Please note that this is a revised version of Chapter 4 that was edited to better explain Cardia's thought processes throughout this chapter. After discussing the frustration of playing passive otome protags who do nothing but sit around waiting to be rescued from danger, I decided I wanted to write a very different (and far more active) female protagonist. Therefore, this chapter was changed to reflect those hopes!
Thanks again to all my awesome friends on tumblr (flowermiko, miss ragdoll, joiedecombat, c0derealize, and theninjamouse) for sharing their awesome thoughts!
Saints and Sinners, Chapter 4 (Revised)
A Van Helsing/Cardia AU Story
In Cardia's old life, before she'd been whisked away by a dashing gentleman thief and an impish red-headed engineer, Cardia has always had a firm sense of what she should be doing.
That was not to say she always followed orders – God only knew how many people
(Elaine Elaine Elaine Elaine)
Would still be alive
(monster you killed my mommy)
If only she had always done what her father had asked her...
If only she had stayed, quiet and silent, in the vast tomb he had built for her, silent and still and not in the least curious about what world waited for her…
But even before the Queen's soldiers had come to uproot her, Cardia had been aware that she wanted more from life than to be closed into the walls of her father's mansion forever. She wanted more than just loneliness and fear and fairy-tales read while she huddled in the dark. And though she could never have dreamed of the escape she would make in the company of men who still confused her, there was a substantial and growing part of her who reveled in her new freedom and wanted newer answers.
After all, wasn't it strange for her to be abandoned so abruptly by her father?
How on earth had he managed to put something as powerful as the Horologium inside her?
And how on earth could she still exist without something as important as a heart?
And once she had all those mysteries to solve... well, there was a part of Cardia that knew she could never fade back into the darkness again, content to wait for a man who had long abandoned his own kin.
It wasn't that she actually thought she would have a heart-felt reunion with her father. He had abandoned her before and all the sweet words in the world could not make up for the sadness and rage she experienced when she thought of the legacy he had given to her. But though her feelings about the man were mixed, her reasons were finding him were clear. She wanted – no, she needed – answers about what she really was. And maybe once she knew as much…
Well, perhaps at last she'd find out if all the suffering she had caused before really did make her a monster.
(Was she really to be blamed for all she had done?)
(Was it possible to be both victim and monster?)
That had been the plan as soon as she'd met Lupin and his gang, at least. They had been the first ray of hope she had experienced in years, even though their jostling and innuendo and hidden agendas often made her uneasy. (She knew, of course, that they all wanted something from her - but she had no one else to turn to for help, really). But then again, she hadn't reckoned that going into the larger world, even with a few dubious friends, would lead to her being kidnapped.
That much, she had to wearily admit, had been a twist that all the story-books in her library could not prepare her for.
And if she was a heroine in those same stories, she would not have needed to worry about being rescued in the least. Some handsome prince (she seemed to have many candidates for that title right now) would no doubt have found their way to her current cage and set her free. He would greet her with a smile, as had happened four times before, and lead her back to someplace that was just like home - that promised her warmth, happiness, and safety.
But after a week of captivity, even Cardia's hopeful heart had to admit that it seemed unlikely that anyone was coming. And while her captor seemed more courtly Beast than devilish Bluebeard so far, knowing that she'd been abandoned by her previous protectors-
(Were you too weak to protect me? Or did you abandon me when the villain proved too strong?)
-Made a small part of Cardia's heart ice over, even as she found a growing conviction that she would have to make her own way in the world.
Relying on others never seemed to work out well for her in the long-run. Maybe it was time she found her own way home.
So, as the eight day of her captivity came, Cardia patiently waited for her rather… strange captor to leave before she fell into action. And when she finally could hear no echo of his footsteps in the distance, she finally took off her gloves and melted the slender chains he had placed on her with her bare hands.
And once they were ashes, she rose both terror and determination in her heart, refusing to be caged any longer.
She was tired of being trapped within walls she'd never chosen, waiting for protectors who never came. And now she was going to set herself free.
The strange thing was, Cardia could not really find it in herself to dislike the man who had held her at gunpoint for the last week.
It would have been easy if she tried. After all, just two sweet weeks of relative freedom with her new companions had shown her that the world outside her father's mansion was even more compelling than she had ever known before. And even better, she was learning that with a bit of care, she could keep what had happened before
(monster)
From happening once more. And once Cardia knew as much, she was even now learning to hate limitations, to want more freedom, and to look for any clues as to what could have happened to her and her father.
Given all that, it would have been very easy to despise Abraham Van Helsing. After all, it hadn't exactly been pleasant to have a gun held to her head, be carted off to a damp sewer dungeon, and be interrogated over and over for answers she did not know.
And yet, for all of that… as their week together had unfolded with strange grace, Cardia had come to realize that Van Helsing truly wasn't a man given to cruelty or actions that might bring others pain. Even his "kidnapping" held some strange elements of… a sort of kindness, as he had gone out of his way to fire salt instead of bullets, cease from causing any lasting damage, and even treat her with care in captivity.
That didn't mean she forgave him for forcing her to go with him, mind. But for a kidnapper, he had certainly gone out of her way to entertain her with stories, inform her of his coming and goings, and supply her with toiletries. He had even gone so far as to bring her cake. And that made him a very strange "villain" indeed, even if he didn't quite rise of Monsieur Lupin's standard of elegant chivalry.
She had known monsters before.
She had been a monster before.
She may still be one even now.
And she did not think that Van Helsing, for all his threats, fit that label neatly.
He was dangerous, of course. Though Cardia knew that her years lived in quiet isolation had made her more than a little naïve, she'd have to be a fool indeed to not realize as much. He had, after all, single-handedly defeated her three former companions in order to spirit her away, and she herself was no threat against him either. Couple that with his reputation as a war hero and an illustrious marksman who knew full-well how to use his guns and… well, Cardia knew that if she ever crossed his path as enemy instead of friend, her life depended on his mercy.
And as kind as he had been before, she did not know how far said mercy might extend.
But – even so, perhaps he could be some kind of help to her eventually - if she couldn't escape him, anyway.
Still, that left the question of what she should do next. And that question grew in her mind even as she melted off her chains with her bare hands, warily navigated the dank maze he had taken shelter in, and even now was climbing up toward sunlight.
Should she find her old "friends" – even though they could not protect her before?
(And if they could not protect her even from one man – how on earth could they do so against a massive organization that hunted her?)
Or – should she find another route to finding the answers she sought after?
(Who am I, father? For what reason did you make me?)
And when Cardia found herself blinking in the sudden light as she dragged herself up from the darkness, more questions yet burned into her mind, even as she fled from Van Helsing.
Could she even escape this man?
Was he truly her enemy?
Or could he help her eventually?
Or – given how little the strength of others had helped her before - could he somehow teach her how to be stronger if she could win his trust?
But those were only questions she needed to ponder if she couldn't run fast enough, Cardia reminded herself. And with a little more desperation in her step - and a heart-felt prayer that she would find more trouble tonight - Cardia fled into the dying London day.
A few hours later, as Cardia shivered in the quiet corner of smoky, dark London she had found her way within, she had to admit that she miscalculated. It turned out that being a reclusive shut-in for years on end had given her no real ability to navigate the tangled back-alleys of the British queendom's largest and most populated city. And though she'd done her best to try to find her way back to the relative safety of St. Germain's spacious mansion and her former companions, trying to tell one shady, dim-lit street from another proved impossible and now she was lost completely.
Worse yet, Cardia had the feeling that for the last few hours since she'd emerged from the darkness of the underground, she had been – tracked. And life being what it was for her, she felt dully resigned about eventually having yet another unpleasant encounter with someone who wasn't going to chain her up merely to give her pastries.
So when a group of thugs who may as well have had Trouble stamped on their faces came out of the dark to leer at her—
Well.
Suddenly, Cardia's memory of being Van Helsing's prisoner was looking positively rosy.
"Hey, missy," Thug 1 of 3 said, somehow spitting out the words through a passel of broken teeth. "You lost, little girl? You maybe need some help from me?"
Even a few days ago, that would have been Cardia's cue to ask him if he had any knowledge of London cartography. But though life might have left her a little naïve about the wider world, Cardia had a feeling that doing so would have led to him laughing at her face and lunging at her. And experience had since taught her that being menaced would normally be cue for some handsome man who was also on the run from the law coming out of nowhere to rescue her.
But frankly, after all that had happened to her since she had left the stifling but safe confines of her father's mansion, Cardia was tired of it all.
She was tired of being kidnapped right and left.
She was tired of men crawling out of the damn wood-work to try and take advantage of her.
And most of all, she was tired of being a hapless damsel in distress who had to always run from others like a scared little hare.
Somehow, over the last few weeks of constant stress and worry, she had had enough.
After all that she had been through before, and all the men she had met who wanted to take advantage of her-
(monster monster monster monster monster)
-or who had abandoned her when she needed them the most-
(lupin impey victor st. germain, why didn't you come back for me?!)
After all of that, she didn't trust anyone else to rescue her.
And she didn't want to be weak prey for those who would hurt or hunt her any longer.
She was just so damn tired of waiting for the world to decide what to do with her.
She wanted to decide her own fate, just this once.
So when she surprised even herself by leaping at her next would-be assaulter with an unschooled but ferocious fist aimed straight at his pug-ugly face—
She had no attention left to pay to the distant click of a shot-gun shell discharging as she fell to her prey.
As far as she knew, she was alone again.
And for the first time ever, she was going to save herself.
Author's Note: That's right. It's time for the kid gloves to come off and Cardia to show a little more of the relentless passion that drove her throughout Van's actual route in the game. It may be a bit early for her to be busting out of her "hapless doll" shell - but damned if repeated kidnappings and apparent abandonment don't make a woman sometimes want to stand up for herself!
In other news, thank you all for reading this strange AU story. Your reviews have been incredibly motivating and I hope you continue giving me feedback in the future. And please feel free to drop me a line at my tumblr (Vanhelsinghunts) if you'd like to discuss this story or Cardia/Van in general. I'm always up for a good discussion about strong otome heroines and the dashing men who love them!
