The next morning, Erik woke first and tried not to think about what he and Meg had shared the night before. It still felt like a betrayal to Christine. Yet why should it? Christine was a married woman now, and of course she'd known what would occur if Meg were to believe even for a time that the child was Erik's. And there was no denying he'd enjoyed the experience. No man would not have. Besides, Meg was his wife now, and there were certain things after all that married life meant sharing. And no doubts Christine and Raoul must have shared their moments as well. Now there was a thought that made him want to be ill.
He shook his head. His first time with his wife, only the second time in his life being with a woman, and he hadn't even been able to let himself enjoy it without guilt or longings for what couldn't be. This was not the way to begin a marraige, and Meg deserved better, someone who loved her completely. Of all people why did she have to love him? The whole situation was insane. First the woman he loved did not love him, and then she had came to him and he had left her. Then ten years later he almost won her back only to find that she would not leave her husband who she would never have married in the first place if he hadn't left her. And to make the insanity even more mad, now a woman he had never paid attention to before loved him after a lifetime of thinking he'd never find love.
Add in to that the fact that he had only just met his ten year old son who'd been raised believing the vicomte was his father. He couldn't be there for him before, couldn't change the wasted years. And now he would be there for a child he had no connection to when he hadn't been there for the one he had. It was making his head ache.
The lie couldn't go on much longer, but hopefully he could make it last just long enough for it to be believable that he was the father. Maybe they'd be lucky enough for the baby to be carried just a bit past term so the dates wouldn't conflict too much. But then when had he ever been lucky? At least the morning sicknesss seemed to be tapering off and Meg had believed it when he doctor had told her that her feeling ill was most likely due to stress.
Erik decided to stop trying to think and just order breakfast forn them, or rather for Meg since he was not hungry. By ordering for her he hoped he could avoid her eating anything likely to bring on morning sickness.
The smell of food woke Meg and she yawned before smiling at Erik.
"You ordered breakfast?"
"I hope you don't mind that I didn't ask what you want."
"As long s it's food I don't care. I'm starving this morning."
After Meg had eaten her breakfast Erik offered her his too. Instead of wanting more breakfast though she asked if Erik could get them some chocolate. Erik suposed the cravings were beginning. She devoured the chocolate as if it were some rare exotic treat she'd never have the chance to taste again.
Once they were dressed the two went out to enjoy the first complete day of their honeymoon. Erik was nervous about letting Meg go on the Maid of the mist boat tour, but she wanted to go so badly and as long as her morning sickness was under control there was no reason not to. Erik wasn't sure whether it was the pregnancy or the mist or just happiness that had Meg glowing so, but as they stood on the deck admiring the falls together Erik couldn't help thinking he'd never seen any sight so radiant, especially when in her happiness she did a graceful pirouette on the deck.
"Oh Erik look!" whe gasped when she came out of the step, and Erik looked away from her in the direction she indicated. There in the mists was a perfect, brilliant rainbow, and beyond a sheer wall of pounding water. "It's perfect! Just so beautiful!"
There was so much natural beauty to take in that it seemed they could stare forever and not take in everything, although Erik found himself looking at Meg nearly as much as the falls. Then his thoughts wondered to Christine and he felt the old wound open for a moment, wondering what it would be like to have her here with him instead. In an instant he reminded himself he was a married man now, and in his heart he knew he could no more betray Meg that Christine could betray Raoul now that the marraige vows had been said. All desire for Christine would have to be ignored.
Meg and Erik took the tour of the Cave of the Winds behind the Bridal Veil fallafter their boat ride. The cave was called by that name for a reason, and the strong winds and downpouring water, while enjoyable and refreshing for anyone else, made keeping his mask and wig on extremely difficult for Erik. Erik heard their guide say that winds could reach sixty eight miles per hour underneath the falls. Luckily they avoided catastrophy and Erik managed to keep from losing the mask, but Erik silently promised himself he would not go on that particular tour again.
"I'm sorry about that," Meg said when the tour was over.
"It's not your fault. You should be able to have all the fun you like on your honeymoon."
"It's your honeymoon too," she said softly. "I just didn't think. I'm so used to the idea of you just being a person I supose I forgot all about the mask and wig."
Erik looked at her, suprised.
"I think you must be the first person who's ever been able to see me completely and not even think about what the mask hides." If he were honest with himself, he had to admit even Christine had never been able to do that. Even on that night beneath a moonless sky, it had been the dark that had let her see him rather than his face, but he knew even then she'd probably never forget the mask completely.
"That day when you forgot the mask under the opera- I think that day was when I began to fall in love with you."
Another surprise.
"Why?"
"The inside of it- I could see tear stains on the inside. I knew then that you weren't just some- some-"
"Monster?"
She lowered her head. "Honestly yes, back in the beginning with all the talk of threats and cruelty I saw you that way. Never for your face though. You were just so intimidating. And Joseph Bouquet's talking didn't help."
Now Erik lowered his head. He did regret the killings even if Bouquet had been a drunk who enjoyed peering at the undressing girls and had spread talk about him.
"But after I saw the mask that way I realized just how human you are, how you must have been hurt in the past. And then I got thinking about how you'd pleaded for Christine's love when you were onstage together, and how much you must have loved her. I began to wish I could be loved like that. Later when I saw how you had to display yourself when we first came here- I felt like I had to do something to help. So- I- just did what little I could do."
Erik was reeling slightly from all this. It was beginning to sink in just how much Meg had always cared and how unselfish she'd always been, giving all she had to give. Without realizing he was doing it, he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer. He thought of kissing her, but still could not do it without thinking of yet surely Christine knew that As Meg's husband he's be kissing her- more than kissing since it had to be possible for the child she carried to be his. And after all they had already shared a kiss. He placed his lips on hers then and she deepened the kiss, sighing happily. In that moment, Erik wished he could love Meg the way he loved Christine.

Later that night, Erik couldn't sleep, so he went down to the hotel lobby. There was a grand piano there, and the music in his head was demanding to be played and put on paper. The strange thing was that it felt like it was meant for Meg, and his mind was on her the whole time he composed, the image of her dancing just impossible not to think of while hearing the music.
With the guest rooms far enough from the lobby that no one would be woken up, Erik began to play. In a matter of half an hour Erik had the song the way he wanted it, and was going through it when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"I woke up and noticed you were gone," she said softly. "I thought the piano down here might tempt you."
He smiled at her.
"I have been composing a song for you."
"For me?" She looked at him as if she could not believe it.
"No one else," he assured her. "There are no words. This is one of those songs that I think words would ruin. but I think you would enjoy dancing to it."
He started playing again from the beginning, and Meg closed her eyes. Erik could tell she was letting the music move her, and she began to dance as she had not danced in years, as a ballerina instead of a showgirl. She was in her element, and Erik found she was as beautiful to watch as Christine was to hear. So graceful. Floating. She was being wasted as the ooh la la girl. Now he regretted not paying closer attention to her.
When it was over Erik clapped for her and Meg blushed.
"I'd forgotten what it felt like to dance that way. I didn't think I could still do it."
"You'll be dancing that way more often," Erik promised. "The way you were meant to."
That was of course if she still wanted to after the baby was born. It would be hard for her to get in shape to dance again, but it wasn't impossible. Putting an arm around her he lead her back to bed, and as they lay back down to try to sleep, he wondered again just how long before she realized the truth about the baby.

AN: The song Erik composes here would be Music Box Dancer, at least in my mind. It's a very beautiful and complex piano piece. It seemed to fit Meg well.
you can hear it here, and I think you'll enjoy this chapter more if you listen to it:

.com/watch?v=9LRsYn9ufY0