"Oh hi Ana, I apologize for barging in like this. I know you didn't invite me but I just wanted to stop by and offer you these," Dominic said, handing her the eye-catching bouquet.
Ana took it, putting it down on a nearby table while still clutching Christian's wildflowers. The fact that Ana kept his flowers and clearly hadn't invited Dominic to the show tempered the burning rage that was threatening to blind Christian. He quickly leaned on the breathing and calming techniques he'd practiced with Dr. Flynn to curb his anger in moments such as these. Breathe, breathe, breathe. Do not take this out on Ana. Do not fuck up what you've just rebuilt, he kept reminding himself. He resisted the urge to pull Ana to him and show Dominic that she'd always belong to him, but instead he kept his arm hovering at the small of her back, refusing to budge it.
"Hello Dr. West, nice to see you again," Christian finally managed to force out, extending his other arm while slipping on his impassive mask. The men shook hands mechanically while Ana struggled to say something, anything. But it was Dominic who broke the awkward silence first, recognizing that he was the third wheel here.
"Again I'm sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to offer you my best wishes and congratulations. The concert was wonderful."
"Thank you Dominic, I really appreciate that. The support has been overwhelming. I couldn't be happier," she replied politely, breathing again.
And with a curt nod and smile, Dominic left down the hallway just as quickly as he'd appeared.
Christian was still busy practicing his breathing techniques. And picturing knocking the motherfucker out cold.
"I'd better go as well," he grumbled. He didn't want her to see the jealous beast that was clawing at him. And there it was, Ana thought. His anger, always simmering just below the surface. What if he somehow took it out on her, shutting down emotionally? Or worse? She was so tired of his mercurial mood swings.
"Christian, I…" She paused, turning to face him as she grappled to find the right words. She had dove into this too fast and needed to step back. "Maybe tomorrow is too soon. I know you're busy. Perhaps we could go over the contract another time?"
His mouth dropped open, snapping him out of his fury. Why was she withdrawing from him? Had he done something wrong? Did she want to see Dominic?
"Ana why? I can see you tomorrow," he pleaded. "I'd love to see you tomorrow." He stopped, voicing his deepest fears when she didn't reply. "Is it because of him?" Christian asked in a quietly menacing tone.
"No! No that's not what this is about at all," she said adamantly, trying to collect her scattered wits and salvage this battered reunion. "I don't want him. He's not the one I want," Ana said, looking straight at Christian. His heart physically seized.
"It's just that," she began quietly, casting her eyes downward and fidgeting with her fingers. "I'm scared, of your reaction … of your anger. That you'll take this out on me somehow." And there was the wrenching truth she couldn't avoid any longer.
"And I don't want to ever be scared in my life again. I've had enough of that for one lifetime," she added, so quietly that he almost didn't hear her. But when he did, it was like a punch in Christian's gut. She had compared him and his actions, however indirectly, to Stephen Morton. She was scared of him, of the man who loved her more than life itself.
The pain he felt at that moment was indescribable. God what could he even say to that? The room was spinning and before he knew what had happened, his legs physically gave out as he came crashing down to his knees, the thud echoing off the walls. Submission, he thought. If all he could give her was this, then he'd gladly do it. Poetic justice.
His hands yanked at his hair and he was unable to look her in the eyes when he made his next declaration. "I'm so sorry Ana," he exhaled, his voice achingly sad. "I will never hurt you again. I think about that moment in the playroom every second of every day and I will regret it until my dying breath. I don't ever expect your forgiveness but all I can tell you, pledge to you, is that I will never, never hurt you as long as I live." He choked back a strangled sob as the tears he didn't realize he'd been shedding rolled down his cheeks, his head still hung down in shame.
Ana stood there motionless, eyes transfixed on the devastating sight below her. Should she believe him? Could she forgive him? She didn't know the answer, but she knew that this wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want him broken. She wanted … equality, partnership.
So she fell to her knees and carefully took his face in her hands until he looked at her. "Christian, forgiveness is not something I'm ready for but this isn't what I want either. I want us to be on the same level, that's all. I want us to try to find our own way, a new beginning, slowly."
Her comforting words began to break through his fog of despair. It wasn't over. It wasn't over. There was a lifeline. Thank God. "A new beginning?" he asked hopefully. She nodded solemnly. It was his turn to cradle her face as he gently stroked her cheeks, now tear-stained like his.
He leaned in for the briefest of kisses that could still convey the love that was about to burst out of his chest. "A new beginning," he repeated. "That's all I want Ana. Thank you. Thank you for making me the happiest man on earth. Thank you for giving me a chance, for giving me … more."
