make me happy beyond anything you could imagine." She couldn't tell him. She couldn't just tell him that she had started to fall for him.
"I want to keep you happy. I don't want you to mourn for me. If you knew what death would relieve me from, you wouldn't mourn me. But I can't make you understand." He looked at her with helpless eyes.
She turned to him, "Oh I know what it would relieve you from," she smiled sadly, "I just wish... I don't know... I'd have done something more?" she shrugged.
"What could have you done? You couldn't have helped me when I was being tortured. You couldn't have protested when the papers were being signed. You couldn't have knocked down the wall. Many things are out of your control." He knew that she knew this. He couldn't understand why she cared so much.
"Exactly," she sighed again, "These are things that I already know. But sometimes, theory and execution don't really coincide, now, do they? Much like one's heart and mind."
"What do you mean by that?" He questioned as he looked at her.
She raised an eyebrow, "You mean theory and execution? The heart and mind?"
He nodded. "Yeah, that. What do you mean by that?" He'd never heard or thought of it before.
"It's... an intrapersonal thing," she turned to him, "Sometimes, there are facts that you know. Like, you know there is a wall. You know someone has abandoned you. Or-" she shrugged, "You know someone is going to die. They're facts. But what your heart will tell you are things beyond that. You want to go beyond the wall. You want to stop thinking about being left behind. Or, you'd want to do more for a fate that will remain unchanged. Delayed, probably, but never changed." She smiled sadly, "We don't encounter conflict just outside ourselves, Gil, but also within. A lot of them are mostly within."
"So you're saying that I'm in denial of dying?" He asked, "But I know I'm dying. So how does that apply to me?"
She shook her head, "Perhaps not in denial of dying, no. But maybe in denial of help."
"I don't need help." He stated stubbornly. It was blatantly obvious he was guilty of it. "Many have died on their own, alone. So what makes me different?"
She shrugged a little, "A chance?" she asked, "Or, the difference of a matter of choice?" She pondered over that thought, "... Yeah, perhaps that." She knew that it was highly unlikely that he would feel the same. But she, at least, wanted him to feel cared for. She needed him to know she cared.
He looked at her. "So how is my heart and mind out of sync?" He asked curiously. He was just trying to understand.
"Perhaps," she started carefully, not meeting his gaze, "Your mind says there's no way to help anymore. And your heart may say something else..." Like give this life a chance. "But only you can tell everyone else which part you're listening to more."
"So which do you think I should listen to?" He asked her, his crimson eyes looking into her golden ones.
"I..." her breath hitched as he gazed into her eyes. Blood-red as they were, they were also completely mesmerizing. "I don't know," she admitted, "However... I'm more inclined to follow my heart.
"I'm used to listening to my mind. If I listened to my heart in battle, I'd be unable to kill. How do you think that would work for me in battle?" He had to be heartless in order to be the nation of war he was. How could he be someone he wasn't?
She shook her head, "But I'm not talking about battle," she said, "I'm talking about here, and now."
"But I've trained myself to go by instinct and not by feeling. I trained myself to believe emotions are weak. I don't know how to think different. I am a warrior." He was very insistent. He didn't like where the conversation was going. He might say something to anger, or displease her. And he didn't want that –he couldn't live with that. Not when she had illuminated the darkness in his heart.
She smiled, "That's exactly it, Gil. Don't think," she took his hand into hers and gave it a gentle squeeze, "It's not something you learn to do on the dot..."
"Many people have tried but I have too much in my heart to allow it to show. If I keep it to myself maybe one day I'll forget." Yes. That was what he wanted to say, what he wanted to do. He wanted to forget. He didn't want her to know the darker sides of him, the sides of him that she would probably hate him for.
"Or maybe it'll start eating you up from inside." She frowned a little and turned to him, this time looking straight into his eyes, "Please?" she begged, "If there's any way I can help at all..."
"I already torment myself. I don't know how you can help." Or anyone could help. "You don't hear their cries or see their looks of hate."
He realized he must have said something, because the expression on Alicia's face changed. She suddenly looked pained, more than she had been earlier into the conversation. She looked like she was stabbed in the back. "No, you're right, I don't," she started, nodding, "But you don't see how I look at you either. In fact, that might be all you can see..." she drew her hands back to her lap. Of course she couldn't get him to understand. Not even in the slightest. He couldn't tell just how much she had grown to love him. He couldn't. And perhaps, maybe he shouldn't. "I'm sorry." She stood up, hurriedly wiping the tears that fell from her eyes and fled to the kitchen.
"Wait!" He went after her, but he stood up too fast. His vision went black, and he was on the floor. He had just wanted to comfort her.
She heard a thud, and came rushing back, only to find him back on the floor. "Oh, Gil..." She pulled him back up and back into the sofa, leaning against her once more, "... Y-You didn't have to follow me."
"Y-You were crying..." Even when he was sick, he responded like a knight to a damsel in distress. "I had to help you..."
She stroked his hair and allowed him to cushion his head on her lap, "No... No you didn't," she said slowly, although tears streamed from her eyes, "You need to rest, please."
"I can't see. Everything's black..." He closed his eyes. Vertigo spun his world around. He knew she was still crying. He could feel her shaking.
"Just stay like that for the meantime," she whispered, wiping away her tears with her free hand as she continued to stroke his hair, "I'm so sorry. Just rest first."
"Stop crying please..." He was begging as he rested against her.
"I will, I will," she sniffled and wiped the remainder of her tears. She continued to stroke his hair gently, silently praying that he would feel better, "It should go after a while... You still haven't eaten, and you stood up too fast..."
"I ate some bread." But his bread was about half eaten, lying on a plate on the side-table. "I had so badly wanted to take a walk with you in town..."
"I'm sorry," she said again, "I'll take you on a walk as soon as you feel better. I promise." She kissed him lightly upon the forehead, "For now, please, just rest."
"Can we try tonight?" He looked up at her with his dazed eyes. "Please?" He was begging. She couldn't resist when he was outright begging.
She nodded, "Yes, of course," she whispered, smiling slightly, "But please get some rest, okay?"
He nodded and dozed off to sleep.
Now, she wasn't sure if he was conscious, or he would have heard, but she stared long and hard at him until she found herself kissing him once more upon the forehead, whispering her own, silent apology, "I'm sorry," her voice came out as almost an inaudible whisper, "But I think I love you."
And it didn't seem to matter if he actually heard her or not, because after a few minutes of stroking the Prussian's short, snow-white hair, even Alicia fell sound asleep.
"And if she does," Lovino stood by his point, "Let's say that she does… Why? Why did she? How could she?"
"You don't think Gilbert can have his own charms?" Antonio raised an eyebrow, "You don't need to have a reason to love someone. You didn't love me because I gave you three meals a day and a siesta, did you?"
The Italian turned beet red and turned away, "N-No," he grumbled, "But what about-?"
"He is a worry for another day." The Spaniard didn't want it to be brought up, "As you heard, he didn't want anything to do with my sister for the moment, remember? So let him be the bridge to cross when they get there. I'll be telling him of these advancements anyway, and he won't believe me until he starts calling and she doesn't answer."
"So we'll let them fall in love?" Lovino asked nervously.
Emerald eyes danced in the moonlight, "There's nothing else we can do. They already have."
"Fallen in love?" amber eyes seemed worried, but Antonio only nodded, and kissed him tenderly upon the cheek.
"Just like you and me, Lovi. Smitten and head-over-heels in love, just like you and me,"
"Speak for yourself, tomato-bastard." But the gleam in golden-coloured eyes told Antonio that the Italian's speech was once again not congruent to his true feelings. Just the way he's always loved Lovino to be.
Alicia didn't notice that she had fallen asleep. She barely moved, and didn't want the albino bothered. However, when he stood up she stirred, as though used to his presence already. The moment she opened her eyes, Gilbert was already hovering over her, dressed up and grinning, "Good morning."
She couldn't help but smile, "Feeling better, huh?" she asked, rubbing her eyes a little.
"You promised we'd go out for a walk, right?" Gilbert immediately said, and she laughed.
"That I did," she nodded, "Just let me get changed and I'll be right to it. We can walk around the park. Would you like me to get you a jacket?"
"Yes please." And he smiled at her consideration of his current malfunctioning health.
She ran up to change into a black dress with a bit of lace, topping it with a grey cardigan. She brought over one of her brother's jacket's for the Prussian as she headed back down to meet him. She recalled what she had said to him, but prayed he was too out of it to have heard, "Hey. Ready?" she beamed at him.
He blushed a little, seeing how breath-taking she looked. And to think she wasn't even that fixed up. He wondered if he was just sick and extremely appreciative. He thanked her for the jacket and threw it around his small frame, "I'm ready," he smiled at her and stood up slowly from the sofa this time.
She smiled as he stood. It was obvious that he really wanted to walk outside that day. She offered him her hand, "Would you like it?"
"Yes." And he took her hand in his, "Can we walk into town, please? I'd like to meet your people."
She agreed and brought him to the car, not wanting him to walk all the way. She slid in after him and the car drove off, "Are you sure you want to walk now, and then still go out to see the stars tonight?" she asked him curiously.
"Yeah, that would be great!" He smiled. "I'd love to see the stars~" He looked at her. Her dress was draped beautifully around her and it made him blush again. He hoped she hadn't noticed.
But she did. And she thought it best not to ask about it, telling herself that he might just be fighting a fever.
When they went out for a walk, her townspeople offered them various sorts of food. It didn't help that they all asked her if he was her lover. Gilbert enjoyed seeing her flustered about the question, before he would say that he was only a friend. But eventually, after walking all around the city, nightfall came, and they found their way into the town square in the middle of the city, and the sat in a nearby park bench. As the sun began to go down, lanterns and lights turned on, one by one. It was almost as though lights were dancing around them.
Gilbert looked up and stared at them with a wide smile, "This is beautiful. It's almost as though the sky is dancing."
"Yeah," Alicia whispered, looking up as well, "I just love to sit here sometimes and watch as it all just comes to a stop."
But even when it stops, the stars remain, the Prussian thought to himself deeply. If the sky were a kingdom, he was the Sun, a powerful light that reigned. But the Sun's time had come, and the Sun will set, and still, the stars would remain and the sky will need a new ruler. And that was who his brother was. Ludwig was the Moon. And his time has arrived.
He spoke these metaphors to Alicia as they stood and walked around, and she smiled when he was done speaking, understanding what he meant even without explaining, "You're pretty poetic when you want to be," she laughed a little as they exited the park right in front of the church, where a couple of children were weaving flowers.
A little boy spotted them from afar then quickly ran towards them tugging at Gilbert's jacket. Then, he held up a crown made of flowers. He smiled at the little child and took the crown. "Danke shön." He said happily as he ruffled the child's hair. He watched him run off with a smile to continue weaving flowers. He then put the crown on Alicia's head. He smiled widely, seeing her with flowers around her head.
She laughed a little as he crowned her with flowers, and waved at the children who watched them. "Cheeky little things," she whispered as she looked up at the Prussian, "Thank you, Gil~" she took him by the hand and steered him away, "They probably think the same as everyone in town when they first see you with me~" she chuckled a little.
"I don't understand why everyone thinks that. I mean can't a girl and a boy walk around and not be a couple?" He chuckled. "I've had very few women in my life. I had very few sisters, Hungary I thought was a boy for a long while, there was my great king's wife but he locked her away because he didn't want to be married though his wife loved me like a son, then there's you. I've never had a real relationship with a woman."
"It's a typical misconception, I can't really blame them. We've been walking around holding hands since you got here and it isn't like they know the context," she chuckled a little, but then slowly came to a stop, "But about that, actually..." She didn't know if now was the best time to say it. But when was the best time to say something like that? The opportunity was open now. She didn't know if the same door would ever open again.
"Yeah, what is it?" He turned to her. He looked haunting beautiful in the moonlight. Almost like a ghost with his pale hair and skin then his bright red eyes.
She flushed a little, seeing him in a different light, then shook her head, "No, never mind," she tugged him on, but he pulled her back by the arm.
"You hate it when I keep secrets from you so why do the same to me?" He asked her, eyes filled with curiosity.
She gulped as she looked up at him, cheeks turning red, "W-Well," she started, "There's something I've been meaning to tell you..."
He noticed her flushed cheeks and he felt it was something bad he was about to hear. Thoughts ran through his head and it only made him more anxious for what she was going to say. Though there was nowhere in his mind where he thought that what she was going to say would be good. "Tell me then." It sounded like a command but the expression on his face showed he didn't mean it to be one.
"I..." She searched all her willpower to the right words. She looked for them, but couldn't find them. How was it so easy to say before to someone else, and so difficult to tell him now? How was she to say it? As blunt as 'I love you'? Her mind reeled and somehow, she stumbled with, "I know about the letter." She mentally scolded herself. That wasn't what was she was supposed to say at all.
"You mean the letter Francis sent you? Of course you know about it; you read it." He was still trying to keep up the idea that Francis had written it. He looked a bit anxious – she seemed very nervous.
She chuckled a little, and decided to go with the truth to that statement for the meantime, and perhaps add on a bit later, "No, Gil. I meant that I know that you were the one who wrote it," she smiled a little, "I've actually known since I read it, because he refers to me as something quite different as to how you would refer to me, and the moment I read that, even if it was in his penmanship, it sounded exactly like you."
His shoulders dropped a bit. "I just didn't want to see you cry over him anymore... I wanted to make you smile. You look so beautiful when you smile and I don't get to see it often enough. You always fake a smile. I want to see you truly happy."
She cupped his face in her hands, "And hopefully," she whispered, "I won't fake them anymore." She stared at her reflection in his crimson eyes for a long time. "Gil," she started, "Please believe me when I tell you this, but..." She gulped. Here it was, "... I love you."
He didn't quite understand. He had never been told such words aside from Ludwig, Brandenburg, who was his mother figure, Frederick the Great and his wife, and sassy soldiers (if that even counted). "What do you mean?" He knew those words could be said to people all the way from friends to married.
"I mean just what I said," she said slowly, "I've said things I never said to anyone when I'm with you. I'm comfortable, and I want to be with you whether you're sick or not. You've had ways of saying things and making me believe them and I..." she sighed, "I know you may not believe me, a-and that's why I didn't want to say it just yet. I'm not saying this just as friends. I hope you understand that." Tears began to brim in her eyes again. She was scared of what he was going to say.
He had been afraid she had developed feelings for him. There were so many reasons why she couldn't love him. She was Francis's, he was sick and dying, Antonio would more than likely kill him if Lovino didn't find him first, Ludwig wouldn't take it lightly either, and most importantly he was a monster that didn't deserve to be loved. Everyone else who had said they loved him were, in some ways, a monster themselves. There was no way an angel like Alicia could love him. He looked dumbstruck. "I-I..." He was stuttering. "H-How...?" He asked simply.
"Have you ever truly, genuinely loved anyone?" she breathed out, "Did you ever ask yourself how?" She smiled a little, and tears were in her eyes, "It's all right, you know. I just figured you should know. I didn't really expect..." she sighed, "Come on, I don't want you to get cold."
"W-Wait..." He was trying to make words out of his jumbled thoughts. He wiped the tears from her eyes. "Ich weiß nur nicht verstehen, wie ein Engel, wie man ein Monster wie mich zu lieben," He said all in his native language knowing she wouldn't understand it but he asked anyway. "Do you know what just I said?"
"Of course not," she chuckled at him lightly, "You already know that my knowledge of your language is as extensive as my knowledge of French - which isn't much, I tell you." She smiled a little, "What did you say?"
"I said that I just don't understand how an angel like you could love a monster like me." He smiled as he tucked her hair behind her ear. "Would you explain?"
"I told you, remember," she smiled a little at him, "I've never thought of you as that. You're just misunderstood."
"But... what about Francis...?" He asked a bit nervously knowing the topic would be hard for her. But- "He'll kill me if he found you saying that."
"No he won't." She said firmly, "Not if I have anything to say about it, anyway. And besides," she smiled, "He can't be blind to the truth. And the truth is that you're the one I love."
"But you can't be blind to the truth either." He seemed a bit more serious. "I'm going to leave you and die." He said with sad eyes. "You can't ignore that."
She smiled sadly, "I know," she whispered, "And I want to stay with you as much as I can until that day comes."
"What will you do? I can't live forever. You know that. It's not like we can run off and get married to live happily ever after. You know my time is limited and the fact of the matter is when Francis returns, he'll still think you're his."
"But will he, really?" she was starting to get frustrated, "I didn't tell you and expected a happily ever after. Those are fairy tales, but this is reality. If he ever comes back, I'd tell him the truth. He's as good as abandoned me anyway, and you're the only person I see defending him."
"He is... was one of my best friends." He noticed the edge in her voice. "Look he's hurt me too. I just want you to know what your reality is. I'm not going to live much longer. I'm just..." He couldn't find a good way to end the sentence but he could see the growing frustration in her eyes.
I know what it's like. The venom in her voice had left, "You're just what?" She asked. For a long time, she just stared at him. Then, she jerked her head, "Come on... It's getting cold."
"Scared – I'm scared," He admitted. The Prussian looked like he was about to freeze to death. If it got any colder outside, his body would shut down.
"Yeah, I know." She whispered, "So am I."
He was still cold in while they were in the car. He was scared and questioning himself. Did he love her too? He didn't know. He could hardly keep himself alive and healthy. Now someone else loved him. He felt like passing out. His body was weak. Love? How could anybody love him? How? No, it must have been a dream, hearing her say that to him.
She still had her hand upon his, "We'll be home soon. Just hang on. I'm sorry." She knew she must have stressed him out, made him think too much. She shouldn't have said anything.
"I'm freezing." She loved him. How? He killed so many heartlessly. No, there was no possible way. No, no, no. He didn't deserve it. "Hold me, please." Did he really just say that? Maybe he did love her.
She figured it may just be his sickness talking, so she nodded and wrapped her arms around him, "Okay," she whispered, "We're almost there. Hang on."
He was shaking. A million thoughts were running through his head. He couldn't make sense of them. "I-I..." He couldn't think clearly or say anything.
"Shh." She whispered, tightening her hold on him, "You're going to be okay. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."
"Ich liebe dich, lieben…" He said softly. He looked at her with the most sincere look. "Bitte, believe me..." He begged her. "Ich liebe dich." He said over and over again.
She smiled. Maybe it wasn't the sickness talking, "Come now, hush. I do believe you." She whispered, kissing him lightly upon the forehead, "You'll be okay, mi corazon...
"Te amo."
