Title: Causal Fallacy (4/?)
Author: Maggiemerc
Rating: M
Disclaimer: I don't own them. If I did there'd be a lot more lesbian sex on the show.
Pairings: Callie/Arizona, Owen/Cristina, Meredith/Derek, Amelia/Lexie, etc, etc.
Summary: Sometimes there is no link between cause and effect. Sometimes it is just the natural world bearing down on you and devastating everything in its path. A sequel to the Alternate Universe episode, "If/Then" and Another Statement of Causality. Callie and Arizona are at a loss with how to make a relationship work with three kids and Cristina and Owen are blindly moving forward damned the costs.
Author's Note: Yes the cabin seemed to remain intact on the show. Good thing this is an alternate universe!
If you're looking for a response I'd suggest commenting on AO3 or LJ. I'm not crazy about the commenting system and generally don't respond to comments there.
I know there's some frustration with me covering characters beyond Callie and Arizona. While this series certainly focuses on them and I do post in the C/A LJ community I wouldn't consider it exclusively a C/A story (and if that means I need to stop posting it in the LJ please let me know!) and I have no plans to change that any time soon. I'm sorry if that's not your bag but it is what I wanted to try to write.
Thanks for the comments. The good and the bad. I'm serious. I really do respect and enjoy all the comments I get—and I absolutely welcome criticism. You can't improve if you don't entertain it you know?
This has been a tirade and now bulked up the word count for the chapter and made me feel like I'm masturbating my ego. So peace out and on with the show. If you stuck through all this then you should be in for a treat.
Chapter Four
The cracking of branches and the crinkling of leaves over the sound of the oncoming rain told Callie they had company. And sure enough a bedraggled looking Arizona came out of the tree line dragging Callie's suitcase.
She saw Callie and smiled a smile more heartening then the situation deserved. Her steps through the wreckage were deliberate and her feet were still bare.
"Derek," she asked when within talking distance.
Callie pointed to wear Derek and Meredith were looking for wood. "Meredith had to stitch his arm up, but he should be fine. Where's Erica?"
Arizona shook her head and that was all that needed to be said. She looked down at Addison and frowned.
"Cardiac tamponade," Callie explained. "Meredith drained it and we've got her on oxygen but—"
"Right." She let the suitcase drop. "We need to move you two into the fuselage."
Callie had already been thinking about that. Excluding the tail section they had three pieces of fuselage to use as shelter. The cockpit and the two pieces of the main cabin which had shattered on impact. There wasn't enough room in any one piece for all of them.
Arizona knelt next to her and Callie reached out to stabilize her. "How's you arm?"
"Fine for now," she reached out to touch Callie's cheek, "You're okay?"
She coughed. "For now."
And she was. Seeing Arizona and knowing she wasn't—it did make things better. Not perfect—because they were injuring and dying and stuck in the middle of the mountains. But Arizona crouching next to her made it tolerable.
Meredith and Derek picked their way back through the wreckage with arms full of firewood. Derek sort of stuck his hip out. "I've got five matches so we'll need to make this count." Meredith dropped her load and reached into his pants pocket to pull them out.
Jerry called from the cockpit, "You'll need to get cover first. Whatever's blowing in is blowing in hard. And you don't want to be caught out here cold and wet."
Shepherd's eyes were flint-like in their appraisal of the sky. Beside him Meredith said, "I looked around for a tarp or something but all we have our a couple of blankets and someone's yoga pants."
The voluminous red and gray yoga pants Callie had immediately recognized as Arizona's. She'd wrapped them around Addison as a makeshift headrest and scarf and she was pretty sure Arizona's vanity would keep her from admitting, even in their dire situation, that the ginormous pants were hers.
She did manage to blush at the mention of them though.
Derek threw his armful of wood into one piece of the fuselage then went and surveyed the other. "We'll split up," he called out. "Some of us will go into one piece and the others will go in this one."
A fingertip on her forearm drew Callie back to Arizona. "How bad's your leg?"
"I can be moved," she said after clearing her throat.
"It's an open femur" Meredith protested. "We braced it but it needs to be set before—"
Arizona's glared at Callie and she, maybe, wilted a little. "Okay. Callie and I will take this closer piece so she doesn't have to be moved as far. We'll put Addison over there with you or Derek and," she nodded her chin towards the cockpit, "someone needs to be with him."
"Don't worry about me," Jerry called out. "Just leave me a blanket and some water and I'll be fine. I can block the window with my clipboard."
Meredith shrugged. "So Derek and I will stay with Addison." She managed to not sound unenthused by the prospect.
"I'll try to stay unconscious," Addison whispered around her mask, "so you two can be disgustingly cute together."
####
A crack of thunder woke Arizona up. She hadn't even realized she'd fallen asleep. She and Callie were holed up in part of the fuselage and she'd gone to sit near the opening and watch the rain come down. It blew in coming down in sheets but there was a natural rhythm to the rainfall and it must have caused her to nod off.
She twisted to look at Callie, expecting her to be sleeping. But she wasn't. She was fighting back a cough and watching Arizona with clever dark eyes.
She smiled weakly. "I nodded off."
"I noticed. You were cute trying to look awake while sleeping."
"Callie," she warned. She couldn't handle flirting.
"Sorry. No flirting huh."
"We'd just be asking for trouble."
Arizona tried to mean it but Callie had a way of staring at her. Even if she didn't understand Arizona she still had a knack of forcing her to open up and say things she normally wouldn't.
"So I shouldn't tell you I miss you."
Damn it Callie. She begged her silently to say nothing. A small smile crossed Callie's lips. She had a captive audience in her ex-girlfriend.
"You know we didn't date that long, so it's ridiculous to miss you. But you were my first woman and even when we were just friends and you were there for me during all the crap with Owen. I liked being with you."
"You don't miss me for the sex," she joked.
Callie cocked her head, "I do," she admitted softly, "but I miss you for the conversation too."
"And now you got me where you want me."
"I crashed a plane into a mountain to find out why you broke up with me."
It was a joke, a dark one. Arizona was accustomed to dark jokes. She had Alex Karev as a protege and was herself known to unload a little black humor when things were bleak. But all she could see was Erica's face before the last few rocks covered her corpse. She shuddered.
Callie misinterpreted it, "You cold?"
She was fighting a chill—though nothing as severe as what Callie probably suspected. But she'd pulled her wad of blankets and shirts away and the seat cushion next to her looked awfully inviting.
Arizona tucked her good hand into her sling and gingerly sat down next to her. She let Callie fuss over their covers and pressed her injured shoulder up against Callie's soft curves. The warmth dulled the ache more than the Midol Derek had carefully rationed out.
"Mm, you are warm," she said pleasurably.
Callie was careful and wrapped her arm around Arizona's shoulders and pulled her in closer. "It's probably an infection. Turning me into a furnace."
Arizona started to pull away, but Callie's arm held her tight. "And even if it is there isn't much we can do without antibiotics."
"Too bad none of us had syphilis."
Callie laughed, "Alex should have come."
"Ew. Really?"
"He gave it to half the nursing staff the first year of his internship."
Arizona blinked.
"Including a couple of guys. Though they all insisted they got it from sleeping with nurses he slept with."
"Dirty." She pulled her hand out of her sling and reached out to grasps Callie's hand beneath the blankets. Ostensibly for more warmth but really to—
Callie kissed her ear, quite involuntarily, "Are you trying to check my stats?"
"You're warm," she whispered.
"I've got an open femur in the middle of the woods. I'll be lucky if I don't get myonecrosis."
She massaged Callie's wrist before checking her pulse. "That's not funny." Myoncrosis, or gas gangrene, was fast moving, deadly, and always required amputation. In the woods without a bone saw, anesthesia and really a working OR it would likely kill Callie.
Her pulse was a little faster than Arizona would have liked, and she was ridiculously warm despite the chill. But she wasn't shivering and her breathing seemed normal. She tried to move to get a better look at Callie's leg.
Beneath the blankets Callie's hand covered Arizona's. She ran her thumb soothingly over Arizona's palm. "Relax."
She did. A little. Lightening arced across the sky, but the rain was too heavy to see more than a flash of it followed quickly by thunder. They both counted then realized what they were doing and laughed.
"My leg is fine for now," Callie reiterated. She was still holding Arizona's hand and, in fact, had pulled it closer to her body. "Your fingers are cold."
Because it was cold. A fine mist of rain kept drifting into their little shelter and keeping the temperature down. And Arizona was never a particularly warm bodied individual. She had freezing feet most days. Worse when she was stuck in the forest with no shoes.
She wriggled her toes. "I wish I could have found my shoes before the storm hit."
"You want to borrow mine? Not like I'm using them."
"No. You need to stay warm."
"So do you."
An impasse. Callie pulled Arizona closer and rested her cheek on top of Arizona's head. Her body shook with a tickling little cough and Arizona let her good hand rub circles on Callie's thigh. It was easier not to argue. To just be peaceful in their little damp cocoon.
Another crack of lightening. Close this time. Somewhere in the woods the hard winds caught a tree and the sound of wood ripping apart was louder then any gale or thunder.
"Angus gets scared in storms," Callie said distantly. "Gavin loves a thunderstorm but they terrify Angus."
"I remember. It rained that night I babysat them. Angus was petrified it would get worse. Gavin wanted to run his bare little bottom through it."
Callie's voice was rough. "I came home and you were sitting on the couch reading. You looked so sexy."
"Weren't you straight back then?"
"Not when I saw you. Not when you hugged me." Her cough was a little more persistent. Arizona placed her palm on Callie's chest and rubbed. It wasn't the same but it seemed to help.
"I was in love with you then," she admitted. "You walked in in that dress and I felt like—like I could do it." Back then she'd entertained the thought—in the darkest recesses of her brain—that maybe she could be like those women from the movies she'd grown up on. Not the lesbians, but the straight women who had it all.
The next cough was more a loud and honky bark. "Who's going to be there for Allegra? Owen would hate it if I told you, but menstruation freaks him out. Big time. Ridiculous right? So who? His mother? Yang?"
"They've gotta be looking for us. We'll get out." She leaned over Callie and cupped her cheek to keep insure she looked Arizona in the eye. She was paler—with dark circles under her eyes and her lips were chapped. The only color was from the bloody scrapes along one side of her face from where she'd slid across the ground after the crash. "We'll be okay Callie."
She smiled and covered Arizona's hand with her own. She was crying. Callie was crying. "But we aren't." She coughed again. Red flourished on her lips.
"Wha—Callie!"
Callie swallowed. Arizona heard the cough again. She'd been hearing it for hours and never quite registering it. Over and over again, a muffled cough. A surreptitious motion of her hand as she wiped phlegm away.
Not phlegm.
"It's a pulmonary embolism," Callie said. "And I think it's getting worse."
####
She'd been with the kids all day and, in a miracle that her stepfather would have praised if he ever went to temple, she hadn't killed them. The rain had kept them in all morning and Owen's mother suggested they stay at her place while she ran her own errands.
It was much easier than Cristina thought. They were self sufficient for a bunch of toddlers and content to run around screaming while she popped in some headphones and read journals.
Around noon the daughter, Allegra, approached her and asked about lunch.
It was not as easy as she thought corralling three infants into the kitchen and into chairs. Then she had to make three sandwiches and each kid, sensing her apprehension like tiny social predators, demanded different flavors.
Allegra led the charge and managed to exude petulance Cristina had never seen before in a kid so young. And she grew up in Beverly Hills. "Mommy uses the smooth peanut butter."
Mommy also bangs pediatric surgeons.
"Daddy puts the peanut butter on both pieces of bread."
And Daddy wouldn't get laid ever again after this.
"Grandma makes her own jam."
Grandma makes—this kid had to be kidding.
"Doctor Robbins cuts the crust."
That Doctor Robbins had seen them enough that they knew her sandwich preparing habits terrified Cristina. Not only was she competing with Callie for the kids' affection she had to compete with the ex-girlfriend?
"And your other grandparents? Do they lightly toast the bread or grill it in an egg wash or something?"
The kids didn't get it. They all blinked and stared at her blankly.
Allegra shrugged. "We don't know."
"Grandma says they can't find their asses without the maid's help," Angus said, perfectly emulating his grandmother's speech pattern in his tiny voice.
"They're whiny bitches," Gavin said solemnly.
####
She didn't wait. A pulmonary embolism was treatable with anti-coagulants. Which they were fresh out of in the woods. But oxygen would help. The rain soaked her as soon as she stepped out of their shelter. Ice cold mud squished up through her socks and the wind buffeted her body. She had to squint in all the dark gray to see the other piece of fuselage.
Arizona had to be careful. There was debris everywhere, and hidden by the rainfall. If she stepped on a piece of medal, damaged her feet—borrowing Callie's shoes sounded like a good idea all of a sudden.
Meredith was hugging herself and waiting at the entrance to her piece of fuselage. "What—is Callie okay?"
She shook her head. "A PE," she said. The dash had made her a little breathless and her arm was still on fire. "I need—I need the oxygen."
Derek was sitting at the back of their piece of the cabin with Addison's head in his lap. "How bad is it?"
"Not good." Don't cry.
He carefully pulled the mask away from Addison's face. Like Callie, and really all of them, she looked awful. Pale and lethargic. She didn't move when the oxygen was taken away. Even from a distance Arizona could see her breathing was shallow.
Derek handed the mask to Meredith who wrapped it and the tubing around the oxygen tank. He reached into his pocket and held up a small vial. "I've only got a couple. I was saving them for when the Midol ran out."
He tossed the vial over Meredith's head and Arizona caught it. She looked at the label. "Aspirin?"
"It could help."
If he hadn't had his ex-wife in his lap Arizona would have dashed over and kissed him. She jammed the little travel bottle of aspirin in her pocket and reached out for the oxygen which Meredith held protectively. "I'll carry it."
Arizona kept her hand held out expectantly. "I'm already soaked and you aren't. The fewer people in this the better."
Meredith gave her the oxygen but supported the bottom of the barrel until she was sure Arizona had it. Arizona started to head back out into the downpour.
"Wait!"
Meredith ran back to Addison and pulled off her tennis shoes. "You can use these more then she can." She tied the laces together and tucked them into Arizona's sling. "Wait until they're dry again and put them on. You're the only one who can walk a straight line right now and we need to keep it that way."
It was true. Meredith's leg had a hand towel wrapped around it and she was limping like a toe or two was broken. And Derek—the blood loss was too extensive. If things cleared up and someone had to walk out of the mountains it would have to be Arizona.
She accepted the shoes gratefully. "Thank you."
"Just keep her safe."
####
The back door opened and Cristina did a good job covering up her relief. She would never admit to Owen that she'd felt out of her depth being alone with all three of his children but it had been the most time she'd spend with kids not under anesthesia since she'd actually been their age.
She hopped off the couch and tried to dash nonchalantly to the back door to greet Owen's mom.
But instead of the sixty something spitfire who's frankness was at odds with her son's gentility she found her boyfriend.
"Hey I thought we were supposed to meet you at the hospital later this afternoon?"
He shook his head. Took a step forward. Stopped.
"Owen? What's—"
Then he was crossing the small distance between them and wrapping her in his arms. His grip was tight and he seemed to be drawing strength just from her embrace. She let him hug her, too confused to do otherwise.
"What happened?"
He shook his head. Grief or worry too potent for him to speak. She ran her hands across the corded muscles of his back and held him, because she honestly had no idea what else she was supposed to do.
####
Arizona didn't handle Callie's diagnosis as well as she had. In fact moments after she heard it she was running through the rain promising to return with oxygen.
And true to her word minutes later she was splashing through the rain with their one oxygen tank under her arm. She stepped carefully over debris and knelt next to Callie.
"O2," she said a little breathlessly, "and," she reached into the pocket of her coat, "aspirin."
"Yea."
Between her leg and her difficulty taking a complete breath Callie wasn't feeling too energetic. She quietly accepted a swig of rain water collected in a bottle and swallowed two of the aspirin. Arizona removed her damp jacket and laid it, dry side down, over Callie's feet.
"We need to get your leg elevated okay?"
She didn't wait for agreement. Callie braced herself as Arizona piled seat cushions carefully under her leg. The urge to scream was uncontrollable, but Callie managed to bite most of it back.
"Sorry," Arizona said. She grimaced as she used her good arm to position Callie's leg. "Just a little bit more. Then you can lay down okay?"
She was true to her promise and finished relatively quickly. Then she came around and positioned herself as a pillow for Callie's head. "Relax."
"Easy for you to say. Your femur isn't sticking out of your leg." It was supposed to be a joke. Arizona didn't even smile. She ran her hand over Callie's arms then snaked it under her shoulder to keep her still as she scooted closer.
"Addison was doing pretty well. In and out of consciousness but still alive. I think she's staying with us just to bug Webber."
"Addison's a rich trust fund girl. We're harder to kill than cockroaches when we want to spite people."
"If we live does that mean me breaking up with you kept you alive?"
Like she could be spiteful over the breakup. A little angry, yes. Confused. Absolutely. But she hadn't reached a point where she really hated Arizona. If only she could. It would have been so easy to get over it all by hating her guts.
"Can I ask you something?" She had a captive audience. A worried one too judging by the agonized look on her face. So what could it hurt?
Arizona ran her hand gently through Callie's hair. Her fingers caught in the tangles, but she was careful not to pull too hard. "Sure," she said softly.
It was a weird position to be in with her. She had to look up and the dull light filtered through the clouds made Arizona look ghostly. Her eyes were bluer than usual. Callie often thought of them as being dark, for blue eyes. They were blue like the highest point of the sky. Almost navy. Not today. They were pale. The edge of the sky at mid day.
"Why'd you leave me?"
Did she sound delicate asking that question? Was she pathetic? So much of herself had been chipped away in the last few months and Arizona had been integral to keeping those pieces together. And as easily as she'd slipped in she'd slipped away. A friendly ghost who promised a better life that she would never deliver.
The question clearly pained Arizona. She bit her lip. But she didn't turn away. Just kept on lovingly looking down at Callie.
"I made a mistake," she finally said.
"Don't." Calle reached up and pulled Arizona's hand from her hair to hold against her chest. "Don't lie today."
"I'm not."
"Don't say I'm a mistake."
Her eyes widened, "You never are," she said urgently. Her fingers dug into Callie's shirt. "Being with you felt right. Waking up next to you? Spending time with you? I've never felt more right in my life."
"Then why?"
Now Arizona looked away. She leaned against the wall. Callie could feel a monologue coming on and shifted her leg a little.
"I like my life. My brother and I were kind of sickly when were kids and we spent a lot of time at the hospital plotting our futures. He wanted to be a Marine just like the Colonel and I wanted to be just like out doctors. And I've got that now. I like where I live and I love my coworkers and the work I do changes lives."
She seemed to think on it.
"The only thing I haven't liked—I wanted someone there with me. Maybe not like my mom and dad, but I wanted a partner. And then I found you."
She looked down and smiled tremulously.
"And you're wrong in all these ways. You're not gay and you've got this ex-husband and all these kids and this life. Your life. You weren't the mistake Callie. Me falling so deeply, deeply in love with you was."
"But you did it anyways," she whispered.
Something between a laugh and a sob escaped her lips. "Yeah I did." She leaned down and kissed Callie's forehead. It was as comforting as her mother's touch. But more so. It was how Arizona always touched her. Contentment incarnate.
"So what did I do," a cough, "to make you stop?"
"Nothing. I'll love you as long as I'm alive." She looked surprised, "Don't you know that?"
She didn't. Arizona professed love sometimes. Made love. Sometimes she could look at her and Callie would see nothing else, but that wasn't the same as constantly feeling it. Arizona seemed so fickle. So distant. It was as though she was always running and it was up to Callie to always chase her.
"I didn't want it to be twenty years later Callie. I didn't want to find myself changing everything for you and your kids and twenty years later resenting you for it." She pressed another kiss to Callie's forehead but didn't sit back up afterwards so she only had to whisper. "I'd rather spend twenty years away from you and loving you and seeing you happy with someone else then ever find myself hating you."
It was the first profession of love from Arizona that Callie honestly believed.
