Hello! So I know I said that this is supposed to be funny, but the few reviews that this story has managed to gather said that it was sad. Well, I guess that means I have more of a talent for triggering the feels than I thought. Whoops.

Anyway, I thought that from this point on I'll try to lighten things up as much as I can while editing. Hopefully this story will eventually end up at least half as funny as I had originally intended it to be. Or maybe my sense of humor just sucks. Either way, I hope you still enjoy the rest of my story, whatever your intended purposes for it are.


You, Nepeta Leijon, are not entirely sure what is going on.

You have been trying to avoid the punch bowl all night. At least, all night before Vriska showed up. Now you're standing alone by the refreshment table with the spiderbitch staring at you from across the room, a malicious, fanged grin on her face. You pretend you don't see her and walk casually away. You were never here. You didn't see anything. None of this ever happened... Then she says your name again.

"Heeeeeeeey Nepetaaaaaaaa!"

You fix your eyes on the next table over and keep walking. You can't turn around. There's no telling what she might do if you-

"Hey, you could at least look at me when I'm talking to you!"

No. No no no no no no no no no no-

You feel your limbs starting to freeze up. Your steady pace starts to slow down, and your feet drag to a stop. You risk a glance over your shoulder. Vriska has one hand raised, her fingers pressed to her forehead. You can't see it in this light, but you know that her pupils are dilated, a faint cobalt glow in her eyes. You should have known she'd use her powers on you if you tried to say no. You feel so stupid.

Your body turns itself around and you start walking back to the punch bowl without your consent. You shudder to a stop in front of Vriska. "Hi, V-Vriskers," you stutter.

"Aww, isn't that cute," she says mockingly. "Looks like the little kitty's lost her owner. You having fun all on your own?" She leans in menacingly. You shudder. "You don't have anyone to keep you safe now. But that's what you wanted." She bares her fangs. "Isn't it?"

"W-what do mew mean?" you squeak. Your heart starts pounding. You wish you could run away. But you know it wouldn't work, no matter how hard you try, she'd only drag you back...

Vriska straightens up and laughs. You stare up at her, confused. What is she-

"Okay, okay, don't lose your shit," she snickers, playfully punching your shoulder. "I was just screwing with you. What were you thinking?"

"O-oh," you respond, forcing a small giggle. "Um, nothing I guess. What are mew doing over here?"

"Oh, not much," Vriska says, her face taking on a blank, bored look. "Just hanging, I guess. What about you?"

"Well, I've been dancing for purretty much the entire night so far. I thought I should purrobably take a break. It's actually furry tiring when you're out there for so long."

"Really? Fascinating," she deadpans, not sounding fascinated at all. "So. You're getting a drink, aren't you?" She nods casually at the punch bowl.

"Oh, um, I-" you stutter, scrambling for an answer. "I- Not really, I was just-"

Vriska rolls her eyes and sighs bitterly. "Equius told you not to, didn't he?"

You blush and drop your gaze to the floor. "He- He has a good reason. He wouldn't stop telling me about all the things that happen at prom. Especially all the things that people put in the punch. I- I was thinking about it, but I would nefur-"

"Well he was wrong."

You look up, surprised. "What?"

"Equius was wrong. There's nothing in the punch."

You tilt your head in suspicion. "How could you pawsibly-"

"I was drinking it earlier," she says, nodding toward the punch again. "And look at me now. I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with it. He's just trying to scare you."

You look toward the oversize bowl of pale red liquid. There's a faint fruity smell coming off of it. And you are still desperate for something to drink. You just want some so bad...

"Yes. Yes you do," you faintly hear Vriska saying. Oh gog. Either she can hear what you're thinking, or-

You feel your hand reaching for one of the clear plastic cups next to the bowl all on its own. You try to pull it back, but it won't change its course. You watch helplessly as your fingers wrap around the plastic and pull it free from the stack. Your other hand reaches toward the crystal-cut ladle hung up on the rim of the bowl.

You feel the tenseness in your muscles starting to loosen up. Your fingers wrap around the ladle's handle. Vriska lets go, and so do you. The huge glass ladle falls back into the punch bowl, and you slam the plastic cup in your hand back down onto the table.

Your eyes flicker up to stare indignantly at her face. "Vriskers!"

She snorts and rolls her eyes again. "Come on. I already told you, I'm just screwing around. Do you think I would bother wasting my powers on something this stupid?" She leans casually against the table. "I'm just wondering why you're being such a little pussy."

Your tail flicks angrily. "What did mew just call me?" you squeal.

"Oh come on, pussycat," she says, tapping her nails against the table. "This is your night. That's what Equius promised you, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"But nothing. This is stupid. Why should it matter what he told you?"

You bite your lip as your eyes flicker involuntarily back to the punch bowl. As much as it scares you to admit it, she's right. Equius had told you that for one whole night, you would be allowed to do whatever you wanted. And it's just punch. It's really no big deal. Or at least it shouldn't be.

Screw it. This is your night. It doesn't matter what Equius thinks.

Without another thought, you pour yourself a cup of punch and take a sip.


You are Eridan Ampora, and you are getting pretty fuckin' sick of watching Sollux play around with your ex.

You had feelings for her. You were redder for her than a prince in a fairytale. If it had been up to you, you would have never broken up. You were IN LOVE with her, gogdammit!

You stop dancing and stare resentfully at the two of them. They're so fucking oblivious. Good. They should be. You are done with them. You turn away and slink through the crowd until you've left the dance floor. Then you stomp toward the refreshment table. You know for a fact that someone at this prom has spiked the punch. That's what always happens. You never once thought that you would be grateful for it.

You grab yourself a cup, fill it, and toss back the entire thing in a matter of seconds. You shudder, slam another, and are in the middle of choking down a third when you hear three irritatingly familiar voices slowly drawing closer.

"Hey! Where did you think you were going?"

"What, were we not invited or something?"

"Eri! Save some for the rest of us!"

You turn around. Aradia, Sollux and Feferi are making their way toward you, all sunshine and smiles. You grit your teeth and growl under your breath. Walking away from them was not a fucking invitation.

"What. Do. You. Want."

Feferi is the first to make it over. "We were all dancing, and then you just fishappeared. At first we didn't know where to look, but then Aradia saw you swimming your way over here..." She looks down at the cup in your hand and giggles. "Thirsty, aren't you?"

You roll your eyes and turn away just as Aradia shows up, Sollux following closely behind. "Hi, Eri," Aradia says. "You thought you could get away from us, huh?"

Sollux materializes behind her. "Yeah. Come on, ED. This is prom night. You've been sitting by yourself the entire time."

Heat flares in your chest. You tighten your fingers around the cup in your hand. "Really? I didn't notice."

Sollux looks at you, confused. "Hey. Is something wrong?"

"I don't know." You look up from the table and glare at him, channeling hate into every aspect of your facial expression. "Why don't you tell me?"

"ED, what is this about?" Sollux asks. Feferi is standing behind him, one hand on his shoulder. You try to ignore the worry in her expression.

"What is this about?" you murmur, your voice dripping with venom. "What is this about?! Why don't you ask Fef? After all, I was her matesprit for MORE THAN A WHOLE FUCKIN' YEAR, so I'm sure she knows everything about me! In fact, I'm surprised she hasn't told you already, since she's been with you the entire night!"

Feferi's mouth drops open, her pretty grey eyes wide with surprise. "Eridan!"

"I don't know what she sees in you, Captor," you snarl, ignoring your ex's protests. "I know I'm not perfect, but neither are you! Yeah, Fef broke up with me. Why? I don't fuckin' know! And now you think you can just walk into her life and sweep her off her feet like some knight in shining fuckin' armor?"

Sollux stares at you past his glasses, his mouth open in disgusted shock. "ED, I don't know what your problem is, but-"

"Oh, you don't?" you shout, slamming your punch cup down on the tabletop. "Because don't look now, but I'm pretty sure she's standin' right behind you!"

They're all staring at you now. If it weren't for the blasting music and the shouts from the dance floor crowd, the room would be totally silent. Your eyes shift furiously from one troll to the next. Anger burns white-hot in your chest. You grab your half-full cup of punch and storm off. You disappear into the shadowy side of the room, slam whatever's left in your cup, and wait for them to leave. Eventually they do.

Once the punch bowl has been deserted, you go back and get yourself another round of spiked punch. You are determined to get wasted if it kills you.


You are Karkat Vantas.

You've pretty much given up on trying to get in with the dance floor crowd. They are just too fucking happy. It's kind of disturbing, actually. You're pretty sure most of them are high. That would explain why your moirail has been there the entire night. You're too pissed off to enjoy yourself, anyway. So, here you are, back to leaning against the wall and being the ever-distressed emo teenager you truly are.

That's when John shows up.

You almost didn't notice him when he first appeared. He's never this quiet. Something must have him really upset. You wonder if it's the same thing as before.

John takes up the empty wall space next to you and drops his head forward, staring at the floor in perfect mope formation. He looks just as moody as you, if not even more.

You lift your eyes from the floor to look over at him. "Hey, John."

"Nn," he mumbles in response.

"What the fuck is your problem?"

John doesn't say a word, only keeps staring at the floor like a vegetable. For some reason, you involuntarily start giving a shit. You have honsetly never seen him like this in the all of the four years you've known the fuckwad. You try again. "John, seriously. What's wrong?"

He picks his head up and whips his gaze toward you. Jegus. If looks could kill, you'd probably be on the floor with the paramedics checking your pulse. You didn't even know it was possible for John to make a face like that.

"DAVE." He spits out the hipster's name like it's some kind of bitter-tasting poison.

"Oh." You shut your mouth and look back to the floor. John does the same.

"So..." you mumble, not sure what else to do. Moping has started to get kind of boring. You figure you may as well strike up a conversation.

"So... have you seen Jade?"

"Yeah," you say flatly. Your face heats up at the mention of her. "Last I saw, Gamzee had dragged your out to the dance floor. She's completely forgotten about Dave. She's probably out in the crowd having a fucking party without us."

"She should be. She shouldn't need Dave to be happy."

You aren't entirely sure what he's talking about, but you agree with him anyway. You start to think back to your breakup with Terezi. She wouldn't tell you why she wanted to end it. But you had a pretty good idea of what her reasons were, no matter what she told you. You still aren't sure if Dave felt the same way about her as she did about him. You sure as hell hope not. You would never let Dave break her heart like that if you could help it.

"Hey, Karkat?" John's voice distracts you from your sad little train of thought.

"What?"

"You used to date Terezi, right?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Do you still have feelings for her?" he asks bluntly.

"No," you snarl quietly. A bitter, cold feeling crawls down your spine. "No, I don't. I fucking hate that bitch."

You look over at John. He's staring at the floor again. He nods a second later. "Good."

You watch in blank confusion as he pushes off from the wall and walks away. Well. That cleared up jack shit.

Fine. He can be mysterious if he forget about John and go back to brooding.


You are now Equius Zahhak.

You're still wandering around the first floor of the hotel by yourself. You don't mind, really. It's not like there's much else to do. You've stuck to the ballroom for most of the time to keep an eye on Nepeta. Well, at least that was the intended purpose. Now that you're thinking about it, you realize that haven't seen your moirail in quite some time. You have to wonder exactly what she's gotten up to. You hope she hasn't run into trouble while your back was turned.

While you were wandering, you somehow wound up standing by the refreshments. You notice three horned silhouettes standing by the punch bowl. Upon closer inspection, you find that they are Sollux, Feferi and Aradia. You wonder what they're doing over here. Moreover, you wonder if they are actually considering drinking that cheap, mass-produced swill being served out of a bowl. The very idea disgusts you. They do know how easily someone could have put something in that poison, right?

You shrug the thought away and begin to walk in their direction. Aradia looks away from her friends for just a second. Suddenly, her eyes are fixed on you. You ignore the feeling of sweat building up under your navy-blue jacket and keep walking. The others notice Aradia staring off into the distance and turn to look at you.

"Hey, EQ," Sollux says with a casual wave. "What've you been up to all night?"

"Not much," you say, trying to avert your gaze from Aradia. "Have any of you seen Nepeta?"

"Nepeta?" you hear Aradia ask. You force yourself to look in her direction, a warm, fuzzy feeling burning in your chest. "I thought she was your date."

"Well, she is, but she'd wanted to be on her own for a while. I'd been trying to keep an eye on her from the tables, but..." You shrug, trying to act as if sweat isn't rolling down the back of your neck. "I haven't seen her in ages."

"Oh," Feferi says quietly. She taps her pearly pink nails on the tabletop. "I'm sorry. We haven't seen her since we came in."

You nod silently. "Oh. Well... that's quite alright. I understand. I'll keep looking for her."

You watch as they turn away and start back towards the dance floor. First Sollux, then Feferi, then- wait a second. Aradia still hasn't left.

She's looking at you, something that looks like friendly pity in her eyes. She takes a step towards you and places a soft, cool hand over yours. You hope that the flashing colors of the strobelights hide the royal blue blush burning your face.

"She's gotta be somewhere around here," she says with a faint smile. "She can't have gone too far. I'm sure you'll find her soon."

You give Aradia a shy smile in return. "I'll do my best."

Her smile brightens and she gives your hand a soft squeeze before turning away to join her friends out on the dance floor. You stand motionless and watch as your crush disappears into the crowd. You wish that you could follow her. Prom isn't nearly as fun when you spend the entire night alone. But for some reason, you can't.


You are Gamzee Makara, and you are once again back out on the dance floor.

You've been spending nearly the entire night so far out here. All you really want to do at this party is get into the music and let your inner dance demons take over. Now that you think about it, that's all there really is to do at prom. Well, other than get drunk, make out with your date, and start fights. Those options don't sound all that bad, either.

You reach the edge of the crowd. The blasting bass and lilting melody of the music start twisting their way through your head. You let the music take over and start moving, letting the crowd pull you in and assimilate you into the rave. For a while, you're doing what you've been doing from the moment you walked in, letting the music move you. Then you hear the cheering.

Your head snaps upright and you open your eyes. What the hell is going on?

You pick your way through the mass of dancing students, making your way towards the source of the noise. Seems like everybody's all crowded around some spectacular spectacle in the middle of the floor. You finally push through the crowd to see what all this motherfucking commotion is about. That's when you see something that you never would have even imagined that you would live to witness.

Nepeta is dancing in the middle of the crowd. She's surrounded by boys, and even a few girls have gotten themselves caught up in the commotion. They're all over her, watching her dance, cheering her on like she's a born performer. And holy hell, is she cutting loose.