I have not yet finished Breaking Dawn, so if any of the relationships are different I apologise in advance. Hope you enjoy regardless! I am also aware that I swap to and from present tense in this chapter, this is deliberate however as it helps to intensify those certain sections.
Rating changing to M here for sexual references. Aka, sexy time!
Chapter 4: Innocence, leave me.
'My mind tells me this is too quick, shuts itself up and engulfs me in the passion of the moment.'
I stare wide eyed at Jake. He is knelt before me. His smile fades as his gaze darts to the floor. He's asking me to marry him! Isn't he? But why is he looking away?
Shifting my weight from one foot to the other, I sensed my left hand still in his strong grasp.
"Jake?"
I feel a rush of adrenaline race through me. I'm infused with panic: He's changed his mind. Got this far and that's enough. Now he has me, he doesn't want me. It was too soon for him; after all we have only just admitted our feelings outright. Well mine any way, his have remained perfectly clear. Or so I thought they had been all this time. A tear begin to form in the corner of my eye as my breathing slowed.
"Look at me Jacob," I begged him. He didn't move. My heart sank into my chest and I wanted to clasp it with both my hands. Stop the hurt. I'd told him too late.
He looked back at me. He wasn't changing his mind, he was almost crying! I'd never seen him cry, this is so surreal. Did he need me to help him? Should I kneel with him? I begin to kneel,
"Look, Jake, I ..."
"Shh, Nessie. Let me do this." He flashed me that prefect white smile and I returned to standing on week knees. "I never imaged that I would be doing this and doing this so soon. I love you .."
"I love you mo ..." I butted in.
"Will you wait! Jeez Ness, gimme a chance, I don't do this often you know." He let out a silky laugh, and I felt his hand shudder. The first time I'd felt him shake out of something other than anger or rage. My lips pursed together as I tilted my head slightly to the right, miming with my free hand that I was tying my lips together. He shook his head and looked back to my hand before looking seriously at me.
"I want you to know that I have always loved you. I want to protect you, even though I'm pretty sure you could do that yourself," He mused over that as my lips curled into a wide smile, "I'll be here for you, always and never fail in the duties I should perform for you; Honour, Trust, be there in sickness and in health, mostly health hopefully! And I wanna know if ... if you, Renesmee Cullen would become Renesmee Black, part of the pack, as my wife?" He was exhaling a huge sigh of relief and reached into his shorts, pulling out a little wooden box, releasing my left hand to open it.
"Oh. My. God." I gasped, unsure what to do next, my hands flew to my mouth, covering them from sight.
"Well?" He asked suddenly impatient,
"YES! YES! YES, I will, I will!" I screamed out of sheer excitement, I didn't even wait for him to pull the ring out of the box before I leapt at him, hitting him with the full force of my vampire side, throwing us both to the floor. His arms wrapped around my waist, I could feel one of his hands was bunched into a fist, still holding onto the little wooden ring box.
"You really want me to marry you?" I asked cautious again. He scrunched up his tanned face, pulled a quirky half smile and sighed heavily.
"NO, actually I don't, I was bored and ..." I didn't let him finish before I punched him in the chest, not hard enough to hurt him, but hard enough to have an effect.
"Yes, I do." The words squeezed through his lips while he pretended that I'd winded him. My arms rested on his chest as my fingers traced the warm contours of his jaw. I planted the biggest smooch possible on his full, soft lips.
"Well, don't you think I should have a ring then wolf boy?"
He rolled us onto our sides, "Nothing like an impatient half human half leech is there?" I hissed at him and then stuck out my tongue. He leaned up, taller than I expected and rested on one muscular arm, undid his clenched fist revealing that little wooden box. I shrieked excitedly as he opened the perfectly crafted box revealing the most stunning ring I could possibly have imagined.
I couldn't believe this! Did that really happen? He wanted me that much? This is crazy, I glanced down at the beautifully sculpted silver ring on my finger, it was certainly one of a kind! Jacob had made this himself, moving up in the world from his usual wooden creations like my mother's bracelet. In the middle of the band there was a medium sized white opal gemstone, pretty sure he bought that though! It was perfect, perfect for us. He told me that white opal gemstones are representative of an 'angelic connection', to help clear negative emotions and improve positive ones. It was meant for me, for us, for our situation. This bliss couldn't last surely? Edward would have read our minds by now, and most likely be preparing full blown war. I glanced up, the fire was dancing with its red, yellow and orange flicks of heat whipping the air. Everyone was here, everyone for Jacob I mean. His Dad, Rachel and Paul, Quil and Claire, Sam and Emily, Embry, Jared, Seth ... and Leah. Even Leah was here to celebrate our engagement! We had slept well last night, I couldn't face returning home to the hell that would be let loose, so Jacob had spoken to his Dad and the others and they had allowed me to stay here for a while. The Quileute tribe, if a little wary of me, had all welcomed me in because of Jacob imprinting on me. They had told me that nothing good can come out of an imprinted pair being forced apart, and it seemed no one wanted that. Their respect for Jacob was too great to cause such misery. I remembered the story Mum had told me about Edward leaving her, alone, and how that one nearly ended. I always erased the part Jacob had played in that, except to comfort my Mum as a friend. Jacob ran his hand over mine, stopping to admire his artwork on my finger, checking it was still there more likely. My stomach fluttered at his every touch. I felt different. Like a whole new side of me had been let off the lead (so to speak!). It felt good, I don't understand why I hadn't said my feeling for Jake aloud for the world to hear before this moment? But there was this little part of me that questioned if this was right. Jacob's older than me, but he still is young. I'm younger yet. What would others say? I don't really know who I mean by 'others', I know exactly how the family will react. I twisted my head slightly to my left to see what Jacob was doing. He was smiling, looking at me with adoration in his eyes.
"Cold?" He joked in an attempt to distract me from my thoughts.
"Is it that obvious?" I chuckled. Wow, I loved him. Every negative thought I have dissolves when I see his face, when I feel his touch, the warmth of his skin, the softness of his hair, and the sparks from his lips.
"Ness!" My name startled me, until I realised that I was almost on top of him, fingers entwined in his hair. Jacob was not complaining but looking a little embarrassed by my attempted romp in front of his family and wolf family!
"Uh-hum," Seth coughed amidst spouts of laughter, "Easy, not all eyes should be seeing that! Mine are too young, too innocent!"
"Down girl!" Quil gestured at me before turning to Seth and the pair began mimicking my debauched actions.
"Oh, I love you, yes I do!" Seth said in his best female tone.
"Oi, cut it kid!" Jake raised his voice, half laughing at the situation and the other half sensing my embarrassment and trying to save me from it. He kissed my cheek and smiled.
"Yuck, makes me sick," Leah scoffed, flicking a stone of her knee that landed by my feet. I shimmied back to my section of the log, keeping my eyes on the floor.
"Sorry!" I whispered. There was a moment, or ten, of total silence before they all erupted into laughter. I let out a breath of relief that I had been holding for too long! Jake nudged me with his side and threw his arms around me, forcing us both off the log and onto the mossy grass below us. We laughed, hard. I struggled to remember the last time I had laughed this much.
"You think I'm gorgeous, you want to kiss me ... You want to hug me... You want to love me!" He sang tauntingly in my ear, making me regret forcing him to watch Miss Congeniality this morning, albeit on VHS!
Eventually everyone began to trail off. Quil and Embry went out on patrol to give Jake the night off to be with me. It wasn't long before we were alone by the dying fire. Jake stood pulling me to my feet with him, drawing me close." I'm not much of a dancer," he informed me while attempting to dance with me, in an uncoordinated waltz. "Just know you like it." He rested his chin against my temple and began humming a tune I hadn't heard before. Resting my head against his chest, as I nuzzled my nose into his neck all the thoughts flew back into my mind that I had managed to put to one side; Edward, Mum and the family. I had always enjoyed dancing, but only because Edward had loved to teach me.
"I'm going to have to tell them aren't I?" Jake stayed silent, contemplating my out of place question.
"Well, they're going to know already aren't they, with him reading our thoughts all the time. Though by the river the other week must have taught him a lesson or two!" I mumbled.
"Don't be so harsh on him Nessie, he's not quite as bad as you think ... nah, he is really, but doesn't change that he's your Dad." He babbled on for a while, muttering something about bloodsuckers or leeches and there had been times that they had actually gotten on.
"Jake, I know all this," I said exhaustedly. "I'll stay here for a while if it's ok, I think I'll live longer this way."
"I know I said you would be free if you choose me, but ... part of me doesn't want you to go back to them, I want you to be here with me. If you have to go see that lot, then promise me I can come with you." He was deadly serious. There was no chance he was coming with me for what I was telling them, I could see them trying to kill him for this. They would blame him for me wanting to be with Jake, here with Jake, not there.
"I'd rather face them alone." I piped up, quieter than I had expected. Jake stopped our weird waltz to look at me, almost keeping me at arm's length now. I saw hurt building in his eyes, his brow furrowing into a frown.
"I'd never forgive myself if another fight started and I wasn't there for you, it's what I'm promising to do for you Renesmee, let me look after you now." Renesmee, my full name, which did mean I was in trouble. He was really maturing over the last twenty-four hours, something about him a little different. Not that that was a bad thing! He has always been a little ... childish at times.
"It's really important to me that I come with you, please understand that, babe." Babe ... I liked that, another first for the evening and that brought yet another smile to face. I sighed letting out a weird little 'humph' sound and studied his face.
"Ok, if it means that much to you I'll wait a while and then go with you, ok? Happy?"
"Yup." He said triumphantly.
I moved closer to his hot body, wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. Surprised by my sudden movement he jumped slightly before placing both his hands on my waist and drawing me to him. Something in his kiss felt different, almost urgent. I ran my tongue seductively around his perfectly shaped lips, my eyes looking up into his; he was trying to guess my next move. In the same second he pulled me by the hand, leading me away from the now burnt out fire and into the cover of the trees. There was no need for words. His finger traced up from my waist and swept the hair that rested on my shoulder and placed it to rest on my back. Then he brought his finger seductively back across my neck and down towards my breasts. Our lips searched for each others with desperation, a need, a passion. My hands, tiny in comparison to his, latched onto the muscles of his back, making sure that I ran my nails over each one. I shivered as he turned his attention to my neck, kissing, licking, and biting. I moaned as his fingers began to slide off the straps of my yellow dress, his other hand now cupping the small of my back, pulling me as close to him as I could be. I lifted my right leg up against him and felt him move his hand along my thigh. I could feel his heat, the excitement from his shorts. He lifted me slightly off the floor. With sudden haste I began to unzip them. He moaned as I lowered his zip, and with a burst of desire he lifted me up and pressed me against the nearest tree.
"I want you." He whispered in my ear, turning me on more than I believed possible.
Our breathing was quickening, our kisses and touches becoming less controlled. My mind tells me this is too quick, shuts itself up and engulfs me in the passion of the moment. As his fingers traced to new, unexplored places, I let out cries uncontrollably. My arms reached for something to hold, anything. I fumbled the tree above my head before one arm wrapped around his neck, the other reaching down, wanting to feel him. He breathed heavily against my neck as I took hold of his throbbing member.
"Renesmee." He tried to say, breathlessly.
I could feel my body wanting him, preparing for him. He slid his free hand up my other thigh and under my dress, searching for me. As he touched me, feeling me, I lost all control.
"Now," I told him urgently and with the force of my legs pushing us off the tree and onto the floor.
I straddled him, as his dark eyes watched me, wanting me. He ripped away my lacy thong effortlessly with his finger and with both hands drew me onto him.
Feeling him enter me I moaned again with a shrill of ecstasy. I heard his breath catch in his throat as he felt how wet, how tight I was. He was almost growling as I leant forward to kiss him, harder this time. Our tongues entwined, my hands roaming up and down the huge muscles of his arms, his hands holding me down on him. He began to move his hips as I threw my body upright again, my hands pulled at my own hair, wrapping it around my arms above my head as I naturally began to rock against him. Harder and harder. Faster and faster. Rougher and rougher. He took hold of my sensitive breasts and circled my nipple with his fingers and I felt myself tighten. It felt good. Really good.
"JAKE...!" I breathed his name as I began to shake unwillingly.
I didn't want this to end and I knew that this meant it would. He didn't listen to me, just closed his eyes, thrusting harder, quicker in and out of me until I felt him come. My body shook intensely as I collapsed against his chest. We lay there, panting against each other. He wrapped both his arms around me, and we lay there for most of the night smiling and laughing at pretty much anything.
Before long I felt myself drifting into a content slumber, his breathing changed telling me the feeling was mutual. I rested my chin on his chest, still straddling him, looking up towards his sparkling eyes,
"Jake? I haven't done that before." I paused in anticipation of his answer.
"Me neither Ness. But it was right... With you I mean."
One of his hands found its way up to my hair and stroked it against my spine.
"But I know I love you."
"I love you too." My eyes shut, and I became aware that we no longer alone. Quil was not far from us, checking to see if we were ok. I'm sure he had heard us before. But, thinking about it, I knew that once Jake had transformed, Quil would know everything anyway. Either way, it was comforting to know that he was watching over us as we slept.
But I could not, as much as I tried, stop thinking of what lay ahead of me. I would have to tell my family about us. How am I supposed to keep the events of tonight out of my thoughts? Edward wouldn't be able to handle this. As calm and reasonable as he very often was, this would surely be a destroying factor that would test all boundaries. I would tell them tomorrow, I would go to the house. Alone. Jacob didn't need to know, it would be better if he didn't. I will tell him I need to hunt and he certainly wouldn't mind missing that. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow, I would have to defy, no, lie to my fiancé.
Like? Please let me know, Thank you. Next chapter hopefully not too far in the future!
