A/N: I'm sorry for the delay in posting, final semester of college is rearing its ugly head and things are getting tight. I'm going to try and update as frequently a possible, though that might not be as frequent as you'd all like. Give it about 3 weeks and it'll be MUCH better because i'll be graduated! Anyway, enough personal babble, here's the next bit. Time to learn about Blaine's past and meet a new character! Enjoy!
Hi, Blaine, it's Kurt. I'm sorry I haven't answered you until now. I've been really busy and completely forgot to answer. I hope everything with you is well and I hope to speak to you soon. :)
Blaine stared at the screen of his phone lost in confusion. When he rolled over to grab his phone and check the time, the last thing he ever expected to see was a text message from Kurt. At first he just started at the screen, at the name the message was from, at the time it was received. When he could feel the pressure forming between his eyes because his eyebrows were too tightly furrowed together, his hand absentmindedly reached up rubbed his face to ease the tension. He took a deep breath and read the message, feeling the pressure reforming as soon as he reached the smiley face at the end of it. He reread the message over a dozen times trying to decipher why Kurt was answering him. It was clear that he had ignored him originally, so why would he have even bothered to answer now? And what a lame excuse! He's been busy? He's been so outstandingly busy that he completely forgot to answer? As if. Blaine might not be one to play the field, but he sure knew from experience when he was the one being played. And if he was being quite honest, he wasn't all that eager to add Kurt to his long list of bad experiences.
First there was Jesse. When Blaine was starting Dalton he wasn't really sure he'd fit in, but then he met Jesse St. James and all of his problems seemed to melt away. Jesse was absolutely breathtakingly gorgeous. He had this glorious, beautiful head of hair that Blaine loved running his fingers through; messy with curls but still so soft and smooth. His smile was the perfect amount of imperfection; all beautiful white teeth that were so straight you could tell he'd worn braces in elementary school, but the slight snaggle of his canines hinted at the fact that he'd neglected his retainers over the years. His eyes were a sea of blue that had the overlooking green trees reflected in it. They were the most gorgeous eyes Blaine had ever seen, not just because of their color, but because of the love and care Blaine had seen there over the few months that they'd been together. They had been a wonderful seven months for Blaine. Jesse had been his first love and Blaine was sure he'd be his last. At first he was constantly worried because Jesse was a junior and he was a freshman, but Jesse reassured him constantly that their age difference was nothing to be worried about and eventually Blaine's anxiety subsided.
Blaine could still clearly remember the first time he and Jesse had ever met. He was a lonely little freshman sitting in the corner eating his brown-bagged lunch. It was the third week into the first semester of high school and Blaine hadn't really made any friends yet, hence why he was sitting in the corner and eating alone. He stared fixedly at his sandwich, his phone on the table at his side so that if anyone tried to interrupt him he could grab it quickly and create a diversion to get away or escape an awkward situation. He had just picked the crust off of the second half of his sandwich when a complete stranger, a completely beautiful stranger, came and sat across from him. The other boy didn't speak to him, he didn't even look up at him until all of his own brown-bagged lunch had been unpacked onto the table (a sandwich, apple and bag of potato chips). When he removed his sandwich from its bag and took a bite, he looked up at Blaine, whose mouth was slightly ajar, eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, eyes narrowed as he tried to send the images to his brain in hopes that maybe he'd eventually understand what was happening. He'd put down his sandwich, held out his hand and said "Hi, I'm Jesse St. James." He'd gone on to tell Blaine that he'd noticed him sitting alone there for a little over a week. He'd thought he was rather adorable and wanted to ask around to see if anyone knew him or knew whether or not he was gay. In truth, no one he questioned really knew anything about Blaine (He'd profusely apologized for this. He hadn't meant to offend Blaine by making him think he was a nobody and no one knew anything about him.) so he had decided to take it upon himself and find out. "So, are you? Gay, I mean." Blaine had answered him truthfully, though he wasn't entirely sure why he was opening himself up to a whole world of hate and vulnerability from a complete stranger. But no hate came, no reason to be vulnerable, instead, the exact opposite happened. Jesse's beautiful eyes lit up and he continued to carry on an extended conversation with Blaine as he ate his lunch.
From that day on, Jesse was inseparable from Blaine, regardless of his junior class status and how other people at Dalton might have felt about it. Blaine grew to realize that people at Dalton were pretty accepting of virtually anything that the rest of the people in Ohio were usually in strong aversion to, especially homosexuality. Being gay at Dalton was like being straight anywhere else. Blaine felt not only safe at Dalton, but he felt accepted and happy, and having Jesse by his side only reinforced that safety and heightened his happiness. It was three months into their relationship that Jesse asked Blaine to officially be his boyfriend. They'd been together for long enough that they both considered the other their boyfriend without the official title, but Jesse had set up an entire romantic evening, had serenaded Blaine and had asked "Would you please make this night one of the best of my life and accept the offer to be my boyfriend?" Blaine had agreed without any ounce of hesitation and he and Jesse had made love for the first time. To say that night was one of the best in his life would have been an understatement. Blaine couldn't recall a moment up until that point that he'd ever been even remotely close to as euphoric as he'd been with Jesse in that moment. He wanted to hold on to everything they had and make it last forever.
Unfortunately, four months and three days later, Blaine learned that things don't truly last forever, not even when you want them to. It was a gorgeous spring day when Jesse took Blaine out onto the Dalton quad and told him that they 'needed to talk'. Blaine could clearly recall the obnoxious sounds of birds chirping overhead, the way the trees were swaying consistently back and forth as a wonderful, warm breeze washed past them, how the sun was beating down on them so strongly and brightly that Blaine had wanted to close his eyes and slip away. Blaine knew that Jesse was from out of town, that he lived in California with his parents but stayed with relatives in Ohio during the school year so that he could attend Dalton. What he didn't know was that Jesse didn't "see the possibility of a long distance relationship actually working out." Blaine had loved Jesse and he knew that Jesse loved him. He was certain that no matter how many miles between them they would do everything to make that last. In a strange twist of events, however, Jesse didn't believe the same and he'd told Blaine that he thought they'd be better off if they ended it then and spent the rest of the school year working on just "being friends and getting used to everything" so that when he left for the summer it wouldn't be as difficult or weird. Blaine had asked if when he came back in the fall for his senior year they'd wind up getting back together; if there was a chance that they weren't truly over. Jesse had tears in his eyes when he'd told Blaine he thought they'd be better off if they just stayed friends and moved on to other people. He'd 'loved Blaine too much' to start the relationship all over again and then just have to end it for good once he graduated the following spring. When the tears finally fell from Jesse's eyes, Blaine leaned over and kissed them away. Jesse had smiled as more tears leaked out of his eyes and Blaine stood, said goodbye and walked away. Being friends for the remainder of the year didn't really work out. Blaine couldn't just be friends with Jesse when he knew he wanted and needed more from him. The following fall, when the school year started again, Jesse wound up finding a new boyfriend and forgetting Blaine entirely. Blaine spent the entire first month of that semester curled in a ball in his bedroom every night sobbing himself to sleep.
Blaine thought he'd never be able to get over Jesse. He was his first love, the first boy he'd ever kissed, ever slept with, every everything. You can't just get over that overnight. It was a breezy October morning when Blaine was running late to his History class. He was running from the dormitory to the history building when he'd bumped into a very tall, very handsome boy who looked very lost. Blaine had stopped to apologize for almost knocking the other boy over in his haste, but the other boy had been left speechless and had waved off his apology with a "No worries." It turned out that the boy was a transfer student and was looking to find the history building for his morning class. Blaine laughed at the coincidence of it all, telling the other boy that he, too, was on his way to his morning history class. He introduced himself and learned that the other boy's name was Sebastian Smythe.
Blaine was taken with Sebastian from the getgo, and Sebastian was even more smitten with Blaine. The boys started as friends, getting to know each other and falling even harder for each other in the process. Blaine had convinced Sebastian to audition for the Warblers, which he was already a member of, and the two used the group as a way of seeing each other more and getting even closer. Eventually, they wound up hooking up and starting to be more romantic than just friends. After three weeks of dating, Blaine took Sebastian back to his room, where candles and rose petals were waiting for them (Blaine knew it was cheesy and straight out of a horrible romantic comedy, but he couldn't help it.) and asked Sebastian to be official. Sebastian had blissfully agreed and they spent the night wrapped in each others' arms, kissing gently and exchanging terms of endearment. Blaine briefly remembered a similar night to that one, when Jesse had asked him to be his boyfriend, but he'd blocked it out and focused on the here and now with Sebastian. He was really falling for the other boy and cared about him greatly, the last thing he wanted to do was spend his time thinking about Jesse when they were together. He knew Jesse wasn't spending the nights he had with his new boyfriend thinking about Blaine.
Much to Blaine's surprise, he couldn't have been more incorrect when he had made that assumption. A month and a half into his relationship with Sebastian (right after New Year's and the beginning of Jesse's final semester at Dalton) Jesse had come to him and told him that he'd ended his relationship with his boyfriend because things "weren't working out anymore. He wasn't you Blaine." Blaine was completely taken aback. He was hurt and confused and angry and had no idea what to do about it. He had told Jesse that he was with Sebastian now, that he was happy, that he really cared about the other boy. He admitted that he'd spent an entire month crying over Jesse and wondering why he hadn't been enough for him while his new boyfriend had. He confessed that he thought he'd never be able to find someone else to love and care for the way he had Jesse. He asked, furiously, why Jesse had waited to come back to him and why he hadn't done this sooner. He was with Sebastian now. What did Jesse expect him to do? Dump Sebastian and go running back to him for the remainder of the school year until graduation? He knew Jesse would do the same thing then that he'd done to Blaine last year. It wasn't right and Blaine wasn't going to hurt Sebastian that way. But then Jesse had looked up at Blaine, with the same tears in his eyes as he had that day on the quad last spring, and asked "You care about him, but do you love him? Do you love him the way you loved me?" Blaine had no answer and Jesse took that as a confirmation that he was right and that Blaine still loved him the same way. Blaine told Jesse that he needed time to think and that he couldn't be around him right then. He'd asked Jesse to leave his room and not contact him until Blaine came to him first.
Blaine spent the next few weeks with Sebastian trying to sift through his feelings and understand how he truly felt. He cared about the other boy immensely. Sebastian had become one of Blaine's closest friends and he was unfailingly loyal to him at all costs. If not for Jesse coming back around, Blaine knew that he and Sebastian would have worked wonderfully, would have fallen completely and sickeningly in love with each other and would have lasted for a very long time. The problem was that Jesse did come back around and the feelings that Blaine had while they were together, and the hurt he'd felt while they were apart, tore him up and distracted him from developing his feelings for Sebastian any further. He tried to fight it, tried to ignore it, tried to forget about Jesse and move on, but it was almost impossible. The more he told himself to forget about Jesse and focus on the great thing he had with Sebastian, the more he thought about Jesse and couldn't think about being with anyone else. Puck had advised him that he was doing the wrong thing. He'd reminded him how brutally Jesse had ended things with him the previous year, how devastated he'd been. He knew his friend was right and knew that he should listen, but he couldn't bring himself to do anything or follow any amount of logic or reason. It's what his heart wanted and it was overpowering any and all rationality he might have had about the situation.
By the beginning of February Blaine ended things with Sebastian. He couldn't drag the relationship out any longer knowing that Sebastian was head over heels in love with him and he was being semi-unfaithful with his own feelings. it wasn't fair to the other boy to stay with him and string him along and make him believe they were on the same page. He'd told Sebastian it was just bad timing and that he needed a break to think about things. He'd explained that he didn't want it to be over, he didn't want them to be finished, he just needed some time to breathe and figure stuff out. Sebastian was completely heartbroken. He was blindsided by Blaine's need for a break, thinking that things between them had been going so wonderfully, and couldn't understand why Blaine was doing what he was. He'd told Blaine to "fuck off and have a good time with his feelings." and left him behind without looking back. Blaine felt guilty and horrible and completely stupid, but he also felt relieved that he'd done the right thing and stopped things before they went any further and even more damage was done. He knew what that was like and he didn't want that to happen to Sebastian on account of him. Luckily, a few weeks before the semester ended Sebastian told Blaine that things between them were okay and said he'd wanted to be friends, if that's what Blaine wanted, of course. Blaine knew the other boy was still in love with him, but he'd agreed because he wanted Sebastian in his life. They'd been okay ever since (up until the kiss at the house party), and truth be told Sebastian had become one of his best friends.
When Jesse found out that Blaine had ended things with Sebastian he automatically assumed that meant he and Blaine were going to be back together and was shocked and completely broken when Blaine told him that wasn't going to happen. Blaine loved Jesse and had told him so, but what Jesse did to him hurt him more than anything he could have ever imagined. The hurt he'd caused Blaine and the damage he'd done made it too difficult to start over or get back together because the sting of the bad would always trump the ease of the good. Jesse understood and reluctantly agreed to leave Blaine alone and not meddle in any of his future relationships. They said their final goodbyes, and when Jesse graduated that May, Blaine cried harder than ever before.
After showering, dressing in his uniform, and snapping himself out of his trip down dysfunctional relationship memory lane, Blaine still had no resolution about any of the Kurt business. Jesse was the only guy Blaine had ever been intimate with. He'd slept with Jesse many times during the course of their relationship, but since that ended almost two years ago, he hadn't had sex with anyone. He and Sebastian had fooled around a little bit, but nothing too extensive because they were only together for a month or so. And now Kurt comes out of nowhere and changes the game by blowing him the night they meet. He was nothing like Jesse or Sebastian and Blaine didn't really know how to handle him. Here was Kurt, dripping with sex, and Blaine, who'd only ever done it with one person. When Puck joked about how Blaine needed sex and never got any ass, he was only kidding, of course, but there was a weight of truth behind it. Blaine did need to find someone else. He needed to be able to have sex again and share that intimacy with someone other than just Jesse. The problem was that even if Blaine wanted that person to be Kurt, he wasn't sure that was the best idea. If Jesse had hurt him, Blaine could only imagine the damage that Kurt could do.
The one thing that Blaine had decided was that Kurt could wait just as long as he had for an answer, if he even got one at all. If Kurt could pretend he was busy and ignore Blaine for three days, well, then two could play that game. Blaine would make Kurt sweat it out just like he had. Maybe with a taste of his own medicine he'd see how shitty it feels to be ignored and he'd think twice about doing it to Blaine again. One thing he wouldn't do was answer back right away and make it seem as though he'd been waiting around for Kurt to finally answer him. If the other boy didn't like it, that was just too bad. Besides, Blaine wanted the chance to talk to Puck and see what he thought he should do before he made any hasty decisions.
After giving himself the once over in the mirror, he grabbed his bag and headed downstairs. When he reached the landing, his cellphone started ringing. Unsure who would be calling him at such an ungodly hour of the morning, Blaine groaned as he reached in his bag and pulled out his phone. When he saw the name that was lighting up his screen, he almost dropped the phone out of his hand. Kurt Hummel. As if on instinct, his fingers quickly hit the ignore button and he threw the phone back into his bag. Feeling content with his decision, he left the house, locking the door on his way. When he got into his car the phone started ringing again. Blaine knew it would be Kurt calling him back, but he wasn't going to give in that quickly. It was after the fourth time the phone rang that Blaine had enough. He reached into his bag, pulled it out angrily and answered it in the most annoyingly chipper voice he could muster through his frustration.
"Hello!"
Kurt remained silent on the other line for a second, surprised that Blaine had finally answered when he had ignored all of the other calls. "Um, hi, Blaine? This is Kurt, um, Kurt Hummel. We met at the coffee shop a week or so ago?"
Blaine feigned nonchalance and pretended for a millisecond that he hadn't remembered. He didn't want Kurt to think he cared one way or the other what was going to happen between them. "Kurt? Oh! Yeah! Kurt Hummel. What can I do for you?"
Kurt was semi annoyed with Blaine's casual tone when he was clearly so anxious about the conversation they were having. Rolling his eyes and huffing out silent exasperation he said, "Um, well, I was wondering if you got my text message. And well, what I was actually wondering is whether or not you'd like to join me for coffee sometime this week. And I mean actual coffee, yaknow, not what happened last time." Kurt let out a small nervous giggle and Blaine could feel a swoop in his stomach.
Cursing himself for this reaction, he paused to consider Kurt's proposal. He had only a few minutes ago decided that he would leave Kurt to wonder for at least a few days. He couldn't give in that quickly. If he did he was sure to seem desperate. "I- I don't know, Kurt. That doesn't seem like such a good idea. I mean, I know we decided after everything that maybe we'd keep in touch and see each other again, but I'm not so sure that was such a good idea. I think maybe we're just two totally different people in very different places and I can't see how anything would work out between us. It was nice, that night, what we did, but I'm not sure we should pursue anything further. Yaknow what I mean?"
Kurt definitely did not know what Blaine meant. He wanted to see the other boy again. He'd wanted to see him ever since that night and had been waiting patiently for Blaine to contact him so that they could start something. Now Blaine wasn't even interested. Well he wasn't going down without a fight. "I mean, if that's how you really feel, then sure, I understand. But before you jump to wild conclusions about what could or could not be between us, why don't you just agree to one teeny little coffee date first. If you absolutely hate it and still think the same way about where we'd wind up going in the future and how things would play out, then I will leave you alone and won't contact you again. But at least give me one chance to show you that you're probably really wrong. Please? I don't want to beg, and that's not what I'm trying to do, but I just don't want you to make any rash decisions that we could both wind up regretting. Please? One coffee?"
Blaine inhaled deeply. He wanted to have coffee with Kurt, he really did. There was nothing else he wanted more than to get to know the other boy and maybe have something develop between them. But what his head and his heart were telling him were two very different things, and from experience he knew he should probably listen to his head, not his heart. Listening to his heart would only get him into trouble and a whole lot of hurt down the road. "I'm sorry, Kurt. I just, I don't think I can agree to that right now. Maybe give me some time to think about it and I'll get back to you?"
Kurt sighed, defeated. "Yeah- yeah sure. Take the time you need and just give me a call back when you're ready. If you're ever ready."
"I will, thanks, Kurt. And if I don't speak to you, be well," Blaine said, slamming his hand down on the steering wheel in frustration. This is not how things were supposed to go.
As he was about to hang up he heard a quiet voice on the other end and pulled the phone back to his ear. "Just- Blaine, before you hang up. Just please think about this and give it a chance. I know you have hesitations about it and I understand that. But I really do want to get to know you better. I hope you feel the same. And I hope to see you soon. Goodbye, Blaine."
Blaine pulled the phone from his ear, disconnected the call and threw his phone onto the passenger seat. "Goodbye, Kurt."
