Christian's POV:

I have been seeing Flynn for about a month now and he has helped me understand a great deal about my unhealthy relationship with Elena and has started helping me with my anger. I still think I am too fucked up to help Ana with our child, but I am trying. We have a long way to go before I ever forgive myself and until I can go back to Ana and our baby. I wonder how her pregnancy has been, if she's feeling alright or if it's been hell. I started reading pregnancy books, well to be exact. I can never seem to sleep these days so I stay up and play piano or read the books. They are very descriptive, but I at least have a little insight for when I crawl to her feet and apologize.

Mia called me to invite me to a family walk around Carkeek Park and a picnic. I almost agreed, but I'm not ready to see Ana yet. I will probably fall to her feet then and there and apologize. I don't want to see her until I can say I'm a better man. I usually follow her once or twice a week or get sawyer to send me pictures of Ana throughout the day to keep me at bay. I miss my baby so much!

I feel like Mia doesn't think before she says shit, especially when she asked me to invite Flynn for the hike. How awkward would that be for Ana if we showed up? I keep her happy by saying I will and we might be in attendance. My family will understand if I don't show.

I am so glad my parents are there for Ana during this time. I should call or l Ray or get my father to call Ray. I worry Ana hasn't talked to him at all, I know she doesn't get home till 8 or 9 each night. She barely eats to! Oh, how I wish I could take her across my knee and spend a mind blowing day in the playroom worshipping her body.

I think my staff know something is up because they avoid me like the plague thanks to my anger to everyone. It's not their fault, but they just seem to piss me the fuck off. Ross nearly killed me the other day with a letter opener when I snapped at her for the 50th time that day. What a good sport she told me to figure my 'Shit' out, man up and apologize.

I have had Reynolds keep his eyes and ears to the ground around the office. We never did figure out who the arson was and who was responsible for Charlie tango and it seems we have narrowed down some suspects. All of them or disgruntled ex-employees like Jack Hyde, but as it is he can't go anywhere by himself we have people watching him all the time reporting to me. Among him we are watching Mr. Lincoln and other CEO's I recently fired from 15 different companies. We will figure it out soon, I hope to have that figured out before I go to Ana.

Today my family is going for a walk and I am going to Flynn's office, a daddy to be class, and a visit with Claude to get some anger out.

Well here's to my wife and baby. Facing my issues is what my days consist of. I'm coming for you soon Baby!