AN: hey guys! Here is the new chapter. There won't be a Malec meet up this chapter but Alec will sure be thinking of him a lot. This chapter is more insight into Alec's mind when it comes to Jonathan and there is a scene with sexual content between Jonathan and Alec, but don't worry, this is a Malec story in the end. Anyways, thank you everyone for all the reviews, I very much appreciate them and they make me very happy.
I listened to Radioactive by Imagine Dragons while writing this chapter.
Alec POV:
My front door opens slowly and I shut it behind me. The apartment is quiet and cock my head, Jonathan is usually home by now. A quick survey of the apartment let's me know that he isn't here. I can't help the small sigh of relief. I'm not ready to see him today. I won't know what his mood is until he decides to do something or not.
The bed is calling my name and I lay down on it. The memory foam is soft and I sigh deeply, this is what I need after today. That man at the store... Magnus, he really tied up my emotions earlier. Everything about him attracted me. He looks a little bit older than me and, other than my adopted brother Jace, I've always been attracted to older men. He's also a bit taller than me, I spent half the time with him wondering what it would be like to tilt my head up and... no, I can't.
I sigh again and cross an arm over my eyes. The worst part? I enjoyed his fingers grazing my skin. I enjoyed the smirks and wink he gave me. It's been so long since Jonathan and I had any kind of real intimacy, not that he doesn't try. He constantly tries to do cute things after he hurts me. But that's the point, it never works because I'm constantly afraid that I'll just make him mad again. So I never accept his intimacy, I just let him do whatever he wants with a grim smile on my face.
But that man... Magnus. I loved the feel of his eyes on me. Those gorgeous green eyes, with a ring of gold in the iris. He had spiked black hair and there was glitter in it. That part was weird, but I can't say anything. I constantly have paint in my hair.
My hand slides through my hair and I laugh softly. There's paint in there. I hope that Magnus didn't notice.
Wait, what am I thinking? I'm never going to see him again. And besides, even if I did, nothing could ever happen. Jonathan would make sure of that. He'd hurt Magnus. He'd hurt me. But more than anything else, I think he'd hurt my family.
And... he would hurt himself. He's threatened that before. Once when I was stupid enough to tell him that I was leaving him he said if I left he would kill himself. While I don't love him anymore, I am afraid of him, I don't want him to hurt himself. And if it keeps my family safe, I'm willing to be hurt.
My hand tingles where Magnus touched me and I drag it against my thigh. Why am I feeling this way? I'm never going to see him again, or probably won't. And besides, he has a girlfriend. I still can't help the disappointment I feel when I think of that. Maybe that's another reason to just forget about that guy.
What kind of person flirts with some other guy when his girlfriend is away? Not a good one, yes, that's what I'll keep telling myself. My eyes shut. Yes, I'll just forget about him.
The bedroom door opens and my eyes fly open, my arm falls from my face. Jonathan is standing in the doorway with his arms crossed, his eyes on me. He lifts his eyes to meet mine and I force myself to smile. He doesn't say anything, just stares at me.
I clear my throat, "how was work?"
He just nods and sits next to me on the bed. My body immediately tightens up, I don't want him to touch me today. He's been more rough than usual lately and I've got a small limp right now. I thought I was able to cover it up pretty well at work but if he hurts me any more I might not be able to hide the damage.
Jonathan's hand rises and he places it on my stomach, his eyes are shadowed and I have no idea what he's thinking. I sit up and feel his hand fall into my lap. His eyes shut and stay closed for a few moments before opening again.
My lips quiver slightly, "wh-what's going on?" I firm my lips. I didn't do anything!
His hand slides down to my knee and he squeezes it, "I'm sorry."
I nearly choke and my eyes widen, "what?"
He sighs and squeezes my knee again, "I'm sorry. For everything."
His eyes meet mine and I think I can see sorrow in them, "what are you sorry for?" I've heard him say sorry before, but he's never looked this sad while doing it.
Jonathan smiles and traces my knee with his thumb. A couple days ago he'd kicked my knee and I thought he had broken my kneecap. He hadn't, it's just painful to walk. I look back up into his eyes just as he opens his mouth, "for everything. I'm taking a good, long look at myself and I don't like what I see. I've become a monster and I don't want to be that person. I don't ever want to hurt you again, and I definitely don't want to lose you. I know that if we keep on this path, I will lose you. I'm going to change, I'm so sorry babe." His voice chokes up and tears start to fall down his cheeks, "can you ever forgive me?"
While I know he's said sorry before and didn't mean it, I think he does this time. He's never cried like this, I think he's really sorry. My fingers slide up his chest to his face and I look in his eyes, "I forgive you. I want us to move on, together."
His head moves closer and our lips meet in a soft kiss. It's innocent, close mouthed. Just his lips pressed against mine. He pulls away and his fingertips frame my face, his pinky fingers just barely grazing the corner of my eyes. And even though I have my doubts about how long this will last, I want him closer to me. I want him to touch me.
Jonathan's fingers slide down to my chest and stop at the top of my button up shirt. His eyes meet mine and I feel as if he's asking me for permission. Even though my body is still in pain, I nod. He hasn't asked in so long, ever since he started hurting me he's always just taken.
But this time, his fingers open the buttons slowly, one at a time, while his lips press against my neck. They slide over my pulse point and I let out a soft moan. The buttons are finally undone and he pulls my shirt down my arms and throws it on the floor. His hands push me back against the pillow and my legs open automatically, when I do my knee pops and I gasp in pain.
His eyes shut as if in pain himself and he moves down my body to my knee. Even through my jeans I can feel the tender kisses he presses against the kneecap. His fingers slide against my leg, trying to massage me. The pain eases slightly and I can feel my blood rushing to my groin, my hands instantly cover it.
Jonathan's eyes glance down at my hands and he pushes them away. His mouth opens and suddenly he pushes his face onto my groin, his mouth open and even though I have jeans on I can feel the heat from his mouth. The whine that comes out of my mouth is loud and my hips thrust up against his face.
His hands are unbuttoning my pants and his fingers are pulling my cock out in seconds. His lips wrap around my cock and I close my eyes, my body lifting up and down in time with his head moving on me.
My legs spread as far as they can in my pants and my fingers grip his hair, holding him down. He moans and the vibrations have me pushing up harder into his mouth, my moans reverberating around the room. I can feel myself being pushed to the edge and his fingers wrap around my balls, stroking them hard.
My hips lift one more time and I cum hard, down his throat. He lifts off of me and his eyes meet mine. He's turned on. As he settles himself over me, sliding his clothes off, all I can hope is that he really has changed. That this really is the start of something good again.
