Chapter 4
With Morgan and JJ
The second key JJ tried was Reid's home key.
They quickly unlocked the door and found the apartment in a mess.
When they entered the apartment it smelt as if something was rotting inside. The smell was really awful.
There were books all over the floor. It was as if someone had been angry and took it out on the bookcases.
"This is not like Reid. Do you think someone broke in and was trying find something?" JJ asked as Morgan trod carefully ahead.
Morgan replied pointing to the TV "If you were a burglar would you leave a TV or a laptop?"
Morgan was really worried now. He knew a burglar would do this.
It was either Reid's doing or an attacker.
Morgan was leaning to his little brother doing it to his own place.
It upset Morgan so much.
This was obviously a cry for help.
Reid was more upset and more in pain than either he or JJ thought.
"We need to find him!" Morgan said turning to JJ who was still quite close to the front door.
"I know Morgan. He's unstable but no-one's prepared to say anything. We all know he has been unstable since Maeve's death but…" JJ said.
She had tears glistening in her eyes.
JJ didn't want to blame herself or any of the team for Reid's disappearance but it was sort of obvious that Reid was on the edge of some sort of breakdown.
"I tried to help him but I didn't try hard enough. It's my fault Reid has gone missing and probably done something stupid!" JJ cried.
She felt as if she was solely responsible for Reid. If Reid got hurt again, JJ wouldn't be able to forgive herself.
Morgan went over to JJ and gave her a rare hug.
"We all feel like that, I promise it isn't your fault if anything happens. Reid's not here and it's doing us any good being here. Hopefully the others have found something." Morgan whispered.
Morgan was blaming himself as much as JJ was blaming herself.
His little brother was probably in a dangerous situation right now just because he hadn't been caring enough for Reid.
Morgan just hoped Reid was safe in some library reading a book or something.
He didn't want to find Reid dead in some ditch or something. Morgan wouldn't be the same person if something like that happened.
Then Morgan's phone rang. His heart stopped for a moment. He couldn't help but think the worst had happened.
It was natural for Morgan to think the worst had happened. He had seen enough death and suffering, he knew what the worst looked like.
Rarely did the good happen.
Morgan grabbed his phone from his pocket and answered it.
Before he could talk Hotch said "We need you and JJ to get to an address I'll get Garcia to send to your cell. There is a note to JJ. It's Reid's handwriting but we haven't read it yet. I think it would be right for JJ to read it first. I'll talk to you and JJ more when you get here, ok?"
Morgan sighed. 'At least Reid's not dead yet,' He thought. Morgan knew it was a horrible thought but at the moment all Morgan could hold on to was that Reid wasn't dead. It was the only thing pulling him along. Morgan couldn't bare it if Reid died. Reid was more than a friend. Reid was family. He was Morgan's little brother.
Morgan couldn't bare it if Reid was dead. Morgan wouldn't be able to function.
"Ok, Hotch" Morgan said as Hotch ended the call.
Morgan told JJ that they had to meet the team somewhere as they left Reid's apartment.
Morgan didn't say too much to JJ about why they were going but he did say that Reid wasn't dead when JJ asked grimly if the team had found Reid's body.
They got into the SUV as Garcia sent the location to Morgan's cell as instructed by Hotch.
They quickly got to the place where Hotch, Rossi and Blake were waiting.
It was outside a church and they all were waiting outside Reid's car. It was obvious that no-one was inside but JJ and Morgan ran to them.
"JJ, there's something you need to see," Rossi said before anyone could interrupt.
Rossi handed JJ the letter Reid wrote and she took it. JJ read through it with tears in her eyes.
What Reid had wrote was had brought JJ to tears.
It made JJ realize how essential it was to find Reid now. Even though Reid didn't want to be found he needed to be found. She knew that.
JJ turned to the team and said "We need to find him, now…"
Everyone looked at her and Hotch asked "What was in the letter?"
JJ sighed. She didn't want the others reading it. It was personal and she knew Reid wouldn't be happy with her if she did share this with the rest of the team. But JJ also knew this might be the only way they could find Reid.
JJ sighed "Here you go," She handed Hotch the letter. JJ didn't like it at all. Hotch read the letter out to the rest of the team.
Dear Jennifer
I want to say first before I say anything else, I love you and nothing I do is your fault. I'm sorry for all the times you have blown you of, shouted back at you, I haven't took your advice, not done as a godfather should, let you down and made you upset. I'm so sorry for today. I didn't mean to shout at you earlier. I've had a really tough time. I've not been able to sleep properly since Maeve died. I know all the team wonder what's wrong with me but if I'm honest I don't know myself. The only thing I know is that I'm struggling. I'm really struggling. I'm sorry if you find me in a really bad state or dead. I want you to know I don't blame you. If I had to blame anyone, I blame Diane. I wouldn't consider doing this if Maeve was alive.
Everything has got too much. I give up on trying getting my life back. I have tried to keep some sort of normal in my life but everything is ripping me up inside. I can't do this job anymore. I know the team think I'm unstable and I would completely agree with you. I feel unstable. This is one of the reasons I'm going to do what I'm going to do. I can't live under the constant supervision of the team. You all have lives I don't want to rip you from. You have Henry and Will. I'm sure they will protect you from what I am going through.
I don't deserve the life I have had. The team is full of the best people I have ever met. The team is full of people I love and people who deserve better than me. I've really don't deserve them. I'm annoyed at a couple of them but truly I love them. I'm sorry Jennifer. I'm going back to the days where I was truly unstable. The days where I would have sold my soul to get my fix. Honestly I don't know where my head is right now but it is definitely not where I want it to be. Maybe this is the easiest way out but honestly I can't see any alternative. This is my fault. This is not you or any other member of the team's fault. This is my decision and I'm sorry if you find me in a condition which I have to be taken to the hospital for. This is no-one else's fault. You tried your hardest (you and the team) to get my life back to normal. You have done everything you could. It is my fault. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't hold myself back. I couldn't get the help which you will say I needed. I'm so sorry. I needed it more than anything and I can't let you or the team get hurt any more. You don't deserve it.
I'm so sorry
Spencer Reid
P.S. I don't deserve a nickname. I've done something which is completely unforgivable. I'm sorry. I love you. I'm so sorry Jennifer.
"JJ, I have never heard Reid ever call you Jennifer before," Morgan said after reading the letter.
He was shocked. He had never had heard Reid call JJ Jennifer.
He had not known Reid was feeling like this.
Morgan didn't know Reid was so… so unstable.
He didn't know how badly Maeve's death had hurt Reid so badly. Morgan knew Reid would be hurt by the death but not this badly. Morgan read the letter and felt as if Reid had planned all of this.
Morgan thought he knew what Reid was about to do and he needed to rescue Reid before Reid got on the wrong side of someone or really hurt himself.
"I know. I don't know Reid as well as the rest of you, but this is not like him. I wonder what he means by 'I've done something which is completely unforgiveable'." Blake added.
She couldn't believe what she had just read. Blake had lots of questions which probably could only be answered by Reid himself but there was one particular question which she thought Hotch might be able answer but she didn't know if it was relevant or not.
Blake didn't know whether it would be too personal or too awkward or just too stupid to ask. That question was 'Was Reid ever addicted to any drugs?'
Blake didn't really want to approach the subject but she didn't know Reid's history and there were parts of the letter which might of referred to past drug use. There were parts of the letter which were really bothering Blake.
"Yeah, I wonder too. I think he has given us some sort of clue to where he is. I have certain ideas but I want to make sure. I don't want to hurt other innocent people if I'm wrong. I think we should deal with this letter like we would a ransom note. We should go through it paragraph by paragraph, line by line, word by word before we do anything too rash." Rossi said.
Rossi knew that it would be dangerous if he was right. He knew they would need reinforcements if he was right.
He knew that they might kill Reid if he was right about things. There had been too many instances where people had died after messing with the wrong people.
Rossi didn't want Reid to be another statistic.
He just hoped he was wrong about Reid but he only knew a little about Reid's past. He could only assume the worst would/ had happened.
Rossi hoped Reid would be alive and well when the team found him. He knew too much about the local violence. He was once a cop on these streets and he saw what could happen to good people when they got in the way of the worst.
Author's Note
I know I haven't done an author's note on the other chapters but I wanted to say thank you to all the people who review my story. It makes me happy that you guys spend time reading and reviewing my story. I know there was no Reid in my chapter but don't worry… Next chapter will be a Reid centric chapter. I don't own Criminal minds. I didn't send this chapter to my friend who sort of Beta reads the chapters so sorry if it's bad (also sorry if the previous chapter was bad because my friend didn't actually read it). I will probably not do an author's note again unless I have to tell you readers something really important about the progress on the story. Please review this chapter and tell me what you think.
