Sorry for taking so long to update this fic… I just have been preoccupied with I Bleed Black, y'know? Twenty-nine chapters at this point, folks, hope it will continue. Anyways, that's not the topic of this, however. Um… my apologies for taking so fucking long… and on with the story.

The Kunoichi Gamble: Dancing Soon Becomes Romancing

It came to pass that the two boys, because they had collapsed, were released to do whatever they wanted for the rest of the day. Naruto and Sasuke went back to Sakura's house – where their clothes had mysteriously reappeared, and changed. They gave the clothes back to Sakura, washed the makeup off their faces and were on the way out the door when someone called them back.

"By the way," Little Satan, otherwise known as Sakura, called. "Report here at 4:30 tomorrow morning, or you will forfeit tomorrow's lesson." Her voice was sweet, but the look in her eye was scary.

Very, very scary. Gulping, the blonde and brunette boys nodded hastily before making a run for it.

Since we don't give a damn what Naruto and Sasuke do on their off time – unless they're screwing each other. ((checks)) However, since they aren't, we will just do the Time Warp so that it's 4:30 the next morning. See!

It's just a jump to left

Then a step to the ri-i-i-i-ight

Put your hands on your hips

And stick your knees in ti-i-i-i-ight

But it's the pelvic thrust

That really drives you insa-a-a-a-ane

Let's do the Time Warp AGAIN!

Two groggy-eyed boys with angry glares on their faces walked into Sakura's kitchen at 4:30 the next day. Both were scowling, with bags under their eyes. Obviously, neither really wanted to be here, but Tsunade's threat just kept them coming back for more.

The two were given food and coffee, of which they were grateful to have. Pretty soon, the purple gunk that makes up bags under one's eyes started to disappear… Look! It's all gone now.

Now, the two shinobi-who-didn't-really-dream-of-becoming-kunoichi-but-who-cares-what-they-think were back to their normal selves. Sasuke was glowering at everyone… especially Sexy Beast Itachi. A thought occurred to him.

"Itachi!" the younger of the two Uchiha growled.

"Eh?" Itachi asked, dressed in a light purple bathrobe and holding a newspaper in one hand and a coffee mug in the other.

"If you didn't really like killing everybody – then why did you kill our Clan?" Sasuke wanted to know.

Itachi grinned. "Oh, that, see – I really didn't kill them."

Everyone stared at them… "HUH?" was the general sound throughout the entire room.

Itachi felt his cheeks reddening, but he had enough control not to blush.

"Yes… they aren't dead," he began to explain. "You see, Mother and Father wanted to go on their Second Honeymoon, but they wanted to make sure that you… Sasuke-kun… wouldn't follow them, and since I was always at work and all of the Clan members were always at work, the three of us devised a strategy about how to make it seem for you not to kill them. I was supposed to tell you on your eighteenth birthday… but whatever."

Sasuke felt a vein pop in his head as his left eye twitch. He jumped up, grabbing the front of Itachi's bathrobe. "YOU MEAN THAT ENTIRE THING WAS A FUCKING JOKE!" he screamed.

"Language, Sasuke-kun," Itachi reprimanded the boy. "And yes, it was." A slight pause. "Umm… surprise?"

"DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL DAMAGE HAPPENED BECAUSE OF THAT THING!? YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Yes, yes, you've said this several times," Itachi said while taking a sip of his drink. "Honestly… didn't it all seem a little too perfect? I had borrowed the lines of what I said to you from your favorite anime… there really wasn't much else I could do to tell that it wasn't real – unless I got my ass kicked by Father. You do realize that I was never as strong as Father."

Sasuke just stood there, wide-eyed as he opened and closed his mouth. No words ever escaped his lips whilst he was in this position.

Ino and Tsunade took this opportunity to drag the young teenager into Sakura's room in order to do his hair and makeup once more. Sasuke sat abnormally still as the makeup was applied. Today, they gave him a more natural look, instead of going extreme and into making him a goth once again.

Instead, they gave him black mascara. The eyeshadow of today was a light blue – similar to Naruto's yesterday. He was given a scarlet lipstick that contrasted well with his pale skin.

Still stunned, the boy was shuffled over to where Itachi and Sakura were waiting to dress him up. Seeing how Tsunade and Ino had done the makeup, and knowing what was in store for the Kunoichi-in-Training, they pulled out a dress that was a mixture of black and scarlet.

The scarlet underdress swished around and was made of silk. It was modeled after a renaissance thing that Sakura had seen once. She had made the satin black overcoat as well, which laced together from waist to bodice.

The boy was shoved into the bathroom, where he actually put on the clothes with very little protesting.

Naruto was next. His makeup was done pretty much the exact same as yesterday, except for the lovely blue eyeshadow was swapped for a green one. After all, it matched this dress more. The dress was long and loose. Even though the waist slimmed to show off Naruto's "figure," it still managed to be comfortable. The top spilled off his shoulders into a green ruffle-like collar. The skirt matched the green ruffled collar. However, the bodice was tighter and made of white. All in all, it matched the boy pretty well. After Naruto stuff the bra and had his hair redone, he looked pretty fantastic.

Before your dearest narrator forgets to mention this, I am telling you. If you want to see any of the dresses that have appeared in this fic… or chapter… just email the author. You can find it on her profiling page. Isn't that right, Ryuu-chan?

Ryuugan looks over, blinks and shrugs. He holds up a sign. "I don't give a shit."

All right, fucking asshole. THIS IS WAR! I'LL GET YOU ONE OF THESE DAYS! I SWEAR IT BY MY TOENAILS!

Ahems. On with the storyline, now.

Seeing that Naruto's neck looked bare, with the exception of the necklace he had gotten from the Hokage. She pulled out three drawers full of jewelry and selected an emerald pendent on a leather string which she tied around the boy's neck.

"Don't lose this, okay?" she asked.

Naruto nodded.

It was eight o'clock.

Sasuke had snapped back into being the insufferable asshole that we all know him as.

Naruto was too busy twisting his hips from side to side to acknowledge the Uchiha. A delighted grin lit up the blonde's face as he focused intently on the "swish" of the skirt and the tickling it made around his ankles. He could do this all day.

But alas, that was not to be.

For out of nowhere – once again – the spandex wearing milkman made an appearance.

"Hello, Ryuusei-chan and Hisui-chan!" he greeted with one of his I-wanna-puke smiles… of which he thought was an "I'm-so-sexy" smile, but I'm one of the people that agrees with the former rather than the latter.

Naruto and Sasuke exchanged a glance.

Who was who again?

They couldn't remember something so trivial – especially since right afterward, they had been chased and almost defeated by the Evil Flower King. Luckily, they had escaped with their lives. But who knew what would happen next time?

No one did.

Especially not me, because I've been too lazy to read forward in the script. So if I mispronouciate any words, it's not my fault. It's the writer's for making it too hard for me. (sobs)

Now, before I am smushed once again, we will return to the storyline. For even though I am the All-Powerful God of this story, its never fun being smushed.

Sakura came over to Sasuke and Naruto. "You two will be learning how to be graceful today," she whispered.

Sasuke glared at her. He already knew how to be graceful. After all, he wasn't a clumsy idiot like Naruto was.

"I have been told of your predicament, Hisui-chan and Ryuusei-chan," Gai began, his voice louder than it needed to be and his movements more exaggerated than they needed to be.

"Uhhh… which one?" Naruto asked sweetly, trying to hide the confusion in his voice.

"Why – going to the ball, of course!" Gai proclaimed. "Two young kunoichi who participate in social events must know how to dance. And here I am, ready to teach you all I know about ballroom dancing."

Both Naruto and Sasuke experienced a twitching problem with their eye. Both wondered how on earth Gai believed a shitty story like that.

"Well… what exactly do you two know about dancing?" Gai asked.

"Truthfully," Sasuke replied. "Absolutely nothing."

He kept his voice a pitch higher than normal, trying to sound female. Gods, why him?

Gai jumped back, as though horrified.

"You do not know how to dance?" he asked, astounded.

Both "kunoichi" shook their heads. Of course not. Why in Seven Hells would these two crossdressing genin know how to dance?

Gai took Sasuke's hands. "Just follow me," he said. He ordered Sakura to start the stereo. Classical music filled the room.

"And, 1, 2, 3, and 1, 2, 3," Gai was instructing, leading Sasuke around. Sasuke didn't know how many times he had tripped over either his own feet or the gown he was wearing. Suddenly, Sasuke tried to do the steps and ended up falling flat on his face.

Naruto came over, crouching in front of his fellow sufferer. He had been told who was who by Sakura, who had luckily remembered.

"Hisui-chan, that was kinda pathetic, ne?" he asked.

Sasuke glared up at him. "Can it, Ryuusei-chan!" he yelled back.

"Hey, I was just speaking truth."

"Well then stop lying!"

"Dude, it so wasn't lying."

"Wanna fight!"

"Ladies, ladies!" Gai yelled above them.

"What?" both "kunoichi" growled angrily, turning their hateful eyes at their "dance instructor."

Itachi got both of them on the hands with a neon green ruler. "Ah, ah, ah!" he warned them, looking much like a strict teacher. "Ladies are calm, poised, and patient. They do not fight, except when jealous."

Both Naruto and Sasuke glared at Itachi. They waned to hurt him so badly. However… Tsunade was behind Itachi with a smirk on her face.

They would listen to that smirk… for now. Once they could, the two swore silently that they would figure out a way to get revenge on everyone in this room!

Nobody! Nobody would be spared from their wrath!

The two were yanked out of their maniacal thoughts when each was wrenched by a guy. Naruto had been pulled into a waltz by none other than…

Uchiha Itachi.

Sasuke, however, was forced to continue dancing with Gai, much to his dismay.

After a few hours of swirling, twirling and learning new steps, Sasuke and Naruto were told that they would be graded on dancing.

Both of the boys looked at Kakashi evilly.

He was going to die… MWA HAA HAA!

But they were still forced to actually dance. They were both paired up with Itachi, as he was declared one of the best dancers – even more so than Gai. Gai was handed Itachi's grading sheet, though no one told him that the two contestants were male.

Sasuke went first. "I fucking hate you," he muttered as a blush crept onto his cheeks. Why him? The gods hated his guts. He took his brother's hands and allowed the older Uchiha to guide him around. His dress swished and whooshed in time with their dance.

Even though it was grudging, the younger of the two had to admit that Itachi was a good dancer. As a grand finale, completely taking Sasuke off guard, Itachi swept the… boy-masquerading-as-a-girl up in his arms, planting a light kiss on his/her forehead.

"Good job, Sasuke-kun," he said in a low, yet seductive voice.

Sasuke had a little bit of trouble keeping his hormones under check. His face heated up and he looked down. "You can put me down now, Itachi," he murmured softly.

Itachi laughed a choclaty-rich laugh. "Kawaii!" he cried, swinging the girlish fellow up so that he was holding her by her waist. He swung Sasuke around a little bit before letting the young teenager alight on the ground once more.

Sasuke was thankful for long hair. It meant that he could hide the blush on his cheeks.

In his mind, however, he was chanting a mixture of "Damn you, Itachi!" and "Gods… I just want him to pick me up like that again and fuck me!"

Needless to say, he was not happy with either voice.

Sighing, the younger Uchiha took a seat on a chair and watched Naruto and Itachi's performance.

It was needless to say that watching the two was like watching art. They contrasted so deeply that it was beautiful in its own way.

Kyuu-chan walks over to Ryuu-chan. "Oy, moron! What the fuck is with this script? This is a HUMOR flick, not a DRAMA lovey-dovey, mushy, I-wanna-gag flick. Get the fucking thing right!" Kyuu-chan walks away.

Ryuugan gives her the finger behind her back.

Sorry about that. Some things just needed to be told, and well, as the narrator, I'm the one who tells them. Well, since Ryuu-chan seems to not want to rewrite this, I suppose we'll just have to continue with the original. Bare with me… this is kind of sappy.

The classical music floated through the air. Naruto – or should I say Ryuusei – looked almost like a wet dream come true… sorry, that was me adding that in – not Ryuu-chan.

Kyuubi hears something from offstage

Goddammit, Ryuu-chan! I know! I'm getting back to the script! Asshole!

The two were in perfect synchrony, but there was an aura that was even more. Unlike the love-hate aura that had encircled Sasuke and Itachi, this one was like the Sun and Moon dancing together in a sky devoid of stars. Two complete opposites, relying on each other to complete the dance of ages.

It was beautiful, Sasuke finally admitted as he watched them with unblinking eyes.

The tempo grew faster, and both dancers kept up with the change of pace. Now it seemed like the two were fighting each other, becoming one in the sky, becoming equals yet hate gathered around them.

The beat slowed. It was sorrowful now, as though one of them had lost the other… but they were there together. They just couldn't see that. They just couldn't understand that.

The dance ended.

Before anyone could do anything, Itachi put a hand on Naruto's chin. He titled it up and claimed the blonde's lips with his own. His kiss became more dominating as he invaded the boy's cavern with his tongue. They battled for dominance for a moment, before Itachi finally won. Now, all Naruto could do was cling to the older man's arms in a death-grip, because he felt as though he would fall. Itachi's hand around his waist also helped keep him upright.

Needless to say – everyone was stunned at this act. A few of them even experienced the glories of nosebleeds.

And that's how Naruto came to be winning again.

Kyuubi-kun's Korner!

Okay, first thing's first. If anyone wants to find out what the dresses looked like that Sasuke and Naruto were wearing in this chapter, email me at wildmaera713 Simple enough, neh? Anyways, I liked this chapter. I just named it "Dancing Soon Becomes Romancing" because the song from "White Christmas" was stuck in my head.

But then the Dancing really DID becoming romancing. That surprised me. I hope you enjoyed.

The Official Nosebleed Chart

One Nosebleed – Kakashi – you were sexy enough for a pervert.

Two Nosebleeds – Kisame – you were sexy enough for a gay shark-man pervert.

Three Nosebleeds – Sakura – you were sexy enough for a stylish young girl

Four Nosebleeds – Ino – you were sexy enough for a violent young girl

Five Nosebleeds – Tsunade – you were sexy enough for the Legendary Sucker to stop gambling just to stare at you!

Six Nosebleeds – Itachi – you were sexy enough for the man who wants to make a salon and now he is devising contracts so that you can model in dresses for his grand opening and get the customers coming in.

Seven Nosebleeds – Gai – you were sexy enough for an idiot who is the blessing of all insomniacs with his long ass speeches, and he actually shut up for once.

Scores:

Naruto - 14

Sasuke – 11

Next time on the Kunoichi Gamble, our two heroes… errr… heroines… learn that in order to impress any man, they must learn how to COOK!

Yes, you heard me right, folks. Naruto and Sasuke have so far braved many dangers. They have learned how to dance, how to arrange flowers, and how to look like a girl. Now they will face their most horrible challenge yet.

COOKING WITH UMINO IRUKA!

Again, we, at the Kunoichi Gamble staff would like to thank all of you who made contributions to our show. If you have any questions, comments, or ideas, please click the button in the lower left hand corner of your screen.

Thank you.

Have a nice day.